A/N: Here's the first chapter, please read and review!

A/N/N: This chapter contains coarse language ;)


Chapter 1

Draco wrestled out of Severus' grip halfway on their journey to the dungeons.

"YOU…you! How DARE you manhandle me!" Draco exclaimed, his eyes blazing. Severus lazily flicked his wand in his direction and Draco's outbursts were immediately silenced.

Behind them, Ginny was repeatedly trying to push her way in between Harry and Ron, which made Harry and Ron even more determined to squish together.

"I apologise on behalf of my sister," Ron said sheepishly as they ignored Ginny's futile attempts at throwing herself at them.

" 'S'alright," Harry replied. "At least I know I've got someone I can manipulate to do whatever I want, whenever I want." Ron nodded admiringly at his best friend's resourcefulness.

"Professor, would you mind telling us where we're going and what you're going to do with us?" Hermione asked, running up to the irate man.

"No."

"We're going to the dungeons, Granger," Draco responded flatly, having removed the Silencio Charm off himself. "What part of walking down the corridors that lead to the dungeons don't you understand about that?"

"I know that!" she replied, offended at the thought of someone questioning her intelligence, "but I couldn't come up with a reasonable reason as to why Sn- Professor Snape would take us there. Thus, I questioned."

The group of students and the Professor reached the dungeons where their Potions classes were usually held, but instead of entering, Severus simply walked past and stood right in front of the stony wall at the end of the corridor. He remained there for several minutes, absolutely still.

"Has he fallen asleep?" Ron whispered uneasily.

"No, it's quite obvious what he's doing, isn't it?" Harry replied, confused.

"No…it isn't, Potter," Draco hissed scathingly.

"Yeah, explain it, Harry," Ron said, slightly disgruntled.

"Well you can see Snape standing right up against that wall. Now that could be either because he's really hot under his Batman costume and wants to feel the cold off the stony wall, or because he's doing something complex and needs all his concentration aimed at the wall. Personally, I'd go for the latter because although it does get very stuffy down here and those black robes cannot be helping, I'm hoping that he's actually doing something productive while we're down here suffocating in this stuffiness. Now as we can see his greasy beak of a nose is stopping him from getting any closer to the wall so that's probably why it's taking him like five-ever to do whatever he's doing," Harry concluded. Ron and Draco just stared at him in disbelief. Grinning, Harry turned to Hermione to see if he'd impressed her with his deductions. Instead Hermione frowned at him.

"It's not a 'greasy beak', it's Roman," she informed primly, before stalking off to join a beady-eyed Ginny.

While Harry had been confiding his speculations to the other students, Severus had in fact, been accessing his private chambers through the top-secret entrance. He focused his eyes onto the stone that had a small bat engraved into it and he felt the pressure build up behind his eyes. A yellow beam of light shot out of his eyes directly onto the stony wall and the wall began to flicker.

"The wall! It's disappearing!" Hermione cried out. However, no one cared about that.

"Snape's shooting death rays out of his eyes!" Ron shrieked. Harry and Draco both gasped in horror. Slowly, Severus turned around to face them, his eyes still glowing. Draco let out a yelp and ran to Harry, cowering behind him.

"Seriously, Draco? I mean, seriously?" Harry scoffed, turning around to look at the cowardly Slytherin. "You're in Slytherin. Your dad's a Death Eater, for Merlin's sake. Surely you've seen much worse things than Snape with glow-in-the-dark eyes?"

Draco glared at Harry. "I had a traumatic childhood experience," he retorted. Harry was about to question Draco about said-childhood experience, but Severus-sans-glow-in-the-dark-eyes interrupted.

"As much as it warms the cockles of my stone-dead heart to see you two boys having a civilised conversation, which it doesn't, I suggest you shut up and enter my private chambers," he ordered, gesturing to the stony wall which had now transformed into a doorway. Grumbling, the students filed in through the narrow doorway.


"Oh my gosh!"

"No way!"

"What the fuck?"

"So. Weird."

"Seriously?" Harry turned to Severus, with a questioning look in his eyes. Severus shrugged.

The students had entered what seemed to be a five-star hotel room. Beige-coloured walls, crisp-white sheets, curtains billowing in the breeze of a window which looked out upon the rugged Scottish countryside.

"Is this your bed?" Ginny asked, having sprawled herself across it. She patted the space beside her and winked at Harry. Harry cringed.

"Kindly get the fuck off my personal sleeping space," Severus said irritably, but Ginny ignored him, busying herself by rolling in the sheets.

"Wow Professor, I didn't know you had such good taste!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Yeah," Ron chimed in, "you don't look like the kind of person who's rooms would be featured in Witches' Weekly Hideaways." A frown crossed the Professor's face.

"What are you-oh," he growled. He flicked his wand and suddenly the serene, white, modern room was replaced by a drab, dark room with stony walls, black satin sheets and cobwebs in every corner visible.

"I thought so," Harry said without so much as a blink.

"Yes, before you imbeciles waste my time with mundane questions, this is what my private chambers actually look like. I disguise my room as seen previously for if any snotty dunderheads think that it would be a great idea to break into my chambers to steal anything, they would think themselves in the wrong room, a room that would never, whatsoever, belong to me. Understood?" Severus sneered.

"A disguise..." Hermione breathed. "Would you tell me how you did it, Professor?" she asked, hopefully.

"No."

"But Professor, it must've involved a lot of complex magic and extraordinary skill! I would be fascinated to learn how you mastered it."

"Yes...yes I did master it, didn't I?" Severus replied, somewhat smugly. "None of you idiots could tell it was a disguise, could you..."

"So will you tell me?" Hermione asked again.

"Miss Granger, I am going to go out on a limb and believe that you are not deaf, but rather stupid. I said no and I meant it." Severus replied snidely.

Draco meandered through the room, touching the curtains and everything that was within his reach. He turned to Harry and pointed to the window.

"Was that how you knew?"

"Huh?"

"Was that how you knew the first room was a disguise? Because all the dungeons are underground so the window should've been looking out into the Black Lake but instead it was looking out into the countryside?" Draco enunciated, knowing he would impress Harry with his logic.

"Uh, no..."

"Then what?"

"Come on, do you really think Snape would decorate his room in anything but doom and gloom? Obviously he wouldn't, he's too one-dimensional for that," Harry said, indifferently. "And stop trying to be clever, it doesn't suit you," he added. Draco glared at him and walked to Severus.

"So why've you brought us here?" he demanded. "Are you gonna kill me so I can't say anything about you to my father?"

"Stop being a little shit, Draco. Obviously I can't do that because then your father might kill me." Severus snapped. "No. I've brought you all here, except for Miss Weasley who's insisted on attaching to Potter like a giant parasite, because of your blasphemy in the Great Hall."

"It's not blasphemy if it's true," Hermione countered.

"Yeah, what she said," Ron agreed.

"Shut up, Miss Granger. I can't have you dimwitted fools running around Hogwarts spreading falsities about me, understood?"

Draco frowned, as if trying to process a complex bit of information.

"So you're not a traitor, then?"

"Of course he is, Malfoy. God, why are you lot always so stupid? He's saying that so you don't tell other people!" Harry practically screamed at the poor, confused boy.

"Oh."

"Hang on a second," Ginny interjected, "so Snape is actually on Dumbledore's side, but he's also a Death Eater - "

"Former Death Eater," Severus corrected.

" - whatever, so he can tell all of You-Know-Who's plans to Dumbledore?" Ginny finished.

Severus, Harry, Ron and Hermione all nodded.

"Is You-Know-Who really that thick?" she asked, incredulously.

"Yes!" Harry crowed, "which is good for us because he'll blindly believe anything Snape here tells him. Which is even better because I have something that Snape needs to convince Voldemort of!"

"What? What in Merlin's name would you have me do for the Dark Lord?" Snape asked in disbelief. Harry just grinned.

"You need to get Voldemort a good shag!"


Well there's chapter 1, hopefully chapter 2 should be up in a couple of days. We'll see.