A/N Thank you Yuti-Chan, Minion Maker and xxMysecretLovexx for adding me to your story/author alerts. Special thanks to Dracul666 for adding me to his favorites. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

BUT I DON'T LOVE THOSE NON-REVIEWERS! 105 people clicked my story and half of them read it. Only two people reviewed SO REVIEW!

Yuti-Chan: Thanks for the review.

XxMysecretLovexx: Sorry for firing Itachi. And if any of my grammer mistakes are really bad, tell me.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would be dead by now. Since I don't, let's get on with the story.

Behind the scenes of the Akatsuki

Chapter Two: Recruitment

Itachi walked through the streets his tears still running free. He had left the village because of his crimes. He had joined the Akatsuki because everyone in there had a hand in murdering people (though Kisame had only murdered dolphins).

To him each member was part of his family, except for Konan, who was just Konan. Pein was like a father, Orochimaru like a crazed uncle, Zetsu like the creepy next door neighbor and Kisame was the annoying little brother, he had always wanted. The Zombie Twins and Sasori were the distant relatives that lived too close and Deidara was the sibling who wanted to surpass him. Konan was either Konan or a grandmother.

The Akatsuki was his family and they had abandoned him. Now he was all alone. First things first: Stop moping. Second order of business: Find a job. Unfortunately the only skills he had were applying nail polish, burning stuff and being a ninja. Maybe I can go back to Konoha and become a ninja.

And so, with that in mind, our great hero set out on a journey. A journey filled with metaphors, alliteration and all those other little monsters.

==O==

"…Have...Zetsu…eat…Deidara…after…Sasori is done…" Deidara paled, as he listened to what was being said. He was to be fed to Zetsu after Sasori did something to him. He would be killed, just, because they had an odd number of members. I…I can't believe this…I will have to leave now. I will find Itachi-san and together we will have revenge. Goodbye Akatsuki!

==O==

If Deidara was a little closer to the door, he would have heard what was really being said. It regarded Zetsu's diet, but to really understand what was being said, let us go back in time.

Flashback

Pein looked up as Konan entered, anger written clearly on her face. "What happened?"

"Zetsu happened, down in the kitchen. I opened the fridge and it was filled with human limbs." It was at this point that Deidara came, and stood outside the door.

"We will have to get Zetsu to stop eating humans."

"Deidara can help us, after lunch."

"Sure, after Sasori is done send him down."

==O==

Let's see, I have my lipstick, nail polish, eyeliner, Itachi's magazine and nail polish and his limited edition Sasuke-chibi plushy.

And so our feminine hero set out on a journey, to meet his future companions" a grouchy man, Itachi, a snake lord and some other minor characters.

Four days later

The people of Konoha were minding their own business, when two people burst out of a door. The first one to burst was Itachi. He had a look of pure joy. Behind him was Sasuke, with pictures drawn all over his face. "I hate YOU! Itachi, I'll kill you!"

Itachi turned around and threw a tomato at Sasuke. "Just like old times." Itachi turned his around only to bump into Deidara. Deidara was decked out in full battle gear. He had left his cloak and was wearing a black shirt that said "I'm a BOY!" He had on black pants with four clay pouches around his waist. Strapped to his arms were sticks of dynamite. His hair had a streak of red in it, and was held down in a ponytail with a spiked scrunchy holding it back.

"Yo, fancy meeting the weasel in this place." People paused and regarded the sight. Their last Uchiha was trying to attack another Uchiha, who was talking with a person wearing dynamite. The Sandaime was watching the entire thing with the council on his flat screen. (Hey, crystal balls are old!) "Put forty on Sasuke's death" the Hokage said.

Itachi stared at Deidara for a few more minutes before replying "Dynamite, what happened? Were you fired too?"

"Nope, I escaped my death. I've been looking for you."

Itachi moved his hand to put on Deidara's shoulder, in order to complete the moment. Before, he could Sasuke ran up holding two kunai. "I will have my REVENGE! THEN I WILL DESTROY THIS PUNY VILLAGE AND MURDER EVERYO-!" Before he could finish the angry villagers hounded on him, pounding him to oblivion.

Deidara, ignoring Sasuke's murder, spoke up again "We must take revenge on Akatsuki! Together we can take over the world!"

"Why should I?

"Itachi, you must! For, I am your PARTNER!"

Itachi sweat dropped, before returning to his original stance. "Even if we wanted to, how would we get revenge on them? There are only two of us and eight of them."

Deidara shook his head. "Poor, poor Itachi. I have spent the last four days gathering our allies of the coming war. Everyone, from the Grouch and Snake-lord to Chibi and Father, are ready for deployment.. With them we can take over the world!" Deidara whispered.

"No, we do not need that many. Bring them to me and we will pick the best." Deidara nodded and they both left, neither noticing Sasuke's corpse on the ground or Sakura crying over his body.

A/N I know it's pretty short. I got it half of the original chapter done after I posted chapter one. But I got stumped over how Deidara would meet Itachi, and how Itachi would meet his little brother. I ended up cutting it in half and redoing the last part.

So anyway, I'll have chapter three done before Sunday, hopefully. I'll give an online cookie to anyone who can make a picture of Deidara in his battle gear or can figure out who the four allies are.

Review, please! Even if you're the lazy ones.

P.S I'll need a new summary so another cookie to anyone who can make a new summary for Behind the scenes of the Akatsuki.