CHAPTER 2: THE EMANCIPATION OF A BLOCKHEAD

The rest of the gang mourned Snoopy's death at a memorial service for Snoopy. Most of everyone was there, except for Lucy, who was conspicuously missing from the service. Snoopy was cremated and his ashes was split in two. Charlie Brown said that was for a big reason that he would explain at a later date. Linus said a few words, as did Frieda, who later broke down. Schroeder played a Beethoven sonata as a tribute to Snoopy. Charlie Brown was inconsolable that day.

Later that week at school during lunch, his friends were comforting Charlie Brown due to the loss of Snoopy. All of the kids were sad about his passing. Lucy, however, didn't feel a thing for Snoopy's death.

"I'm so sorry about Snoopy, Charlie Brown," said Schroeder.

"Me too, Chuck," said Tricia. "We all will miss ol' Snoop."

"He was a good dog, Charles," said a sad Marcie. "I have to admit, I will miss serving him those root beers."

"If there's anything you need, Charlie Brown, let me know," said Frieda, who had been crying even more than Charlie Brown, himself. "I'll be here for you."

"Same here, Charlie Brown," added Linus. "At least Snoopy led a good life."

"Thanks, everyone," said a grateful Charlie Brown. "I'm lucky to have friends like you."

"Oh, come on!" Lucy shouted all of the sudden. "All dogs die! Every animal dies! It's part of life! Do you cry when your goldfish dies and floats upside down at the top of the fish tank? No! You flush it down the toilet!"

"This is not a goldfish we're talking about, Lucy," Charlie Brown responded. "This is my dog, my companion, my friend we're talking about. And I know that all animals die eventually. It doesn't hurt any less than if your grandparent dies or a loved one dies."

"Well I, for one, am not mourning that stupid beagle!" spat Lucy, taking a bite out of a really large cheeseburger. "However, I will share what I WON'T miss about that dog. I WON'T miss him kissing me at every opportunity. I WON'T miss him getting under my skin. I WON'T miss him dancing like an idiot. I WON'T miss him typing those stupid stories of his. How do they start? Oh yes! 'It was a dark and stormy night.' Bullshit!"

"That's enough, Lucy!" warned Linus.

Ignoring her brother's warning, Lucy continued her rant. "I WON'T miss him being the World War I Flying Ace or any of those other stupid alter-egos he was, I WON'T miss him showboating during a ball game, though I will admit he was shades better than his blockhead of an owner here."

"Goddammit, Lucy!" said Charlie Brown, trying but mostly failing to hold back his growing anger.

"And most of all," Lucy said, finishing her "tribute" to Snoopy, "I especially won't miss his eating everything in sight!"

"She's more than picked up where he left off by the looks of things," joked Tricia to Marcie, noting Lucy's weight gain.

"So, Charlie Brown," she finished, "I'd advise you to get a grip and move on. Snoopy's gone and is not coming back. I swear you are so goddamn sensitive. Are you sure you're not gay or anything?"

"LUCY!" shrieked Frieda.

"YOU FAT FUCKING BITCH!" Everyone was expecting that to come from Linus, seeing how he would shout that at Lucy at any moments notice. But they were shocked to see it was, in fact, Charlie Brown that shouted it.

"WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" he screamed. "IS THIS WHAT YOU LIVE TO DO?! MAKE PEOPLE FEEL WORSE THAN WHAT THEY DO ALREADY?! I'M ALREADY WONDERING WHY I EVEN LISTENED TO YOU THIS LONG?! YOU TELLING ME HOW I WOULDN'T AMOUNT TO ANYTHING, HOW NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE ME, YET I DATED PEGGY JEAN, EVEN FINALLY GOT TO DATE THE LITTLE RED-HAIRED GIRL BEFORE SHE MOVED, BUT NOPE! 'NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU, CHARLIE BROWN.' WELL, LUCY VAN PELT, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM LOVED!"

"Amen!" said Tricia and Marcie, in unison.

"PEOPLE DO CARE ABOUT ME!"

"We always have," said Linus. Schroeder and Sally nodded in agreement.

"BUT YOU RATHER SEE ME DEPRESSED, UNHAPPY, MOPING AROUND, BECAUSE IT PROVIDES YOU FODDER FOR YOUR ENDLESS TEASING AND BELITTLING OF ME! WELL THAT ENDS TODAY! YOU SAY I'M PATHETIC? NO! IT'S YOU, LUCY! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S PATHETIC! LOOK AT YOU! YOU EAT FAST FOOD WITH ABANDON! YOU PROBABLY WEIGH MORE THAN A MILITARY CARRIER! YOU ARE NEVER SUPPORTIVE OF ANYONE! YOUR BROTHERS CAN'T STAND TO BE AROUND YOU! LINUS, THESE DAYS BARELY TOLERATES YOU AND RERUN IS DEATHLY AFRAID OF YOU! BY THE WAY, I HEARD ABOUT THE OREO INCIDENT WITH RERUN. I'M SHOCKED THE COPS DIDN'T ARREST YOU FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER!

"BUT AS I SAID, I AM GOING TO SUCCEED, LUCY! AND THERE IS NOTHING, FUCKING NOTHING THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! FOR YOU ARE A MISERABLE, FAT, PSYCHOTIC SOCIOPATH WITH NO OTHER AMBITION BESIDES TEARING DOWN PEOPLE JUST TO BUILD UP YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE. YOU MAY HAVE BEAT ME DOWN AND MADE ME DEPRESSED AND THINK EVERYONE HATED ME BEFORE, BUT THAT ENDS TODAY! BECAUSE YOU, AND EVERYONE ELSE, IS GOING TO SEE A NEW AND IMPROVED CHARLES MONROE BROWN!"

And probably, for the first time ever, Lucy was speechless. It took her insulting Charlie Brown's deceased dog to drive Charlie Brown over the edge and finally tell her off. Everyone was silent.

"One more thing, you witch," said Charlie Brown, finally calming down. "As of today, right now, you are dead to me. You don't exist in my world anymore. No one will ever love me? I think no one will ever love you. You are dead to me, Lucille Van Pelt! I wash my hands of you once and for all!"

And, after a while, someone cheered, "ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE BROWN!" And, to the surprise of Charlie Brown, everyone in the lunch room cheered him and chanted his name. For him, a long-standing weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders. The depressed feelings, aside from the mourning of Snoopy's death, was finally going away. The wishy-washiness was not too far behind from going away. Charlie Brown sighed and walked out the lunch room with his friends following, leaving Lucy by herself to ponder what had just happened.

Charlie Brown had emancipated himself from Lucy. All of his friends were happy that he finally stood up to Lucy, who had tormented him endlessly since childhood.

"That was fucking awesome, Charlie Brown!" said a delighted Schroeder.

"I agree, Chuck!" added Tricia. "That was great how you laced into Lucille! She had it coming for ions!"

Marcie planted a kiss on Charlie Brown's cheek. "I am so proud of you, Charles!" she said.

"I knew one of us would finally tell Lucy off," said Linus. "I'm glad it was you, Charlie Brown."

"Well, the bitch insults my dog in death, while I'm still in mourning," said a still fuming Charlie Brown. "I'm done with her fat ass once and for all!"

"You should give her a dose of her own medicine, Charlie Brown," said a gleeful Schroeder. "Tease her and belittle her like she did you!"

"I'm not doing that, Schroeder," Charlie Brown responded. "One, she would be expecting that, and I'm not giving her the satisfaction of that. Two, that would mean stooping down to her level, and that would make me no better than she is. I am nothing like her and the only way to defeat a fussbudget is to completely ignore them. And that's what I'm going to do. She's not worth teasing. She's just a waste of my time." And they all went to their classes. Charlie Brown was free of Lucy and without her influencing his depression every day, he was going to thrive and actually be successful.

NEXT CHAPTER: LILA AND SNOOPY REUNITED