Author: Fugu

Archive: ask before

Warning: gore, I haven't read further than a third of Half Blood Prince so it's pretty much AU, major OOC, major sap, angst, MPREG, anxiety attacks and oh yes, pretty plot less

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: purely for entertainment purposes, own no copyright.

Title: House of cards

Pairing: obviously most incredibly sappy Harry Potter/ Neville Longbottom, eventual Hemione G./ Ron W., other pairings as I go.

Notes: So I'm Quebecer thus my mother tongue is french and I cannot write British nor American English. All that to say that the Potter people will be speaking Canadian English. *shrug *

If you have read my other fics, you know that I just write for the sake of Sap and hurt/comfort; you know that I don't start arcs chronologically either. More so, I'm not a prolific writer, but I need to finish what I start. I hope that publishing will help me finish this story in the next three years? This is a work in progress, meaning that at anytime I might go back to rewrite and polish this fic as I add chapters. If any of these things are peeves, then you shouldn't be reading this story. Cheers ^_^

House of cards

Chapter 2


For the next few days Neville seemed to encounter Harry at every corner; a drastic change from his previous six years of life at Hogwarts. The boy was always there to send a smile, a wave.. and harass him about joining Gryffindor quidditch. Harry was nothing if not persistent, and Neville couldn't fathom why his joining the team was so crucial. Even so, he was barely managing with the normal curriculum he wasn't going to aggravate his days even more. But for what it was worth Neville didn't quite mind the attention, after all the only person he was hurting with his fantasy was himself,...and he could afford that with the little attention he was getting. Other students started noticing said attention and all of a sudden people were inviting him to gatherings for the next Hogsmeade weekends, seats were saved for him in class and at lunch when he was coming in late, and the kids were genuinely kinder with him. It was nice, but vexing, why couldn't he get that basic human kindness on his own, why did he deserve it only when associated with Harry Potter?

Unfortunately the positive could not survive without the negative and he was also getting much attention from the enemies of Harry. That is how he found himself confronted to Draco and his goons a Thursday afternoon in a hallway not far from the potion class.

He didn't really know how it had escalated, he didn't remember saying much but they were now facing each other, wands raised, edging to be the first to send a hex. Students were circling them encouraging either party.

'How the fuck did I get here!' thought Neville frantically, sweat making his wand slippery in his grasp.

"Look, l-l-look Dr-Draco, I-if we both p-p-put our wands down… ww w we don't h-have to do th- this."He didn't care if it sounded cowardly, he didn't want to be turned into whatever and his mind had gone blank about any hex to throw in retaliation. If it weren't horribly improper at this time, he'd be laughing at the irony. A DA member, one that had been there the night of Sirius' death, that had survived the schools attempted massacre in year six, and he couldn't remember a simple hex to fry Draco.

"Shut up, you Squib, how dare you touch me!"

"T, touch you? I didn't Touch you?"

"Yes you have when you hurtled you fat mass pass me, I don't want to be soiled by, let's face it a mudlood, your a humiliation to all purebloods. Tell me," the sneer, "how are papa and mama doing in the loony bin, I reckon it would do you good to join them in their vegetation. Makes you wonder where you got your talent in herbology, get it?" Draco laughed joined by the other students.

Neville felt his heart stop, and then start back again painfully hard. 'No, no, no' his secret was out! How did Draco know about this, by his father? 'Merlin there are people around and they are all laughing.' How could they…the pain, the humiliation. He'd gone deathly pale, his nostril flaring and his eyes huge, shinning with a somewhat insane glint. He couldn't hear the gasp Hermione emitted as the Trio came forth and heard the last of Draco's taunt, or Harry calling his name as he tried to get to him through the throng of people his wand ready to hex Draco to next week.

"I say, how can you even look yourself in the mirror knowing that that's the kind of ..."

"EXPELLIARMUS!"

The blast was so strong that Draco's wand shot past his ear (and possibly hit somebody in the face by the scream coming from behind him,) with the owner finding himself propelled to the end of the hallway a good thirty feet beyond, body slamming in the wall to then boneless drop to the floor leaving a garish red trail. Dust from the cracked stones not yet settling.

Silence.

Only his harsh panting and the erratic beating of his blood.

"What is the meaning of this!" the shout of a furious Headmaster.

All of a sudden sound came back as well as his peripheral vision. He could see the students looking at him with sense of surprise, even terror. Some of them were picking themselves up from the floor, he couldn't fathom how they got there and next to him, Harry, Harry looking at him with the most flabbergasted expression he'd ever seen, slowly taking a step back from him.

"Mr. LONGBOTTOM!" He swallowed and turned very slowly trying to give his face time to melt from the grimace he felt it was frozen in. Somehow, dammit the motherfucker deserved it. He just couldn't suppress the cold anger crisping his body rigid and making his heart flutter.

"H-h-headmaster S-Snape...!" he whispered.

"What have you to say for yourself!" the menacing black robbed man stalked towards him like grim death.

He looked at his still smoking wand. He looked at the heap of Draco Malfoy...Madame Pomfrey scurrying passed him with a look of immense disappointment. I thought you were better than stooping to their level, the look said. He hadn't seen them, heard them come.

He said nothing. He couldn't defend himself, he had drawn first wand. He had only disarmed Draco but the strength he'd use...Since when had it been this powerful?

"Well?" Snape whispered, sweetly sibilant.

Neville blinked.

"Detention, every weekend for 2 months, I will be speaking to your head of house."

Neville tucked his wand in his pants and taking his bag turned away to go to his next class. He had nothing to say to that. He needed to go cool down, hot and cold blasts running the length of his body, an annoying incessant buzz in his ears, maybe beat a few bludgers out of his system.

"What are you still doing here!" barked Snape sending the students scrambling away.

"Neville" Harry calling for him.

No he didn't want to talk with anyone right now. The shakes were starting and he'd do or say something he'd truly regret now.

"Neville!"more urgent.

He walked faster. 'Leave me alone Harry.'

"Neville!" he wanted to run but fuck it.

He stopped, gritting his teeth and turned to wait for the Boy Who Lived To Be Annoying to catch up.

"What is it" it was a bit harsh, but couldn't be helped.

Harry froze, surprise painting his features.

"Neville..."

Neville worked his jaw, nostrils flared as he tried to calm his breathing.

"look, Harry, now is not the time." he ground out. "fuck!" Harry nearly chocked at the swear word.

"I need to go punch something. I just fuck, the bastard!"

Harry didn't know what to say, what to do, he'd never seen Neville this worked up over an issue concerning himself really. He was plenty pissed when it came to defending others, thought.

"What can I do to help?"

~oo0oo~

The bludger crashed into the practice post, pulverized it. On its return trip Harry intercepted it and fought it back into the case. Neville looked at him savagely but Harry had seen him wan and he wasn't going to let the man injure himself no matter how pissed.

Neville clumsily landed and stalked towards Harry

"What are you doing? I wasn't finished."

"You're soaked to the bones and you've been at it for three hours already. Enough. You're exhausted."

"Who the, who are you to tell me ..."

"Your arms are shaking. You're shaking"

Neville knees buckled and he collapsed. Harry gave a shout and Neville found himself leaning into Harry. He grabs a handful of shirt shaking not sure what he wants to do, punch him, hug him. Finally all the fight leaves and he just slumps. That's when he realizes its hard to breath, he feels drained but at the same time so good, so light.

"Sorry. Sorry Harry. I shouldn't have dragged you out. Dammit."

Harry grunts and pulls him close. Neville contemplates how glorious this feels, but Harry is a friend and he can't indulge to much. He's just wondering if he can breath easy soon enough to get up and get back inside. alone he wouldn't have cared but Harry is out with him, for him. Despite himself warmth suffuses his being.

Harry does realize that after a few minutes Neville is still agitated; Is his anger is so great that three hours of savage bludger beating ins't enough to drain him?

Neville tenses and Harry let's him push away. He rubbes his hair back sheepishly.

"You can leave me to right up the field on my own, Harry. You've missed class enough for me already and despite being a prefect I wouldn't put it past Snape to give you detention, " He chuckles.

Harry smirk. " After the boy who lived, the first prefect in history to get detention?"

Neville snickers.

"Don't worry Nev. I've got the afternoon off to be on call two days a week. (He was never really on call those afternoons since they were spent on Horxcruxe research with Snape as they continued Dumbledore's legacy. But Neville didn't need to know that.) And making sure you're okay certainly falls in my prefect duties anyways." Neville deflates a bit. Of course prefect duties, taking care of the house, making the quidditch team strong, making sure distressed students got the right kind of help...Oh. Neville was a fool! "Still", Harry continued not knowing how his words had crushed the blonde, "I would be here with you even if I weren't prefect." And just like that Neville was so happily surprised that a strong blush suffused his cheeks. Harry's smirk softened.

"Come on, let's put these away" he gestured to the sport gear strewn around them," and maybe go get hot coco? I have a special pass for the kitchens," Harry whispered conspiratorially.

Neville chuckled as he got up, but abruptly stopped as strong vertigo washed over him. He felt a lead weight drop in his chest and his lungs deflate abruptly, the world twisted. He came too, half slumped in Harry's arms panting harshly and shaking, teeth chattering. He couldn't feel his arms and they hung like dead weight.

"Neville! Neville! Shit, talk to me!"

"Im g...Im good, sorry" He gasped.

"You are not good! What was that? How can I help?"

"It's fine... ...gimmami...minute" He gasped as he blinked stars back from his vision. To much oxygen, Neville consciously tried to slow his breathing. Gradually, feeling was coming back to his arms, little pin needles and queerly his groin tingled also. His heart labored hard and slow in his chest. Harry rubbing his arm was helping immensely.

"Sorry, I have anxiety attacks sometimes, " He hastened to say once he was steady enough.

Harry made a surprised noise.

"Yeah, my symptoms are rather more dramatic, but short lived." He flexed his hands, testing if he could push off Harry. Harry only permitted a few inches to check his pale features but clear eyes. " What sucks is that I usually don't feel it coming and other times I go for hours or days with symptoms just strong enough to be annoying." He took a deep breath, held and let it out slowly with eyes closed. " Sorry, I haven't had either or in a long time."

"How long?"

"A year and half, two maybe?"

Harry's lips thinned in a grim line. Finding out that the one you loved had been sick all this time right under your nose and you never realized... A rumble of thunder reminded him that they had been under the slushy rain for a while. They needed to move. Rain and snow was just a disgusting mix. The hand he had resting on Neville's neck wanted to dissuade him as he felt the hard pulse underneath and the tremors still running through his body.

He usually didn't do so but he displayed an unusual bit of magic by sending apparating their equipment back into the lockers with the soundless twist of his wand. Neville, still dizzy didn't have the energy to comment. Harry got both of them on his broom and flew to the arched halls of the cobblestone courtyard. With the wet snow, no one was out to see them and they were closer to the Gryffindor tower.

Neville was steady enough on his feet but Harry escorted him through passageways that brought them to the Fat Lady's portrait without having to climb one flight of stair.

"How did you manage that?" at that Neville had to comment even thought he was gasping from the mild anxiety that just didn't want to leave him.

Harry's only answer was to usher him in and well, they couldn't skip the stairs to the dorms but at least he stopped halfway and pushed Neville into his private room. By that time Neville had to sit heavily on the bed and fold on himself squeezing his arms tight around himself to stop the shakes and calm his heart down. There was a fist of pain squeezing at the center of his chest and if he didn't calm soon he'd have arrhythmia.

"Nev?" Harry had only conceded to bringing them back to the dorms because Neville had said he had medication for this, else they would be in Pomfrey's infirmary at this moment.

"There's a small coffer, metal in my bedside drawer. Can you go get it, please." He whispered, still trying to regulate his breath. He just didn't have the strength yet to lift his head from his knees. The darkness behind his eyelids was soothing.

"Ill be back in a minute. How a bout you lie down?'

"Kay"

And he sat up holding on to Harry's arm as he felt he might tip over with vertigo. Harry got him lying on his side and Neville pushed his face in the pillows shivering.

Harry was back promptly and in the space of minutes helped Neville take his meds which, he was surprised to find, half were muggle. The moment the sedatives hit Neville felt his chest loosen up and his shoulders relax. His arms and groin stopped lurching and he just felt all in all relieved. The shaking stopped from one tremor to the next and a soft heaviness pushed him into the mattress.

"Oh, thank god," he sighed.

He was on his back and Harry was sitting beside him on the bed. He looked up as he felt a drying charm pass through and the short cold of having his wet clothes replaced by pajamas.

Harry put his wand on the dresser and got up to start pulling his own cloths off the boring way and Neville opened his mouth to say how sorry he was again that Harry had to help him through this.

"Don't speak. Looks like you feel better, but" He put a hand on Neville's chest, Neville mesmerized by the skin Harry's opened shirt let see, "your heart is still racing and you're still a bit shaky" he said moving his hand to grasp one of Neville's. Neville would have liked to say that his heart was pounding out of lust but the truth was the meds forced his nerves to calm but the symptoms took longer to pass, he just didn't feel them as much.

Neville closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths as Harry changed into casual dry clothes. Neville blinked and realized that supper was just starting when he looked at the room's clock, despite how dark it was from the storm raging outside.

Harry's hand grasped his face, his thumb stroking his cheek.

Neville grasped it wondering what kind of thing was growing between them.

" You should go eat. I'll fall asleep soon and if you pass by the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey will write a word to excuse me from classes." He whispered

"Has she had to write notes like that often?"

"No" Neville said pushing into Harry's hand " I usually tough through it and the bad ones like today, I was fortunate enough to have them at home mostly."

"You powered through this at school? During class?" Harry exclaimed with disbelief.

"Well," Neville looked sheepish " I never really fainted from an attack before," and he coughed as his heart lurched and stumbled reacting to the same erroneous electrical message his nerves did to put him in a state of fight or flight, outside of situations that should trigger it.

Before he could stop it he brought his free hand to rub at his chest wishing he could skip the arrhythmia. Harry concentrated on the carotid pulse under his hand and frowned as he felt it skip periodically.

"Another symptom", Neville tried to reassure, "it's mild and I don't need any medication for it. Don't worry it goes on it own. Its just annoying."

Harry closed his eyes and sighed. He knew nothing of the man he loved. He was totally blind to what he'd been trough for years, on his own. He needed to research this disease and understand how to help him. Damn it, guilt gnawed at him.

"I can't help but worry, he said, but I'll go to the infirmary and we'll have supper here, the kitchen will bring us trays."

He left word with Luna that he wouldn't be on call, something that occurred often enough that she didn't really ask why anymore. Harry also sent word to Headmaster Snape. As headmaster, he should be awar of Neville's health issues, yet harry knew he'd get in trouble for this anyways. When he got to the infirmary, he could only glean a few details on the disease from Pomfrey because of patient/ mediwizard confidentiality though she insists on escorting him back to his rooms to check up on Neville, which reassured him slightly.

Neville was dozing when they got they got back and the table of the sitting area sported a nice spread of beef ragout and potatoes, hot bread and plenty of tea with hot chocolate for desert.

Madame Pomfrey approved of the high protein meal. She bustled over and did a quick check up on Neville who had waken up in the meantime.

"It's fine Poppy, you can speak freely in front of Harry. There's no hiding the disorder after what he's seen anyways."

The check up was mere minutes and Poppy declared Neville back in good shape. "Make sure to take it easy the next few days and nap when your schedule permits it." was her diagnosis.

Soon after she left , Harry brought some food to Neville, who was quite ravenous. The warm food made him feel whole again and despite being in pajamas, Neville insisted on going back to his room and work on a bit of homework before sleep. Harry reluctantly let him go and prepared himself to face the music with Snape.

~ooOoo~

The next day, Friday was uneventful and slow. Neville didn't quite care for the stares he was getting from his fellow students and the distance they had resumed between him and them was welcomed. He wasn't feeling too well, still tired from the previous' day's episode, he was sore all over. He got to all his classes, Potions included where he endured the abuse of Snape (Yes, because the man was greedy and Neville couldn't get a break so Severus Snape extraordinaire was Headmaster and Potions teacher AND head of house, WTF!) and the whines of Malfoy, completed some school work and then went to sleep. He didn't get to see Harry at all, except in Potions where he sent him a tired smile turning swiftly when called upon by Snape about the suspicious color of his potion which turned out to be the right one after all, the petty tease. (He wasn't too bad at potions this year, making only one on five potions blow up.) So he didn't get to see Harry's worried gaze and missed Harry at the class' exit as he was already late for Astronomy which was at the other side of the goddamn castle. Running hadn't been an option, the stairs had been grueling but he'd survived the day with the only thing to show for it being extra work for tardiness. Never had he been so happy to get to his bed.

The next morning he felt even worse when he realized that he had to spend all day in detention with Snape instead of being at Hogsmeade. He woke up late and trekked to his duties like a condemned going to the gallows. All day he polished cauldrons and rearranged ingredients to finally be let out early before supper. With a reminder from Snape that he was to be back same hour next day and that as awful as he looked, if he felt half as bad, he should go to the infirmary and and get an anti-flu potion. Snape didn't want to get any of his ingredients contaminated by teenage mucus as they were going to prepare cuttings the next day. Neville hadn't quite realized he looked awful, well more so than usual. He used the mirror only to brush his teeth and wash his face, he didn't indulge in the sadistic contemplation of mediocrity anymore.

He climbed the stairs to the main hall slowly and had to stop once as his chest twinged, a burning flash of pain that took his breath away. Maybe he should go see Madame Pomfrey now. He'd never felt so bad after an episode before.

He was getting close to main hall when he felt that suffocating sensation again. His whole body suddenly flushed with warmth. He felt woozy and swayed a bit, getting a grip on a nearby windowsill. He really needed to get out. Just a bit to get some fresh air. He hadn't realized that he was gasping as he made way for the doors. Just a bit of brisk winter air to clear his head and cool him down. He stumbled down the steps and collapsed face first in the snow, inert.

Harry was one of the few that stayed behind. He didn't kid himself, it was entirely because Neville would be staying behind and he thought that after finding him they could have sometime alone together to talk. He had determined long ago that he was pursuing a long term relationship but he wondered if Neville would accept to be his boyfriend? He seemed okay with advances on Thursday. He hadn't been doing too well on Friday and Harry had been busy with classes and prefect duty; Christmas was fast approaching. Anyways, Harry was worried. Neville seemed off. He had never seen anxiety attacks except for the episode with Neville and he hadn't heard of the aftereffects but he doubted it took so much time to get over them. When he had wanted to get Neville to go to the infirmary , together if they had to, he had been informed that he was already asleep. Well he wasn't going to wake him, sleep was always good when you were sick.

Deep in musings, he was walking towards the great hall. A cold breeze in the corridor surprised him out of his thoughts, and he looked to the arched doors where he saw a figure collapsed in the snow. Later on he would only recollect the gripping fear he felt when he knew, absolutely knew that it was Neville lying there. He practically flew down the stairs and knelt beside the body. Neville faced towards him, ashen in the white snow, lips dusted with blue. He felt his heart jump when he saw blood coming out of his nose, it had already made a small pool near his cheek, he whimpered.

"Nev, Neville!" , he called frantically. He felt his neck, the closest hand being tucked underneath the boy. The pulse was fast, way too fast and erratic, "Neville, come love, wake up. Nev!"no movement.

He didn't know if he should move him but...he made his decision and turned Neville around, swallowing hard when he found that the blood had seeped under his cheek staining his face and collar. He picked him up as well as he could and trying to not jolt him too much ran to the infirmary. Before they got to the door he thought he heard a moan and maybe he felt a movement, but already he was bursting in.

"Madame Pomfrey, Madame Pomfrey!", he bellowed.

"What is it, what is it, I have other patients who need…", but then she saw Harry lying a barely conscious Neville on a nearby cot. "Oh dear." she whisked a few potions and was at Harry's side in a blink. The curtains around the bed closing tight. Neville had finally come too. He seemed groggy but present.

"Neville," Harry passed a shaky hand on his cold face, "Neville look at me , can you here me?"

Neville blinked "Harry," he whispered, just that seemed to take the little strength he had. He closed his eyes for a bit, his face scrunching in pain and moaned miserable.

"What, what is it?" Harry asked frantically.

"..c. can't…" Neville choked out.

"Move over Harry", Pomfrey ordered.

Harry was reluctantly going to let go of Neville's hand when the sick man grasped it and shook his head. "..no stay?.." He asked. Harry looked at Pomfrey who was already reading the diagnostics of her wand scan.

"Fine fine", she said brusquely her attention on the charts "but stand on the other side."

He did so.

It wasn't long before the charts stopped typing their readings and by Pomfrey's expression they weren't good. "Merlin" she whispered. She turned around and brought her wand towards Neville's chest and then to her ear.

She stilled but for a minute.

"Finitie incantatum."

Her face was somber as she scurried to her shelves for a particular potion and a measuring cup.

"Harry arrange the pillows at the head of the bed and get Neville in a seated position, quickly."

Harry did so while she measured the dosage.

" Is it another anxiety attack?" He wanted to know.

Her piercing eyes met with Harry's "Hold his head, you might need to help him swallow."

He nodded and sat beside Neville and arm around his shoulder and holding his mouth open. They were able to get most of the potion in him although he choked a bit , when he couldn't inhale properly. It resulted in one of those twinges as he called them. His hand fistted on his chest he borrowed his face in Harry's neck, gasping for breath. Harry barely felt the tears rolling down his cheeks as he witnessed the pain his love was going through.

"That'll have to do for now. I have to speak to Severus." Pomfrey took a box from the nightstand that Harry hadn't seen her carry out and opened it, inside was a plain copper bracelet with three squares. She put it on Neville's wrist and sang an incantation while touching it with her wand. Instantly the bracelet closed around his arm quite snugly and one of the squares shone a steady orange.

"Harry if the red square is lit, summon us immediately."

Harry nodded rapidly, while he rubbed Neville's chest. Pomfrey seemed satisfied and was out of the room in a blink.

Harry looked back at the bracelet. It was still orange; Harry thought it meant critical but under control, red probably meant get help. He swallowed and looked at the crown of hair underneath his chin. The only sound around the wheezing gasps of Neville. Pomfrey had put a silencio spell to neither disturb the other patients nor Neville. Harry could feel the warm breath of Neville puffing rapidly on his collar bone and neck, now that he was out of the snow his body was burning up. He kept a hand on Neville's chest, when his heart skipped it seemed to sooth him when he rubbed.

He didn't quite understand the need for Severus in this matter except that he was in expert in potions and the dark arts and that scared him. Pomfrey hadn't contacted Neville's mediwizards or given him his usual medication...

"Neville", Harry whispered, "you have to hang on and get better. We've only just started to know each other and I .. I really like you. Stay with me okay Nev, love," he kissed the crown of hair, "don't leave me yet," he choked a sob, burying his face in Neville's hair when he felt a shaky squeeze of his hand.

~ooOoo~

Pomfrey made her absence short and soon the mediwitch was at their side again. She checked the bracelet that was still at a steady orange and put a hand on Neville's forehead. Snape appeared at her side with a potion vial.

Despite his put upon expression his dark eyes were strident and Harry knew the man was cataloging Neville's symptoms quite quickly.

"Mr. Longbottom, you will need to ingest the entirety of this vial. Kindly refrain from spilling any of it as it is quite costly and challenging to brew."

Neville stirred and Harry helped him lie back on his chest. He took a moment to lift a shaky hand towards the concoction thrust in his face but, Harry seeing Snape's obscuring expression took it instead. Soon Harry was helping Neville swallow. It took three tries before he could drink it all as he couldn't hold his gasping breath.

Snape snatched the empty bottle from Harry and pulled back as Madam Pomfrey ran her diagnostic over the young man.

Within minutes Neville's laborious breath slowed and soon Harry started feeling the full weight of the slacked and exhausted body. All three observed the orange square fade out, than the first shine blue briefly before the bracelet became completely dull.

Harry's eyes shone with gratitude and he fought not to gush out his thanks to Snape. Still it came out a tremulous whisper. Snape departed with a disgusted glare. Pomfrey fixed him with a stare warm with relief.

"Don't mind him Harry. You know he's all roar and no bite."

Harry's eyebrow rose at that thought. It was true that Snape was no Umbrigde but he still had the distinct feeling of scarring after his most grueling detentions and acerbic tongue lashing. Like acid they could be. Still he said nothing while he helped Pomfrey tuck Neville into bed. The later had fallen asleep as soon as the pain had gone.

Harry suddenly had the control the shakes running through his body with aftershock. His heart's desire still had gore all over his face and shirt. Harry was sure that some of the blood was on his own shirt too. He pointedly did not look down.

As Neville was properly tucked the mediwitch vanished his uniform to replace them with infirmary sterile pajamas.

"Madame Pomfrey, could I stay? I'll clean him up."

The mediwtch looked at the emotionally exhausted young man. His face was ashen, streaked with tears and his school uniform rumpled, shirt collar spattered with blood.

"You may stay for a while, but no more than thirty minutes. I'll go make the rounds, if there is anything call me."

He would have preferred staying the night but, he knew better than to argue. As Madam Pomfrey walked away Harry went to the small bathroom to gather a bowl of hot water and a fluffy face cloth. He put his supplies on Neville's nightstand and slumped into the hard wooden chair near the bed. He hesitated a bit but, just to reassure himself he softly pressed his hand to Neville's chest and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the steady beat of his heart. His hand slowly traveled down to the rising and lowering belly which he caressed softly. Than he was slowly wiping the young man's face clean of blood.

When he walked back to Gryffindor tower he made use of his cardigan to hide the bloody patch on his shirt. Despite that his somewhat wooden stride and probably shocked expression alerted Hermione and therefore Ron right away that something was amiss. He wasn't surprised when they followed him to his private room.

"Harry, is everything okay?" Hermione tentatively asked as she approached the young man that facing away from her was taking his sweater off.

"Yeah, you don't look so good," Ron added "are you coming down with something?"

Harry just sat down on his bed and sighed, squeezing his hands between his legs. Hermione gasped at the sight of blood on his shirt.

"Harry!"

"Don't worry," he hastened to reassure, "it isn't mine."

"Who's is it" asked the red head, already his expression somber with thoughts of retribution to anyone who messed with his brunette friend.

"Neville's"

Ron's eyebrows disappeared in his hairline and Harry would have laughed any other time at the combined expressions of retribution and astonishment on his best friends face.

"You got in a fight with Neville!" Ron exclaimed incredulous.

"Not even close" and he told them what happened while they had been in Hogsmeade.

"Oh Harry!" and Hermione flung herself at him. He indulged for a brief moment and hugged back. He was immensely glad to have her support in this. He hadn't out right told her about his sexuality. After his intense attraction towards Ginny last year he wasn't sure they would understand his new found interest in the same sex, but trust Hermione to think in leaps and bounds. Ron however was another matter and his continued silence made him separate from Hermione swiftly.

"Ron."

"You have feelings for him."

"Yeah."

"What about Cho Chang, Ginny!"

"I had feelings for them too."

"Is that why you left Ginny?"

Harry swallowed thickly when he saw Ron's expression closing off.

"We were never together really. I didn't pursue her Ron, you know that."

"Well good thing you haven't too!" Ron was bursting at the seams. " I… you."

And Harry's heart broke when he witnessed the expressions of anxiety, awkwardness and for the first time, fear bordering on revulsion.

"I've got too, I've…I'm sorry Harry." And Ron fled the room.

For a moment Harry thought he would need to visit the infirmary himself and he rubbed his chest, his face blank with shock and pain. Hermione was looking after the closed door mortified and she pulled Harry in a one armed hug.

Harry didn't sleep much that night between Neville and Ron he didn't know where to turn. More so, he'd belatedly realized that he hadn't asked Pomfrey what was ailing Neville, thus on top of everything worry was gnawing at his nerves.


Early Sunday found him walking towards the infirmary with a determined stride. But before he'd left Gryffindor tower Hermione had rejoined him taking a firm grasp of his arm.

"Hermione?"

"I'm going with you. You'll need the support."

Her soft smile warmed his heart like ten sunshines.

"What would I do without you?"

"If I have my way, you'll never know." And she winked.

Thus it was with a somewhat higher spirit that they reached Neville's bedside and Harry was even happier when he saw healthy color in his love's cheeks. He gently caressed one with the back of his hand. At that point Madam Pomfrey joined them, surprised of their early visit.

"He's had an uneventful night Harry. He will sleep for a couple hours more. Why don't you go to breakfast and come back when your finished, by that time he should be ready to wake up." She insisted gently. Well aware of the heartache and obstacles the young man ahd been facing since birth she was saddened that even during an event such as love that should bring joy, peace and happiness, their was to be worry and heartache.

Harry didn't fuss and followed Hermione's insistent tugs.

"Pomfrey is right. To help Neville you need to be in top shape and for that you need to eat. We'll come back after breakfast and then we'll be a ble to ask for the diagnostic as well."

Harry swallowed and gave her the grimace of a smile. She squeezed his arm in reassurance.

They both walked into the Main Hall with a some trepidation. Ron would be there and…Harry felt anger rise in his breast. Why was it that he should be the one to grovel, the one to suffer, the one to feel he had erred? Always he and Hermione had to cater to Ron, to his ensibilities and limits. Again the boy diserted him at a moment he most needed help. Why couldn't Ron trust him , accept him for who he was? He was fed up of living up to the image of Harry Potter painted by the tabloid. An image that saddly he had come to realize, Ron believed in much.

However, as his eyes shifted to the table where the redhead was conversing with Dean and two other boys in sixth year, not once looking Harry's and by association ostracizing Hermione also. Harry felt his heart seize at the intensity of his regret. The anger bled away. He averted his gaze swiftly. He would not be the one to hold out his hand this time but, if Ron decided to get over himself he would swipe everything under the rug. He felt he owed it to their friendship.

Hermione and he found a seat at the end of the table, near the teacher's pedestal. As he was loading his plate with bacon and Hermione, oatmeal, Ginny came to sit with them accompanied by a girl of her year, Paloma Novak.

"Hey guys."

"Hello Ginny."

Harry nodded his salute.

"What's Ron doing over there?"

"Oh you know how he is," Hermione hesitated before continuing and looked towards Harry wondering how much he wanted to divulge.

"He's being a pratt." Harry answered without infliction and shoved potatoes and a good bit of eggs into his mouth.

Ginny winced at the action, "That bad, huh?"

Hermione looked towards Paloma and Ginny before sliding her eyes to Harry, "I know you've asked me for some book titles for your research in arithmancy. We could meet at the library after lunch? Harry you wouldn't mind if I shared my attention between you and Ginny? I'll still help you with that transfig paper."

Ginny's eyes shone and Harry shrugged. He figured he wouldn't mind telling Ginny, she was trustworthy and knew how to keep a secret. Thought she would probably talk about it to her family and he wasn't sure he could face potentiel rejection of the Weasley clan at this moment. He considered them the only family he had and it would kill him if they didn't approve of him.

"Maybe, Mione. I'll see if I can come."

Ginny looked at Harry peculiarly but, she conceded.

"I'll be there."

After breakfast both Harry and Hermione visited the infirmary. Neville was beginning to wake up as Pomfrey had guessed. Harry sat on the bedside side and took Neville's hand in his.

It wasn't so much pain but, a heaviness in his chest that refrained Neville from moving more than his eyelids. He sighed softly as his eyes opened and the concerned face of Harry greeted him.

"Neville, how are you feeling?"

Memories of the night before crashed into him, with the lethargy weighting his limbs, he could only sigh once more to express the turmoil going through his head.

He was in the infirmary…he'd been sick, Harry…Harry had carried him to the Madame Pomfrey. What the hell had happened? He'd never felt like that before, that crushing all consuming fire in his breast, drowning in his onw body. He'd thought he would die that night.

Looking around, he finally realized that one, Harry was holding his hand (he could barely feel it through the numbness) and two, that Hermione was sitting on a chair by his bed. He licked his dry lips.

"Harry?" he inquired frowning.

He felt the brunette squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"Yeah, how're you feeling Nev?"

Madame Pomfrey bustled in with a breakfast tray that she put on the nightstand and whipped out her wand with purpose.

"Disoriented I would think." She fixed Neville with a concern but stern look, "You gave us quite a scare last night young man. Let's see how you're doing this morning."

The reading was quite short and the mediwitch did not let out if it was good or bad by her expression. She swiftly tucked her wand in her apron and walked to the other side of the bed.

"Harry, dear would you help me sit him up."

It was but the work of a couple of minutes, the fluffing of pillows and the tucking of bedspread. Yet, Neville came out of it flushed and exhausted. In his worry Harry reached out to stroke the blonde's sweaty hair out of his hot face, taking a minute to caress his soft cheek. He forgot that awake, Neville might not accept such liberty yet. After all, they were just beginning to address their attraction for each other, they hadn't even gone out on a date yet. Nevertheless, Neville didn't seem to mind as he was concentrating on calming himself.

"Give yourself a moment," Pomfrey added gently patting his covered foot. "You'll eat breakfast and than we'll discuss you're diagnosis. I've called Augusta, and she'll be here shortly."

She sent a fortifying gaze to Harry and she went off to check her other temporary patients.


to be continued