Hopeless, the Sad Fate of Nate Black: A Dumb Diary
June 9th, 2010
Jason is going insane.
I am not.
You are too.
I am not!
Jason, the first class of the day hasn't even started yet, and you've already spat out a million theories of what could be wrong with Caitlyn.
Scarlet fever! I still think she could have it!
GO SEE HER, IDIOT! That way you'll leave me alone, and your mind will be at ease. I'm sure it's nothing. Go see her after your last class of the day. It will make you feel better. Promise.
You're right. You're totally right. But my classes are boring without Caitlyn in at least ONE of them!
Suck it up and deal. Go get your own journal to write in.
Diary.
Journal.
Diary. Let me win. I'm in panic mode.
Fine, for today it's a diary. But for today ONLY.
WOO HOO! I win!
Only for today.
Still. Win.
2:57 PM
Jason's visiting Caitlyn. FINALLY. Geez, I thought that guy was never going to leave. He was driving me insane. If he doesn't make a move on Caitlyn soon I'm going to have to hit him. HARD.
And now I'm off to meet Ella.
She's decided she wants to hear her Campfire Jam winning song WITH my suggestions. I don't think either of us are going to like it better than her version, but if she's willing to give it a shot then I am.
Wow, I don't think I've ever thought a song was better off WITHOUT my help before. This is new for me.
4:43 PM
You know how I said I was in trouble last night?
I was right. I'm in trouble.
I should have known better than to offer to spend time alone with an adorable, attractive girl. Especially one who's song writing talent seems to get better every day. Ella's cute and talented. I'm in BIG trouble.
I played her the song with my suggestions and she sang along. I was nearly distracted a few times by the light and…pure quality of her voice. But I'm a professional (Right?) and I was definitely able to keep playing. I might have fumbled on a few chords, but I don't think she noticed. After we were finished, she said:
Ella: THOSE were your suggestions?
Me: Yes…
Ella: Why didn't you just SAY so? If you could have made those suggestions—
Me: Nicely?
Ella: Well, yeah.
Me: So, you like the song better? The same? Worse?
Ella: Better, much better. It's simpler. In a good way. Your hook is much cleaner than mine. I love it. I wish I had seriously considered those things before I performed it.
Me: Are you kidding me? Ella, your version was much better than mine. The complexity is what makes it great.
Ella: Nate, you know as well as I do that your writing is better. If a song is too complex it doesn't work.
Me: Your song isn't too complex, and my writing is no different than anyone else's. Being famous doesn't mean I'm better. It means I'm lucky.
Ella: You're right. Being famous doesn't mean you're better. Being INSANELY talented makes you better. My opinion of your writing has nothing to do with your fame. It has to do with YOUR songs. They're amazing. Better than mine.
Me: I doubt that.
Ella: You don't believe me? Here.
She handed me a small pink notebook.
Me: What's this?
Ella: My songbook. Take a look. You'll see how much better your songs are than mine.
I doubted this, but Ella walked away before I could tell her I disagreed. What girl does that TO ME? Usually I can't get girls (who know who I am) to leave me alone! She's humble, beautiful, TALENTED, and doesn't care that I'm famous?
Oy.
I did as she asked, and looked over her songs. She has some weak tendencies (certain mistakes that she always makes), but they're small mistakes. Things that could even be considered stylistic. But her songs-what strikes me about them is their content. Her point of view on things is almost childlike, but it still maintains a certain level of maturity. A beautiful and puzzling contradiction.
And that's what Ella is. A wonderful contradiction.
See? BIG TROUBLE.
June 10th, 2010 (10:35 PM)
So I tried to meet with Ella somewhere other than the rehearsal cabin today…
We accomplished nothing.
But, for once, doing nothing wasn't boring. Usually I go insane when I'm not actively doing something.
We started out trying to go through a few of her songs (well let's be honest I started out trying to go through her songs). Ella very quickly put a stop to that though.
Ella: Are you seriously still working?
Me: Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing?
Ella: Nate, when people ask if they can work outside they never actually intend to do any work.
Me: …really?
Ella chuckled that chiming chuckle again, the one that makes something inside of me clench, before she spoke up.
Ella: Really. Don't you ever just sit back and enjoy things?
Me: Um…I enjoy…things.
Ella: Sure you do.
Me: I do!
Ella: When was the last time you just sat still and did nothing?
Me: …
Yes, I just transcribed silence, and it was a long silence. Nothing came to mind! Do I really work that much?
Ella: That's what I thought. Okay, there's a bonfire tonight, and we're going.
Me: A bonfire? Really? I don't know.
Ella sighed and laughed.
Ella: You don't get it. You're going. You don't have a choice.
Me: So is this how this is going to work? You're just going to boss me around now?
Ella: Basically.
Me: You need to stop hanging out with Caitlyn.
She rolled her eyes.
Ella: Just meet me at my cabin at around 7. Okay?
Me: Fine.
Ella smiled brightly and let out a soft excited squeak once I agreed. If anyone else had done that it would have grated on my nerves, but coming from her…I found it impossibly cute.
I did as she asked and showed up at her cabin door at 7 that night. She looked almost too pretty. It was a bonfire! Why was she dressed like that for a bonfire? Okay, maybe it was just a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top, but on Ella… it looked very nice.
Or maybe it wasn't the clothes that made her pretty.
Is it possible that Ella is just that beautiful?
I think it definitely is.
You know, I just looked back at my entries…and almost every single one is about Ella.
I need help. Serious help.
I'm not even done talking about her in this entry yet.
We got to the bonfire and it wasn't as corny as I thought it was going to be. There were no organized activities. People brought blankets to sit on and made s'mores. I haven't had a s'more since I was a kid. It was more delicious than I remembered.
I was surprised I enjoyed the evening so much, but it was a lot of fun. We laid back on the blanket Ella brought and stared at the stars. I learned a lot about Ella tonight. I learned she has an older brother, her favorite flowers are daisies, she plays guitar and piano, she's an honor student, she enjoys acting, and has a terrible dating history (which she didn't mean to tell me about).
Apparently Ella gets stuck with jerks or guys who just don't enjoy her quirks.
Um…that rhymed.
(By the way I also learned about her favorite nail polish colors, movies, and televisions shows. She's a very big fan of comedy. I don't think she mentioned a single drama.)
I told her a lot more about myself than I intended. I didn't realize I had shared so much until the evening was over and I was walking her back to her cabin.
How did I get here?
This was not what I had planned for the summer.
(Also, Jason went back to see Caitlyn today as soon as his classes were over. And Shane…well I don't really know WHAT he does most days. He's always with Mitchie.)
But that was my day. Yet another day with Ella.
You'd think I'd be ready to take a break from Ella for a bit, but I'm not. I'm genuinely enjoying spending time with her.
