RFSP episode #102
The Game Isn't Bad, Just Some Involved With It
Chapter 2-Suspicions
Stan and co. hurried over to a grandstand by the 3rd hole to see if Kyle's far-fetched theory could be true. The gang took their seats and watched as Buck Christopher arrived at the start of the hole and took a few practice swings. Kyle pulled out his binoculars as Buck swung his club and sent the golf ball flying. Just when it looked like the ball was definitely going to land on the green, it curved ever so slightly, but just enough to land in the sand trap. Kyle began arguing for his case once the crowd expressed their sadness.
"See? That should have hit the green but it somehow went into the sand trap!"
"Dude I think Cartman's right: When did you last have water?"
"I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!"
"I believe you." Dylan said.
"Really?"
"Sure. There's no way that thing could've gone in the sand. There's no breeze or anything."
"Thank you!"
"Are all Jewish people really this dumb?"
"Shut up fat ass!"
"Hey here comes what's his name!" Butters pointed out.
"Gavin Ochoa?"
"Yeah!"
"OK guys. Watch the ball REAL carefully." Kyle asked the others. "I want you all to see I'm not making this up. Notice how the middle part of the fairway is just a TAD bit of a slope, that there is no wind, and that the one sand bunker is near the green."
Kyle pulled out his binoculars again as Gavin Ochoa swung his club, sending the ball to the slope part of the fairway, where it didn't move very much after hitting the ground.
"Nothing happened." Stan noticed.
"Uh…maybe it'll happen when he swings again?"
Sure enough, when Gavin made his second shot, the ball landed right outside the green and began to roll a few feet away from it before it stopped.
"See? That wasn't the slope part! There's no way the ball could have moved away from the green!"
"Hey yeah…I saw that too!"
("Me too!")
"Do you think this golf course could actually be rigged?"
"Well that might explain whatever the hell it was we just saw."
("But why the hell would anybody do that?")
"To make sure their plans succeed." Dylan answered without thinking.
Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Cartman all gave him weird stares, which made Dylan immediately regret saying that out loud.
"I'm kidding." Dylan said as he winked at Kenny and vice versa.
"I'm hungry."
"Of course you are fat boy."
"Ey!"
"Let's go eat at that big tent!" suggested Butters.
"Dude why, there's a normal food tent right there."
"We're VIP remember? We should take advantage of it!"
"Well what about Dylan?"
"It's alright I got the proper ticket. My dad runs the resort, remember?"
"Whatever let's go, I'm starving."
The group walked a little ways over to a giant tent labeled "Par 4 Pavilion". After they all got their passes checked and approved, they headed inside and were met with the immense relief of air conditioning.
"Oh thank Jesus some air conditioning!"
"Especially since the fat one always needs it more."
"Ey!"
"Whoa this is nice in here!" Kyle remarked.
"You kids go ahead and order your food." Dylan told them as he started to walk a few feet away. "Don't forget to tell them it's free for you guys." Dylan waited for them to walk away before he said anything else. "Ooh, my anxiety is building by the second! Surely they know that we know now!" Dylan took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "You're a good leader, and nothing will go wrong. You're a GREAT leader and nothing will go wrong!"
Meanwhile in the AGA's secret lair, an extremely pissed off Shelton J. Davenport Jr. was having a meeting with some of his mooks/employees.
"What's this I hear about those fucking kids already catching on to us!?"
"It was that kid in the green hat sir! We've looked through his files and he seems to be the smartest out of most of his friends."
"DAMN IT!" Davenport yelled as he slammed his fist down hard on the table. "We modify an entire god-damned golf course and you idiots couldn't keep it a secret for three days!?"
"According to what we know, everything should continue to run just as planned."
"It better! At this rate those kids will find out in no time, and we'll be ruined!"
Unknown to anybody in the room, there was a small video camera implanted in the wall that Leah, Bailey, and Dylan were using to watch the conversation from their base.
"Ah crap, he's onto us!" Dylan said rather hopelessly.
"Any ideas?" Leah asked him.
"A few. Most of them are bad though."
"Such as?" Bailey asked.
"Telling them the truth."
"Yeah, not a good idea."
Dylan sighed. "Then I guess that's just it then."
"What is?"
"We wait a while and see what happens. The practice rounds for the Men's Finals are over and nothing's gone wrong yet. But we keep sending out ground scouts on the offense."
"Roger."
"See you guys later. I have to get work."
The next day, Stan and Kyle were lounging in the hot tub at Nex hotel's pool.
"So I guess the official rounds start today huh?" Stan asked.
"Yeah, I suppose so."
"Any thoughts on who might win?"
"It's kind of hard to say since we now know the tournament is rigged. But I've been meaning to ask you dude…do you REALLY like Bebe?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Haven't you ever found it…strange you're going out with your ex's best friend? That doesn't bother you at all?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you REALLY hate Wendy?"
"YES! Do you not remember the huge argument we got into that led to our breakup?"
"Of course I do. Everyone was there to see it. Everyone remembers it."
"Then what makes you think I still like her?"
"Two years after the FIRST time you two broke up, that egg project came up. She was sort of trying to at least be friends again, but you just shoved her off. Two years later, you two get back together anyway."
"That was then. This is now. I won't make that mistake again. Besides, you've never had a girlfriend."
Ignoring the slight offense Kyle felt from that comment, Kyle put Stan up to a little test of sorts. "How about you think really, really hard about all the good times you two have shared."
"Why?"
"Just do it dude. Think long and hard about them and see if you feel queasy, even in the least. Then think about any moments you and Bebe may have shared and see if those memories make you queasy."
"What the hell for?"
"Because back when you and Wendy first went out, hell even before that, you always threw up on her."
"Fine. But this won't change anything."
Stan closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated really hard.
"That's it! Keep going!"
Stan thought long and hard as memories of him and Wendy came flooding back: The night they officially got together, where they stayed up inspecting the contents of Stan's puke. As well as the time when Stan saved her from the pinkeye zombie outbreak, playing truth or dare in his clubhouse, getting her back from Gregory, being in the Thanksgiving musical together, and the night they officially got back together.
"Feel any different?" Kyle asked a few minutes later.
"I'm not sure, but all of a sudden I feel…like…I ate bad eggs in my breakfast this morning."
"O…K. That's a start. Now move on to memories of Bebe."
Stan once again closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated really hard. It took no more than 20 seconds for Stan to vomit really hard into the hot tub.
"EW WHAT THE FUCK DUDE! NASTY!" Kyle exclaimed as he and Stan hurriedly climbed out of the puke-infested hot tub.
"Aw sick dude! I have to clean up that shit now!" came Dylan's response several feet away.
"Sorry!" Stan yelled back.
"So you threw up by thinking about Bebe."
"I told you! I really do hate Wendy!"
"That may be true, but I think you'd at least want to talk to her again."
"Why would I?"
"You may have thrown up thinking about Bebe, but you felt a little nauseous thinking of Wendy didn't you?"
"Well yeah but…it could have just been something I ate."
"Stop lying to yourself. The point is you thought about Wendy and your old habit of barfing on her seemed to be redeveloping. I really think that some part of you wants her back."
"But…it was just a very small feeling!"
"It was still a feeling wasn't it?"
"Even if I wanted her back, who's to say she thinks the same about me?"
"If you don't want to talk to her, get somebody else to."
"Next time, can you vomit on a day I have off?" Dylan asked as he came by with cleaning supplies and yellow tape.
"Dude it's not my fault you had to work today! Besides, that wouldn't have happened if Kyle hadn't made me!"
"Dude!"
"He has a point Kyle."
Later that day, Stan made his way to room 308 of the west wing of the Nex hotel and knocked on the door once he got there. Butters opened the door a few seconds later.
"Oh good you're here!"
"Well yeah, why?"
"I need to ask you a favor."
"Are you sure it won't get me grounded?"
"I swear."
"OK then, what is it?"
"Well Kyle was making me do some little self-test and based on the results…I feel like a part of me wants Wendy back."
"What!? But you-."
"I know, I know, we had a pretty fierce argument and I said some things I probably shouldn't have, but I feel like I want her back. Just a small part of me though."
"How does this involve me?"
"Well I'm not sure, like at all, if this small feeling is actually real so…I need you to tell her for me. Can you do that?"
"Well…OK but what's Bebe gonna think about all of this?"
"I'm not really sure. That's another problem I have to deal with now. I guess I could talk to her about it. Do you know where she is?"
"Last I heard, she went to the tournament grounds with Wendy and Red."
"If you see her can you tell her I'm looking for her?"
"Sure!"
"Thanks Butters."
At the same, Kenny was in the underground base studying a chart when Edith entered the room.
"Dylan-oh it's you!"
("Dylan's got work today, so I'm filling in. Please tell me you guys are coming along with that potion.")
"Sadly I can't say we've made much headway. I can't imagine how you fell."
Kenny sighed. ("At least it's not as frequent now. I just wish Bradley hadn't stolen my spotlight during the whole Cthulhu thing a couple of years ago.")
"Oh and I've wanted to ask you this for a while: Why did you have the desire to be a princess when you had the console wars and when you were playing the game with that new kid?"
Kenny groaned with disgust. ("That was NOT my idea. Cartman and I had made some bet and since I lost, I had to become 'Lady McCormick'. Unfortunately I really got the feel for it and wanted to expand on it, so I asked Cartman if I could become 'Princess Kenny'. Fat ass said no, so I betrayed him and went over to the PS4 side where I became a true princess. Then when the new kid came, I still had a little anger left, so I betrayed everyone and took the stick of truth at the last second.")
"Didn't the new kid kill you?"
("Yes and it hurt like shit! Literally! He fucking farted on my balls!")
"But it got rid of the zombie virus didn't it?"
("Well it did, but I can still feel the pain from Douchebag's Nagasaki technique every time I take a shit!")
"I guess that taught you to not make bets with Cartman, huh?"
("It sure fucking did!")
Edith noticed the chart Kenny was studying. "Say what's on the chart?"
("Dylan had made this yesterday and asked me to analyze it some more. It's about the different mechanisms Davenport has set up for different phases of his plan.")
"Any idea what the master plan is?"
("Sadly, no. But call a conference with the other admins. I think I know what they're going to do next.")
Half an hour later, Edith, Bailey, Chris, Leah, Sara, and Kenny were all sitting in a conference room of sorts discussing more about the AGA's plan.
"And you're sure about this!?" asked Leah.
("I am. We need to tell Dylan immediately.")
"What are we supposed to do?"
"What can we do!?" Bailey exclaimed. "We've tried just about everything we can but it's all proven ineffective!"
("Guys I think we just need to face the facts: Eventually my friends are going to have to know the truth. Otherwise, we can't win. I'm sure Dylan would feel the exact same way.")
"But doesn't that just put your friends at more risk?"
Kenny turned around and faced the wall. ("Of course it does. But that also gives us a little extra help doesn't it?")
"And you're sure everything's going to be fine?"
Kenny turned back around and removed his hood to show how certain and serious he was.
"Everything will be fine."
Later that night in the lobby of the Nex, Butters had finally managed to find Wendy.
"Hey Butters!"
"Wendy do you have a quick moment?"
"OK what?"
"Don't take this the wrong way. This might be hard for you and all, but, uh…Stan told me to tell you that he kind of not really wants you back."
This made Wendy freeze and don a facial expression of total shock. A few seconds later however, she donned an angry frown.
"Well tell Stan to fuck off!"
Three more days passed, and the AGA Men's Finals ended. It was the middle of the afternoon, and Justyn Henryk had just been declared winner of the American Golf Association's Men's Finals. Justyn accepted his trophy, only to get swarmed by the media moments later. Stan and Kyle watched the ceremony and began to leave after Justyn got swarmed with attention.
"Ugh. I could never go for that much attention." Kyle exclaimed.
"I'm sure Cartman and Butters would."
"Speaking of which, did Butters deliver your message?"
"Yeah, but he said that Wendy told me to fuck off. So I guess she doesn't feel the same way."
"That might be true for now, but I can just feel it: You two are going to fall for each other again."
Stan just rolled his eyes.
"It's 5:00. What do you want to do now?"
"I think I'll just go see Bebe or something. I haven't been able to find her, but she said she'd be in her room right around now. You heading back to Dylan's house?"
"Yeah, I guess I better try and find him."
"I think he might be getting off of work soon."
Up on the 2nd floor of the Nex, Stan made his way to room 225 and knocked on it. Mrs. Stevens answered it a moment later.
"Oh hello Stan!"
"Hi, is Bebe in there?"
"No she's not. As a matter of fact I don't know where she is. She's been gone for a while. My guess is that she's looking for you."
"OK thanks."
After asking a few other people, Stan decided to go ask Kenny if he had seen her. A minute later, Stan was knocking on the door of room 345 and Kenny was quick to answer.
"Hey Kenny, have you seen Bebe? I've been trying to find her for a while now and nobody else seems to know where she is!"
("You…have?")
Meanwhile down in the lobby, Kyle had finally found his parents…only to notice they seemed a bit distressed.
"Mom! Dad!"
"Kyle! Oh thank goodness you're here!" Sheila said very anxiously.
"What's the matter?"
"It's Ike! He's gone!" Gerald answered.
"Gone!?"
"Yes we've been looking for him for about an hour now! Go check your friend's rooms and see if he's in there!"
"OK!"
("For how long?")
"I don't know dude I just got here."
Kyle ran up to Stan and Kenny in a panic and about out of breath.
"Dude what's wrong?"
"It's Ike!" Kyle said in between heavy breaths. "He's missing!"
"He's gone!?"
"I ran all around the hotel and I checked with Butters, Token, Wendy, Cartman, and Mr. Garrison! None of them know where he is!"
("So…Bebe and Ike are missing?")
"I guess so." Stan answered. "C'mon let's go see if we can find Dylan! Maybe he knows where they are!"
("How are we supposed to know where to find him?")
"If he's really getting off work soon, he'll most likely be looking for me."
As soon as Kyle said that, Butters and Cartman arrived on the scene.
"Why the fuck is your girlfriend calling me up!?" Cartman asked Stan angrily.
"What!?"
"She just called my room and said for all of us to go meet her in her room!"
"Why the hell would she call you fat ass!?"
"How the fuck should I know?"
"Really?" Butters said, rather interested. "Ike just called my room and told all five of us to go to the same place!"
"What!?"
The boys made their way down to room 225, where they ran into Dylan on the way there. After explaining the situation, Dylan became pretty curious himself and decided to join them. Once they got to the room, they noticed it was open ajar. Stan knocked on it anyway, but there was no answer.
"I guess her parents went to go find her."
"All I know is that Stan's little girlfriend was making a late night call trying to hit me up telling us to meet her here!"
"She wouldn't make out with you fat ass!"
"And I know Kyle's brother called me and said the same thing!"
"Are you sure it was him Butters?"
"Well, yeah. I'd know that little Canadian voice anywhere!"
The group stepped inside the room and closed the door. The room was mysteriously empty.
"But…I know that was Ike on the phone!"
"And I know Bebe was trying to hit on me!"
"Hello? Hello?" Stan called out.
A few seconds later, the bedside phone rang. Kyle walked up to it and, a little nervously, answered it.
"H-hello?"
"Put me on speaker phone." Asked the voice on the other end.
"Who is this?"
"JUST DO IT!"
Kyle pressed the speaker phone button.
"All right you damn kids!" roared the voice on the other end. "Listen to me and listen to me good! ALL OF YOU! Especially the older one!"
The boys all looked at Dylan who just shrugged his shoulders.
"I understand you boys are in quite a predicament."
"Wait how the hell does this guy know there are six of us in here?" Stan wondered.
"That doesn't matter." The voice continued. "But I understand that you desperately want to know the whereabouts of a blonde and a Canadian toddler."
"How did you know that?" Stan asked. "Unless you-."
"I certainly did. They're both being held hostage at my location."
"Oh my God! You kidnapped Bebe and Ike!"
"You bastard!"
"Oh sweet Jesus!" Butters screamed.
"Just bring what I want and they both leave here alive!"
The new details of the situation made Dylan get quite verbally aggressive. "Tell us where to meet and we'll be there!" he demanded.
"Bring me an RF transceiver. 11:30 tonight. Grande Birch. Be there." The voice hung up.
"Grande Birch?"
"It's this hardly populated but gated area over in Silent Juniper. It's only a 10 or so minute drive from my house. It's this big area of land that currently only has about 7 houses in it at most. Makes sense they want to meet us out there."
"What time is it now?"
Dylan glanced at the bedside clock next to the phone. "It's 5:30. We've got six hours. At 11:00 I want all of you to meet me at the pool OK? Make sure nobody sees you. Sneak out of your rooms if you have to."
"But if I get caught, I'll get grounded?"
"Please Butters!" Kyle pleaded. "If all of us have to go I really need you to do this for me! My little brother's in danger!"
"Uh…OK."
"Why the hell do I need to go?" Cartman asked.
"Just do it dude!" Dylan retorted. "Trust me; these people are NOT to be messed with!"
"Huh?"
"Kenny! Call Sara and tell her to pick you guys up after we have Bebe and Ike!"
"What!? Kenny how-."
("Us!? What about you!?")
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!" Dylan assured Kenny. "You boys are the ones at stake here!"
"Dude what is going-."
"No time to explain Kyle! I'll tell all of you everything later! Kenny, when you call Sara, tell her to take you all to Location 78U!"
("OK!")
"C'mon Kyle, we got to get home! Your parents are waiting on us I'm sure. Don't any of you tell anybody about this OK? I'll see you all at 11!"
Dylan and Kyle ran out of the room to meet up with Sheila and Gerald.
"Kenny? Is there…something you haven't told us?" Stan inquired.
("Not now Stan!") Kenny yelled as he ran out of the room.
A/N: Do you like how the story's headed now? All feedback is much appreciated!
