"I agreed to go to counseling." We lay in silence, our chests rising and falling from our pleasurous activities. I could hear her body shifting in the sheets before her head came to rest on my shoulder.
"Is that what you want?" She drew patterns on my chest then pressed a kiss to my collar bone.
"I owe it to them both to try."
"And if it does work?" I looked into her shining brown eyes, searching for the answer myself. What if counseling worked? Could I give up the closest thing I have to a soul mate?
"I'll cross that bridge when I get there." Yani shrugged and turned her back to me. I turned to her and pulled her close to me before we both drifted to sleep.
…
"With the elections rapidly approaching I know I will not have as much time for my family as usual, so in order to stay in my wife's good graces I will be taking a short vacation of sorts with her." Chuckles filled the crowd at his joke. I sat in a chair on the podium whilst he gave his cover story on why we would not be at many of the balls and functions. It was a good cover; I'd have to remember to give Tasha her props. I was not thinking of a cover, only that I wanted to do an early version of spring cleaning. Huey ended the press conference and walked over to me. I stood and placed my arm on his as he helped me down the steps of the stage and into our hybrid.
We drove in silence for most of the ride back to the house and it was deafening. I racked my brain for something to say but nothing seemed worth speaking; what more was there for us to say when we would have a whole month to talk. We arrived home and continued the silence as I walked up the stairs and he to his study, both entranced in our own thoughts; I wondered if our relationship could be saved, or was this just a waste of my time.
"Jazmine," I turned to him from the top of the stairs, shocked that he was acknowledging my existence.
"Yes?" I passively answered him; there was no need to get my hopes up only to be dashed by the next sentence he uttered.
"If this doesn't work out, we share custody of X." My eyes widened. He wasn't even thinking of making our marriage work; he was already prepared for divorce. Therapy was going to be rough, I could already tell.
….
"Why do you guys have to go?" X innocently questioned us while I packed his suitcase.
"Mommy and Daddy just need some time alone for a little bit X, and then when we come back you and Daddy will have your alone time. Besides aren't you excited to have a big sleep over with Uncle Riley and Aunt Cindy?" I tried reasoning with him.
"Yeah but they aren't you guys." I could hear a slight waiver in his voice and prayed he didn't start crying. No mother wants to hear her child cry because of something she had a part in.
"Are you and Daddy getting a divorce?" I drop the pair of shorts I was folding and turned to look at my baby. He clutched a book to his chest; a copy of Malcolm X's speeches Riley and Cindy purchased for his third birthday, and tried to wipe away the tears in his eyes. My heart broke looking at my son who I had sworn to protect from pain.
"Where did you hear that?" I picked him up and sat him on my lap.
"I heard Daddy say it while he was talking to someone on the phone."
"Honey, no, Mommy and Daddy just-"
"Daddy did something that really hurt your mom," Huey interrupted my attempt to ease X's fears. "And Daddy needs to make it up to her." I looked at him while he took a seat on the bed. He held his hands out and X crawled into his awaiting arms. I grabbed the pair of shorts and continued to fold while Huey tried to calm our son.
"Daddy, do you love Mommy?" It took all my strength to hold back my sigh. I knew Huey was going to say yes only because you don't tell a child you don't love their mother anymore.
"I do, so don't worry about your mom and me. We'll fix everything."
"Ok Daddy, will you read me a speech before bed?"
"Of course X."
….
"Do you think this is going to work?" I unpacked X's clothes in the spare bedroom.
"You keep having that doomed look on your face and no it won't." Riley tried to joke but I was not in the mood. I needed certainty not jokes or assumptions.
"Look Jaz, a negative attitude is not going to help you either way."
"I know." I set the last thing in its place and put the bags in the closet. I felt Riley's muscular arms pull me into a deep hug and could not help but shed a few tears. His body warmth invaded my senses; I loved the way Riley made me feel delicate and loved, but I should be getting this from the man I married, not from his brother.
"I know; it'll be ok babe." He placed a fragile kiss on my forehead and kept holding me. We heard someone clear their throat and looked up. I saw Huey standing in the doorway not looking too amused. I would bet a lifetime that Cindy "talked" to him. I pulled away slightly but Riley's arms tightened around my back.
"We need to get going before we miss our flight." The brothers glared at each other for a minute before I felt Riley's hands slip away from me.
"Go say bye to X, Jaz. I want a quick talk with my brother." I looked to Riley, nodded, and walked out the door.
…
"I already heard this from your wife." I really was not in the mood to hear Riley's mouth seeing as Cindy had just told me off.
"Well my version's a little different. I don't know what exactly is going on in that twisted brain of yours and I don't know all the details of what's going on in your marriage, but I do know that Jazmine is a good woman, and she doesn't deserve half the shit you've put her through. So if you don't respect her as your wife, then respect her as your friend; if you don't want to stay married to her then tell her that. She's a big girl who can take care of herself."
"You think since you have your life somewhat figured out, you can tell me what's best for my wife and I?"
"I would never presume to tell you anything Huey, since you have the world all figured out. Damn Jazmine must be an angel to put up with your stubborn ass for so long. I pray X doesn't turn out just like you." He brushed passed me as he walked out the door and down the stairs. I stood silently in the room thinking. Riley doesn't know anything about my relationship.
….
We said our goodbyes to the family and made or way to the airport. We put on a show should anyone recognize us, acting like the couple in love that everyone saw on TV. Some came to shake Huey's hand, and I played the dutiful wife fading into the background. I saw many of the looks in the women's eyes and stifled the urge to growl at them. I walked up to him and pretended to fix one of his lapels, stating to the other women that he was spoken for already. Many grunted but there was one woman about 200 feet away still staring. I could not see what she looked like clearly enough but something told me I should recognize her. Before I could walk towards her, Huey placed his hands on my shoulder and smirked at me to keep up appearances. Our flight number was called out and we waited for C boarding to begin; we never fly first class, we both believed it was wrong for someone who was supposed to be the voice of the people to get unreasonable privileges the people we spoke for never had.
After landing in New Jersey, we checked into our suite at a local bed and breakfast and began unpacking our suitcases. The suite had a nice colonial design and felt like a little home away from home. The room was cozily decorated with white furniture trimmed in pastel blue lace. The cream colored walls gave the suite warm glow that had been missing in my home for years now. Huey's phone ringing shattered silence as we both looked at its resting place on the bed. I looked up at him and walked to the next room to give him some privacy. I wondered around the living room type space and out to the beautiful balcony. Our room had a stunning view of the bay, sea foam rushing against the boulders and clouds dotting the greyish sky. I looked at my watch and noticed it was time for me to get ready for our first session and my nerves started kicking in.
Huey was still on the phone when I walked back in and from the sounds of things it was Mr. Freeman and Riley were checking to make sure we arrived safely. A small smile graced my lips. Over the years they really had become my very own family. Mr. Freeman still lived in their house in Woodcrest and Riley and Cindy stayed with him so he didn't feel lonely. Huey, X, and I always have Sunday dinner with them but because of counseling we would miss it this month. I am still amused with how well Mr. Freeman took to Riley and Cindy claiming the house as theirs, but secretly I think Mr. Freeman wouldn't have it any other way, and we all refused to put him in a home.
I looked at Huey and he looked at the clock on the bedside table and nodded to me. He said goodbye to our family and began to change in a more relaxed pair of khakis and a blood red polo shirt while I changed out of my traveling sweats and into jeans and a pink tank top. I grabbed my purse and we headed out the door and to our appointment.
….
We waited in the lobby while the secretary told our counselor we were waiting in for him. Huey sat next to me reading one of the political magazines while my eyes scanned over the neat office area until landing on a very attractive Hispanic-looking man. His hazel eyes twinkled as they met mine and I smiled gently. I could feel Huey's eyes glaring holes through me and turned my eyes away while I set my Cosmo magazine back on the table. The man smoothly walked over to us oozing self-confidence and strength. If this was the man who was going to help us fix our marriage, it was definitely going to be a long 4 weeks.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Reese. You must be the Freemans." Both men stuck their hands out and shook firmly, both evaluating the strength of the other. I rolled my eyes when Huey wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, trying to show some sort of dominance to the doctor.
"If you'll follow me back, we'll get started." We followed him back to his office and took a seat on the couch set under the window of his wide and spacious work space. He closed the door then picked up a legal pad and sat down across from us with his knees pointed slightly at me. While he was writing something down I couldn't help but notice the strong look of his hands and the way his biceps rippled under his cotton, short-sleeved, dress shirt. Huey's hand rested on my knee and I instantly felt bad for ogling the man who was supposed to be helping me fix the rift between my husband and I, but then I thought of whoever Huey was sleeping with and did not feel so bad.
"So who wants to start first?" Reese asked with a cool smile. I could tell he was really going to piss Huey off.
"Jazmine, you were the one to contact me so why don't you start. Tell me what you believe is wrong with your relationship, without blaming neither yourself nor your husband." I took a deep breath and let my heart take over.
"I feel so… lost, in my marriage. I feel like I don't know my husband anymore, like whatever frequency he's on, I just can't seem to find it. I don't want to give up on my marriage, but it's obvious we aren't happy anymore and to stay in an unhappy relationship is not fair to either of us." He scribbled down some notes and then looked at Huey expectedly.
"I really do not want to be here. I don't see the point of flying here for a month so she and I can fight like we already do, all for you to make a quick buck and tell us we have a problem." I was stupid to hope once we got here, Huey would actually act like he wanted our relationship to survive.
"But you came here Huey, so that means that you do still have some feelings for your wife."
"She wouldn't still be my wife if I didn't care." He bluntly replied.
"If what Jazmine told me is correct, she won't be your wife for very much longer."
…..
My eyes narrowed. If this nigga thought for one second I was going to let him sit there and try to embarrass me he was dead wrong. I did not like this guy and I definitely didn't appreciate the way he was looking at Jazmine.
"Jazmine and I could have fixed our communication problem at home, this whole thing was her idea and I am not one to quit before completing a goal. If she thinks we'll find whatever answer she's looking for here, than who am I to stop her."
"Good, now we're getting somewhere. It's easy to see that there is still some love between the two of you. You two have not once said you wanted to fix your marriage because of your son, or for his sake. And while that may be a motive it is not the major one. Jazmine wants this marriage to work because she loves you Huey, and you said that you would see this through to the end if it was what Jazmine wanted. What I need from the both of you is for you to be honest not only with each other but with yourselves. The little secrets you're both hiding are going to come out, because honesty is the only way your marriage can be repaired. Now we're going to do an exercise, Jazmine I want you to pretend you're Huey; how do you think he feels about you?" Oh this was going to be good. I highly doubt Jazmine could have any idea how I feel; her world is too full of fantasies and rainbows.
"I should have never married her," My eyebrow's perked up. Jazmine did her best to mimic my monotone voice. "She hasn't changed a bit from the naïve little girl I first met. She still thinks the world is full of a whole bunch of smiles and rainbows. I shouldn't have let everyone pressure me into marrying her."
The doctor wrote something down and Jazmine kept her eyes on the ugly pea green carpet.
"Jazmine will you please wait in the waiting room, I need to talk to Huey now." Jazmine nodded and walked out the room, refusing to meet my eyes as they followed her to the door. Once the door was shut, Reese looked back at me and scribbled something else down.
"Is that how you feel about her?" I remained silent, I wasn't telling him shit. We waited in silence for five minutes until he realized I really was not about to tell him anything.
"Huey, why are you really here? If you have no intention of saving your marriage, why not just let her divorce you? Or is this a pride thing? You don't want her to be the one to initiate the separation."
"Stop trying to analyze me as if you know me."
"I'm not trying to analyze you; I'm trying to give Jazmine some peace of mind. But if you don't want to work with me that's fine, I'll just spend the rest of your sessions working with your beautiful, soon-to-be ex-wife." I lost it. I jumped up so fast the couch knocked against the wall and grabbed him by his collar. Shoving him against the wall and tightened my grip around his skinny little neck.
"Say one more thing about my wife, and you will not wake up tomorrow." I spat out. His eyes looked amused and shifted in the setting sunlight.
"Is that a threat Mr. Freeman?"
"Test me and find out." I squeezed his esophagus tighter. His face started to turn an eggplant purple color and his eyes shook slightly with fear. He waved his hands in surrender and I dropped him to the ground. Coughing he stood up and straightened his tie. I glared at him, daring him with my eyes to make one more suggestive comment about my woman.
"You're not as cold hearted as you want her to believe. Deep down, somewhere in that churning body of rage, you're still in love with your wife. What I'm wondering, is why don't you just tell her that?" I narrowed my eyes still glaring at him.
"That's none of your business." We had another silent glaring battle then he sighed and stood up.
"Since that's all I'm going to get out of you for now I'll call Jazmine back in. Take her out tonight, to a peaceful restaurant, nothing requiring a dress code, and listen to her. Act like you're taking her on your first date again. You've become so good at playing God, that you forgot what it feels like to be mortal again." He walked to the door and shortly after Jazmine came back and sat on the couch.
"Now Huey, it's your turn. How do you think Jazmine feels about you?"
"I've had a crush on him since we were ten; he's my very own Prince Charming. I just wonder if I'm still his princess, or if I ever was." I did not try to mimic her pitch but I am pretty sure I nailed her.
"Ok Huey, please step out." I stood and walked out of the room.
…
"He's dead on isn't he?" I bit my lip and nodded.
"Jazmine hope is not lost for the both of you, but it is going to take some time. Huey's not ready to let you in yet, and you have to be patient, no one can force him once he's made up him mind."
"Pft, don't I know it. My husband is the most stubborn man in the world." I blew a strand of hair out of my face.
"Yes he is, but you are a strong woman and I believe you are going to be the only one who can handle him, and that's why he doesn't want to divorce you. I want you two to go out to dinner tonight and don't talk about anything serious, nothing involving his work or your son, just a relaxing dinner like when you were first dating." I nodded and walked back out to the lob where Huey was doing something on his phone. He stood up and put his arm around my waist.
"I'll see you both on Friday. Please think on what each other has said and the private conference we had without any negative attitudes." We shook his hand and walked out to our car. I was fully prepared to go sit in the room and order take out when Huey surprised me.
"I found a restaurant we could eat at, if you're hungry." He looked over at me and I nodded. We hadn't been out to dinner in a while, and it'd be nice to not a have to eat dinner alone.
We drove for almost 20 minutes before he pulled into a parking space. The restaurant had the same sort of colonial design as the bed and breakfast but had a more romantic feel. Tea-lights were strung around the small white building and there were a few cast iron tables with umbrellas set out leading up to the stairs to enter the restaurant. We walked up the stairs and were immediately hit with the earthy sent of nutmeg and warm vanilla. At the door was a basket with menus and a sign that said "Take as many as needed"; we grabbed two and walked around to choose a place to sit. The walls were chocolate brown and the yellowish lights were dimmed to create a comfortably cozy atmosphere. Black and white pictures of lovers hung on the wall but did not make the small space feel crowded. I smiled inwardly to myself. Going out may be a small step, but at least he was trying.
