2 years prior. November 4th
She waited patiently in the silent apartment. In vain she had initially struggled with the idea of having to keep their relationship secret, Alicia and Will met once a week in Owens old apartment as they had done for the last year. Owen lived in Ohio, but still owned part of his lease in the building. The area situated a long distance from the city where citizens of Chicago did not recognize her for a change. When she wore her wig that was, and even though they weren't physically able to walk the streets and hold hands, she could always walk pass a lobby with the exception that no one recognised her. Something that she was extremely grateful of at this point in the campaign.
All the blinds in the apartment were closed, none had been opened for more than a year now, the place viewed onto a beautiful lake from below, a location that Alicia had spent many time pondering what it would be like to go for walks with Will down the small wharf and act as though they were a real couple, thoughts that she had only ever pondered to an extreme force when he slept in her arms and she wasn't able to close her eyes.
Participating in what could potentially be considered as the number one concealed affair of the century was harder than anticipated at first. She was lucky if they saw each other once a week, the press and Peter's opponent had gotten worse and worse over the months leading up to the election. Will and Alicia had to put extra rules to the gaps that came with their relationship, Eli was the one who begged her to be cautious of her whereabouts, to make sure that at all costs they wouldn't be seen together.
With the help of her brother and Kalinda, they had managed to escape for a couple of days and spend some time in a lake house owned by Will's family. Unfortunately that was a little over six months ago, everything up to then had taken it's course rather gradually inclined by the extreme pressure of the campaign. She could not wait for a time where she could hold her lover's hand and give him everything he deserved.
When she heard his footsteps approach the hall outside Owen's apartment floor, she jumped as she heard the fumbling of keys.
She couldn't wait any longer and ripped the door apart finding him stood opposite with a sly smile, pulling Will in, she closed the door and drew him into her lips. His entire body moulded into hers, the stress of his day washing off his shoulders when her hands slowly pushed his jacket off his back and allowed it to fall to the ground. She felt his lips force into hers, to a point where she knew they would come out with purple textured skin on the depths of their swollen mouths.
She acknowledged for the first time that her body was pressed against the wall and her arms were around him, his neck, his back, pulling him, and squeezing him with vast reluctance of having to let him go anytime soon. She loved him, she loved him so much it hurt, she loved him more than any significant other she had ever brought into her life; there was no one else for her, there was nobody else who could understand her, as artificial as it may sound. She loved him.
He pulled his lips only inches away from hers and sighed into her breath, smiling in the dark. "God I missed you." It had been a little more than two weeks since she had seen him, with the last weeks up until the election night, she and Peter were expected to travel with interviews that carried out in a pattern, appearances that became the norm, going over speeches, making sure that as a couple they said the right things and performed the correct persona in pulling their relationship off to a key. She didn't even have to pretend with Peter, she had noticed earlier on in the game, she loved him anyway, she just loved Will more as much as Peter loved the power of office. She could give him that, the office, she had told him earlier once distinguishing that they couldn't make it work, but what she couldn't give him was long term.
Playing with the silk thread of his short hair, circling his scalp, she smiled and pecked his lips. "I missed you too.." she closed her eyes. "So much.. I thought I was going to go insane with Eli and Peter on that plane."
Peter had employed new advisers to the campaign, the democratic committee had also forced him to work with others who she didn't necessarily like but stood her ground for Peter's sake. Desperate times called for desperate measures.
And unfortunately, they were beginning to notice her absence on weekends, she could no longer use work as an excuse because she had left the firm two months ago, and she couldn't necessarily tell them that she was spending what little spear time she had with her lover.
Lying in bed with her head on his chest, listening to the steady and beautiful rhythm of his heart. Neither one could get to sleep, the excitement for tomorrow was playing on her mind, while she felt her lover shift uncomfortably, something going on in that head of his made her question what was going on with him inside.
"How do you feel…" he prodded. "about tomorrow?"
"Excited" she wasn't going to lie. "Nervous. Scared. Happy."
She led her finger to the hard texture of his rib, his body still of a twenty year old who couldn't age. So unfair –she thought. "It's gonna be huge." He added
"I know" she smiled. "I'm still trying to grasp my head around the fact that if we win, he'll be the leader of this country." Even though he couldn't see it, her eyes still blossomed with pride. "It's something we've wanted for so long and now it's finally happening." She was aware of her mistake seconds after she said it.
"We?" Will's brows were creased up when she sat up to get a better look at his face.
"I mean it's something he's wanted. And I want it for him. He's accepted our marriage to an end with respect, the least I could do is support him."
"You and Peter would make a great couple for that office." There was something in his voice when he said it, remorse? Joy? She leaned into his touch when he stroked her cheek and he pushed a couple of strands of her dark hair away from porcelain skin.
"Well, that's too bad. Because after this is all over, I'll be with you." her smile was contagious as she kissed his lips, when he didn't respond she pulled her brows together in confusion.
"Divorcing him is going to be the most difficult obstacle you'll ever have to go through Alicia."
"Peter and I have already talked about it.."
"It's not about what Peter will do, it's about what people with perceive of you. The press, the tabloids, they'll never let you go. Ever. You're gonna be the woman who left the president of United States right after the election."
"I don't care!"
"Well I do." He said softly. Stroking her hair, probably his way of trying to calm her down.
"I don't want people to presume that you're some slut who moves from one man to the other or that you're evil and plan on destroying the leader of this country." Even though it wasn't necessarily funny, she found herself bursting into laughter and smiling at the ridiculousness of his words.
"Nobody is going to think like that Will, you're being silly. We don't even know if he'll win yet."
"Alicia" he looked at her, "You and I both know that he's going to win. This whole dam city knows it."
He smiled. "Trust me, there are people out there who jump to conclusions and will think the worst of you. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you, or that you end up resenting me for making you give it up."
She was still smiling when she took his face in her hands and kissed him, sitting in his lap with both legs straddling him, she kissed the tip of his nose.
"I don't know how many times we've talked about this but I don't wanna have to repeat myself. I wanna be with you. I don't want to… run a country, I don't wanna have to pretend to be somebody else, or smile and laugh in front of cameras. I want to kick your backside in court.." she noted his smile for the back of her mind. "I want to move in with you like you said and introduce you to Zach and Grace, and walk down the street and not have anyone stare at me. I want you to bring me lunch at work and make dinner for me at night. I remember you promising me forever Gardner, you are going to keep your word. Understand?"
He nodded with a grin that didn't press to the corner of his lips but it was close "Yes mamm."
She didn't quite understand what was going on, she and Eli were in the green room watching the polls with tension rising in her shoulders when suddenly people were smiling and cheering at the final results. Some of their faithful supporters were even crying, Eli was hugging some person behind her while she stood there with her jaw dropped to the ground and her eyes gobsmacked.
He did it.
He won. Not at one point during their time together over the last two years since he announced his candidacy did she ever underestimate her husband's resilient work ethic, his need to work hard while trying to be a good politician at the same time, impossible yes, but in this moment, she couldn't believe that they had done it.
The entire room seemed as if it were running in slow motion, her eyes consciously searched for Peter, it wasn't hard to distinguish him when he was making his way towards her with opened arms. She practically with good intention jumped into him, her breath hitched in shock. She laughed into his chest and dug her face into his shirt, hiding her face away from any prying eyes and cameras. She felt his head rest on her shoulder, he held her as if it were his last, and under all elements of control, she allowed herself to accept the accomplishment and loss they had both gained for the night. "Thank you." she heard him whisper in her ear.
"I'll always be here for you." she said, the meaning behind her words couldn't be any less obvious, he was the only individual other than Will and Eli who knew that she had only made it this far to get him into office, the decision afterwards was fully hers to make.
She fixed her makeup and smoothed out his hair before they made their way out onto the stage. The large audience was overwhelming as they cheered. Her eyes landed on the front camera and all that entered her mind was that she hoped Will was watching.
The next day played out almost like a train, very fast paced and suffocating, Peter had several interviews and speeches to prepare for, he had been staring at her all morning with an odd expression. Receiving a phone call an hour ago from someone who he wouldn't name, however knowing from the deep voice she heard over the line that it was a man. Eli's eyes hadn't left her position on the couch either, she asked Marissa if her dress was too short, or if her eyes suggested her exhaustion, but the young adult just shook her head and commented on how she would kill someone to look like Alicia in this moment.
"Mamm" one of the young campaign supervisors caught her attention. "The committee just called. They have a plane ready for you this afternoon and would like you to do an appearance in DC welcoming the white house as your new home."
She looked over at Eli sitting in the corner. "No… uh… there's been a misunderstanding. My husband will be arranging that sometime tomorrow."
"Look, Alex, give us a moment." Eli interfered
As he sat down, she looked at him with suspicious brows. "Will's been trying to get a hold of you." at the sound of his name, she tried to find her phone but was stopped. Eli gave her a note with Will's familiar handwriting and before she could ask any more questions he was gone.
The sound of Will's car pulled up into the parking garage, she had only driven it once, and afterwards lectured him on the engine, a vehicle that was basically a suicide attempt if you went a hundred k an hour. The price on it made her wince, especially when he told her that he brought it for her as a gift, however driving it more than she ever did.
The windows were tinted for the sake of disclosure, she jumped in and kissed his cheek. "About time I see you." she smiled. "I've been trying to get a hold of you all night."
For a long time he didn't look at her but kept his gaze outside the car, "What's wrong?" she pulled back. Concern washing through her immediately like a wave
"Nothing." He lent in abruptly and kissed her lips before starting the car and driving off at the speed of lighting. She trusted him with her life so she wasn't necessarily scared, but she placed her seatbelt on for measure. If she was ever going to die anytime soon, she wanted to die with Will on all foundations that considered to be healthy in any aspect of normality.
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere." He said, taking her hand and holding it in his lap. She settled into her seat and allowed her gaze to fall on the buildings that passed with a blur. They passed a few people still celebrating from last night's win, American flags hanging on mailboxes and red and blue glitter sprayed across the streets. It felt foreign knowing that the cause of celebration was something she was a part of.
"So you aren't going to talk to me?" she teased
"Not right now." He squeezed her hand, almost as if his life depended on it.
"Ok" she rolled her eyes, he was just so stubborn sometimes, one would think that it made her love him less, but it was impossible because they were so similar.
When he started to slow down, she noticed their location and stared at him, confused. "Why are we at an airport?"
He remained silent for a while, pulling her hand away from his, she pushed her bangs away from her face and sighed at his distant behaviour. Will pulled up at the security stop, handed them his Identification and without any sort of reluctance they let him in through the gate.
"That's the campaign's jet." She finally noticed, when Will stopped the car and undid his seatbelt. Raising her brows in his direction she said. "Well? What are we doing here?"
She watched as his eyes locked onto the steering wheel before he whispered words that she had been terrified of for the last 12 months. "I can't do this anymore."
She breathed out through her nose, her eyes searched the ground trying to distinguish what he meant before she stared back at him. "You cant? What?"
"Us." His voice was so calm and controlled, it only caused more pain to her chest to think that he didn't care about what he was doing to her. "I thought I was ready to take on the burden but I cant…"
"You can't?" she stared right through him. "My god Will just say it!" she pushed him with her hand. "Stop being a coward and say it!"
"We're over." It hurt so much more when he admitted it. Early hours this morning she was the happiest woman on earth, she would never have guessed that more than twelve hours later everything would be destroyed.
"I don't believe you." she said. "I cant believe that you can just say that and not have any emotion."
"Alicia, how long did you think that this would go on for?" he finally looked at her, irritation clear in his eyes. "It's not real. The reality of it all is unreal, you and I…. riding off into the sun set together? It was. Never. Going. To. happen. Not when your husband is the most powerful man in the world and you have the entire country stopping us."
Her eyes suggested the pain within her, though the majority of it covered with anger. "Why the hell didn't you say anything about it earlier?"
"When?!" he threw his hands up in the air. "We never see each other. I was lucky to see you once a week at the most and all you talked about was the fricken campaign. How am I supposed to love someone who talks about herself all the time."
"You're making this shit up Will.. I can see right through you. Did Eli put you up to this? Did Peter pay you something? Did he ask you to do this?"
She watched as Will sighed and shook his head, "Peter has nothing to do with this. This is my decision, this is something I want. I called him this morning and told him that this thing between us was never really long term. I spoke to Eli and made him have the jet ready for you to leave. Your bags are packed on board."
"I'm not getting on that plane!" she snapped. "You can go to hell! All of you! I'm not leaving Will, I know this isn't what you want. Look at me and tell me that you don't care about me."
She waited for him to move, but all he did was stare at her as if she wasn't the woman who he vowed only a month ago that he would give everything up in order to have a life with her. "I care about you but.. I can't anymore," she caught him fidget but her eyes were too distracted by the water that pooled in her pupils. "It's not going to work, Alicia you and I both knew that this was… it couldn't continue. Look at me," he tried to grasp her attention but she ignored him. "I just want the best for you okay? You and Peter are going to do amazing things and I don't want to be in the middle of that. The whole country is depending on you two"
"Don't, DON'T! I swear if you mention anything about this fucking country again I will never forgive you, don't use that as an excuse Will. You're doing this for your own merit, your ruining us because you're a coward and that's what you do. When someone tries to do something for you out of dignity, you crush them because you're afraid. You don't even care about me enough to try and fight it off because you're that scared."
She wiped the stray of tears away from her face and tried to breathe properly. She caught him reach out with pain as he tried to wipe more tears off her cheek but she pushed his hand away. "I just hope that one day you will finally understand that I wasn't leaving Peter for you, I was leaving him for myself.."
"Alicia you know I care about you, I just want the best for you.." he tried to reach out to her again but she pushed his hand, followed by his chest, hitting him hard.
"Look what you're doing to me, I'm not this woman. I don't cry over men Will. You're the most important person In my life, please don't do this." She went from hating him to begging, she could see the struggle in his eyes when he pulled away and covered his face with his hand.
Everything became clear in that moment, when he didn't say anything but let his gaze rest outside as if he would rather be any place but here, she realised that this was the end. That all the hope and confidence that came with a life she had imagined outside of campaigns was all just fantasy.
"Please Alicia, don't make this any harder than it already is." She looked at him, tried to find the man she knew for most of her life, and gathered that he wasn't there anymore. Taking a deep breath, her peripheral vision caught Eli walking towards their vehicle.
She looked back at Will with shock, he leant over and opened the door for her. "Alicia you have to go now."
Wiping the stray tear away from her cheek, she shook her head and whispered. "I will never forgive you for this."
When Eli touched her shoulder on the way to the plane, she pushed him away and snapped immediately. "Don't touch me!"
/
The journey to Washington at that point had been a blur followed by the months afterwards, she remembered allowing herself to cry on Eli's shoulder for the first hour of the flight, the pain of having to walk off that plane with a smile was more than difficult in any aspect. She would do anything to avoid reliving the harsh memories.
"Will" she tried to smile, but failed instantly when the contrast of his deep brown eyes stared at her, the tension in the room was as big as an elephant and she swallowed the large lump in her throat. "Hi."
I'm Sorry! I know, I'm an awful shipper. You can all bite my head off. I'm going to disappear now cause I'm buried under uni. Oh and thanks for the reviews and all that stuff, very appreciated :)
