A/N: Posted early because I'm a "fictease"
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
Alice
September 13th
"That's her." Bella whispered as she pointed over the top of her glass to a pretty blonde who sat tapping her fingers on the top of the counter.
"Really?" I asked almost in disbelief. This girl was gorgeous. Her long blonde hair cascaded down her back, half of it pulled up and held in place by a few bobby pins. Her makeup was light and barely there and her dress was to die for.
"Yup." Bella laughed as she took another drink. I laughed at the face she made and handed her my glass of ice water. Whatever Emmett had convinced her to drink was obviously horrible. "She's gorgeous."
I turned my head to see Bella staring at the girl in front of her like she was the Queen of England and not some chick her brother wanted to bang. Although, I had to admit, this girl, whoever she was, had changed something in Emmett. No longer did he come home talking about his 'lays' that he met at the bar that night. No, he was talking about flowers and candy and how he could woo this woman. With all his effort, I was surprised she hadn't faltered in her game yet.
"I want to talk to her." I said as I slid from the bar stool and started in that direction. Before I could make it very far though, Bella's hand caught my arm and pulled me back. I was surprised she didn't fall off of her own barstool with the force she exerted on me.
"You can't just go talk to her."
"Why not?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because...because Emmett will kill you."
I rolled my eyes at her logic and crossed my arms over my chest as I stared at my best friend. It was her birthday after all. Her birthday and here we were staking out the object of Emmett's desire as she waited for someone. Of course, it was my fault we were doing this anyway. I had been at Emmett's house earlier in the evening as I made the three of us dinner when Emmett whined about the way 'Rose' had been talking on her cell phone to some guy that she was supposed to meet downtown later. If I had just kept my mouth shut we would be celebrating Bella's birthday we had been doing for the past twelve years: with rainbow sorbet and a butt load of cake as we popped in every movie Audrey Hepburn had ever been in and lost ourselves in a blissful daze of simpler times.
But no. I had to be a smart aleck and witty. I justhad to laugh when he said "I wish I knew what she was doing," and then proceed to just blurt out that we could always stalk her. Yeah, real smart Alice. I wanted to kick myself. So that is why we found ourselves in the middle of some "Irish pub" in downtown Seattle where the smoke was so thick it could give you black lung in two minutes tops and the only Irish thing about it was the name. O'Grady's, O'Tooles, Wifey McBeaty's. I wasn't sure anymore.
Bella's cell phone was on the table, Emmett's number on the screen ready to go. We were supposed to wait until whoever she was meeting showed up and then call him, at which point he would just happen to meet us here– wherever here was– after work. Yeah, really great plan. I could see several holes in it already. One for example, being that this Rose girl was meeting her boyfriend here. Her really jealous, over bearing, protective boyfriend. In that case, I wasn't worried so much for our sakes, or even Emmett's, Lord knows he could protect himself. But more for the poor boyfriend who would be spending the next four to six months in ICU.
"Oh look, he's here." Bella's elbow to my ribs pulled me out of my trance long enough to send her a death glare before I picked up her cell phone to give Emmett the 'signal'. His idea, not mine. "He is... damn fine."
I had just put the phone to my ear when Bella's words radiated through my skull. I didn't know whether to be shocked and appalled at my best friend who had just shouted out her opinions to the rest of the bar. Or to be proud that my little Bella was finally growing up and giving in to the female libido she'd been hiding from as she played nun. I didn't have much time to ponder however as I let my eyes dart to whoever she happened to be talking about and I froze. His back was to me but all I could see were the locks of honey blonde hair that framed his head. It was the exact same shade as his. Suddenly the walls were closing in around me and I couldn't see anything but the way his hair was slightly damp from the inevitable rain outside. The way it curled up and he was trying to smooth it out. The breath felt like it had been knocked out of me as
I dropped Bella's phone and scooted out of the booth, trying to make a run for the door.
Too many people were blocking my path and I was too small to move them myself so I stopped right where I was as I tried to keep my knees from shaking so bad. The lights were blinding me and I could feel sweat on my forehead as my chest constricted. Bella's voice was close and I could hear her shout something to me. I tried to turn to find her but the bodies around me were swaying. Or was it me that was swaying? Why couldn't I hold still? I felt the cool wood of the floor beneath my hands and it was quivering from the bass of the speakers. My stomach was twisted in knots and I could feel the vomit rising up in my throat but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it to go one way or another.
"Alice? Al come on." I felt my head lift up off the ground and I looked up to see the deep chocolate brown of Emmett's eyes. Now that his hands were holding me to him I could feel that it wasn't the floor that had been quivering, it was me. I was shaking and Emmett's hands were trying to hold me still. "What is it baby?"
My breathing was staggered and hitched and I felt another set of cool hands touch my forehead. Smoothing, caressing. Then the same hands were on my neck and my wrists and I was terrified because I didn't know who was touching me and I couldn't explain the little fires that seemed to be burning in the wake of each brush. Emmett's eyes had wandered away from mine to whoever was now holding my wrist tightly between his fingers. Em's lips were moving but my ears felt like they had been stuffed with cotton, it was so garbled. I looked down and saw a flash of gold as the person sitting beside me looked down at the watch on his wrist.
"Ja...Jack." I muttered and then the world went black.
XxxxxX
The beeping was annoying. It was one of those ridiculous high-pitched keening bleeps too. The ones that make dogs howl and babies cry. My eyes were still closed but already the events of what happened before that awful sound woke me up were replaying through my mind. I didn't want to open my eyes at all, even though I knew eventually I'd have to. But it felt easier this way, although that damn beeping noise would have to go.
"Will she be okay?" My ears perked as I heard Bella's soft voice echo through the small space I knew I'd find myself confined too once I did finally open my eyes.
"She should be alright..." I had never heard this voice before. It was smooth and nice and velvety. "I would like to talk to her though about... perhaps some grief counseling."
I felt my heart tug at those words. Bella had said them a few months back and I had shot her down. I didn't need it. I didn't need the help, I didn't want someone telling me to let go. I didn't want to let go. And most importantly I didn't want to forget and that's what you always did eventually. You forgot.
"I just... I don't understand. She seemed to be doing so well with everything these past few weeks. It was a bit of a rough start at first, but that's normal isn't it? I mean she just lost her husband for Christ's sake."
I could almost see this mystery person bobbing his head up and down as Bella sighed quietly. I felt like an invalid, and I wanted to open my eyes and talk to them myself. To let them know I was awake, but was it really so bad to let them think I was still blissfully unaware of my surroundings? I wished I still was.
"I can't even begin to imagine the pain she's been going through." There goes that voice again. "And the panic attack she had just proves that despite the facade she may wear around the ones she loves, she's still hurt."
"I know." Bella's voice was sad. Pained. "I wish I knew how to help her."
"Sometimes, the only thing you can do is be there."
There was some shuffling and a few papers rustled and I wanted to peek so desperately to see what was going on. But I couldn't make myself do it. It was like my eyes had a mind of their own and then again, they probably did because it felt like my own mind wasn't mine anymore.
"I'm just so glad that he was there."
"He's a great man." The man conceded and I immediately wondered who he was. Emmett? Surely not. "I have to go make my rounds now but if there is anything you need. Anything at all, please don't hesitate to call me Bella."
"I know...and thank you, Dr. Masen. For everything."
I heard the door close and the soft squeaks of Bella's shoes against the linoleum as she made her way to my side.
"Alice? Alice can you hear me?" She asked softly and I despite the way my heart hurt just thinking it, I wished she would let me alone for awhile. "Alice, you need to wake up. We're worried about you."
"Bella..." I croaked out, not realizing just how hoarse and gritty my throat was until after I'd tried to use it.
"I'm right here." I felt her small hand fold into mine and I squeezed it tightly. "You scared the shit out of us. Emmett just about had a heart attack when he saw you, and I've never seen that boy cry so much..." Her voice cracked at the end and I let my eyes flutter open. Thankfully it was dark in the room.
"What happened?" Bella bit her lip as she stared at me. Obviously wondering how addled my brain was. "Apart from the serious panic attack I mean."
She nodded her head and cleared her throat before launching into a detailed explanation of how Emmett had gotten tired of waiting down the street at the bagel shop so he had moved to sit on the park bench a few doors down. When I had called I hadn't said anything, and he had known something was off as he sprinted towards the pub. By the time he had reached the door he could see me standing in the middle of the crowded dance floor and then watched as my knees buckled before he barreled into the room and screamed for an ambulance or a doctor. Bella had already been on the phone to 911 when a doctor had pushed through the crowd. He also happened to be the guy Rosalie had been waiting for. Her twin brother.
"So what happened to you?" Bella asked timidly once she had recounted her tale.
I shook my head and turned my eyes out of my window, watching as a blinking light in the sky grew bigger and bigger and I realized it was probably a medical helicopter bringing in a patient. "Alice, you have to talk about it sometime."
"I'd rather not." I sighed and closed my eyes against the tears that had pooled in them.
"Al..."
"No Bella. I don't want to okay?"
There was a pause and for a moment I thought I might have been a little too harsh. "Alright. But I want you to see a grief counselor."
"No." I said immediately.
"Alice, it will help..."
"No."
"Mary Alice Brandon."
"Bella stop alright?" I snapped. "I'm not going to see a counselor or a shrink or any other kind of doctor. I'm fine, so you can stop acting like I'm not."
Bella's eyes narrowed slightly as we engaged in a stare down. Something that wasn't entirely new to us. And then her face softened a bit and she nodded her head.
"Alright. That's just fine. But I called your mom and dad."
"You did what?" I roared.
"They deserve to know that their daughter is..."
"I can't believe you."
"They love you Alice. They're worried about you... we all are. You haven't been the same since he died. He's gone Alice. Yes it's unfair, yes it's shitty and I know you'd rather be dead than living without him Al, but he's gone."
"Get out."
"What?"
"Get the hell out of my room."
She stared at me in blank shock for what felt like an eternity before she finally nodded, picked up her things and left without another word, but not before I heard the suppressed sob she tried to hide as a cough. Sure she was my best friend but she was wrong. I didn't need a counselor and I wasn't going to go to one. And I couldn't believe she had called my parents. That's all I needed was for mom to coddle me while dad was constantly throwing me worried glances. He was a doctor, it was what he did. I sighed and turned on the television above me and flipped mindlessly through the channels. The infomercials were incredibly bad and I caught myself laughing at a few of them and how ridiculously cheesy they were. Not only do you get a diet pill that makes you lose twenty pounds overnight, you also get a nose job...no wait, you become an entirely new person.
It was something Jack would have said. I winced as the name cut through my thoughts like a butcher's knife, severing everything and making it hurt. It shouldn't be like this. He should be here. With me. He should have been right by Emmett's side as we "stalked" that Rosalie girl and he would have been there to force me out on to the dance floor. It just wasn't fair. I rolled over on my side and pulled the pillow around my face, muffling the sound as I screamed into it with all my might.
"Hey Ali-cat." I jumped and pulled the pillow away from my face quickly, looking up to see him sitting in the chair Bella had just left. The chair that only seconds before had been empty. I was certain of it. "I always hated it when you did that to our pillows ya know. The drool on them afterwards was unbelievable"
"What are you doing here?" I choked as I fought the urge to jump out of the bed and into his arms.
"What am I not doing here? You're in the hospital Ali. Never knew you were that bad of a dancer, thought that was Bella's job."
"They want me to go to a counselor Jack." I cried and I saw his lips pull up into that smirk that always let me know when he was going to flash me his dimples.
"I know."
"I don't want to go."
"I know that too."
"What do I do?"
"Bella's stubborn. Whether you like it or not she'll find a way to get you there." He chuckled quietly as he stood up and leaned over me, his dog tags gleaming in the light from the moon outside. "And that way will probably involve Emmett."
"So I go?"
"Either way." He laughed as he bent down to press his lips to my hair and I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling. "And remember what I said before I left."
"You keep saying that, but I don't..."
"Ah.." He cut me off. "Remember what I said."
"'K"
I heard his soft laugh and I felt my lips pull up into the tiniest of smiles as I breathed in deeply, trying to smell him. That wonderful smell of cookies and hay, that I had come to love so much. But I couldn't smell it. He was gone.
"Alice? Alice wake up."
"Mom?' I asked and my eyes flew open to see her standing beside me, her eyes moistened with tears, my dad standing behind her by the door, his arms crossed over his chest. "Oh sweetie." I turned my head to see that the sun was shining brightly in the sky. "Are you okay?"
"Esme, let the girl breathe." My dad said quietly as he walked forward to run his finger down the length of my nose. He had done it since I was born. "Hey munchkin."
"Hey daddy." I sighed softly as I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. It had all been a dream. And apart from my memories, that's all I would ever have left of him.
A/N: Review for a sneak peek of the next chapter.
