For the most part keeping my gender a secret was pretty easy. Noone ever asked me why I always wore my hood. Besides whenever someone got too close to figuring me out I usually died soon after so they never remembered. I guess death was pretty convenient that way.

The first problem came when I hit puberty. As my chest became less flat I had a harder time hiding them. Sure for a while the thickness of my parka worked pretty well at concealing the small lumps but to my dismay they kept growing bigger and bigger. Pretty soon I'd overtake Bebe for biggest boobs in class.

While most girls would be pleased at having huge boobs I only thought of them as a burden. If anyone were to notice I'd have a hard time coming up with a lie. I guess if worst came to worst I'd kill myself as a save but I really hated suicide. It always made me feel guilty afterwards. So instead, I just wear sports bras most of the time. Thank god for sports bras making boobs look smaller. With the extra padding that my parka supplied I was pretty much in the clear.

At least I thought I was. Boy was I wrong. It started out like a normal day. I met up with my three best friends, Stan Marsh, Kyle Brofloski and Eric Cartman, at the bus stop. Stan has grown a lot since fourth grade, he's captain of the football team now, not a surprise since Wendy is head cheerleader, and he's gained a lot of muscle. But even after all these years he still wears his poofball hat. Kyle hasn't grown very much at all and is the shortest of the group. He still wears his green ushanka although it's not big enough to hide all his hair anymore. Little red ringlets fall out framing his face. Cartman has made the biggest change though, he's still the biggest out of all of us but for a different reason now. His mum made him join the wrestling team a few years ago and he managed to turn all his fat into rock hard muscle. He kept his broad body shape though and now I don't think anyone would wanna mess with him. Not like anyone did before though, ever since the Scott Tenorman incident.

"Hey Kenny" Stan greeted me, I gave him a slight wave more concerned with the display in front of me. Cartman and Kyle were fighting as usual.
"That is bullshit, fatass!" Kyle growled back, he never dropped the old nickname even after Cartman got buff.

"It's true, Jew!" Cartman yelled at Kyle furiously.

"What are they fighting about now?" I mumbled through my hood.
"Cartman says Jews aren't allowed in catholic churches or else they'll burst into flames." Stan sighed, you'd think by now he would be used to their bickering. I know I was. Between you and me, I think the reason they fight so much is because they like eachother. Or at least Cartman likes Kyle. I mean dude it's kind of obvious. It's the whole "little boy picks on the girl he likes" thing, Cartman can't go one minute without Kyle's attention. He literally has to insult him just to get him to notice him. Plus there are so many other signs over the years that he's gay. For one he put Butters dick in his mouth in fourth grade and he dressed up like Brittany Spears once and made out with a Justin Timberlake cutout. Plus there's the fact that he's never had a girlfriend. Then there's Kyle. He reminds me so much of a girl, which is scary since I'm supposed to be the one pretending to be a guy. Just his feminine body shape, he's so skinny and frail. Plus he's such a softy. But even if he is gay I'm pretty sure he has a crush on Stan. I kind of feel bad for Cartman, sometimes I feel like telling him I know he's gay. But I know he'd deny it and then do terrible things to me as revenge.

Nope I'm staying out of it. It's not my place to mention anything. Besides, I'm the silent one anyway.

The bus pulled up and their argument continued even as they sat down. Stan and Kyle sat in the seat in front of Cartman and I. Kyle knelt on the seat to yell backwards to Cartman. I swear they're like a married couple. I just chuckled and looked out the window as we drove by. I wonder what it'd be like to have someone like me. I know it's impossible since I dress like a boy. The only people who ever like me are girls. I may be a cross-dresser but I don't swing that way. I had a 'girlfriend' once. I played along with it for a while. Even acting outraged when she made us get purity rings. Truthfully I was relieved. People seem to think I'm a man-whore, I guess that's my fault. When I first started pretending to be a boy I always said dirty stuff about girls so people wouldn't doubt I was a boy. I guess it was a bit much but you gotta play with the cards your dealt. So I just rolled with it.

Eventually I dumped Tammy feeling bad for stringing her along, but I told everyone I'd gotten a BJ. Coincidentally I died not long after and people assumed it was syphilis.

But having a real boyfriend that's something I've never even been close to. Sure I've had crushes, but I could never act on them because of my disguise. I suppose one of these days I'll have to drop the act and tell everyone I'm a girl, but I enjoy being with my friends too much to have them reject me.

The bus stops and I felt relief rush through me. There's always a part of me waiting to die in this bus. I've been killed at least twice in this very bus. Both times completely random, like a monster pulling me out of the roof. I milled out of the bus along with the other students. That's when I noticed it. A lot of people were carrying other bags as well as their school bags.

"Hey, why's everyone got bags?" I asked Cartman pointing towards the students.
"Today's swimming carnival, Kenny. Don't you remember?" Cartman said his accent coated voice accussing, "or are you too poor to afford swim trunks?"

I didn't even bother getting angry at his comment. Instead all the colour drained out of my face. Shit, swimming carnival. I must have been dead when they announced it at school last week. For those of you who don't know, swimming carnival is a day where everyone heads to the local pool and competes in swimming events. You're not allowed to arrive at school in your swim clothes so people bring backs to carry their change of clothes and towels. God dammit I knew I should have stayed at home today! I've had a sinking feeling all morning. Usually I have a foreboding feeling before a death, so I'd just assumed that was it.

Swimming didn't used to be a problem. In fact I used to swim shirtless wearing trunks with my friends back when I was fat chested. They hadn't noticed the difference. But they'd definitely suspect something If I jumped into the pool flashing my D cups. Oh man, I gotta get out of here!
"Where do you think you're going Mister?" the voice of school councillor Mr Mackay stopped me in my track. Dammit.
"Um…I have explosive diarrhea" I mumbled my usual excuse.

Mr Mackay frowned, "That's not going to work this time, mkay, now you march back into school young man"
I sighed, well I'm screwed. I can't use the excuse that I left my swim clothes because they'll just make me wear a spare from the school. I'm just going to have to wait for an opportunity to either kill myself or escape. I really hope it's the latter.