Title: And When My Compass Can't Find North (I See You Shining From Afar; Guide Me Home)
Category: Thor/The Avengers
Genre: Drama/Romance/Humor
Ship: Darcy/Bruce
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: Challenge #5 – Pre-Thor/AU Darcy Lewis Week Challenge
Warning(s): Coarse Language, Sexual Content, Violence, Attempted Rape
Word Count: 9,239
Summary: [AU] Darcy Lewis has always had trouble finding direction in her life and college leaves her with more questions than answers. When an opportunity to travel to South Asia to teach English to underprivileged kids springs up, she decides it could be just what she needs to figure out her purpose in life. While her soul searching is bringing up great results, the mysterious doctor she meets, on the run from American authorities, might just heal her soul in another way.
!WARNING!: Attempted rape is in this chapter.
And When My Compass Can't Find North (I See You Shining From Afar; Guide Me Home)
-Novel-
II.
The second time Darcy met the shadow creature known as Doc, he was standing on the outskirts near the school. His hands were in his pockets and he was leaning against an old building, watching. If she didn't know him, she might think he was perving on the kids. But when she got closer to the school, she realized he wasn't really paying attention to the children, he was instead searching around and, she didn't think it was too self-involved to assume, looking for her. Maybe he was checking out her story, she wasn't sure, but she felt it when he spotted her; his eyes zeroed in and followed her across the paved lot. She had Anala's hand in hers, who was swinging their arms back and forth as she made hop-scotch of walking. Two of the older boys, ten and twelve respectively, were at her heels, chatting away about something they'd read in the book they were sharing, playfully shoving each other's shoulders. Bimal, a sweet, shy little eight year old, was pressed up against her side, one of his arms wrapped around her leg. Her hand rested on top of his head, threaded in his too-long hair.
When the other kids spotted her, a cry of, "Miss Darcy!" rang up before they all hurried to greet her, talking all at once.
She laughed. "One at a time…" She pointed at Sanjeev. "You, what were you saying?"
"I read the book. I read it all!" he told her happily. "My mother and my father, they ask me to read it to them, and I did!"
She gave him a thumbs up and then held her hand out. "High-five me, kid."
He did, smiling proudly.
"Me! Me next!" Leela cried, rocking forward on her feet. "Please, Miss Darcy, I have something to say!"
"Sure, Leela, tell it to me straight…" she encouraged.
As she ushered the kids toward the school, she dug out her key from her back pocket; they crowded in close as she unlocked the door and swung it open, waving them inside. When she looked back over her shoulder, the Doc was gone, just an empty space in the shadow of a building where he'd been standing, and she wondered if he got what he was looking for.
"—and then the tiger ated my little brother and it was a delicious meal!"
Rolling her eyes, Darcy looked back. "Leela, there is almost no way that happened… You wanna know how I know?" She pointed at a boy three paces over. "You've only got one brother and Upa does not look like regurgitated tiger food…"
Leela sighed, shoulders slumping. "But it was a good story, yes?"
She laughed. "Aside from the part where I like your brother and don't want him to get eaten, sure. One of your best!" She winked.
"I have another!" she told her, perking up happily.
"Nope, one only," she denied, shaking her head before she pointed at another boy. "It's Samaresh's turn. Come on Sammy, what've you got for me?"
And so her morning went, listening to their stories, one at a time, getting updated on what happened between school ending and beginning, as she moved around the room, gathering books and materials, setting up for the day.
All the while, she wondered about her life and what it had become and what, if anything, the strange doctor might bring to it. Darcy, probably like too many of her ancestors, was a betting woman, and she was putting her money on the fugitive doctor being unable to avoid her milkshake. Which, yes, hadn't really brought any boys to her yard— at least not any that were legal or she'd want partaking in her jelly… And crap, she was mixing up her songs now. Anyway, the point was, she was pretty sure Doctor Fluffy— and damn she needed to figure out his name —would be coming by to see her again. Not just because she was a few shades of awesome, even though she totally was, but also because she'd seen something in him that night that they talked. A loneliness and a hope that something could maybe change; she'd seen it in some of the kids she taught and she saw it in him too.
Now Darcy wasn't going to get overconfident and say that she could change his life, but… Something— and she thought it might be the same thing that told her she needed to go to Calcutta and find herself —told her that this guy was going to change her life.
Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse, but it was going to happen.
Hopping up onto the desk at the front of the class, she perused the room of eager faces, and told herself she was ready for that. Ready for whatever life had to offer, good or bad. Following her gut this far had done her good, so what was one more leap of faith?
Later, she would seriously question the legitimacy of her gut; it was very obviously not of the same quality as beloved TV character, Gibbs.
…
She heard bits and pieces through the grapevine.
Rani was kind of a gossip, so she was Darcy's best source of information.
"I hear things, you know. I hear things about him and how he moves. They say that he hugs the walls, blends like shadows…" She nodded, her eyebrows hiked. "Sukumar, he say to my Basu that his boy, Rupam, got very sick. So sick that he didn't think he make it through the night… Then the shadow, he come and he bring medicine, he tell them that Rupam will live." Rani reached out and took Darcy's hand, patting it. "Sometimes, the shadows, they are brighter than the dark."
Darcy swung her legs from where she saw on the counter; something that always made Rani slap her knee and flick her fingers to get her down. "So you think he's a good guy? You don't buy into the evil spirit stealing souls thing?"
"Ahh!" She shook her head. "The bad man, he take from the weak and give to the powerful…" She shook her finger. "This man, this doctor, he has the hope in his heart. Like us…" She patted her chest. "Like my Basu and me; we have hope, we have faith, we give!"
Humming, Darcy sat back and thought it over. "Well, I just think he's cute."
Laughing good and loud, Rani reached over and pinched her knee. "American hearts, so…" She weighed her hands back and forth.
Snorting, Darcy hopped down. "Hey, you don't know, he could be my soul mate or something…" She grinned. "I think shadow creature is right up my alley."
With a scoff, Rani ushered her out of the kitchen, smiling wryly all the same.
Instead of letting the subject drop, Darcy felt out a few of the volunteers and the organizers to see if they'd heard anything about the doctor. They had a few stories, but they were all 'arrived suddenly, saved the day' type things. Except for Rani, who had a way of spinning a good tale; even if she did always make it sound like the doctor was an avenging angel who appeared from thin air and then majestically left when his good deed was done.
Darcy didn't want to ask too hard; she was a little worried that if she put too much emphasis on it that the wrong sort of people would start noticing. She didn't know why she felt like she owed it to him not to alert the authorities, because sometimes she really thought about it and maybe he did something crazy bad and she was kind of helping him hide out. But then she thought, no way! No way would a man save a stranger's life, a little boy's life, if he was really some totally evil asshole. It was the only comfort she had, really.
And then she wondered if maybe she was just projecting or something. Because once or twice she'd thought she'd seen him outside the school again. Through the window while she was teaching or out of the corner of her eye while she was playing with the kids. She thought she'd seen the scruffy outline of him, hiding in the shadows, watching. And if it wasn't like Twilight creepy, she might be flattered. But mostly, she just wanted to pick him apart and see what made him do it, why he was there. Because her? She'd started this whole thing because she didn't know what she wanted out of life; because she had no direction or purpose. But it seemed like there was something else going on for him. And maybe it was her philosophy classes kicking in or her high school psychology course pushing her, but she wanted to know what made him tick.
Curiosity killed the cat.
…
The third time, Darcy actually got to talk to him.
"Ah-hah!" She leapt out from where she'd been carefully hidden around a corner and grinned as the good doctor flinched, stumbling back a few steps, rolling his eyes at himself.
"Cute," he muttered, self-consciously smoothing out and readjusting his clothes. Clearing his throat, he raised an eyebrow, and said, "I was just—"
"Stalking me like a stalky stalking stalker?" she interrupted with a knowing smirk.
He blinked.
She shrugged. "I work with kids, I've gotta keep an eye out for pervs or like, child smuggling rings or whatever…"
"Okay…" He reached up and scratched at his temple, where grey had begun to tinge his hair. "Um, well, I was just… I wanted to keep an eye on a few of my patients. You, uh, seem to have a few of them in your class…"
It was Darcy's turn to blink. "Seriously, that's the excuse you want to go with?"
He frowned. "As opposed to…?"
"I don't know…" She shrugged. "An unhealthy attachment to that hot woman you made some weird connection with in the middle of a dark slum after you kind of, sort of attacked her for making a totally reasonable observation?"
He paused, mouth hanging open slightly. "When you put it that way, I think I might need to see a psychologist…" he muttered.
"Yeah, well, I'm a hot woman who just surprise-greeted the stalky stalker who attacked me once in the middle of a dark slum for making conversation, so…" She shrugged. "Maybe it's mutual?"
"If we get back-to-back appointments, it would make my stalking easier," he said, his lips twitching.
Her eyes flashed wide in surprise. "Aw, look at you…" She reached over and socked him in the arm. "That was a joke, Doc. Color me impressed!"
"Whereabouts on Roy G. Biv was that located?" His eyebrow quirked. "I might have to send away for it…"
She snorted and told him as she grinned, "All right, but I only do nude portraits."
He made a choked noise and dropped his eyes, first to her chest and then, just as quickly, to the ground.
She laughed. "What? No witty comeback?" She wiggled her eyebrows. "Should I be flattered that I've got you tongue-tied?"
He ran a hand through his hair awkwardly and raised his eyes to meet hers. "Do you always flirt with abusive strangers on the run from authorities?"
"Meh, only the cute ones," she said, dismissively.
He bit his lip in that way that told her he was stifling a smile and then sobered just as quick. "Since we're discussing that night… I'd like to reiterate my apology…" He shook his head. "There's no excuse for my behavior. I reacted the wrong way; I just…" His brow furrowed.
"Hey, I get it; you thought I was some undercover agent or something…" She laughed then, loud and abrupt. "Oh my god, you thought I was an undercover agent!" She held her arms out, her eyes wide, "Me!"
He half-smiled. "So it was a little far-fetched."
"Oh, no…" She shook her head. "I think my cut-off jeans, completely shitty language skills, and the fact that I'm basically a college drop-out at this point just screams G-man… woman… person."
He perked up. "You were in college?"
"Mm-hmm." She nodded. "Culver University. It's—"
"I know," he interrupted, his eyes turning to the side. "I… I'm familiar with it."
"Huh." She shrugged. "Well, I started out in education; figured I had the chops for teaching kids and then realized yeah, probably not the best idea…" She used both hands to point at her chest. "Would you believe it was a kid in Starbucks staring at these that told me I didn't want to be a teacher?"
His eyes fell helplessly toward her chest before he cleared his throat and darted his gaze back to meet hers, only to find her smirking. "Considering your reasoning and now that you're here, teaching kids, I'm starting to think your thought process is a little skewed…"
"Oh, it's all over the place," she agreed, nodding. "But it made sense at the time… Or I panicked and cut and ran, totally possible…" She stared off to the side thoughtfully. "Anyway, I tried philosophy after that, but…" She pointed at her mouth. "As you can probably tell, me in a room full of intellectuals was like having Patrick Star run for president…"
He frowned. "Intelligence isn't strictly based on verbal skills… I've seen you work with the kids…" He turned his head back toward the school he'd been not-so-subtly scoping out. "You can connect with them; make them excited to learn… It's your presence." He stared at her thoughtfully. "You resonate with people."
She hummed. "Is that why you're stalking me?" she asked, before kicking her brain-to-mouth filter for being a total dick and ruining a moment.
He chuckled under his breath. "Partly…"
"And also you weren't completely sure I wasn't rocking a badge, right?" She held her hands up in surrender. "I'm not gonna lie; I was once a Fireside Girl… I've got a Reckless Disregard for Life and Limb patch to prove it, too!"
"I'm not sure patches and badges are the same thing…" he said slowly, before his eyes narrowed. "And also, I think the Fireside Girls are from a popular cartoon…"
"Way to get specific, Dr. Doofenschmirtz…" she drawled.
"I…" He frowned uncertainly. "You could call me Bruce."
She smiled then. "Did we just have a breakthrough?"
He rolled his eyes and shuffled his feet. "I should be going… You probably have class."
Darcy looked over her shoulder at the school, surrounded by eager, waiting kids. "Yeah, my little midgets are probably getting anxious." She turned back toward him. "All right, well…" She stuck a hand out. "Now that you know I'm not a G-person and that I know you're stalking me, badly I might add…"
He snorted.
"Maybe now you'll just, do the normal thing and like, I dunno, say hi?" She reached out and took his hand, noticing but not commenting on his flinch. "Here, I'll show you how to wave…" She curved his fingers and then flapped his hand in a completely moronic and not at all attractive way.
He bit his lip. "If you ever wave at me like that, I'm going to stick to the shadows just so I'm never seen with you…"
Darcy threw her head back and laughed. "Okay, okay… Although I'd like to point out that the locals call you shadow creature, so I probably won't take much offense, lurking being your default setting and all…"
He sighed. "I'll make a conscious effort to stop stalking you if you'll stop accusing me of it."
"I'll stop accusing you of it when I stop seeing you stalking me."
His mouth twitched. "So you're saying I just have to get better at it then…?"
She shook her head. "I don't want to burst your bubble, but handsome scruffy American is a little hard to hide…" She reached up and ruffled the thick curls of his hair, sending up a little dust. "Although I bet if you showered and shaved, I'd have a hard time picking you out of a line-up…"
He ducked his head a little, his face looking almost flushed, and then took a step back and rubbed his own hand over his hair. "Is it really that bad?"
"Nah…" She smiled at him, tucking her hands in her the back pockets of her cut-offs. "Some people can pull off the hot, awkward look." She winked before backing up, starting for the school. "Don't forget! Wave…" She mimicked her awful wave, pleased when he grinned. "And hi!"
He saluted her. "Next time," he assured.
"Looking forward to it!"
With a light chuckle, she turned and didn't bother hiding her mile-wide smile.
That fascination she'd started out with over Doctor Fluffy, now fondly known as Bruce?
Tripled.
…
She was repeating herself, she knew that, but she couldn't help it.
"Ugh, he was just so cute!" Darcy exclaimed.
Susan rolled her eyes from where she laid on her single bed, her laptop open, the glow of her Dashboard lighting her up. "I get it; he was a hot piece…" She tucked a loose strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "Pictures or it doesn't count."
Nose wrinkled, she quirked an eyebrow. "Pictures of what exactly?"
She wiggled her eyebrows. "You tell me; you're the one who can't stop drooling over his fluffy hair…"
"Whatever… When you see him, you'll get it…" She raised an eyebrow. "Seriously… He's just all…" She moved her hands as if to encompass his whole self. "Tanned and handsome and smart and funny and he's got this grey streak—"
"By his temple that you just want to stroke, yeah, I know." She sighed. "Look, if I didn't think reminding you of YOLO would make be cringe, I'd use it… But really, I'm just gonna say that you've only got like, what? A month and a half before you trade Calcutta in for American soil?" She shrugged. "I say hop on that fluffy train and enjoy it while it lasts!"
"Yeah, but you're a hoe…" Darcy grinned. "Look at all your husbands!"
Susan hugged her laptop. "Don't judge me just because I collect pretty celebrities and want to bear all their babies!"
Laughing, she flopped over onto her stomach, legs tucked under the blanket on her bed. Hugging her pillow, she declared, "Ship Susan with all the things!"
"Thanks for boarding; please, no planking on anything."
Darcy stuck out her lip in a pout. "Aww, not even the actual plank?"
She grunted, shaking her head. "We had it removed; too many people crying out 'feels' before they jumped off it."
"I hate it when one person ruins it for everyone…"
Susan snorted, but before she could say anything her wi-fi dropped and her page stopped loading. "Ugh! Motherfucking fuckitty fuckhead!"
Darcy nodded, reaching under her pillow for her iPod. "And that's my cue…"
"Why? Why do you do this to me, world? I walk everywhere; I never litter; just let me have my Tumblr!" Susan cried, banging her hands against the keyboard before she let out a wail of despair.
Chuckling under her breath, Darcy tucked her earbuds in and scrolled through her list.
Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control…
Smiling, she closed her eyes, and let herself dream about fluffy hair and a stifled smile.
…
She was almost disappointed that she didn't see him after that. He wasn't hiding out in the open, leaning against the wall, watching.
But there were times when she would look up from coaching her kids on pronunciation, and she thought she might've seen something.
Somewhere in the shadows.
Whether it was him or not, it made her smile.
And she knew she was in way over her head.
…
It was a week before she found a note taped to the door of the school. "Am I getting better yet? –B"
She laughed as she pulled it off, folded it, and tucked it in the pocket of her jeans.
She was pretty sure was she was crazy; most people wouldn't encourage their weird stalking-relationship.
When she left after school that day, she taped her own note to the same place for him.
This is me waving at you. Don't forget to wave back.
…
The next morning, it was gone and there was no reply.
But when she joined a chatty Rani to get groceries, she spotted him out of the corner of her eye.
He was leaning against a wall near the mouth of an alley, his hands tucked in his pockets, watching her.
He stood a little taller when he realized she'd spotted him and then slowly, he raised his hand; it wasn't the ridiculous wave she'd 'taught' him, he more or less just held it high for her to see. And then, between a split in the crowd of moving people, she saw his hands move.
'Hi,' he mouthed.
She grinned widely.
Progress.
He didn't come to see her or meet Rani, in fact he disappeared from sight shortly after. But she felt accomplished, and totally ignored the voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother, lamenting the fact that she never did anything the normal way.
…
The next time Darcy saw him, she was on her way home. She'd stayed too long at Anala's house, letting her braid her hair and listening to her stories and talking with her family. Her father, Arun, and her mother, Kiran, were always so happy to have her over, even though their English was borderline non-existent. Most of Darcy's conversations with them involved a lot of hand-shaking and nodding, although Anala tried to translate and Darcy, despite not being able to speak Bengali very well, still understood a lot of what was spoken. All she really knew for sure was that they appreciated her presence in Anala's life and the positive impact she was making. Not really good with praise, Darcy usually tried to play it off.
"I really like the brat, so don't worry about it," she would say, and instead of Anala translating, she would just stick her tongue out at Darcy playfully before dragging her away, making her sit on a pillow as she braided her hair, chatting about the other kids and what she learned or had trouble with in school that day, and what her dreams for her future were.
Before she left, Darcy would take out the ancient looking Polaroid camera she'd bought while in Calcutta and she'd take two pictures of her insane hair; one for Anala to keep and treasure, and one for her to add to her own collection.
Hugging it to her chest each time, Anala would kiss Darcy's cheek before she put it away for safe-keeping, added to the cardboard cigar box, faded and fraying at the edges, where she kept everything that spoke to her. One of the clay beads Darcy had given her was tucked inside too.
Night had fallen when she waved goodbye to the family crowded in the doorway to see her go. She frowned as she started the trek home, Basu and Rani were probably worried. They didn't like her going out late; it could be dangerous. Truthfully, aside from that time with Sunil, she was usually home and safe when it got dark. But Anala was just so sweet and when she asked her to stay longer, to let her braid more, she did.
She was regretting that now.
She could hear footsteps behind her; loud in the silence. Maybe it was fear that seeing them would make her right, but she refused to look over her shoulder to see if somebody was actually following her. Her heart raced so loudly it clouded the rest of her hearing, pounding thickly. She quickened her steps and kept moving, counting in her head, trying to tell herself that she wasn't far; she would be home soon; it would be okay.
But then a hand gripped her arm and she was swung around, stumbling at the jerking movement. Before she could get her bearings, she was dragged, her feet tripping one over the other, until finally she was slammed into the wall of a building so hard that her head ricocheted off of it. She cried out a curse word, eyes squeezed shut as they swam, and then kicked her legs out, waving her arms. When she opened her eyes, her vision was sideways for a second, before finally focusing on not one but two men. They were speaking Hindi and the one who'd grabbed her, pinned her shoulders to the wall. The other was laughing, reaching over his friend's shoulder to tug at her braids mockingly. He grinned at her savagely, showing a mouth full of rotting teeth, before his hands fell lower, reaching and squeezing, hips and breasts, wandering her body.
She gave a hoarse shout, her throat tightening, bile climbing. Her face went red with anger at the violation; she started screaming for help, kicking with her legs.
The second man gave her a stiff slap across her face that made her breath catch in her throat and her glasses fly, crashing to the ground. Panic welled up and she glared, her vision blurred from both a lack of her glasses and a glaze of stinging tears. She refused to give them the satisfaction of crying and instead spat in the closest man's face. His whole face curled up in rage and he released one of her shoulders so he could wipe her spit from his eye with the back of his hand, spitting curses at her.
Darcy took her opportunity and slammed her heel down on his foot hard enough that he cried out, pulling back and releasing her. She shoved at his chest as hard as she could; he stumbled back and knocked into the other man while she turned and started running, racing toward the mouth of an alley, only now realizing just how far away from the street they'd managed to pull her.
In all her time in Calcutta, she'd never seen this seedy side of it. The slums were terrible; the made her stomach twist and her heart wrench. But this…? She'd always been surrounded by so many good, beautiful, kind people. By kids who, despite everything, had hope inside of them. These men were not like them. Darcy made it around the corner and ten feet, before a hand wrapped around her hair and pulled. She gave a shriek as she was knocked off her feet and fell to the ground on her back, her whole body feeling it as pain lanced up and down her frame.
It scared and disgusted her that her short-lived freedom had come to an end again and that, as she felt a body climb on top of hers, it would be happening in the middle of a street. A street she had walked down she didn't know how many times. A street that, in the light of day, was filled with people, young and old, that waved and talked to her, that knew her name. A street that had windows looking down on it, filled with those same people. She screamed again, letting the sound echo, and prayed and pleaded that someone would hear her. She kicked and thrashed and beat her hands against the man's face, scraping her nails down his cheek.
He screamed, shouting things in her face that she couldn't understand.
"Fuck you! Go to hell!" she yelled back, her brain not working quite up to capacity on the insult's scale.
She felt tears break from the corners of her eyes and she gave a broken, angry cry, as she kept struggling, kept pushing. One of his hands coupled her wrists and pushed them down against the ground so hard that her knuckles split on the pavement. She felt his other hand on her jeans, pulling at the button, at the sides; she squeezed her legs shut, shaking her head.
His grubby hand slid down the front of her shorts and she reared her head back and brought it forward sharply; her forehead connected with his nose and she felt the crack. It hurt her, probably not as much as it did him, but she felt it sharply in her head. With a howl, he stumbled away from her, holding his shattered and bleeding nose with both hands.
Darcy rolled onto her stomach, blinking as her vision swam, and managed to get her knees up under her.
The second man appeared then, however, and slapped her across the face so hard that she was thrown back down on her stomach. Her eyes closed as a cracked whimper escaped her and she again pushed up onto her knees and elbows, unwilling to lay down and take it.
Her body tensed though, waiting for the sensation of him pushing her down and climbing on top. But when she heard a cry, her brow furrowed. She looked up, searching, and found her immediate vicinity empty. The man with the broken nose was still stumbling a way, shouting painfully, completely focused on himself. But the other one…
She turned over and leaned back, looking for him. Her lack of glasses made it hard to distinguish certain things, especially with how dark it was. Finally, squinting, she thought she saw a foot, a body on the ground, before it was dragged into the shadows.
She blinked repeatedly, confused.
And then there was a roar; a loud, vicious roar. Her heart jumped in her chest and her eyes widened.
For one brief second, she thought of Leela and her story about the tiger.
And then the ground was shaking, like something huge, something unbelievably large, was stomping its way through the back alleys.
She looked around, not sure what to do, before finally, taking it for the advantage it seemed to be, she managed to push herself up to her feet.
The man whose nose she'd broken was leaning against a wall be the opening of an alley; he followed the same fate as the other. But for a split-second, and that was all it took to happen, she could've sworn…
A green hand had wrapped around his body and pulled him in.
Darcy turned tail and ran; she could admit that.
It turned out her home was a lot farther than she'd been reassuring herself and it took nearly a half hour for it to be in sight. She nearly cried in relief when she was close enough to see the light on at Basu and Rani's. Sniffling, she felt the adrenaline running through her give out, and her whole body was shaking. She leaned against an adjacent building, her knees ready to collapse on her.
"Darcy?"
She jumped, giving a cry, and turned around abruptly, her eyes darting.
He stepped out of the shadows, bare-chested, his pants looking too large on his frame. He held his hands up to show he wasn't the enemy.
"Bruce," she said, her voice coming out in a croak. She reached up and wiped at her face, her nose running. "I… This… It—It's not a good time…"
He approached her slowly, constantly keeping eye contact. "Darcy, I think you might be going into shock…"
Her eyes turned away. "Shock? No, I… I was visiting Anala…" She reached a shaking hand up to her hair. "She did my braids… A-Aren't they pretty?"
"Darcy…" His hand touched her shoulder and she gave a whine, her whole body going still. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? I'm your friend…"
Her heart started racing, her breathing picking up. "There were… And I was… And these guys… And then this thing… I—I don't… They tried to…" A tear slid down her cheek, followed by another and another. She shook her head. "Stupid. I was stupid."
"No, it's not your fault." He very slowly slid his hand up and down her arm. "Darcy, this is not your fault."
She shook her head.
"Hey… Look at me…" His fingers touched her chin, lifted her head. "Come on; just look me in the eye."
It took her a few seconds before she raised her eyes to meet his. Her brow furrowed. "Hi."
He smiled.
He had a nice smile.
"Hey."
"You have a nice smile," she told him, hiccupping.
And then her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out.
…
Her dreams were just flashes…
Anala's voice.
The flash of the camera as she took a picture of her newly braided hair.
The skeevy laugh of one of her attackers.
Green.
Bruce's smile.
Over and over, little bits and pieces, a mixture of good and bad, happy and terrifying.
…
Darcy woke to a splitting headache; her eyes darted, terrified, and she sat up, finding it was late morning and she was in her own bed. She dragged her blanket around her and up to her throat. A choked cry left her, every muscle in her body tightened to the point of pain.
But then, Rani was just there and sitting on the edge of her bed. Her hands were smoothing over Darcy's hair soothingly and she was pushing her to lie back down.
On seeing her, Darcy broke down again. She shook her head. "He—And I—There was—I didn't—Please—Please, please, please…" She was incoherent and her tears were clouding her eyes; she hiccupped on the gulping breaths being dragged in.
"I know, I know, sweet girl," Rani said, hugging her to her side, stroking her hair.
Rani smelled like home; or the home, at least, that Darcy had gotten used to. She smelled spicy and warm and she rocked Darcy in her arms like she imagined a mother would. Her own, seeming a lifetime and a world away, wasn't what Darcy wanted or needed at the moment. It was Rani's rough hands that rubbed her back and stroked her hair, knuckles lightly grazing the shell of her ear, that soothed her.
And then she just sang; a lullaby of sorts. Her voice lulling Darcy until her tears stopped, her body giving up the fight and becoming loose as a limp noodle, and finally she fell into a numb, dreamless sleep.
…
When she woke up later, she was more aware of what was happening, where she was.
It was night again and she curled in on herself, pulling her knees up to her chest.
The light turned on overhead when dinner was near; it was Basu's voice that called to her, softer, gentler than she remembered.
"Are you awake, darling girl?"
Her eyes moved slowly to the doorway. "I'm not feeling dinner tonight, Bas."
He sighed softly and moved into her room, taking a seat on the edge of Susan's bed. He took a moment to clean his round glasses on his shirt.
Darcy found she liked the routine; she liked watching him do something so simple, taking care to rub out each blemish from his glasses, making them clean and perfect and useable again. "Your doctor friend brought you home, did Rani tell you?"
She frowned, shaking her head. "I kind of remember seeing him. I… It's a little blurry."
"He was very worried about you…" He clasped his hands in his lap. "He carried you home and he brought you to your room. He sat with you, right there on the floor…" He pointed to a spot near the front of her bed, where her head was. "He refused to leave you, but he told us what happened… He told us that you were attacked, that he was too late to do anything but help you home…"
Darcy's throat squeezed. "They didn't… I wasn't…" She clawed her fingers at her throat as it burned. "It was close…"
He hummed, nodding. "Your doctor thought so."
Her brow furrowed painfully tight. "I couldn't… I didn't understand what they were saying; they just kept gra-grabbing at me and I…" Her lips folded as she bit her tongue.
"You do not have to tell me," Basu offered, shaking his head. "What happened to you, it was a violation of your person and your soul… It was not right and I…" His hands unfolded and fisted to the point of shaking before he finally wrapped his palms over his knees. "I feel rage in my heart for you… I want to hurt those men for hurting you…" He shook his head. "I have always been a peaceful man; I've always thought it was better to live my life as I thought others should and hope that they follow… I have seen a great many horrible things in my life and knowing that someone I care about, that I treasure as dear to me as a daughter, was hurt in any way… It turns my stomach and sets fire to my heart." He stared at her earnestly. "No one deserves that hurt… But you…? You I wish it on even less."
Darcy's eyes burned until a few tears managed to escape. She offered a shaky smile. "You're good people, Basu…" She swallowed tightly. "And I think… I feel…" She closed her eyes and squeezed them tight. "My dad was a total jerk; he never cared. But when I'm here and around you guys, and even just watching you when you do your books or you're listening to Rani's gossip, I… You're like that really awesome dad I never had growing up, okay?" She forced her eyes open and stared through her tears. "And I hate that I took away your Gandhi calm or whatever."
He moved slowly from the bed and knelt beside hers, pressing a hand to her cheek and rubbing away a tear with his thumb. He shushed her softly. "It was not you who took it, but those men… Remember that." He stared at her levelly. "You did nothing wrong. You are a victim."
Her nose wrinkled. "I don't want to be."
His lips moved slowly into a faint smile. "Ah, you are a strong girl…" He patted her cheek. "The strongest I have ever known besides my Rani."
She gave a half-grin then, a chuckle breaking out. "That's like, the biggest Basu compliment ever."
He nodded.
Darcy reached up and covered his hand, squeezing it. "I'm still not ready to eat," she told him.
"Then I will sit with you until you are," he offered. Keeping her hand in his, he turned, taking a seat with his back to her bed.
It was a few minutes, the wafting scent of food making its way into her room, and her stomach coiling tighter and tighter, before he spoke again.
"Your doctor said that there were two men who attacked you…"
She hummed, nodding.
"Unusual, but… There were two men found killed in two separate alleys not far from here… They were torn into pieces like a rabid animal had gotten at them… Some say they were pummeled so completely that their bones were like dust."
Her heart gave a tug as her eyes turned off and she remembered what she thought was her attackers being dragged into the dark.
"They're dead?" she whispered.
He didn't reply, but she was sure that it was them and Basu knew it.
Darcy told herself it wasn't wrong to be happy. That sure, human life mattered, but in this case maybe not so much. She was sure her philosophy class would've had a great time picking that line of thinking apart. All she knew was the men who'd attacked her were probably dead. Something inside her told her that the men who died were them.
And whoever her savior was, he was huge… and possibly green.
She silently thanked him.
Something loosened inside of her; a tension that radiated from head to toe.
"I think I'm ready to try dinner, Basu."
…
Darcy took a week off from volunteering to recuperate and convince herself she wasn't scared of the outside world and what could have happened.
Rani played a huge part in helping her come to grips with everything.
"When I was very young, just thirteen years old, I was attacked by a man I had known all my life," she told her one morning as they sat together, sewing.
Rani didn't look up from the repairs she was doing on one of Basu's favorite shirts.
Darcy stared at her, hands stilled. "You were?"
"He was my father's friend, a man we considered family…" She nodded, her hands shaking slightly as she continued to sew, faster now. "He tried to violate me, tried to make me do things to him…" She shook her head and chewed at her lip. "I did not understand… I cried and I screamed and I push—I push him away. But he was… stronger than me… I was very little, very naïve, I did not know what was happening." She raised her eyes slowly and looked at Darcy. "My mother, she come, she hear me yelling, and she hit him, hurt him until he stopped." She waved a hand at her face. "There was blood all over his face, I remember. He ran away and he never come back."
"Were you scared after?" She knotted her hands. "Like you thought he'd come back one day and, I dunno, finish what he started or… kill you or something?"
She nodded. "I kept a knife in my bed. I didn't want to leave my home. My mother, she never leave me alone!"
Darcy sat back. "So how'd you get over it?"
"My father, he tell me that being afraid is letting him win… He took my hand and he brought me outside and he told me that the world is not always beautiful… I could either let it be less beautiful by hiding away or I could make it less ugly by being a part of it." She stared at Darcy. "You are a beautiful heart, Darcy. You make the world beautiful with your heart. Those men, they try to take that from you, but you fight, you keep that!" She banged a fist against her chest. "Don't let them win. Don't let the world be ugly."
With that, Rani turned back to her sewing and said, "My Basu, he have this shirt ten years… Sometimes I want to throw it away; it's old and faded and all the holes I sew just open back up…" She shook her head. "But it's a good shirt; even when it falls apart, it keeps its shape… I repair it and it is just as good as it ever was, maybe better." She looked up at her. "Yes?"
Darcy stared back. "Yes."
Smiling, she nodded. "Yes."
It wasn't perfect; Darcy didn't magically heal herself. Often, Rani would have to come to her when she woke up in the midst of a nightmare, but she would soothe her back to sleep or relate her own experiences, and it would be enough to remind Darcy that there was relief, there was healing. She still jumped at loud noises and she constantly looked over her shoulder, even when she was just at home, surrounded by the people she trusted most. But she told herself that one day she wouldn't do that, and it was enough.
…
The knock at the door wasn't uncommon, but it still made Darcy's skin crawl when the outside world tried to push in. She let Basu answer it and instead focused on the course outline she'd been going over for when she returned to the school.
"Darcy, it is for you," Basu told her, drawing her attention.
She leaned back from where she was sitting on the floor to see through the open door across the room.
When she saw a fidgeting doctor on the other side, she half-smiled and stood. "Well if it isn't my hero," she said in greeting. Standing, she crossed the room and replaced Basu as he stepped back to give them privacy.
Bruce cleared his throat. "I'd hardly call myself that," he said shaking his head. His face was stricken when he told her, "I was too late to… really save you."
"No way, are you kidding?" She leaned in the doorway. "Look, I was kicking would-be rapist ass anyway. And hey, I got away…" She shrugged. "If you hadn't shown up when you did, I don't know if I'd…" She bit her lip, swallowing tightly. "It was just a really close call, y'know? And you were there so, that's… It just— It matters." She nodded.
He stared at her a long moment, not saying anything.
"They're dead," she told him. And she realized it was the first time she said anything about it since Basu had told her, since she recognized it. She checked over her shoulder to see that Rani was listening, watching them out of the corner of her eyes. She hadn't stopped mentioning the 'handsome doctor' since Darcy had explained that she knew him.
Stepping out into the hall, she closed the door behind her, crossed her arms over her chest, and then watched Bruce, who was standing incredibly still, his eyes on the floor.
"They are?" he asked, his voice pitched a little lower.
"Yup," she said, popping the 'p.' "I… It's weird, I just… Basu, he said these bodies were found in a couple of alleys outside of where I was… attacked and I just knew…" She shook her head, her feet shuffling. "Something happened… That night, when they attacked me."
His head lifted, eyes staring at her hard. "Darcy, did they… I… I mean, I thought you were able to stop them from…" His whole face was stricken, worried.
"Oh, no, I did! But…" She gnawed at her lip. "Something else. There was this… thing o-or person, and it just… I think it killed them." Her eyes were wide. "I think it killed them because they attacked me."
He stared at her, his brows hiked.
"And I know, it's crazy, I just…" She sighed. "I saw… something. Or, I think I did. And…" She swallowed tightly. "And I know it's wrong or I should value human life and y'know, murder is murder, and I'm all 'don't wear fur, animals matter' so…" She rolled her eyes, "Conflict of interest or something, right? But…" She shrugged. "Those men, they…" Her chest tightened. "He had… There were all these hands and they just…" She squeezed her eyes shut and counted to ten in Bengali. "I-I…" She felt her mouth wobble.
His hand covered her arm, gently, carefully, trying not to startle her.
She opened her eyes, felt a film of tears on them, and stared down at his hand touching her. It was comforting. It wasn't like those hands that had pulled and grabbed and shoved at her. She could feel calluses on his fingers and his palm was rough, his skin warm. "I'm glad they're dead," she breathed. "I'm glad he killed them."
He squeezed her arm, whether it was to agree or to tell her he understood or just to comfort her since she knew her pain was sounding through her voice, she wasn't sure.
But she pushed off the wall and she hugged him all the same, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body flat against his.
He was stiff and unmoving in her arms at first, like he didn't know what to do or he'd never been hugged or maybe he was just shocked that this woman, who hardly knew him, was throwing herself at him.
She sniffled against his shoulder. "You probably think I'm crazy…" She laughed, tears spilling down her cheeks. "And I don't know why, I just… I like you. You're a puzzle and you're funny and handsome and I see you watching me sometimes and you save people and you saved me and I just…" She shook her head. "I think you're a good person, no matter what you did or why you're on the run, I think you're good, on the inside, and it matters… To me, it matters."
His arms wrapped around her slowly, squeezing gently. "It's probably just a hero-worship complex… You think I saved your life, so you're latching onto me."
"I liked you before that…" She shook her head. "After you helped Sunny and even though you were kind of a dick 'cause you thought I was some, like, undercover person or whatever… And when we talked and you made me laugh and I saw you in the market and you waved…" She shrugged. "Look, I'm not expecting a life long friendship or for us to share secrets and braid each other's hair…" She reached up and ruffled his. "Even if yours is totally long enough for braiding…"
He snorted.
"I just… wanted you to know… Y'know, so if you think the whole world's against you or something… You got one person who kind of things you're radder than sliced cheese."
He rubbed her back and then said, "I thought it was bread. Better than sliced bread."
"Oh my God," she complained, "Does nobody else understand that cheese is like way better than bread?"
"Health wise, bread is probably worse than cheese… Although I can't say I've ever done a study on it personally."
"I thought you were a doctor!"
"I am. Well… Technically, I'm a scientist," he admitted. "My field of expertise was gamma-radiation…"
"So, not really an expert on bread and cheese, huh?"
He chuckled lowly. "I can't say I've spent much time debating merits or downsides, no."
"Well, I'll forgive you, I guess, since you were apparently doing some serious scienc-y stuff." She patted his shoulder. "And even managed to learn some medical stuff too, since you're out here playing physician to the underprivileged."
"I'll be able to sleep better at night knowing you approve," he mused.
She laughed. "You're welcome." Unwilling to let him go yet, Darcy knotted her fingers behind his neck and rested her cheek on her bicep, looking up from the corner of her eyes; the whiskers across his jaw made her want to rub her face against his. She shook off the thought and focused. "Can I ask you something?"
He hummed. "Sure."
"Do you believe in monsters?" she wondered. "And, related question, do you believe they can be good, even if on the outside, or even some of their actions, could be construed as bad?"
His hands stilled on her back. "I think there is good, bad, and evil, in different levels… I think there are monsters made of good men who make bad decisions. And bad men who are monsters and take no responsibility…" His jaw ticked, eyes falling. "And I think there are some of us who can't be saved; good, bad, evil, we just are who we are, and there's nothing and no one who can change that…"
Her eyes widened, brows hiked. "Wow, sounds like you gave that some serious thought, Doc."
His smile was more of a grimace. "I've had a lot of time on my hands to do some serious thinking…"
"Sure, but you've never given cheese and bread any of your attention…" She scoffed dramatically. "And you call yourself a doctor!"
He laughed under his breath. "I'll have to reassess my life, my choices, and get back to you. How does that sound?"
She finally leaned away from him and offered a grin. "It's a date." She winked at him, releasing her arms and letting them fall to her sides. "Just don't try to get frisky!" She pointed at him. "I'm getting myself a taser, so..."
He offered a sad smile. "How are you dealing with everything?" he wondered.
"I'm… coping." She shrugged. "I don't know…" She kicked the floor with her foot. "I'm going back to school tomorrow." She smiled softly. "It's gonna be good… I miss the kids."
"I'm sure the, what'd you call them? Monsters, brats, midgets? They've missed you too," he said, lips twitching.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course they have. I'm awesomesauce. I should come with a warning, I'm so addictive!"
He ducked his head as he grinned.
She reached out and touched his chin, lifting his head. "You shouldn't do that… You've got a killer smile," she told him.
He stared at her, brows furrowed.
And then the door swung open.
"Hey, Darce, dinner's read…y." Susan looked between them and then winced guiltily. "Sorry. Um, carry on. Dinner can wait." She shut the door a little too hard. "Holy crap, Rani, you're going to be so excited! Guess whose favorite adopted volunteer is getting her flirt on with the handsome doctor you think is a heaven sent saint or whatever!"
"Heh… Thin walls…" Darcy muttered. "She's, uh… still kind of new." She pulled her hand back and dropped it to her hip. "So… Dinner…" She pointed at the door with her thumb. "Did you eat?" Her eyebrows hiked. "'Cause I bet Rani would be happy to feed you!"
"Oh, uh, no, that—that's fine… Thank you though…" He scratched behind his ear and cleared his throat.
"Okay, well…" She swung her hands and clapped them, raising them so she could point at him. "So, you go home and think about bread and cheese and when you figure it out, lemme know!" She side-stepped and reached for the door. "And thanks for coming by and checking on me and… stuff."
"You're welcome…" His mouth twitched. "For stuff."
She grinned. "Later, Doc."
He nodded, before turning on his heel to walk away.
Darcy watched him go before pushing the apartment door open, stepping inside, and closing it with her body leaned back against it. She sighed. What the hell even was that?"
"Well?" Rani asked, looking excited. "Should I measure you for wedding dress?" she teased.
She felt her whole face go red. "Hey!" She waved her hands. "Back it up, sister. It's not even like that…"
"Isn't it?" Basu said, looking amused, and smiling at her.
"You're supposed to be on my side," Darcy reminded him, pointing. "Don't encourage her!"
He chuckled before sitting back at the table. "He is a good man… I think you would be very lucky to find a good man for such a kind and lovely heart as you."
She blinked, her eyes burning, and crossed the room. Hugging her arms around Basu's neck, she kissed his cheek. "You're the only good man I want in my life, Bas… And sadly, Rani snatched you up before I could."
Despite his dark coloring, Basu blushed.
Rani laughed good-naturedly. "You need a young doctor more than an old accountant. This one is mine; you get your own!" She waved a rag at her and Darcy laughed, jumping out of its reach.
"Fine. I'll just dedicate my life to the teaching of children… No doctors or accountants needed, thank you very much!"
Rani waved a dismissive hand after her. "You will learn."
Snorting, Darcy left to wash her hands for dinner, but as she stood there, staring out the window to the city below, she thought to herself that maybe not a doctor or an accountant, but technically… Bruce was a scientist…
Eh, couldn't hurt.
[Next: Part III.]
