AN-Thanx for the reviews guys! I'm trying to improve my writing structure so pleas ebe patient and don't point out I have run-ons or whatever else. I already know and i'm working on improving on that. But I do welcome constructive critsum. ~Lizzie~

I Unfortunately don't own Twilight or nay of its characters. Stephanie Meyer does.

Chapter 1- I was so numb, but now I'd rather feel pain

The day started as a usual Tuesday would; I get up, go to the bathroom, change for school, go downstairs to thankfully find Charlie has left for his shift,eat breakfast then go to school. But usually I'd go to school with the copper-haired guy who'd pick me up in his silver Volvo. Not anymore, I trudgedthrough the cold rain and into my almost orange pick-up truck. I wait for the heat to kick up. Finally I pulled out of the drive way to make my way to another miserable day at school.

"Hey Bella!" I turned to see Mike Newton making his way towards me. He's become even more annoying since The Cullens left. Constantly asking me out; even though he's technically dating Jessica, trying to act like a knight in shining armor to me, which to his unlinking hasn't affected me in the least. "Hey Mike," I said in almost a whisper. After that he started bombarding me with his usual offers for dates and other crap like that. Thankfully the six-minute bell rang and I'd tell him that was my signal to "get my ass to class". I couldn't be late anymore then I was before anyhow.

The day passed slowly as usual. Sure my grades were up now in the A, B range but it didn't really matter to me right now. Biology seemed like a lifetime without him sitting next to me. His seat was not occupied by anyone; except my backpack. I used to not wait for this class, but now I just want to ditch everyday and I'd rather go to gym for two periods to take up this period honestly. And soon, gym came. Too soon, I had to; now sneak into a small bathroom stall to change in and out of my normal clothes and into my gym clothes. I slipped on the gray "FORKS HIGH" P.E. shirt over a white long sleeve shirt, a.k.a, my cover up. When I walked out of the stall I unfortunately saw my friend, Jessica standing in front of a mirror, expecting her hair. I tried to escape her before she notice me but that didn't work out to my likening. "Bella," I froze in place, turned and walked towards her. "Yeah Jess?"

"Are you o.k. Bella? I mean you've been acting really weird since that bastard left." Now when she said bastard, she was referring to Edward. I was a bit furious after her remark, but I guess that's what girl's do. When a guy breaks up with you on a short notice, then leaves; in my case, the friends are allowed to call him any vile name they want to make the dumpee feel, somewhat better I guess. But that wasn't what I was expecting. "Yeah, Jess. I'm fine." I lied; I knew she knew that I was lying. But she just let me go to gym.

The drive home was the same as well; trying to not crash into anything during a rain storm and trying to make it home in one piece. But to my surprise, I saw a shiny black car in the driveway. Just great, I thought to myself. I parked to the side of the car and got out to find Billy Black and his son, my best friend, Jacob Black waiting under the porch over-hang for me, I guess to come home. "Hey Billy, what brings you here?" I asked, I knew for a fact that there wasn't a game on T.V. tonight. "We just stopped by to say hello." I nodded. I unlocked the door and let them in. "So Jake, what's up?" I asked him after they got settled into my warm house. "Nothing much, my dad just wanted to hang out with Charlie, I guess." He looked at his dad with a suspicious, yet grateful look. "Ah, I see," I joked. "Well Charlie should be home in about an hour or so. Do you guys want anything?" And there I went, going into my fake old-self mode.

Thankfully, Charlie was home sooner than I expected. I excused myself to my room and Jake followed me. "So Bella, what's you've been up to?" I shrugged as I sat down on my bed. "Nothing much really. I mean school is the usual. Nothing out of the ordinary." I was telling the truth in some way but he looked satisfied with my answer. We continued to talk for the next half hour while I was trying to do my English homework. Then when the topic of "The Cullens" came up; I sat up from my lying position on my bed and swung my feet over the bed. And I forgot about the glass of milk I had on the floor, and I being myself knocked it over. "Oh shit!" I said.

"Don't worry; do you have any paper towels or something?" I nodded. "In the bottom drawer in my desk, there should be some napkins or something in there." I saw him go over towards the drawer, and then it clicked. Oh shit! I saw him pull out the purple box with the death flowers on it. "Jake don-!" He looked at me with horror when he opened up the box. "Bella," I was near tears now. He shouldn't know about this, no one should. I got up and grabbed the box out of Jake's hands. "Bella, what are you doing?" he asked in a gentle voice. "Nothing," I lied. "Bella, you're doing something. Please tell me," I could see his eyes were begging for the truth to why his best friend had broken razor blades, a broken mirror and a broken CD in a box with the flower that symbolizes death on it. "Jake, I-I, after he left me in the woods, I didn't feel anything anymore; I was numb, I couldn't feel anything anymore. And when I was doing my girl business in the shower my razor blade accidently cut my leg, and it felt good for once. I felt something. I didn't care that it was pain, but I liked it." I must've sounded insane to him. His face was filled with horror, sadness, frustration and worry. "Jake, you can't tell Charlie. You can't tell anybody." I begged him. He didn't say anything; he just pulled me into a comforting hug. I let the tears that began to gather in my eyes come out. I didn't know what to say to him and I bet he had the same feeling towards me too. "Jake! Jake! We're leaving now!" I heard Billy yell from downstairs. We parted from the hug. "Bella, please don't do this to yourself." I looked away from him. "I'll call you later Bella. We need to talk about this." I nodded, my face still facing towards the floor. I could still she a hint of red on the wood floor. I let a small smirk escape from my lips. "Ok, but Jake, please don't tell anyone! Not Billy, not Charlie, not Leah, not anyone!" He nodded; I could see his grim expressing while he nodded. "I won't Bella. But we still need to talk about this." I nodded in agreement and he walked out of my room.