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V

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-A-

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Chapter II: Externally Internal Dialogue

Fuck this hole, fuck this slime, fuck this puddle-

Solomon swam down into the depths, humming a cheery ditty. The trio of Barboaches were actively sweeping the bottom of the Trough, siphoning the filth from below, while Solomon scraped algae from the stems and leaves of the water weeds.

Fuck those guys, fuck this plant, fuck- STOP FUCKING EATING SHIT!

Solomon continued to graze on the waving tendrils of goo, ignoring his own furious demands.

Fuck you! Fuck you, you stupid fish! That's my mouth! Stop putting shit into it!

"Would you stop yelling at me?" Solomon asked, irritated.

Who the hell is yell- ...Wait a second… You can hear me?

"Unfortunately." Solomon grumbled, gulping down another sour mass of ick.

...Who are you?

"I'm Solomon." Solomon answered angrily.

Nu-uh. Bullshit. I'M Solomon. You're a fish.

"No. I'M Solomon. And you're a mean voice in my head." Solomon took his time eating, making as much a candor of the process as possible. All to spite the voice in his head.

Solomon doesn't eat shit. And he's not a complete imbecile.

"Solomon needs to eat, and Solomon isn't a dick." Solomon grumbled back.

...You're not Solomon.

"Yes I am."

Step off. That's my name.

"Well, it's my name too." Solomon growled.

No. You're fish. I'm Solomon. You can't have my name.

"Says who? The little voice in my head?" Solomon hissed.

My name is Solomon-

"No, My name is-"

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! MY NAME IS ALL I HAVE LEFT!

"IT'S ALL I HAVE LEFT TOO!" Solomon screamed back, startling the Barboaches into deeper water. Solomon grew still. The world around him seemed silent. Vacant. Unimportant.

...You can't be me. You can't.

"I- Are we- Are we both Solomon?" Solomon asked, frightened.

...I don't know… No. No we can't…

"Do you… Do you remember… Him?" Solomon asked fearfully.

...Red eyes. Crying. White hands. Thousands of hands. Tearing. Ripping-

"You do remember Him…"

He did this to me… Why? Why did he do this to me?

"He did this to us." Solomon gagged.

No. Me. Not you. I don't know you. "Solomon" doesn't know you.

"I don't know who you are either. Solomon wasn't a dick." Solomon answered harshly.

He wasn't an idiot either!

"I'm not an idiot!" Solomon shouted. The other voice was laughing. Cruel, frightened, sad laughter.

Yes you are. You're the biggest idiot that I've ever seen. And you're me-

"I'm not you." Solomon growled.

You're something of mine. Some piece of me that accompanied the name-

"I'm not a dick." Solomon whispered. The voice sounded as if it were crying.

And I'm something of yours… You, the gurning imbecile. Me, the embittered douche... Are we both Solomon? What he was? Or what he could have been-?

"What are you talking about?" Solomon asked, worried. The other voice felt smaller, like it was trying to fade away.

I don't want this… I can't do this… Please. Please make me disappear…

"Solomon…"

You can have this. You can deal with it better than I can… Just make me go away…

"I can't do that." Solomon murmured sadly.

Why not? You'd be happier. And I- I wouldn't…

"Listen. I know that I'm… not the smartest. But you are. You see things that I don't. But you're mean. You rarely say anything decent. Maybe we are Solomon. Maybe we're supposed to become him-"

You're making me sound crazy, you know that?

"I'm just saying. You have the brains. I have the heart. I need you. I need you to see what I can't. You need me. You need me to be strong when you can't." Solomon murmured.

...You're scared too, aren't you?

"Of course I'm scared. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not suppose to be a fish. I'm terrified. But I have to do something. Something other than curse myself to death." Solomon sniffled.

The heart, huh? It… It almost makes sense. But still… That's just weird. Why would we be separated?

"You're the brain. You tell me." Solomon answered. The brain laughed.

For being the smart one, all I do is panic and ask questions. I don't have any answers. I don't know any more about this than you do…

"Maybe I'm suppose to guide you to those answers…" Solomon whispered. The brain laughed mockingly.

This is a ridiculous fallacy. A pathetic delusion. The heart leading the brain to the answers? I should be a poet...

The brain was crying. The heart couldn't get any closer to it. The brain wanted to be left alone. The brain wanted to stop thinking. The brain wanted to go blank, and stay that way. Forever.

"Solomon? Please. Stay with me." Solomon begged, but the voice didn't answer. Despite its desire to be free of thought, the cogs still churned incessantly within it. It couldn't stop thinking. But it it wouldn't answer the heart.

"Would you talk to Absol?" Solomon asked. That clicked. Something sparked in the brain.

If I could talk to her. But it seems that my heart runs my mouth as well.

"What if I asked Absol your questions? Would that work?" Solomon asked. The brain sighed.

Yeah… As much as I'd like to control my own mouth, it doesn't seem like I can. So I guess that I'll have to talk through my heart- Oh God. I'm a terrible poet…

"Yes you are. I thought that poetry was an expression of the heart." Solomon chuckled. The brain laughed with him.

Yeah… I guess it is. Fine. You be the poet. I'll be the self-demeaning asshole.

"Great. Is it settled then?" Solomon began to calm.

Something like that. I don't feel quite as helpless now. But I'm not exactly filled with confidence…

"Give it time. I'm sure that everything will work out. Anyways… Can I eat now? Without getting bitched at? Because if I don't, then the stomach might join us in this exchange." Solomon joked. The brain snorted.

Sure. Knock ourselves out. Just don't eat the brown algae. It looks like shit.

"Okay… What about the red?"

Eat the red. It does actually look like food. But don't. Put shit. In our mouth. Again. Please…

I see him again. The white hands are gone. He stands alone in a feeble ray of light, surrounded by whirling colors on all sides. Red. Red eyes open. He is smiling at me. He says that I am learning. He tells me not to be afraid. He is watching me. He will take care of me, as much as he is able to. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. I'm afraid of him. Terrified. But I know that he's not trying to hurt me.

Why? I ask again. The root of all questions. The futile quantifier. The feeble search. He closes his red eyes. He whispers softly to me, but I cannot hear him. I shout at him. I demand him to speak up. His red eyes open again. He's looking at me fondly. I'm growing angry at his apathy. He made me into his servant. He made me into his slave. And he won't even acknowledge me with an explanation as to why? He sighs now, and tells me to wake up. She is waiting for me. Who? He tells me that it's her. My second trial.

My second trial? What trial? I scream again, demanding an answer. His red eyes calmly fall upon me, and he tells me of this trial. My second trial. And his words fill me with dread.

I must save her…

...Solomon…

...Solomon?

SOLOMON?

"So-Lo-M-o-N?!" Absol shouted into the water. A cloud of filth swelled from the weeds below, and an eager red fish swam up before her eyes. Absol couldn't help but smile. He was just so adorable. Solomon gave her his happiest grin, and swam in a circle below her face, gently caressing the tip of her nose with his tail. Absol had to pull her head out of the water. If she laughed now, she might drown.

"Was that a kiss?" Absol teased Solomon when they both had breached the surface of the water.

"Um… I don't really know… Maybe?" Solomon looked deeply embarrassed. Absol shook her head with the giggles.

"I was just happy to see you… I didn't mean to-" Absol felt a new well of giggles bubble in her gut. Solomon was the most awkward creature she had ever come across.

"I'm just teasing you, Solomon. Don't get all flustered. It was cute." Absol swallowed the giggles. She had to fight them back constantly when she was anywhere near Solomon. If Absol's pack saw her laughing this much, they would think that there was something wrong with her.

"Anyways, I brought you another berry. It's a different berry this time, so maybe this one will help you remember." Absol rolled a green bumpy berry into the water. Solomon's eyes lit up, and that goofy expression shook Absol with another bout of giggles. Solomon swam for the berry, but then he stopped, a look of horror in his eyes as they fell on Absol.

"What's wrong, Solomon? Are you allergic to that berry?" Absol tensed with worry.

"Absol- You're- You're hurt…" Solomon spoke in a shaky voice. Absol looked at the shiny bloodstain on her side.

"Naw, it's just a battle wound. The Pyroars didn't feel like paying us tribute this month, so we went and collected it." Absol shrugged off the burn.

"Coll-collected-?" Solomon asked, shaken.

"Yeah. Like when they don't leave us a sizable kill, then we have to go and extract one. We have to remind them that they're only allowed to hunt in our lands by the grace of my father." Absol answered.

"You- took a kill?" Solomon asked nervously. Absol snorted.

"Made a kill. If the Pyroars' Alpha doesn't want to obey us, then we eat him. And the next Alpha learns that it's best to play by our rules. Otherwise, we'll eat him too." Absol explained casually.

"And he- He burned you?" Solomon's voice was getting weaker.

"It's not a bad burn, Solomon. I've had a lot worse. My father likes having me take care of disobedient Alphas personally. It proves our pack's strength. If the Alpha Absol's daughter can best the Pyroar's own Alpha, what does that say about the strength of our Alpha?" Absol continued nonchalantly. Solomon was turning pale.

"Why do the Pyroars have to pay you tribute?" Solomon asked.

"Because we made a deal with them, just like the deals we have made with so many other packs. The Absols own everything between the White Fault and and the Rose Hills. We have the strongest pack for hundreds of miles, and the largest and most bountiful territory. It's easier for us to allow other packs to hunt in our territory than it is to drive them all away. But if they want to hunt in our lands, then they owe us tribute. The Pyroars seemed to think that this rule didn't apply to them. So my father sent a raid last night to remind them of their debt." Absol looked at Solomon curiously. He was regarding her with… fear?

"So you killed their leader?" Solomon asked, his voice cracking.

"In one on one combat. Then I presented his corpse to my father. The Alpha has the rights to the first meal. After that, My father's Beta and I got to eat. We made sure that the rest of the Pyroars stuck around, so that they all got the message. Pay us our tribute, and we won't eat you." Absol was watching Solomon intently. He seemed incredibly distressed over her involvement in the raid.

"Sol… What's wrong?" Absol had a nagging suspicion. She knew why he was shaking. She saw the shifty eyes of the prey.

"Sol-" Absol warned, but Solomon dove into the water, like prey trying to escape the predator.

"SOL!" Absol was getting angry. Couldn't he put two and two together? Absol dove into the fetid water after him. Solomon was quick in the water, but in the confines of the Trough, he could never hope to escape her. Absol grabbed his tail in her teeth, and pulled the flailing Solomon out of the weeds with ease. Breaking the surface of the Trough, Absol tossed her head, shaking the water from her fur, and jarring the fish in her mouth. Striding calmly to the bank, Absol spat Solomon into the shallow mud.

"Listen you." Absol growled, pressing down on him with a claw. He gaped up at her in fear.

"I can kill you. I've had plenty of opportunity to kill you. I could have just thrown you off my bedding and let you rot on the night that we first met. I don't want to kill you. I like you, even if you are food. So remember that." Absol removed her paw. Solomon just looked up at her in sorrow.

"But you killed someone just because he didn't-" Solomon could barely speak. Absol stiffened. Was that why he had tried to run from her?

"What is wrong with you, Sol? Where have you been? In this world, it's kill or be killed. Eat, or be eaten! Did you really come from the ocean? Because from what I've heard, that place is an even more brutal hunting ground than my pack's territory!" Absol was flabbergasted at this revelation. Was he really that naive?

"But you- You seemed so nice…" Solomon whimpered. Absol froze. Seemed? That hurt.

"I am nice, Sol. I'm the nicest apex predator that you'll ever meet. And if I was you, I would hope to high heaven that this nice Absol is the only apex predator that I'd ever meet." Absol growled. Why? Why did he make her feel ashamed?

"Absol…" Solomon was crying. Absol became livid. Crying. Was he really that weak?

"Get back in your puddle, Solomon. I don't ever want to see you again." Absol whispered darkly, as she stalked off. Leaving him in the mud to weep.

Why? Why am I ashamed? Absol thought to herself as she ran through the brush. She could still hear him sobbing. Tears of loss. Tears spilled for her.

What is wrong with him?! How has he lived this long and not learned all of this by now? Absol growled as a branch whipped her cheek. She felt something warm trickle below her eye. She growled. Now she was hurting herself over this. Why did she even care?

Because I lost him. My goofy fish… The one person I thought I could talk to… He's gone… Absol choked. She shook herself viciously, diving headlong into a heavy bush. She came out the otherside with new scratches for her collection, and fresh leaves caught in her fur.

It's not my fault that he can't accept reality. It's not my fault that he's prey and I'm a predator. It's not my fault…

Absol came to a standstill before a puddle. She looked at her reflection in the water. And froze.

Are… Are those… mine? Absol asked herself in feeble voice. Tears. Tears were running down her cheeks. Not blood from scratches. Tears. Who had put those on her face?

Solomon? How? Absol began to break. She hadn't cried since she was a cub. She hadn't cried once since that day…

Sol… Why? She could hear him. Screaming for her to save him. He was drowning. He was drowning because of her prank. But she couldn't save him- She had barely made it out herself- The water was moving too fast-

Little brother… Absol collapsed into the puddle, and wept bitterly into the mud.

Solomon looked up into the midnight sky. He had flopped his way back into the water hours ago, but he hadn't left the surface since. She was gone. The one person who could bring him comfort. The one person who would speak with him. The person that he was supposed to save.

"How?" Solomon asked in a weakened voice.

"How am I supposed to save her?"

We're not. We can't. We can't do anything…

"We have to… She's worth saving!" Solomon argued with the brain. The brain let loose a weeping laugh.

Look at us. We're pathetic. We're a joke. We're weak. We can't even save ourselves. How can we save someone else? How?

"But we have too…"

Why? Because "he" told us to?

"No. Think of Absol. Don't you want to save her?" Solomon asked fervently. The brain snorted.

She's fine. She's more than capable of taking care of herself. She's strong, and she has a strong pack. She doesn't need to be saved…

"Maybe He didn't mean, 'save her life.' Maybe He meant for us to save something else…"

Oh, here we go. Tell me, mister poet. What are we supposed to save?

"Her. From herself." Solomon said softly. The other voice laughed.

She doesn't have a problem with what she is. She's a monster. Absol doesn't need to be saved.

"If Absol is a monster, then why did she save us?" Solomon murmured. The other voice grew quiet for a moment.

Just your daily reminder. I hate me…

"Sol?" Solomon jumped at the sound of that timid voice.

Oh fuck me- Was she listening?

"Who were you talking to, Sol?" Absol left the cover of the brush.

Oh shit-

"Just… Someone." Solomon swallowed. Absol looked hurt. This wasn't the giggling Absol. This wasn't the predator Absol. This was an Absol that Solomon had seen only hints of. This was the lost Absol.

"Somebody... you knew?" Absol asked faintly. Solomon looked away.

"Something like that…" Solomon murmured.

Oh… That was real smooth… Touche.

"Sol… I- I didn't mean to scare you. I hope I didn't hurt you. I-" Absol's breath caught in her throat. He was swimming towards her. He was coming back to her?

"Did I hurt you?" Absol choked.

"Absol… Please. Just talk. I want to hear your voice. I want to know that you're still..." Solomon shuddered.

...Wow…

"Sol… You're right. I am a monster. I'm the worst monster there is- I-" Absol began to cry. She was seeing his terrified face again, right before he was pulled under the river-

"Absol. You aren't a monster-"

"Yes I am! Even my father thinks I'm a monster! And he- he- He would still-" Absol began to cry.

Mayday, Mayday, Mayday-

"Would a monster bring a weakling like me berries? Would a monster offer comfort to the meek? What kind of monster saves a dying stranger, and asks for nothing in return?" Solomon asked. Absol looked up with a jerk of her head, surprise widening her wet eyes.

...Goddamn, I'm good…

"Sol… I did something terrible… Something awful. I can't make that right-"

"You don't have to. We all do terrible things. Those things don't make us monsters. What we learn from those things determines whether or not we are monsters. What did you learn, Absol?" Solomon asked softly.

I am writing this shit down. Just so you know.

"Regret. Remorse. Guilt. Loss. Pain…" Absol answered as more tears choked her.

"Monsters don't feel regret, Absol. Monsters don't know guilt or remorse. You're not a monster. Maybe you committed a crime, but did that crime change you?" Solomon asked. Absol retched.

"Yes…"

"Then you're not a monster. Monsters don't repent." Solomon whispered.

Define "Monster."

"You." Solomon growled to the brain.

"What?" Absol asked, startled.

"You- You… You're cute?" Solomon tried.

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

"What did you just… did you just call me cute?" Absol choked, her voice rank with accusation.

"M-Maybe?" Solomon answered nervously, shrinking into the water.

...You are such a failure…

A watery giggle. Laughter. A cackle rife with snorts.

Is she actually-?

"Absol?" Solomon asked, worried. But All Absol could do was laugh, laugh in that nasally, shrill, grating, snorting laughter.

"Sol… You little sweetheart. Come here." Absol gasped.

Danger! Danger! Danger!

Solomon swam up to Absol, who marched deeper into the Trough. The two paused less than a foot apart. Solomon was level with Absol's sternum. She was smiling warmly at him.

Warning! Warning!

Absol stooped low, and gave Sol a light peck on his forehead.

Stranger danger?!

"That-" Absol began pulling back with a smirk.

"-Was a kiss." Absol teased, as the fish below her began to change color.

"For my sweet little Sol." Absol cooed as she nuzzled Solomon's dorsal fin.

Oh boy…

White. White hands. They swarm around me. Laughter. I hear his laughter. He is happy. He is proud. Of me. Me? He draws me into his embrace, and I see him once more.

Red. Red eyes. They are laughing too, joyous as they fall upon me. I don't know what to think. Is he really evil? Is he really my tormentor?

He speaks now, in a thousand tongues. He speaks without words. He tells me that I can do it. He tells me that I have embraced the second trial. He tells me that he knew I would.

Why? My ceaseless question. But not "Why?" Why. Why does he have faith in me? He laughs again, even more loudly, even more joyous. And I know. I know why. It's because I'm beginning to accept my role.

She is worth it. It's what I tell him. He looks at me sadly, and his laughter fades. This isn't the end of the second trial. This is only the beginning of it. And there will be more. So many more trials. Trials that I might fail. But he has faith. He has faith in me. And now… I think I might have faith in me as well...