Whoppeee!!!! chapter two. sorry for the wate. my spellchecker kept changing zraki into zamibia befor i figured out how to ad zaraki to my dictionary. well enjoy. one again, thanks go out to the demon guenns sitter!!!! (haha! she's a baysitter of a demon!!! ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!! *sweatdrops* joke! it was a joke! please dont kill me....)
Dont own bleach. just the plot bunnies and randome crackish-ness of this story. in other words; steal it and you die. painfully;. i have connections to a demon you know. i will find you! *glares*
Patient File 88098
Name: ZARAKI, Kenpachi
Age/D.O.B: 42/19th November
Gender: Male
Blood Type: AO
Date Admitted: January 21st
Zaraki has an imaginary friend named Yachiru, who has pink hair and is fond of giving people strange nick-names. It should also be noted that she likes to eat ornamental Koi Carp and various types of flowers.
While counter-productive, it is unwise to even suggest that Yachiru is a figment of Zaraki's imagination and that he is the only one who can see her. Should such an incident occur he will likely attack the suggestee with his plastic kendo sword. This is also kept locked with Zangetsu (see KUROSAKI, Ichigo) but Zaraki also seems to be able to reclaim his sword with unknown methods.
If possible he is to be kept away from Shiro, as he is obsessed with battling him. It is probably better to keep him away from Kurosaki in general though, since he really isn't fussy about whether he fights Ichigo or Shiro. In any case this is to be avoided at all costs.
Two words; Repair Costs.
0732 HRS
Zaraki woke the whole hospital up at 5AM. Apparently Yachiru has been kidnapped. The other patients are beginning to have problems with Yachiru but they wont say anything to Zaraki.
None of them have a death wish…
Except Ulquiorra.
And even he doesn't want to die that painfully
So when Zaraki threatened to smash all the plates with his kendo sword if we didn't help everyone quickly assured him they wanted nothing more than to aid him in his quest to find Yachiru's kidnapper.
The look on their faces say otherwise though. Shiro looks particularly murderous. Apparently he isn't a morning person.
0927 HRS
Shiro went crazy. He was looking for Yachiru in the bookcase and he came across a book on horses.
He immediately decapitated the bookcase and books contained within. He has been given enough sedative to kill an elephant but I don't know how long they will keep him out for.
Most of the sedatives are two years out of date.
*NOTE* Buy new sedatives. Soon.
1230 HRS
Zaraki found a ransom note demanding various species of Koi carp and flowers be left in the supply closet.
No one has bothered to pint out that the note is written in his own handwriting.
We are currently waiting outside the ward 10 supply closet for the kidnapper.
Things are not going well. Ishida is sharpening his bow and mumbling about rescuing Maid Marion (that's another weapon out of the safe using mysterious methods).
We tried using the sedatives again, but they just made him and Zaraki high.
*NOTE* Tell the drug company either the cough up some decent sedatives or let slip the fact that one of their little experiments is on our permanent residency list.
1352 HRS
Zaraki is not speaking to Yachiru.
Apparently the whole kidnapping fiasco was a set-up so she could get some 'decent food'
I don't know if Zaraki's behaviour is progressive or not.
He isn't talking to Yachiru but he still thinks she exists.
I do know, however, that the new sedatives are on their way. Thank god….
1527 HRS
Ichigo just ran down the corridor flailing Zangetsu like a helicopter (he tied some string to the handle).
Apparently he uses this 'Getsuga Tenshou' manoeuvre as well.
I have no idea why though.
"DAMN IT ICHIGO! COME BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"NO WAY IN HELL YOU CRAZY FREAK"
"WERE ALL CRAZY FREAKS! EMBRACE IT AND FIGHT ME!"
"NOT MY POINT!!!! AND HELL NO!!!!"
1533 HRS
Zaraki just ran past asking Yachiru for directions.
Apparently Yachiru is positive that going left lead to Ichigo.
Zaraki seems dubious but he turned left anyway.
"DAMN IT YACHIRU, THIS ISN'T A SHORTCUT! THIS IS THE WASTE DISPOSAL UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1647 HRS
Zaraki fell down the rubbish chute before he managed to find Ichigo. We had to whack him on th head (the new sedatives haven't arrived yet) to get him out. He kept hitting us with his sword out of rage and broke the arm of a male nurse.
1952 HRS
Zaraki is by the pond talking to Yachiru. He appears to be rebuking her for something. With any luck I wont find out what.
2052 HRS
Orihime is in tears . I have no idea why.
2103 HRS
Zaraki confessed that Yachiru has eaten the Koi carp that Orihime was fattening up in the garden pond.
I thanked the non-existent Yachiru for saving us from certain death, but asked he to apologize to Orihime.
The girl seems to have taken personal offence and it may trigger a relapse and I'm not eating her food again.
2230 HRS
Chad has added the carp bones to his altar to (the almighty) Yuichi.
I don't know where he got them since the person who ate the carp in the first place is a figment of Zaraki's imagination and so could not have eaten the carp.
It may have been Yoruchi. This wouldn't be the first time she's eaten fish from the pond.
*NOTE* call drug company and complain about the speed of their delivery service
2300 HRS
ZARAKI HAS BROKEN OUT!!!!!!! HE CLIMED DOWN THE RUBBISH CHUTE!!!!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!!!!
The police have be notified and told to use strong sedatives but I fear it will not suffice where Zaraki is concerned. He uses twice as much sedative as Ichigo and that's with our own custom order sedatives.
Police sedatives aren't even strong enough to knock out a horse! Ours can knock out an elephant and its still debatable whether they're going to work!
GOD HELP US ALL!!!!!!!!!!
0130 HRS
It has been two hours since Zaraki broke out and he is yet to even be sighted. For such a large man being directed by an imaginary girl with pink hair and a poor sense of direction he is surprisingly hard to locate.
0357 HRS
Zaraki has been sighted next to a garden pond with a bucket in Knightsbridge. He was too fast for the police to be able to dart him though.
0830 HRS
Zaraki walked back in half an hour ago. He gave Orihime a bucket of fish. Apparently they are to replace those eaten by Yachiru.
That idiot has doomed us all.
*NOTE* If possible confiscate fish without Orihime noticing.
0953 HRS
The new sedatives have finally arrived. The staff were overjoyed. Zaraki was immediately sedated.
Its so peaceful…
1527 HRS
A new patient is due to arrive. With any luck it wont be anything to serious.
"BYAKUYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!!!!!!!!!"
"……Get out of my Psychiatric hospital. There is no hope for you."
"ICHIGO!WHO IS THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL!!!!!!!"
"GET OUT OF HERE YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!"
"……I agree. Get out. And get away from my sister."
"RUKIA!!! MY BELOVED THIRD DAUGHTER!!!!!"
"Byakuya! Get those sedatives and give him ten!!!!!"
"don't tell me to do what I'm already doing. And that Dr. Kuchiki!"
1743 HRS
Isshin is even more of a pain in the as than he was seven years ago.
I can only hope it takes some time for him to find Urahara and Yoruchi.
Once that happens I'll never get any sleep.
1807 HRS
Isshin gave Ulquiorra therapy sessions. Ulquiorra tried to slit his wrists with a wooden spork five minuets into the session.
Needless to say, Isshin was pleased with his progress. I was not.
We have lost all progress concerning Ulquiorra in five minuets thanks to that meddling buffoon.
that's if we made any progress in the first place of course…..
1807 HRS
Isshin has been sedated. It seems to be in everyone's best interest.
I have no idea what is going on anymore.
Zaraki has locked himself in the bathroom on ward 11.
Orihime and Ulquiorra are seasoning everything with red bean jam.
Chad wont stop genuflecting to (the almighty) Yuichi and jabbering away in Aztec-ish.
Ichigo cant translate because Shiro came out. He is leering at Rukia and mumbling to himself about 'the king' and 'heir to the throne'
Renji wont go near Zabimaru. AT ALL.
Gin keeps talking non-stop to the wall about cheese.
Something must be done.
2 WEEKS LATER
Well, all I can say is that Isshin has really done it this time.
I don't know how, but he conned Orihime into putting an aphrodisiac into the food, which he then conned Ichigo and Rukia into eating.
How do I know this?
Shiro informed me this morning.
But not before he had finished gloating a bout the completion of his third mission.
To provide an heir to the throne, as he put it.
Rukia is pregnant.
This is all is Isshin's fault.
*NOTE* Find a perfectly legal medical reason to forcibly castrate Ichigo.
Hee hee. i love torturing byakuya. it satisfies my inner sdistic nature (hopefully the demon queens sitter feels the same lol XD). If anyone has any suggestions for the crazy antics displayed by the bleach charecters feel free to let me know. cant do anything for their actuall reasos for being in a psychiatric hospital though. I am not changing them. it took too long to come up with thefirst time round and im not going throught it again. i wasnt going to make rukia pregnant since ivew already got one prg story on hold and another one n the making, but the comedic value was too good to pas up. i can have sooo much fun torturing byakuya with this.
im begining to feel sorry for byakuya. but not enough to stop torturing him ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!
See that reveiw button? press it.. go on... you know you want to...
Natarii-loves-chocolate-milk
xxx
