River Deep, Mountain High
Standard disclaimers apply to this piece of Christy fan fiction.
This story continues where the TV series left off. Any similarities to other works of Christy fan fiction are purely coincidental.
Chapter 11
Christy didn't remember anything from the time she left Margaret's room until the time she reached Miss Alice's bunkhouse. Her mind was in a fog as her feet guided her the right way.
Miss Alice galloped away on her horse Goldie, disappearing in a cloud of dust, before Christy had a chance to blink. She was left standing in the yard, breathless, without a single notion as to what she would do next.
But within moments, David had saddled Prince and was pulling Christy up into the saddle behind him. She scarcely knew what was happening, but instinctively, she wrapped her arms around David's waist and held on tightly as they rode fast and hard toward the MacNeill cabin behind Alice.
Only steps ahead of Christy and David, Alice stormed into the cabin and went into Margaret's room. Christy and David stood in the main room of the cabin but could see Neil sitting on the bed with Margaret and Miss Alice's back as she removed her black leather riding gloves and fell to her knees in front of them.
"Oh, Margaret! My dear child!" Miss Alice cried.
Neil rose from the bed, while Alice embraced Margaret. She was so frail but life still beat within her. He walked toward David and Christy with slow but determined strides, and Christy suddenly felt awkward, wondering if she should be there. Her fears were quickly allayed when Neil spoke, "Thank you for coming back, Christy." He turned to David, "I am glad you came, Reverend Grantland." The two men shook hands as their past rivalry melted away, at least for the present time. "I think Margaret needs all of you here now."
The three returned to Margaret's room. Margaret smiled weakly when she saw Christy and David.
"I'm happy you came," she told them.
Christy sat by the foot of the bed, and David stood just behind her. Miss Alice remained kneeling on the floor, holding Margaret's hand tenderly.
The ragged, strained sound of her breathing filled the room. Christy fought back the tears when she looked at Miss Alice's face, seeing the pain in her eyes.
"I wanted to give her something to ease the pain a bit," Neil told them. "But Margaret said she wanted to be as lucid as possible."
"Christy," Margaret began, her words barely above a whisper, "Read me those passages you found earlier today. Please."
Neil took the Bible from the bedside and handed it to Christy. His fingers brushed hers with the lightest possible touch, and their eyes lingered for a moment as unspoken depths passed between them. Christy opened the old, leather-bound Bible and placed it on her lap. It was the MacNeill family Bible, she learned previously, having seen the faded list of births, marriages, and deaths on the inside cover dating back to the mid-1700s, when members of Clan MacNeill first came to America. Christy quickly scanned its well-worn pages, turning to the requested section, and cleared her throat to begin.
"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another." (KJV, 1 John, Chapter 4)
Christy read the words, but she soon found she could no longer hold back the tears. They began to fall freely down her face, spilling onto the text on the page. Christy's voice quavered with emotion as she struggled with the words at first, but she soon found the strength she needed to release them. She felt a comforting hand graze her shoulder as Doctor MacNeill moved from around the bed to sit on a chair by Margaret. He smoothed her hair from her face and took her tiny hand in his own large one, gently, while Miss Alice held the other. Margaret seemed to be fading fast. Her eyes closed for long periods of time, her breathing slow but steady.
"No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us." (KJV, 1 John, Chapter 4)
As Christy read, David reached out to bridge the gap, taking Alice's hand in one of his, and reached around Christy, holding his other hand out toward Doctor MacNeill. The doctor looked at the young reverend incredulously for a moment, his brow furrowed in confusion and question. But the power and sincerity of David's intent, blue-eyed stare held him, and then Neil sighed and nodded almost imperceptibly as he grasped David's outstretched hand, realizing that Margaret's fate was out of his control.
"I feel it," Margaret croaked as she exhaled. "I feel the heaviness in my chest is lifting away."
"Christy! I feel it!" Christy stopped reading and looked up through her tears. "It's just like you said. It's a knowing. A feeling of being loved…that everything is going to be alright. Mother…Neil…" she turned to look at each of them, her voice peaking with excitement.
"Praise thee, God!" Miss Alice said both triumphantly and gratefully, kissing Margaret's hand.
"Keep reading, Christy. Please, keep reading," Margaret said, a peaceful smile on her face. For a moment, the weakness and pain seemed to vanish, and Margaret felt the loving presence of God and her friends and family all around her. She was no longer afraid of dying, of facing what lay ahead of her, because she finally let herself feel and accept the love that had always been there waiting for her.
Neil looked at David, searchingly, the pain and uncertainty etched in the lines on his face. David simply nodded and then closed his eyes and bowed his head in a silent prayer.
Then Christy felt the weight of Neil's stare on her, and her eyes met his. His tear-filled eyes mirrored her own. She tried so hard to tell him with her eyes what she felt in her heart. She turned her focus back on the words in front of her, and read.
"If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for this is the witness of God which he hath testified of his Son. He that believeth on the Son of God hath the witness in himself…" The words spilled from Christy's mouth automatically, and Margaret found strength, peace, and, above all else, love, in them.
A serene expression spread across Margaret's face as she absorbed the Word of God, the corners of her lips slightly upturned in the faintest smile. She exhaled deeply and her eyes closed. When they did, a single tear began its slow descent down her pale cheek.
"And this is the record," Christy continued, "that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life…" (KJV, 1 John, Chapter 5)
Christy stopped reading when she heard Miss Alice's sudden gasping whimper, feeling Margaret's hand grow limp in her own, and realized that Margaret's breathing had ceased. Neil broke the circle of clasped hands and fell beside Margaret. He listened for breathing and checked her pulse, but there was none. She was gone.
Alice leaned her head down next to Margaret's, their faces touching and tears mingling. She began to speak softly to her daughter, her voice barely above a whisper. "For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord. Walk as children of light, for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth." She drew back again slightly from the lifeless form of her beloved daughter's body then bent down once more and kissed her forehead gently, tasting the saltiness of her own tears on her lips.
Alice held Margaret's face in her trembling hands and continued quoting Scripture, her voice now taking on a new power, "Wherefore he saith, awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light." (KJV, Ephesians, Chapter 5)
***
Chapter 12
The next day, Christy had asked Fairlight to help her lay out Margaret before the funeral. When they cleansed her body, they saw clearly the ravages of the disease. Margaret was so thin; she seemed as fragile as a china doll. They dressed her in a black skirt and one of her more modest shirtwaists. They brushed her hair, letting her soft black curls spill around her face. With the subtle application from Margaret's supply of rouge, powder, and lip color, the pallor of her skin was erased, and she almost looked alive, just sleeping.
Looking at Margaret's still form, Christy was suddenly transported back in time to that day shortly after she arrived in the Cove when she helped lay out Opal's baby girl after her accidental death by a mountain superstition. She thought that was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do. But this was a hundred times more difficult. Christy hadn't known Opal's child, hadn't felt its life in her arms. But she knew Margaret while she was alive. It seemed surreal, even after the month of sickness and knowing that the end would come, that Margaret was dead.
Christy was thankful that her friend Fairlight was there to help with preparing Margaret's body. She didn't think she could do it herself, and the task was just too hard for Miss Alice.
Miss Alice was in the midst of a storm of emotions. In those last few weeks, Miss Alice felt she had her daughter back. The sweet and gentle soul kept hidden was finally free, thriving in the acceptance of her mother's love even if only for a short time. Alice was happy that Margaret had finally accepted God and found peace, and that her pain and suffering were ended. But withstanding the devastating loss of her child a second time was more than any mother should have to endure.
At least this time, there was closure on Margaret's death. Her death was final and certain unlike when Margaret had been presumed dead after disappearing into a storm, making it appear that she had been swept up by the river. Only after days and days of fruitless searching and hoping, did Miss Alice have to force both herself and Neil to accept that Margaret was gone.
Neil's feelings the first few days after Margaret's death were not so easy to determine. He'd either kept to himself or busied himself by resuming his endless rounds of treating and following up with patients. He seemed to slip back into one of his moods as easily as he slipped on his coat.
The day before Margaret's funeral, Neil stumbled back into his cabin after a long day of treating patients in Low Gap and being in the saddle all night to get home. Sleep deprived and still struggling to deal with the emotional aftermath of Margaret's death, he was exhausted, and it showed on his face and in his body language.
Neil dropped his saddle bags on the table in the main room of the cabin and then collapsed in his favorite chair by the fire. He didn't even have the energy to smoke his favorite pipe. Then Miss Alice stepped out of the room where Margaret lay. Seeing he was a little surprised and caught off guard at her presence, Alice removed her glasses and spoke to him.
"I did not wish to startle thee, Neil."
"It's alright, Alice," Neil sighed, his hand tugging on the hairs at the nape of his neck in that characteristic way of his. "I just got back from Low Gap. One of the MacKenzie boys had a compound fracture of his arm and some broken ribs after a nasty fall. But he'll mend if his mother can manage to keep him still enough to heal."
Alice didn't want to hear about his patients, but she knew Neil was just avoiding talking about Margaret.
"Neil, I would like to speak to you about Margaret's funeral," she said bluntly, approaching him. She sat on a chair near Neil.
"I've had a long night, Alice. I do not wish to discuss Margaret, or her funeral."
"Besides, I am not going to the funeral," Neil said after a long, uncomfortable silence.
"But, Neil…" Alice began.
Neil sat bolt upright in his chair and met Alice eye to eye. "No, Alice. I've mourned Margaret already. She was dead to me three years ago when she chose to let us all think she'd drowned! I'll not punish myself by reliving those years and mourning her all over again, Alice," he said adamantly.
"I am not asking you to mourn Margaret's death, Neil," Alice admitted, taken aback by the harsh tone in Neil's voice. "I only wish thee to remember Margaret's life and celebrate her finding peace in the end." Alice knew Neil would not budge as his gaze dropped from hers. She was silent for a few moments and licked her lips unconsciously, trying a different tactic. "You once said that maybe we could help each other…."
Her voice faded with the realization that she was not getting anywhere with the stubborn, brooding Scot. She rose from her chair and began exiting the cabin.
Before she left, Alice spun back on her heels, a renewed determination in her demeanor, and said, "And as for punishing yourself, thee do that better than anyone I have ever known, Neil MacNeill."
***
Chapter 13
The morning of the funeral came and Christy was saddened to learn that Neil would not attend Margaret's funeral. Fairlight stayed with Miss Alice at the mission house while Christy, David and Jeb and John Spencer went to Neil's cabin with the wagon to fetch the body and prepare the casket. When they arrived, Neil was nowhere to be found.
Christy knew she needed to talk to Neil. She had to try to make him see why he should go to Margaret's funeral, whether or not he believed in God. She told David that she would look for Neil and that she would meet him at the graveyard in time for the funeral.
Christy looked for Neil by his favorite spot on the river, but he was not there. She had seen his fishing poles outside the cabin, but still, she thought and hoped he might be there. She continued to walk along the river bank, hoping she would find him somewhere. About a quarter mile away from Neil's cabin, she rounded a bend in the river and saw him. With stark realization, she recognized it as the same place she had encountered him that night many months ago, when Bessie Coburn stood in the shadows of the Kissing Tree and saw them together under the full moon.
"Neil?" She called out him, cautiously, her head cocked slightly to one side.
Neil quickly glanced over at Christy. She saw that familiar look in his eyes, the one that she could not fathom. It was the same look she'd seen that day at the schoolhouse when he rode up and saw her standing there holding the ring that David had just given her. But then, it disappeared in a flash almost as quickly as it came as he went back to staring out at the flowing waters, tossing a rock into the river.
"I thought you would be at the funeral," he said, still not meeting her eye.
Christy approached him, closing the gap between them with a determination that clearly indicated that she had her mind set on something, and she would not be deterred. "I came to get you first," she told him, unfettered and unafraid of his reaction.
"Then you're wasting your time, I'm afraid," Neil responded, bitterly. "As I told Alice, I've mourned Margaret already."
"How can you be so selfish?" Christy admonished him, causing him to finally face her. "Funerals aren't for the dead, Neil. They're for the living. Can't you even think about Miss Alice?" Christy shook her head. "She needs you. And I believe you need her."
Christy looked daringly into Neil's pain-filled eyes once more before she turned around and started to walk away, her lips pressed tightly together in frustration. Neil dropped his gaze, ashamed, but unwilling to admit the truth in her words.
After only a few steps, Christy stopped and turned back around. She wasn't finished giving Neil MacNeill a piece of her mind just yet. "Maybe if you went to Margaret's funeral you could finally get the closure you need. Maybe then you would stop blaming yourself. Self pity doesn't become you one bit, Doctor MacNeill."
Neil finally brought his focus back on Christy as her words rung through his ears, stinging down to his very core. But it was too late, she had turned away and was gone.
***
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore. Amen." (KJV, Psalm 121)
"Amen," was the gatherers' solemn response.
Alice Henderson stood in her black bonnet and dark grey suit holding her small Bible to her chest. She fought to hold back the tears as David read those oft-heard psalms from the Bible. Though she rejoiced for her daughter's spiritual birth, she still wept for herself and the loss of her precious child.
Christy stood next to the woman who had become her mentor, her inspiration, and her second mother, caressing Miss Alice's back in a comforting motion. Beads of sweat trickled down Christy's back even as she felt the bitter chill of autumn in the air stirring all around her. She glanced down at the grave and the pile of freshly turned soil next to it, and finally at the wooden casket nearby. She shuddered involuntarily.
The brief pause and subtle change in David's tone as he read, along with the rushing of fallen leaves beneath boots, alerted Christy to a presence moving towards her. Startled, she looked up to see Neil MacNeill standing on the other side of Alice. He nodded at her, a grateful expression in his eyes, and Christy returned the look with a hint of a smile, her mouth quivering slightly. Alice immediately reached for Neil's hand, and he took it instinctively.
With a taciturn signal from David, some of the men – Tom McHone, Jeb and John Spencer and Bob, Rob, and Ault Allen – moved to stand alongside the casket, three on each side, hats temporarily placed back on their heads. They stooped down to grab hold of the ropes and lifted the casket over the deep hole in the ground. They slowly released tension on the ropes, the pine box beginning to disappear into the ground.
Neil felt Alice's grip tighten as she watched her daughter, Margaret Seabohn Henderson MacNeill, lowered into the ground, becoming one with the earth.
Once again, David led those who had gathered in prayer by reciting the 23rd Psalm.
"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul, he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. And let us say, Amen." (KJV, Psalm 23)
***
After the funeral, a small reception was held back at the mission where those who wished could pay their respects. It seemed the entire Cove came out to the funeral and visitation that day. It made Alice's heart swell with joy at the wealth of love and friendship that surrounded her. It brought her tremendous comfort.
Christy was arranging all the food that their neighbors had brought on a table which David set up in the main parlor when she saw Neil approaching her.
"Christy," he began cautiously. "I wondered if I could talk with you outside for a moment?"
"Of course," she replied with a nod. She stopped to gather her shawl, and the two went outside and began to walk towards the pond.
David was coming out of his bunkhouse and saw Neil and Christy leave the mission house together. He paused for a minute, eyeing them speculatively, before going back inside to attend to Miss Alice and the visitors.
They walked in silence, though the weight of unspoken words and unacknowledged emotions was heavy all around them. They stopped and stood next to each other on the bridge. Christy leaned back against the railing and unconsciously hugged her shawl closer around her chest as if for protection.
"I wanted to thank you…for coming to find me this morning." Neil confessed, breaking the silence. "You were right, Christy. I was being selfish."
"But you came today. That's the important thing," Christy reassured him with a slight touch of her hand on his.
"I did blame myself. For not being there for Margaret all those years ago…for being blind to her unhappiness and not being the husband she needed." He sighed audibly, as if it could release the burden of guilt that plagued him. "For not being able to help her more when we found out how ill she was."
"There was nothing you could do, Neil. You said so yourself."
"Aye. That's logic and reason talking," Neil let out a small laugh before turning serious once more. "But oftentimes, my emotions get the better of me, making me question myself and ask if I did everything I could."
"I know nothing can stop you from wanting to save your patients. It's part of what makes you such a good doctor, Neil."
The doctor shrugged his shoulders at the compliment, attempting to brush aside Christy's praise. Though he often claimed to possess strong beliefs in both science and himself, he knew that had doubted his skill as a doctor more times than he wished to admit. But Christy had such confidence in him, such faith, Neil thought to himself. And he couldn't understand why.
Neil recalled that night when Christy stormed into his cabin with a very frightened Becky O'Teale in her arms. He remembered the hopelessness he felt when he examined the girl's eyes and diagnosed her with trachoma, a progressive disease that would steal her eyesight slowly and painfully. Despite Christy's pleas and his years of research on the ancient affliction, Neil feared that by attempting his experimental treatments, he would only make the girl worse.
I was a coward then, and I'm a coward now, he cursed himself.
"Never, doctor," she had rebutted. Involuntarily, his thoughts floated to the memory of Christy's words that night. "I wish you believed in yourself as much as I believe in you." She had such faith, such optimism. The recollection of her fervent but gentle words had been like a balm to soothe his wounded heart as much now as they had been when she'd actually said them.
The silence between the two was companionable and comfortable. Neil's mind became less tormented as he accepted some of the inner strength that Christy unknowingly offered him, the tension at last gone from his body. Neil leaned back against the railing next to her, eyes looking straight ahead of him and into the murky blue-green depths of the pond.
Neil's arm almost touching hers, Christy was suddenly overcome with self-consciousness due to a new awareness of how close Neil was standing to her. "I should be heading back to the mission house to help Fairlight and Ruby Mae," Christy finally said, moving away from him, almost afraid to look him in the eye lest he see the blush rising in her cheeks.
"Thank you, Christy. As the sayin' 'round here goes: I'm beholdin' to ye," he said, his voice taking on the speech of a hillbilly man. His mouth turned up in a slight smile for a moment, his tone teasing; though his eyes revealed the true depth of his gratitude.
Christy smiled in kind and nodded. And with that, she quickly turned and headed towards the mission, feeling her face warm with the rush of blood. Far enough away from the pond, Christy's head whirled around to watch Neil mount his horse Charlie and ride away in the direction of his cabin.
***
TO BE CONTINUED
