Harvey could easily count the number of times in the past fifteen years where he'd arrived at the office before Donna. Usually, it was when he was preparing for a particularly complicated case, his nerves and anxiety getting the best of him and forcing him into the office as the sun rose after tossing and turning all night. This morning though, his work ethic wasn't the source of his early morning, but rather a nuisance maintenance issue that required him to be out of his apartment by 7am.

It was as he rounded the corner and and looked into her office that he realized he'd arrived before her. He noticed something sitting on her desk and slowed to take a closer look; flowers. She hadn't told him she was seeing someone, but she hadn't not told him either. She'd been leaving at a reasonable time more and more often, wore that blue dress with the ruffles around the waist he knew she liked to wear on dates, and even mentioned a weekend trip Upstate about a month ago. He'd overheard her talking to Louis last week about him meeting her sisters over dinner - his name was John, or Jason, James maybe? Regardless, he was happy for her. He wanted her to be happy - if she was happy, so was he.

He heard the unmistakable click of her heels moving across the marble floor and turned to see her walking towards him, carrying a cup of coffee from a cafe he'd never heard of, but one he'd noticed she'd been going to a lot recently.

"Harvey," she smiled as she greeted him.

"Donna."

"What can I do for you?" she asked, passing him and walking into her office, him following at her heels.

"Nothing, just admiring the scenery," he said, gesturing to the flowers on her desk and leaning against her door frame.

"Oh" she said, looking down at the bouquet and blushing a little, "it's...a special day."

"He's a lucky man, Donna," Harvey said, smiling as he turned to leave. "See you at the 11 o'clock budget meeting," adding before heading back to his office.

Donna waited until Harvey disappeared around the corner towards his office before reaching for the card attached to the flowers. Pulling the card out of the envelope, she smiled as she recognized his handwriting.

Donna,

These past six months have been some of my favorite ever, can't wait to celebrate with you tonight.

Happy Anniversary.

~James

She was trying not to overthink this relationship milestone, the six month mark was when things usually went to shit for her. When she backed out or freaked out or did something to give the other person an escape route for one reason or another, but she didn't want that to happen with James. He made her feel happy, comfortable, and appreciated and she wanted to celebrate this milestone with him, so that they could look towards the next one together.

The day passed in a flurry of work, meetings, and phone calls and, before she knew it, she was racing to freshen up in the bathroom and get out the door to meet James for dinner. She packed up her bag, reluctantly grabbing a stack of paralegal applications to review later that night. Grabbing her coat and shutting off her desk lamp, she sent a quick text to James letting him know she was on her way and walked towards the elevators.

She saw Harvey waiting for the elevator as she approached. "You're leaving early tonight," she said - trying to use small talk to temporarily take her mind off the nervous excitement she was feeling about dinner.

"I wouldn't exactly call 8:15 early," he quibed "but I could say the same for you. You've been punching a more regular clock these past few months. A couple morning meetings, even." He turned to face her, a small smirk spreading across his face.

Donna didn't respond, but turned and met his gaze with that slightly exasperated look she reserved just for Harvey. Rolling her eyes, she followed him into the elevator that had just arrived.

"So," he started, "where are you going tonight?"

Donna was surprised by his question. She knew he knew about her and James - the jokes about the morning meetings, comments about the flowers on her desk and her favorite blue date dress - but they'd never inquired about each other's relationships outright. The jokes and the ambiguity were their normal; it was comfortable, it was who they were.

"Oh, um," she started, quickly glancing down at her watch to make sure she was still on time before spinning it around her wrist with her other hand - one of her anxious habits she'd never been able to shake. "I'm not sure - James wanted to surprise me, so I'm meeting him at his office. He said it's a quick walk from there."

Just then, the elevator dinged and the doors opened into the lobby. Harvey gestured, giving room for Donna to exit first.

"Well, he better not take you to Del Posto; that's our place."

Donna turned to look at him, her lips slightly agape, not entirely sure if he was joking or not. She stared at him while she tried to formulate a response.

"I'm happy for you, Donna. Happy Anniversary - enjoy your night."

"Thanks, Harvey."

He turned to go then, walking in front of her as she stood still, reaching up and giving her shoulder a slight squeeze as he did so.

Donna stood in the center of the lobby for several more seconds collecting herself. Where the hell did that Harvey just come from? Usually when she was dating someone he was irritable, fidgety, and avoided the subject at all costs. Now, it was him bringing it up. Maybe he really was happy for her, and kept bringing it up so she would know that things between them were good, that they were friends. The kind of friends who shared notes about their personal lives, apparently.

Taking a deep breath, she attempted to push all things Harvey from her mind. She was nervous enough for the evening as it was, the last thing she needed was to unpack the meaning behind his most recent foray into emotional vulnerability.

She met James in the lobby of his building and all the nerves that had been coursing through her all day immediately evaporated when he hugged her. She'd noticed that'd been happening a lot recently. She was nervous about dinner with her sisters, and that had gone off without a hitch, because James was there and made her feel so at ease. But it wasn't just big events like that. She could come home from a long, frustrating day at the office, sit down on the couch with him and within ten minutes, she couldn't even remember what she had been stressed about in the first place. He made everything else disappear and it was one of her favorite things about him.

Hours later, they left the restaurant arm in arm. James had chosen a romantic dinner at a small French restaurant that paired a different type of wine with each course. Since it was a nice night, Donna suggested that they walk back to her apartment, taking a slight detour through a corner of Central Park. They walked through the park hand in hand in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's company. Donna couldn't remember a time when she'd felt so happy, so carefree, and she knew it was all because of James. She leaned into his side and reached her free hand across her body to rest in the crook of his elbow. Her mind wandered and she imagined a similar evening, years in the future; her and James wandering through the park celebrating another relationship milestone. She knew she was falling for this man, and it excited and scared her in equal measure.

All too soon though, they arrived outside of Donna's apartment building and she fished through her purse for her keys.

"I'd invite you in," Donna started, locating the keys and removing them from her bag, "but I have to review some applications before tomorrow's resourcing meeting. And you're very distracting." She looked up at him and smiled, hoping he'd see how much she didn't want to spend the night with her work.

"Don't worry about it," he said, kissing her quickly as she dropped her keys back into her purse. "I know the work of the real managing partner never ends." He winked at her as he finished. "Besides, we're going to Connecticut this weekend, and I can think of a couple ways you can make it up to me me then."

He smiled down at her as he dropped her hands from his, instead snaking them around her waist and pulling her closer.

"If you're going to ditch me on our anniversary, at least let me do this" He reached up with one hand and brushed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand before tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. His hand moved through her hair to rest on the back of her neck and he leaned in and kissed her. The hand that was on her waist moved up and across her back and her hands travelled up his chest to grip the lapels of his suit jacket. Donna tilted her head and parted her lips slightly, deepening the kiss for a bit before pulling back, knowing full well that she was mere seconds from abandoning her work and instead inviting him in and letting him have his way with her all night.

"I had a really, really great time tonight," she said as she smiled up at him, her hands still resting on his chest. "Thank you," she finished, lifting her head up to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Me too, Donna," he dropped his hands from her waist and moved his hands up in between them to wrap them around hers. "I meant what I said at dinner," he continued. "These past six months have been amazing, you're amazing."

They stared at each other for a couple seconds in comfortable silence, their hands dropping to rest by their sides, fingers still intertwined. Just as Donna was about to break the silence and say goodnight, James spoke.

"I love you, Donna."

Donna felt her eyes grow wide, and her shoulders tense slightly. She was taken aback by James' admission, but she didn't want him to be able to read her reaction on her face. Before she could overthink it, or before he could say anything else, she kissed him.

"Happy anniversary," she said, dropping one hand from his and reaching up to cup his cheek. She leaned in and gave him another quick kiss before moving her hand from his cheek to run across his shoulder and down the length of his arm, her fingers lingering on his for just a second before taking a small step back.

"Goodnight, James," she said as she unlocked the front door. "Thank you," she added hastily as she turned to enter the lobby of her building.

She closed the door behind her and sunk against it, letting out a sigh.

Thank you?! Really, Donna, that was the best you could do?

She walked further into her apartment and set her coat and bag down on the couch. She took the small jewelry box James had given her at dinner out of her bag and walked into the bedroom, setting it down on the center of her dresser. She had planned to wear it to the office tomorrow, but now she wasn't sure if she wanted a reminder of her words left unsaid resting so close to her heart.

She had hoped a hot shower and a glass of wine would take her mind off the way her night had ended, but as she sat down with her paperwork, she realized that was not the case. She got up and turned on some classical music and made herself a cup of tea - two tried and true methods to get her anxiety in check. When neither of those worked, she got up again and started to pace around her living room.

Grabbing her phone, she looked down at the time. It was late, but it was worth a shot. She dialed the familiar number and leaned against the back of her couch. Tapping her foot restlessly as she waited for her sister to pick up.

One of Donna's favorite thing about having two sisters was the fact that they each had their specialty when it came to men. When Donna was younger, Grace was her go-to for sex questions - she'd gotten there first, afterall. Even as they grew older, Donna always went to her for bedroom business, from her pregnancy scare a couple of months after she moved to the City after college, to advice on how to handle Mitchell's performance anxiety, Grace was her girl.

For matters of the heart, though, it was Claire. She'd married her college and med school boyfriend and, even before then, had always had the most stable and healthy relationships out of the three of them. You'd think that being the youngest child of divorced parents she'd be swimming in Daddy issues but, somehow she'd defined the odds.

Growing impatient with how long it was taking her sister to answer the phone, Donna got up and started to pace again. Come on Claire, pick up! What if I was dying?, she thought - always one for the dramatics.

"Donna, what do you want?" Claire answered, stifling a yawn. "It's 12:15 in the morning, some people are trying to sleep"

"Claire, you're an ER doctor," Donna shot back quickly. "You never sleep."

"I do when I just finished a 36 hour shift, finally got my toddler to fall asleep, and am not on call for the night," Claire fired back just as quickly. "Seriously Donna, what do you want?"

"I uh -," Donna started, realizing she wasn't quite sure how to explain what happened to Claire, "I need some help."

Hearing the slight desperation and uneasiness in her sister's voice, Claire sat up in bed. Her husband was working a night shift, so she didn't have to worry about waking him up, but she did want to give Donna her undivided attention and sitting up would help her not fall back asleep. She knew she wouldn't be calling at this hour unless something was really bothering her.

"Ok, what's up? Wait," Claire paused, pulling the phone away from her ear and checking the date before continuing, "wasn't tonight your anniversary dinner with James? Why aren't you still with him?

"Yeah," Donna breathed "that's kind of what I want to talk about."

Wow, six months like clockwork, Claire thought. Every serious relationship Donna had ever been in met a roadblock at the six month mark. She and Grace had hoped this one would be different, especially given how happy Donna said she was with him, but their sister was nothing if not consistent.

"Ok, what did you do this time?" Claire asked, hoping Donna wouldn't take her question the wrong way.

"First off," Donna quipped, "I resent that, it's not always my fault. And second, it's not so much what I did, but more what I didn't do."

"What does that even mean?" Claire deadpanned.

"Well, um, we were outside my apartment building saying goodnight and I thanked him for a great evening and he was repeating all these amazing, nice things he'd said at dinner and he gave me this beautiful necklace and I was feeling so happy and hopeful, and it really was the perfect night and just as I was about to say goodnight he -" Donna stopped to take a breath, not realizing how fast she'd been speaking, or that she'd started to cry.

"He what, Donna?" her sister pried carefully.

"He, he - told me he loves me," Donna finished, wiping away a couple tears that had started to roll down her cheeks.

"Donna," Claire breathed. "That's huge. What did you say back?"

"I, I think I said thank you"

"You think? Claire asked.

"Well," Donna started to explain, "I kissed him again, and said happy anniversary and goodnight. And then I said thank you. And I meant thank you for the whole night, but maybe I meant for telling me he loves me - it was really nice to hear." she finished, wiping a couple more tears that were, annoyingly, still falling.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you love him?" Claire asked, as if it was the most obvious follow-up question to Donna's story - because it was.

"Well," Donna said thoughtfully, "I don't not love him"

"That is not what I asked," Claire said, exasperated.

"I don't know, Claire. I want to, but...it's a big word. I've only ever said it to -" Donna stopped herself, realizing she was about to admit something to her sister they'd never discusses before.

"To who, Donna?"

Donna took a breath, knowing that if Claire was going to help her through this, she had to be honest with her.

"Harvey."

Claire let out a breath. There is was - the other shoe, the elephant in the room, her achilles heel - whatever you wanted to call it. Claire had always known there was something there; the pair of them couldn't have made it through everything they had in the past fifteen years without sharing some kind of love. She'd always believed that it went unsaid between them, like how Harvey never had to tell Donna things, she'd just always known. But for Donna to admit it to him was big, Claire knew that. She didn't know how Donna meant it when she told him, but she did mean it. Her sister did not say things she didn't mean. Which, come to think of it, may be why she was struggling so hard to respond to James.

"Ok," Claire started, "do you love Harvey?"

"No, maybe, yes, I don't know," Donna rambled "I love him like he's my best friend, because he is. I love him like I'd love an older brother if I had one. I don't love him like I want to love James. I'm not in love with him. At least -"

"At least what, Donna?" Claire continued

"Claire, I can't do this right now. It's late and I have work to finish and-"

Before she could finish, Claire cut her off. "Donna, you called me. But whatever, I'm not wasting my time if you don't want to figure this out."

"No Claire I do, I need to," Donna admitted. "It's just late, and I'm tired and a lot has happened tonight. I have a light morning tomorrow, breakfast?"

Claire smiled, "As long as you don't mind me bringing Hannah. And you're buying."

"Thanks Clarice," Donna smiled, thankful once again for her baby sister and her level head, "love you."

"Oh wow," Claire joked, "now was that so hard?"

"I'm hanging up"

"Goodnight Dee, see you tomorrow"

Feeling a bit better already, Donna sat down to finally get started on her stack of paperwork. Sleep was lost on her and she knew that even if she tried, she'd spend all night tossing and turning thinking and overthinking her every move from that night. She finally finished reviewing and making notes on the applications just before three. She packed up her bag, set the auto timer on her coffee pot, knowing she'd need all the caffeine she could get to make it through the following day, and crawled into bed, resigned to stare at the ceiling and replay every moment from the night in vivid detail until her alarm went off in three hours.

Donna was leaving her apartment to meet Claire when she received her now expected good morning text from James. For once, she was relieved he had a breakfast meeting with clients and couldn't get coffee before work that morning - anything to delay the discussion about the uncomfortable way things ended the night before, even for a couple of hours.

She walked toward the curb, raising her hand in the air to hail a cab as she looked down to read his message.

Good morning, love! Can't stop smiling thinking about last night, can I see you later?

Donna breathed a sigh of relief; no mention of her hasty exit. Maybe her reaction wasn't a big deal to him - she was too focused on her own reaction to his words that she didn't even think to get a read on his reaction to her. He seemed completely normal for now, but she knew they needed to talk about it. She knew from experience that I love yous deserved an honest and timely response.

She climbed into a cab and gave the driver her destination and she typed a reply.

Morning sunshine, hope your breakfast goes well! I have a late meeting, but I'll call you when I'm done. Have a great day!

Donna leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes briefly, hoping that James wouldn't notice the little bit of forced enthusiasm peppered into her message. She looked down at her phone to check the time, making sure she wouldn't be late to meet Claire. James hadn't yet responded to her message, and he probably wouldn't. They weren't that kind of couple. They were both busy during the workday and neither saw the need for constant, nonsense communication.

The cab pulled up in front of the coffee shop and Donna reached into her purse to pay the driver. Walking through the door, she immediately felt that sense of comfort and nostalgia that this cafe always brought her. The place wasn't anything special and had probably failed a health inspection or two in its time, but to Donna and her sisters, this place was everything. When things were at their worst with their parents, they'd spend some weekends in the City with their Aunt and they'd come here for Sunday breakfasts. Knowing that the cafe was the last stop before a house full of fights and yelling, their Aunt went out of her way to send them back smiling and laughing. Ever since, Donna and her sisters came here when they needed to talk things through, when they had a problem to solve. No matter what they were facing, the place brought them comfort, the sense that no matter how big the problem seemed, it was solvable. When Donna had suggested breakfast the night before, they didn't need to discuss the location, she and Claire both knew they'd be meeting at Beverly's.

Donna spotted Claire and her little redhead in their usual booth in the back, smiling when she noticed she had already ordered and there was a very large cup of coffee waiting for her. Kissing Hannah on the top of her head, Donna slid into the booth across from her sister.

"Wow, you've looked better," Claire quibed as soon as Donna sat down "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Hi Claire, good morning, nice to see you! How are you today?" Donna replied sarcastically as she took a sip of her coffee.

Claire didn't respond, just tilted her head and rolled her eyes at her older sister.

'Yeah, Claire," Donna relented, "I've had better nights." She took a deep breath and she prepared herself for the conversation that was about to happen.

"So," Claire started, cutting right to the chase "Harvey - you love him. When did you tell him that?"

Donna looked down as she spoke, mindlessly playing with the sugar packets on the table.

"It was a couple years ago. He told me he loved me the night he saved me from going to prison. I didn't say anything right away because he left my apartment before I could, and I wasn't sure how he meant it. But I said it a couple days later - right before I went to go work for Louis."

"Excuse me, saved you from going WHERE?" Donna looked up to find her sister glaring at her, knowing that she hadn't told her sisters about her run in with the law when it happened because she hadn't wanted to worry them and she definitely hadn't been in the mood for a lecture.

"Oh," Donna started, doing her best to act casual about the whole situation - despite the fact that she still couldn't think about it for too long without nausea creeping in. From the genuine terror she felt as her fate hung by a thread to her pushing Harvey for an answer with her "love me how?" she kept the emotions from that week firmly locked up in a box in the back of her brain.

"It was nothing," she said - hopefully reassuringly, "just a big misunderstanding about how I got some documents for one of Harvey and Mike's cases."

"Well, well" Claire, admonished, half jokingly, "sounds like you've been broken our rule more than once when it comes to Harvey. Time to get talking," she finished as she cut up some of her pancakes and placed them on a napkin in front of Hannah, who had started to get fussy.

Donna swallowed, she hated that Claire had brought up the rule, but she was right. She'd always felt a little twinge of guilt when she'd kept something, usually Harvey-related, from her sisters. Growing up, their house had been full of secrets and lies, mostly about their dad's financial dealings. They hated what it did to their parents, how it made them yell and fight. How those secrets eventually led to their nasty divorce. One night, during a particularly vicious fight, the three of them were curled up in Grace's bed doing their best to tune out the yelling coming from downstairs. It was in that moment that they made their rule. They promised that they would always tell each other everything. No secrets or lies between the three of them, no matter what. It was a promise that, with a few exceptions on Donna's part, they had always honored.

With another sip of coffee and look at her sister, Donna let the floodgates open. She started with the rule she made for herself on a whim that became the cornerstone of her relationship with Harvey. Until the other time, when it wasn't. How that night with him made her feel things, even start to picture a future - a future she was all but ready to ask him for when he asked her to come with him to Pearson Hardman, derailing that version of the future but creating a new one. Claire knew they were as close as two people could be without being that but she was quickly realizing there was so much more to the story of Harvey and Donna than she'd let on over the years. Donna continued, teling Claire everything from Harvey taking her out for breakfast the day after Stephen Huntley was arrested, to his surprise appearance at the closing night of her Shakespeare play, all the way up to their most recent kiss, her almost resignation, their slow dances at Mike and Rachel's wedding, and the new normal they found themselves in.

When she finished, Donna was out of breath. Recounting a fifteen year history was hard enough, but when that history was as complicated and fraught with emotional ambiguity as hers and Harvey's was, it was something else entirely. She sipped on her coffee and looked at Claire, recognizing from her facial expression that she was trying to process all the emotional baggage that Donna had just dumped on the table.

Growing anxious from the prolonged silence, Donna spoke again.

"So that's Harvey," she sighed "but I don't want to talk about him anymore, I want to talk about James and figure out whether or not I'm in love with him, because I'm going to see him tonight, and -"

Claire reached across the table and rested her hands on top of Donna's, stopping her from tearing the empty sugar packet from her coffee to shreds. She knew Donna fiddled with whatever she could get her hands on when she was anxious. Wordlessly, she wanted to tell her sister that she didn't need to be stressed about this; she was here for her and they'd figure this out together.

"Ok, Donna," Claire started, looking up at her "but one last thing about Harvey. Do you love him?"

"Claire, you know I do. But," she paused, looking up at her sister - stopping her before she could challenge what she was about to say "exactly how I told you I loved him last night. Like a brother or a best friend. I'm not in love with him."

Feeling Claire's silence pressing her to keep talking, she continued.

"Look, I know there's a part of me, in a different world, that could be in love with him. He knows me better than anyone in the world - except you and Grace - and I know he'd never leave me. Yeah we'd fight like hell about probably everything, but I don't know, it'd probably work. But I know it's not what he wants, so I'm not even entertaining that possibility. Because it's never going to happen."

Understanding that Donna really wanted to move on from Harvey, not just in this conversation, but in her mind, in her heart, Claire pivoted to focus on her and James.

"And James," Claire started "what does it look like to be in love with him?"

Donna sighed, and couldn't help the small smile that spread across her face as she thought about the past six months she'd spent with him. How comfortable, how appreciated, and how relaxed he made her feel.

"He makes me happy," she started, feeling her smile widen. "It's so easy with him. He makes me laugh, he makes me want to leave work at work. It's comfortable, it's easy. Being with him is so different from all the other relationships I've been in, and that's what I like about it. It feels special. He's special."

Claire heard all of this, and knew what Donna was saying was true. She also knew that she loved him but wasn't quite in love with him. She could get there though, if she wanted to.

"Donna," she started, "I'm not going to pretend I know Harvey even half as well as you do, and I've only met James once, but can I tell you what I think is going on here?"

Donna took a deep breath, knowing she was about to get slapped in the face with that Paulsen intuition she was so famous for dishing out.

"Sure Claire," she sighed "hit me."

"At the rate things are going, if you give it another month or two, you'll be in love with James the way you say you want to be. But in another six months you'll be bored, and you'll probably end things. You keep talking about how he makes you comfortable, but honey, if you were after comfort and predictability in any area of your life, you would not have spent the last fifteen years working for Harvey. Yeah, the unknown can make you anxious and uncomfortable sometimes, but you thrive off of the challenges that comes with it - you always have. You need someone - at work and at home - that keeps you on your toes, that challenges you and comforts you, that keeps you guessing and makes you laugh. In the long term, that's not James."

Claire stopped talking for a second to take a pulse of Donna's facial expression - a deer in headlights if she ever saw one. Knowing that her sister needed to hear all of what she had to say so she could be begin to process everything, she kept going.

"Oh and Dee - from where I'm sitting, the only difference between Harvey and James is James' predictability. Tall, handsome, Ivy-league educated executives, nearly identical Tom Ford suits, massive record collections, love of sports and fast cars. I mean, come on, they even have the same first and last initials. Donna, think about it, what's really keeping you from falling all the way in love with James?

There were very few things that could render Donna speechless, but her sisters doing what everyone at the firm called her Donna thing on her was one of those things. Donna started to think about what her sister had just said, but before she could even attempt to respond, Claire's phone started ringing.

"Crap, that's the hospital," Claire explained, as she turned off the sound. "Time to go, Hannah!" she swallowed the last few bites of her pancakes as she packed up the couple of toys her daughter had pulled from her purse while she and Donna had talked.

Standing up, with Hannah now in her arms, she turned to Donna.

"Sorry to cut this short, Dee," she said, leaning over to kiss the top of her head "I'll call you later tonight!"

Dumbfounded, Donna leaned back against the booth and reached for the cup of coffee in front of her, downing what was left in one gulp. Closing her eyes, she thought about what Claire had just said. Physically, she'd give it to her. Harvey and James looked similar, but there was nothing wrong with having a type. But the similarities stopped there. For one, James was able to understand and express his emotions like a healthy adult, and that was something Harvey had never been able to do. That was a huge difference - a welcome one given the amount of time she'd spent over the past fifteen years telling Harvey why he was feeling what he was feeling. Say what you want Claire, she thought, but the reasons she was with James had nothing to do with the ways he might be like Harvey. In fact, if she counted her favorite things about him, they were all the things that made him different from Harvey.

The cafe wasn't too far from the firm so, despite the height of her heels, she decided to walk back to the office, giving herself some more time to unpack her breakfast conversation and be alone with her thoughts before the demands of her job took over her mind.

As she walked down the street enjoying the light morning breeze, she thought about all the conversations she'd had over the years about her relationship with Harvey. She knew it was a complex one, hard to define and even harder to explain. Jessica, Rachel, Gretchen, and now Samatha, and Katrina - everyone at the firm knew that she and Harvey were one and the same, one didn't work without the other. They respected it, admired it, and for the most part, did not push or question the boundaries they'd set for themselves.

But then, why did all of her romantic relationships have to exist in the context of Harvey Specter? Why had she always considered Harvey when she thought about her romantic partner? Why did his opinion and their reactions to her workplace dynamic with him matter so much, to her and to them? Why could she never seem to have both - a best friend, boss turned peer, port in the storm and a significant other? Her relationship with Harvey had been a dealbreaker for everyone before - Mark, Mitchell, and even Stephen, but James didn't seem to mind. He was understanding of their relationship even. He had no problem when she cancelled a date with him in favor of her and Harvey's annual Del Posto dinner. Being with James had made her start to think it was possible for her to have both - a work husband and a real husband.

Her thoughts had wandered so far she hadn't realized how quickly she'd made it to the firm. As she stepped into the elevator in the lobby, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, effectively pushing the morning's conversation into a back compartment in her brain. She knew she'd have to process things a bit more before seeing James that night, but she didn't have space in her brain to deal with those thoughts until later that evening. She had a busy day ahead of her - with the resourcing meeting she'd spent all night preparing for, and some work she wanted to get ahead on so she could leave early the next day for her weekend in Connecticut. There was no time in her schedule to be distracted by thoughts of her feelings about James, or Harvey for that matter.

As luck would have it, though, as the elevator opened on the 50th floor, the first person she saw was Harvey, exiting the elevator directly across from her. He noticed her and smiled, falling into step as they made their way through the firm and towards their offices.

"Morning, Donna," Harvey started, playfully dragging out the o and smirking at her.

"Harvey," she replied shortly.

"I gotta say," he continued in the same playful tone, "I'm surprised to see you in the office so early this morning. I thought your morning meeting would run later, especially considering your late night last night," the pair of them now coming to a halt in front of Donna's office.

"I got breakfast with Claire this morning," she explained, looking him square in the eye, her tone and eye contact letting him know she wasn't in the mood for jokes and their conversation would be short lived. "And," she continued, holding up her hand between them, signaling him to stop whatever cheeky comment was forming at the back of his throat, "as you pointed out, I am running late, and have work to do."

With that, she turned on her heel and entered her office, but not before grabbing the cup of coffee out of his hand and claiming it as her own.

Harvey stood in her doorway for a few seconds, his gaze following her as she approached her desk. An almost inaudible "hmmmp" escaped him as he realized he was now without coffee.

"Like taking candy from a baby," she tossed back at him, without even turning around. She figured one joke wouldn't hurt, it was Harvey, afterall.

The rest of the day passed quickly, but as she was preparing to leave for the night Donna realized she was exhausted. Her sleepless night had finally caught up to her, and the afternoon full of meetings plus her attempt to avoid Harvey whenever possible not helping the situation. Still, despite her fatigue, she knew she had to see James. Weirdly, even though a part of her was dreading the conversation to come, there was also a part of her that wanted to see him. She hoped being in his presence would bring her some clarity, as it had done so many times in the past.

Before leaving her office, she glanced in the direction of Harvey's, looking to make sure her day wouldn't end like it started - with his playful, prodding questions into her personal life. Seeing the lights still on in his office, she knew the coast was clear. She saw him on the phone, pacing back and forth behind his desk. By the way he was walking and gesturing with his hands, she knew he was talking to a client, and likely would be for some time.

As she exited the elevator in the lobby, she pulled out her phone to call James, as she'd promised to do that morning.

"Hey you," he greeted her, answering on the first ring as she'd come to expect.

"Hey mister," she started, "I'm just leaving the office now. Your place or mine?"

As soon as she'd said it, she wished she just suggested they go to her place. If they were going to rehash the night before - have this discussion, fight, conversation - whatever it turned out to be, she wanted to make herself as comfortable as possible. She was nervous, no way around that and, not that his place made her uncomfortable, but when she was this anxious she liked to be able to control her environment.

"Actually, I'm pretty close to yours now," he explained, " I have to drop off some papers for a client to sign. I can meet you in 20?"

"Perfect," she smiled as she exhaled a breath of relief, "see you soon."

"See you soon, love," James finished, before she heard him end the call. Hearing his words, Donna felt another surge of panic and anxiety course through her veins. Did he realize he'd now said love to her twice, and she had yet to reciprocate? Was he trying to force it out of her?

Hurrying into the street, she jumped in the first cab she saw and gave the driver her address. There was traffic, so James would probably beat her back to her apartment. He also, she realized, would probably be waiting outside because she hadn't, until this moment, even thought to give him a key.

As the cab pulled up in front of her apartment she saw James leaning against the side of the building scrolling on his phone. As she exited the cab, he looked up from his phone and smiled at her. She greeted him with a peck on the cheek and he rested his hand on her lower back as she unlocked the front door. They hadn't spoken yet, and every second the silence continued, Donna could feel her heart beating faster. As they climbed the two flights of stairs to her apartment, she started asking him questions about his breakfast meeting, a feeble attempt to take control of the situation and calm herself down.

As they entered her apartment, she led him into the kitchen and prepared to fix them a drink. She almost smiled to herself at how almost routine this felt. It was what they did when they spent weeknights at her place - drinks in the kitchen, followed by cuddling on the couch. The fact that this night was likely to not be the comfortable, predictable evening with James she'd come to expect had her pouring herself a generous glass of wine. She passed him his usual glass of scotch as he continued to tell her about his day.

They assumed their usual places in her kitchen, him perched on one of her bar stools, her leaning against the wall opposite him. As he continued talking, Donna found herself focusing less on what he was saying and more on getting to the bottom of her wine glass. She knew she was exhausted, knew she needed her wits about her to get through the night, but God, did she need that drink.

James had started asking her about her day, how her resourcing meeting went. She heard herself answering, but wasn't sure what she was saying. She was astonished that they'd been together for nearly twenty minutes and he hadn't yet brought up her hasty exit from the previous night. She wasn't even sure he was going to. She was suffocating by all that they weren't talking about and his mindless babble about the fruit salad at his breakfast meeting that morning was making it harder and harder for her to breathe.

Taking a deep breath, she put her now empty glass of wine on the counter, and rested her hands on the surface in front of her. She looked up at him and forced a smile. Judging by his demeanor right now, he seemed genuinely unbothered by what had happened between them the previous night - and Donna wasn't sure how that made her feel. Regardless, she knew she wouldn't feel better until it had been addressed, and since it looked like he had no intentions of bringing it up, the ball was in her court.

"James," she started, cutting him off mid-sentence, "can you just yell at me, or get mad or something, please?"

She looked up at him, and could tell by the confused look on his face that she had caught him off guard.

"Donna," he breathed, moving his hands across the counter to grab hers, which made her tense slightly, "what on earth are you talking about?"

She pulled her hands out from underneath his. Not rudely, she hoped, but she was starting to get anxious and needed to do something with them to distract herself. She reached for her wine glass and started fidgeting with the stem. She closed her eyes for a second to collect herself, not daring to make eye contact with him as she continued.

"You told me you love me last night. Which was...great," she paused, taking a second to decide on her next words, "but I didn't say it back, or say anything really. In fact, I ran away, which was awful of me. So you're probably mad about that."

As she finished, she looked up at him. She hadn't known how he was going to react, but she definitely hadn't thought she'd see the slight smile that was now spread across his face.

Before he spoke, he again reached across the counter to take hold of both her hands. This time, she didn't flinch or pull them away.

"I said that because I love you, and I wanted you to know it. I wasn't planning to say it, but I was feeling it, and it felt like the right time to tell you."

Because I love you, and I wanted you to know it.

She felt her insides twist as she heard those familiar words, said to her years before by someone else. She shook her head slightly to clear her thoughts, intentionally directing them back to James.

Get out of here, Harvey,she thought. Not everything is about you.

Her eyes were wide and her lips slightly pursed, willing herself not to spill the tears forming behind her eyelids. She looked at James and willed him to keep talking, if not just because she genuinely had no idea how to respond to him.

"I'm not mad or upset that you didn't say it back," he continued in that familiar tone of voice that usually made her feel calm and reassured, but was not having the same effect now, "I don't want you to feel like you have to say it just because I did. You tell me when you're ready."

Despite his reassuring response, she still felt slightly unsettled - probably because she still wasn't sure if she was ready to say it back to him. Overwhelmed by all the emotions swimming around inside her, she couldn't help but let a couple of tears fall. Noticing this, James pulled on her hands slightly, signaling her to join him on his side of the counter. She moved to stand in front of him, his legs on either side of her, hands still enclosed in his.

He looked into her eyes and she forced a smile, relaxing into it naturally after a couple of seconds. He dropped one hand from hers and reached up to wipe a tear from under her eye with his hand moved down her face to cup her cheek, resting it there for a couple of seconds before speaking again.

"Surprise me with it. When you're ready to say it, I want you to catch me off guard."

He smiled at her, rising to his feet and kissing the top of her head as he folded her into a hug. As he did, she turned her head so the side of her face rested against his chest. She wrapped her arms loosely around his waist and tried to synch her heartbeat to his - both in an effort feel closer to him and slow down her own racing pulse.

They were still in their loose embrace when James spoke again.

'I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night Donna. That wasn't my intention." She didn't respond, just wrapped her arms tighter around his waist. "Is it ok if I say it again?" he asked, and she nodded against his chest in response.

"I love you."

Before she spoke, she pulled her head back so she could see his face. His features were soft and his eyes were sparkling. The way he was looking at her matched the words he had just spoken, and she couldn't help the smile that had spread across her face.

"And I really, really, really like you," a grin to match her own appearing on his face as she spoke.

"I'll take it," he said, laughing as he kissed her.

They moved to her living room after she refilled both of their drinks - her own pour significantly smaller than her first glass of the night. As they settled on her couch, she replayed the conversation that had just unfolded. She snapped at him, yet he was the one that apologized. How did that make sense? She should be feeling good, optimistic even, about the conversation, yet there was a small piece of tension in the pit of her stomach and she wanted to know why.

She asked him to stay over, but she didn't really mean it. She was relieved when he said he had to get home and finish some work before the weekend, which made her feel guilty. She did want to spend time with him, and was looking forward to their weekend, but what she needed in the moment was some time to think; think about if she'd ever be ready to surprise him with her "I love you," and why that little ball of anxiety was already starting to rise through her stomach and into her throat.

As she got out of the shower and climbed into bed, she realized what it was that was making her feel unsettled. Everything was discussed so calmly, so practically - there was no yelling, no lashing out, no letting their emotions get the best of them and saying too much. Weren't you supposed to think with your heart not your head when you were in love with someone, even in the best of times? Even though his I love you came as a surprise, it felt anticlimactic and forgettable. Admissions of love were supposed to be turning points in relationships, she wasn't sure if this felt like one. Long story short, she found herself disappointed that they didn't fight about it, at least a little bit. Which, she knew, was absolutely ridiculous but she couldn't shake it. Rolling over in bed, she hoped that the feeling would go away before their weekend together.

It was Sunday afternoon and Donna and James were on their way back to the City after their weekend in Connecticut. He was driving and she was staring out the passenger window, taking in the fall colors as they made their through the winding back roads. They'd spent most of the drive in comfortable silence, making small talk here and there when things came to mind.

I guess when you've spent the past 48 hours together, you run out of things to talk about,Donna thought as she let out a small sigh.

The weekend had been relaxing and enjoyable and a welcome break from a hectic work week for both of them. The days started with breakfast in bed followed by lazy sex. They walked into the town for coffee and stopped in the bookstore and antique shop. They had lunch at a cozy cafe and spent the afternoons on leisurely hikes - taking in the scenery and fall colors. They had nice, romantic dinners in the evenings and spent the nights cuddled on the couch drinking wine - just like they'd be doing if they were in her apartment back in the City. It was an enjoyable weekend, and she'd had a good time, but it was also a complete copy from the last weekend they'd spent away from the City, just pasted into a different small, New England town.

They were past the point in their relationship where big, romantic gestures were necessary or expected, but since it was an anniversary trip, she had been hoping for one or two smaller surprises. They did have an exquisite dinner at a winery on Saturday night, but even that felt just like the countless meals they'd shared in the city. Her mind continued to wander and she couldn't help but think about trips she'd taken with Harvey - all business, but he always managed to sneak in a little fun. Usually, she knew what he was planning, she was Donna, after all, but her favorite trips were the ones where he was able to catch her off guard - like the time they went to Boston for summer associate interviews and he brought her to a small jazz club where some of his dad's old band mates were playing. They hadn't travelled together in awhile, not since she became COO, and she missed it. She liked spending time with him outside the four walls of the firm, and didn't realize how just how much she'd missed it until now.

The feeling of James' hand on her thigh pulled her out of her daydream and she felt herself blush slightly, embarrassed that she had just been thinking about Harvey.

"We're about 30 minutes from the city, do you need to stop at your office?"

Already dreading the mountain of work that was waiting for her upon he return to reality, she nodded, figuring it was best to get a head start.

Exactly 30 minutes later, the car pulled up in front of the firm. Donna leaned over to give James a goodbye kiss, assuming this is where they'd part until their coffee date the next morning, but he surprised her by also getting out of the car.

"Oh, I'm coming in, Donna," he said, smiling at her over the top of the car, "it's about time I see where the best COO in the city spends her days."

She laughed, and as he rounded the car to meet her, she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow. He'd been in the lobby of the building dozens of times, usually to meet her before one of their dates, but he'd never been inside the firm. She found herself a little excited to show him her kingdom.

The next morning after their usual coffee date, she was leading James into her office for the second time in just as many days. He'd left his watch on her desk the night before, and even though Donna said she'd just bring it home with her, he insisted on coming to retrieve it, saying he'd feel incomplete at work without it. That made her laugh and roll her eyes, but she understood - everyone had their things.

As they exited the elevators and made their way to her office, Donna snuck a glance down the hall at Harvey's office, hoping to find it empty. He wasn't exactly a morning person on a good day, and she knew he had a deposition that morning that promised to be challenging, which would mean he'd be irritable. She knew that he and James were bound to meet eventually, but was hoping to delay it until a time when she could count on Harvey being in a good mood; and a time when she hadn't just spent a good portion of the drive back from her anniversary trip thinking about a man other than the one she was dating.

Donna dropped James in her office, telling him to wait for her to get back so she could say goodbye. She had some files that Louis needed to sign, and wanted to leave them with Gretchen before he arrived. She'd spent longer than anticipated chatting with the secretary, who demanded a thorough debrief of her "weekend in the wilderness" with James, as Gretchen had labeled it. She made her way back to her office, knowing that James was about to be late for work, hustling when she saw Harvey enter her office. She prayed that he'd play nice with James, especially since she wasn't there to act as a buffer.

Just as she was about to enter the office though, the site before her made her stop dead in her tracks in the door frame. She made eye contact with Harvey's outstretched hand, following it until it made contact with James', clasping it in a firm handshake. The baby blue "H.S." monogram on the wrist of his dress shirt catching her eye, as it so often did. She shifted her gaze to James' hand and sucked in a breath as she noticed, for the first time, a nearly identical monogram on his wrist. How on earth did I miss that? She thought. The only difference between the two because, yes, James had used his first initial on the monogram, was the color - James' being green, a gorgeous green to match the green of his eyes.

She finally saw it; she saw it so clearly she felt like she'd been hit by a truck and couldn't believe she didn't see it the first time she met him. It wasn't just the monograms on their dress shirts that were similar, it was everything - from their defined jaw lines, to the way they both leaned forward slightly as they shook hands. God, they even both gripped the opening of their suit jacket with their free hand. Everything about their mannerisms was nearly identical, it was like seeing a reflection in a mirror. Just days before she'd told herself that the reason she liked James so much was because of all the things that made him different than Harvey, but the past weekend made her think that maybe she liked him despite the things that made him different than Harvey.

Overcome with the realization, she lifted a hand to steady herself in the doorframe, willing herself not to make any noise that would lead either of them to notice her presence. She felt that familiar ball of anxiety turning in her abdomen, and knew it would be mere seconds before that ball was a full on boulder, coursing up her torso, into her throat, and down her arms, leaving her breathless and shaking.

Fuck, Claire had been right. Donna tightened her grip on the doorframe, she was dating the level-headed, predictable, average version of Harvey Specter.