Title: Crying is All Right

Summary: -in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." I was unable to tell where Sasuke Uchiha began and I ended. Did it matter? We had both lost everything. (Self Insert-into-Sasuke.)


The moment I awoke, the nurse from before returned. I didn't cry, this time – I didn't do anything. I sat there listlessly, numb, two sets of warring memories clashing in my head as the room bustled around me.

Itachi had killed the clan how could he how could he – mom dad sisters dog they were gone gone gone I was never going back where was I – but he didn't want to kill the clan? Who said? Danzo said? – I'm in a fictional world and I can never go back home I can never return I can never –

My attention wasn't called back into the current room, the current time with the nurse desperately trying to catch my attention… until he walked in. "Hokage-sama!" The nurse's voice was my alert, cutting through my jumbled thoughts and I jerked my head up, staring at the elderly man approaching me.

Sarutobi – what was his first name? I couldn't remember – was the Hokage for a reason, but right now, I couldn't see it. He was an elderly Japanese man, stooped and bowed, and had a kindly aura around him. Dressed in white robes with his white hat and- He knew that Itachi didn't want to.

It was like a bucket of cold water being poured over my head as I stared at the man, rigid and frozen. "Sasuke-chan," he spoke up warmly, walking closer and taking a seat next to my bed. (I didn't mind the –chan – I was a girl, after all – no I did mind the –chan I wasn't a girl I was the son of Uchiha Fugaku) "Do you remember what happened?"

I almost used sarcasm – why else do you think I would wake up crying, Hokage-sama? – but I refrained. It wasn't why I woke up crying, after all. Ducking my head, I curled my hands in the white white sheets, staring down at them. The memories were so… vivid. The few bodies in the streets, and Itachi – I nodded. It was as if I had been there but I had been there. "Yes, Hokage-sama."

He let out a heavy sigh, placing a hand on my head as it became clear my whisper was the only thing I was going to say. "I'm sorry." Unwillingly, I teared up – both sides of the tangled mess that was me were missing family right now. "He's fled the village, and we'll do our best to hunt him down."

No, you won't. That was a lie. A lie. Look underneath the underneath. Itachi had left the village, and Konoha would look like it was tracking him down, but he would be left to roam free. I let my head dip further. "Okay." It was difficult to get my voice above a whisper – I didn't want to talk, not to him. Not to the man that was lying to me right now and when all I wanted to do was cry.

But I should say something, so I did. "I… can I go home, Hokage-sama?" My voice cracked. I wanted to go home so bad, even if there was no one there – but I couldn't go home, it was gone gone gone, I was stuck here forever.

His hand was gentle on my head, patting and tangling in my strands of black – blonde – hair. "Are you certain? You can have an apartment, if you'd like, or stay at the hospital longer. It might be best."

I shook my head almost immediately, moving his hand with it, and finally looked up to meet his kind eyes with my teary own. It was a good thing he wasn't Dumbledore – no mind reading to be had, here. He was more comforting than I thought, even. "N-No, Hokage-sama. I want to go home…" Please. Please, please.

"Alright, Sasuke-chan." His voice stayed calming, soothing, and his eyes crinkled up in a very slight smile. "Do you want me to walk you home?"

I was kind of surprised that the Hokage was willing to take time out of his presumably busy schedule for me, but who knew. I was… now the Last Uchiha, the only one left, and I probably seemed really unstable. Especially with the whole 'crying until I passed out' thing. Maybe that was why? I didn't know. It didn't really matter, to be honest.

In canon, Sasuke probably would've turned him down, if this offer was made. But me… I nodded slowly. "Yes, please." I didn't want to be alone, not just yet.

If he was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, I received a smile and help down from the bed. "We can go slowly, alright?" With that, he held out his hand for me to take. An Uchiha would be too proud to take it – I was only half of an Uchiha, so I did. My small hand slipped into his warm, wrinkled one and we walked.

I wasn't sure how to talk, here. It felt awkward not saying anything, my social anxiety cropping up, but I didn't want to talk. This whole thing was exhausting, and I was an introvert. Talking to people tired me out, even if I enjoyed it. Here? Here I wasn't enjoying it, and I just… I wanted to eat and sleep. A cookie. I liked cookies, or maybe some soup. I was able to cook, I could make something, it didn't matter. Thankfully, the Hokage seemed to expect this type of behavior.

It was a… maybe companionable silence, as we held hands and walked slowly down the stairs at the hospital, before heading outside. I don't know. I was never good at telling whether or not a silence was awkward or companionable, so I usually talked a lot to avoid that at all. But when I was with family, or too tired…

The thought of my family – of my Mom, my Dad, my sisters, my dog, my cats… my mother, my father, my brother, my clan – was distressing, and I looked around, trying to push aside that thought. The village was so different, so strange and yet… it wasn't. It was a completely different atmosphere than I was used to – the bustling streets, the buildings all crammed together, the ninja leaping over the rooftops – and yet, I knew it. This was part of Konoha, part of home, and I had walked these streets so many times with… with my brother.

Being both Sasuke and me at the same time was awfully strange.

Still, both sides of me were observant and it didn't take a lot to realize that everyone was staring at me. Shopkeepers, mothers, fathers, even some children… It made sense, I suppose. I was the Last Uchiha, my whole clan was gone, and I was being escorted through the village by the Hokage. Of course they'd stare.

The logic behind it didn't change the emotion I had, though. Resisting the urge to tear up, I shifted, automatically pressing myself into the warm bulk of the Hokage. He let out a sad sigh, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. Just… just like how my Dad did when I stood next to him in church, when we were singing. He'd always wrap his arm around my shoulder.

I said it was one of my favorite things he did at his birthday a few months ago.

This time, I caved and tears welled up in my eyes. The Hokage made a concerned noise, looking down at me. "Sasuke-chan?"

"I-" I swallowed, harshly through the burn in my throat, and tried again. "C-Can we go any faster?"

He softened. "Of course. Do you mind if I carry you and we take the roofs?" Even though that sounded vaguely terrifying, I had been a kind of ridiculously brave person in my last life – shinobi leaping over rooftops was normal why would that be terrifying – so I nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak much more. The next moment, I was scooped up in Hokage-sama's arms, nestled in the crook of one. I felt so… small. So very, very small.

Before he pushed off, however, a voice sounded. "Jii-jii! I see you, dattebayo! Don't go!" I closed my eyes in despair. I had never had real interactions with Naruto until this point – it wasn't until after the massacre that Naruto began to see himself in Sasuke, after all, and they became almost friends – as he was the very last in the class.

It was just my luck.

The Hokage waited for Naruto, a shift in his robes indicating that he was making some sort of sign/physical gesture. "Naruto, I can't talk right now, alright? I'm bringing Sasuke-chan home."

That was my cue. I opened my eyes, looked down at Naruto – at the golden boy Naruto, future hero of Hokage, jinchuriki, a little boy in a ragged white shirt… It couldn't be helped. I teared up again, turning to bury my face in Sarutobi's sleeves.

"Hey, hey, is he sick!?" Naruto's voice was grating. It was so loud, so grating, that I was abruptly reminded of my middle sister and had to swallow down a sob. I never thought I'd miss her loud, rather annoying voice. "He's never like that!"

I could understand his disbelief, but that didn't help the fact that I wanted out of here right now. "My entire family is gone!" I snarled, my voice clogged with tears even as I refused to look up. Belatedly, I remembered to add a 'Sasuke' detail. "My- M-My brother killed them!"

There was dead silence, and I was acutely aware of the fact that it was dead silent. I had been… loud, too loud, and I could feel the tension of the market around me. The Last Uchiha had just yelled out about the fate of his family in the midst of everyone.

…To the hated jinchuriki. Oh. Oh.

I dragged my face out of the sleeve, glaring at the boy with teary eyes. "If you- If you sh-shut up, you can come with." The surprise on his face – the half-wondering surprise – nearly killed me, and I buried my face in the big white robe once more. "S-Sorry, Hokage-sama."

His half-chuckle was swiftly drowned out by Naruto's enthusiastic and loud "Yeah! I can be quiet!" In unison, Sarutobi and I sighed – I could almost feel the sweatdrop forming on us both, like you saw in anime.

Oh man, I hoped no one was watching us. That would be so awkward.

"Naruto, that actually means you have to be quiet…" Thank goodness for Hokage-sama. He bent down to scoop up the other child (we weren't touching, thank goodness, we weren't touching) and then we were off, racing through the rooftops. In another situation, I would've been excited. Delighted. I was being carried by someone who was jumping from roof to roof. Naruto was certainly in that mode – he whooped and hollered and did not stay quiet, while I kept my face buried and just felt the wind tug at my clothes.

It was… kinda nice, to be honest. I was hot and this cooled me down. Even if I really, really hated being carried. (The last time I had been carried, a guy in my dorm had hauled me over his shoulder during the middle of winter at a fire drill. I screeched and stiffened and demanded him to put me down. This… wasn't as bad.) No, I didn't, Itachi carried me on his back all the time and I didn't care…

Still, it wasn't to last, I couldn't just be carried and ignore my problems forever. I wasn't a child. I was eight twenty.

"Stop outside the compound," I lifted my voice enough to say, promptly shutting up Naruto. "N-No one… no one can come in. Drop me off outside." Crap, I was quickly absorbing the arrogance of the Uchihas. Oh, dear. "Please, Hokage-sama." Much better.

"Alright, Sasuke-chan." He didn't try to engage me in conversation after that, and I was profoundly grateful. Even more grateful when Naruto's voice started up again, pestering the Hokage but generally ignoring me. Thank you, Naruto. He was distracting and not bothering me, all at once, and I loved him for it.

I wasn't sure what to do with Naruto. He was… He changed so much throughout the series, so how would me being different change him? I don't want to make him unable to face what's to come, but I just can't act like the canon Sasuke. I would literally die – if not from screwing myself over in the fights I get in, then from visceral embarrassment that I was actually acting like this.

Horrendous, to be honest.

Maybe I should think about this later, not when I was being carried by the Hokage and couldn't write down my thoughts. Yeah. That might be best, I think.

I didn't have too much longer to wait, though, because suddenly we were going down, leaping down to the ground. It was a strange sensation, that movement, and I opened my eyes. "Sasuke-chan, we're here." I didn't need the statement, but I nodded in thanks anyway, allowing him to set me and Naruto down and balancing lightly on my feet.

I had kind of worried that I would be so out-of-it I couldn't even walk.

Relieved, I turned slightly towards the pair – Sarutobi was watching me, brow wrinkled in concern, while Naruto was simply awed at the site of the empty compound. I hadn't managed to work up the courage to look, yet. Instead, I bowed slightly. "Thank you for- for carrying me, Hokage-sama." My voice choked in my throat a little – but no, no, I wouldn't cry again. Not here. "Thank you for c-coming, Uzumaki-san."

Naruto looked just plain dumbfounded to be referred to like that, and I couldn't really blame him. After a moment of staring, though, he grin so wide his eyes closed, reaching up to rub at the back of his next. "No problem, dattebayo! I'll do it again!"

Before I could stop it, the corner of my mouth upturned slightly at the thought that we would be doing this again. Uh, no, but thanks for the offer, Naruto. "Are you sure you don't want anyone to accompany you, Sasuke-chan?" The Hokage's words startled me for a moment – my mind was definitely elsewhere, oops – and I blinked at him, confused, before replying.

Well, shaking my head and then replying. "No. I… I want to do this m-myself." Plus, I was worried that I wouldn't react right to something why would I react wrongly it's my home my clan my family. Plus plus, I was so done with people and interacting with fictional characters, for now. I just wanted to be alone.

Alone. Definitely alone.

I turned and surveyed the compound. It was big. Dark. Empty. There were none of the signs of life that usually filled it, from children laughing to the elderly aunt and uncle that always gave everyone candy to even just yelling down to the street for 'Shisui Uchiha, you get back here right now!' It was quiet. Empty. Dead. The writer in me wanted to have some morbid giggles for the word usage.

I stepped forward, through the entrance – stumbling slightly, wavering slightly, but continuing. A "Bye, Uchiha!" came from behind me, and I lifted a hand in acknowledgement, but kept going. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other.

Put one foot in front of the other… And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floooooor. Put one foot in front of the other… and soon you'll be walking out the door!

Ignoring the Christmas song that was now promptly stuck in my head, however appropriate it was for the situation, I refused to look around. Not at the way the shadows grew among the empty buildings, or the emptiness of the entire place… Instead, I focused on my feet, trusting my instincts to guide me true. It worked, even though I clipped my shoulder on the doorframe when I stepped into the house.

"I'm home," I murmured, like I always saw in anime, taking off my shoes and setting them by the door. There were no other shoes besides my small, ninja sandals. I stared for a moment at the sheer loneliness, and resolved to get more. Shoes were one of the things I enjoyed shopping for, anyway.

Continuing into the house, I let my gaze wander. There were… rips in that paper wall. Had they been there before? Were they there from that night? I didn't know – Sasuke hadn't witnessed it and there were so many contradictory versions of the massacre that they all ran together in my head.

Don't think about it don't think about it.

Perpetually hungry, I decided to make my way to the kitchen before I did anything else. There would be… something, hopefully – I had no idea how long Sasuke I had been asleep. Er, unconscious. Maybe all the food was bad. Could be, though I hoped not. I needed to clear out the cupboards if so.

To my surprise, though, the fridge was bare. Huh. When they came to… clean up from that night, they must've also cleaned out a bunch of food. Nothing rotting in any of the houses, yeah? Good. That would really smell after a while. Moving onto the cupboards, I flung them open and recognized nothing. Sasuke wasn't a cook, so that… part of my mind didn't recognize a lot of the ingredients. To the 100% white, non-Japanese portion of me? I knew nothing. I recognized… rice. That was it, really.

I wouldn't eat tonight, I supposed.

Shutting the cupboards with a clatter – wincing slightly as I did so, that was so loud in the echo-y house – I stumbled towards the bedrooms instead. I should brush my teeth… Wear my- oh, no, I didn't have to wear my retainer here, no braces. Huh. I wouldn't have to worry about putting on acne stuff before bed, either…

That was some silver lining, I supposed, latching onto the good so that I could ignore the bad. I wouldn't have to worry about things like periods, thank goodness, and-

I stopped. The door in front of me led to Sasuke's bedroom – my bedroom – I knew. All I would have to do is slide it open, go inside, and then I could sleep. But it… it felt wrong. I wasn't Sasuke – I was – and to just go to my bed like Sasuke would've, did every day… I turned, and kept walking.

The next room, I knew, was Mikoto and Fugaku's – Okaa-san and Otou-san – and a shudder rippled through me at the thought of even opening the door. I remembered – remembered watching the way they just submitted to Itachi, allowed him t-to kill them, and at the time… At the time, it had been nothing more than a clip on youtube, a curious insight into one of my more favorite characters in the series.

When I walked by that room, I made sure to stay on the other side of the hall.

The last room was Itachi's – and this one I opened, carefully sliding the door. It was sparse; which made sense, given the usual occupant. A neatly made bed, closed closet, a few shuriken sitting on top of the dresser… But it was so impersonal. In my room, there were posters on the wall. A puzzle hanging up that my great-grandpa had put together. A few trite sayings that hit with me, or scarves from my trip to Italy. Here? Here, there was nothing. Even the few books that were on the small bookshelf were blah. Nothing like my colorful variations, with ribbons tied on every empty spot of the shelf.

How long did Itachi know he would have to give it up? Give this up? Give me up? "Nii-san…" It was a word I breathed, unconsciously and automatically, and I took a few steps into the room – only to step on something and hear a crunch underfoot.

I looked down, and for a moment, I couldn't see it – the wood of it blended into the wood on the floor, both very dark shades. But, slowly, the shape of a rectangle formed underneath my foot. A… picture frame? I bent down to pick it up, moving my foot, and flipped it over.

Oh… Oh.

It was a picture of Itachi and Sasuke. A picture of me and Nii-san. They – we – looked happy. Posing in front of some… training logs, it looked like. From the fierce grin on Sasuke's face and the proud, faint smile on Itachi's, I could guess – no, no, I remembered – that Sasuke had hit the bullseye every time. Mikoto – Okaa-san – had been the one to take the picture, pleased as could be.

But why… why was this here? On the floor? I could almost half-picture it – Itachi picking up the picture, but leaving it behind. Or maybe Obito had touched it, examined it and nigh-cruelly mocked the love that Itachi had for his brother, for me. Obito had helped with the massacre, hadn't he?

A teardrop fell on the picture with its broken glass, and then another. Drip, drop, I shuffled forward. When I reached the bed, I tore my eyes from the picture, set it to the side of the bed – on the floor, reluctant as I was – and crawled into Itachi's bed.

It was cold. Who knew how long I had been asleep, but it was cold. I hadn't felt cold earlier today – I had been so hot, so close to overheating. It was Fire Country, after all – it would make so much sense for it to be really warm.

In this house, though, in Itachi's bed, tears staining my cheeks and eyes slowly closing… I shivered.


A/N: Thanks for the support, guys! This perspective isn't something I'm used to, so I'm not wholly confident in the style yet - so it really helps! Don't worry - for anyone that's concerned, these chapters will go a little bit faster after a bit. I'm tentatively hoping that the next one might cover more than a day, but we'll see how long it ends up being. Some prominent gender dysphoria may be showing up next chapter, but it might take a bit. (I'm just making this up as I go along.) Hope you like!