Chapter 1: A Mother's Pain

Carlisle POV

We have been in Vancouver for about two weeks now and the family is not the same, we all seem lost in some way or another. As I stand in the door of our bedroom I see my beloved wife sitting in the window. She sits there curled up to one side leaning against the window with a quilt covering her up. The quilt is not needed, but this is what she calls "living in a human moment". In her arms was a teddy bear that I had bought her so many years ago. My beautiful, loving wife was deeply sadden with the loss of Bella. The one we left behind and who was like a daughter to us. In loosing Bella it opens the wounds left behind from loosing her first son Ian. How can you heal from loosing a child and now she has lost two.

She couldn't hide the pain she was in, my heart was about to break into pieces wishing that I could do something knowing that I couldn't do anything. I couldn't spare her the pain of reliving the loss of a child, the loss of her beloved Ian who had died in her arms 85 years ago and now Bella. For the last 8 decades Esme has been there for our family, the glue that keeps us all together. She is my wife and a mother to the ones we call our children. For the last year she considered Bella as her daughter, the joy it brought her. She can do things for Bella that she can't do for our children. She was so excited for Edward when he found Bella. She knew then that he had found his mate, found someone to love. She knew then that it would be Bella to make our family complete.

I remember the day I found Esme at the bottom of the cliff after a attempting to kill her self when her first son passed away. I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind, the pain she must have felt. She was a broken and was a lost soul who felt that she was not worth the time for someone to love her. However I fell in love with her the first time I saw her, years before when she broke her leg.

"Esme. Dear, what can I do for you to help you through this." I tried to say in a cheerful voice.

"My children, home and safe" as she continued to stare out the window " Carlisle I don't think that I can be strong for our family. I don't understand the feelings that I am being consumed with. The memories of my Ian have flooded my mind and to add to it now is the loose of Bella. Though she is alive and hopefully well I know she is not. I couldn't imagine being ripped away from my hearts desire, being torn from you. I couldn't imagine what I would do if you did what Edward did. I can't explain the way I feel right now. I'm so very sorry Carlisle, I have failed you as a wife, I have failed as a mother not once but twice. I have failed my children. What kind of person, mother could fail at so much and still be aloud to live?"

As I walked up to her I laid my hand on her shoulder. Slowly she turned grabbing on to me as if her life depended on it. She laid her head against my chest as dry sobs took over.

"What did I do wrong." she cried out

Gently prying her hand form my waist I scooped her up and sat down with her in my lap. I sat there with her head on my chest as she cried. I held on to her trying to clam her down while whispering sweet nothing in her ear to assure her that she was loved and worth all the love the world could provide her.

"My dear, you have done nothing wrong. Please calm down, it kills me to see you this way. Together we will fix this."

"Just hold me Carlisle, I need the comfort of your loving warm embrace your arms give me." I did just what she asked, moments later she continued. "Our family is broken now, I've done it again. I wasn't good enough for my first husband to love me. In trying to keep my little Ian safe I ran from his abusive hand and killed my beautiful little boy trying to keep him safe. Now here in your loving arms, where I'm safe from an abusive hand. I have broken my family apart again. I have broke our family apart. I should have done something, said something. How can you still love me? I do not deserve the love you give me."

"My dear I only wish I could have protected you from the abuse you had to go through. But this I know, I've this seen for myself first hand. You are a wonderful mother. You gave so much love to your first son Ian. You made for sure that he was comfortable and made his as safe as he could have been in his final hours. I saw you read him stories, sing him lullaby's and hum to him as the sun was setting for the evening. You never gave up on him. He left this world knowing that he was special and that he was loved.

You have been there for Edward every time he has needed you, including the times when he didn't know he needed you. You have given him encouragement to do things that he doubted he could do. You were there for him when he came home from Alaska when trying to hide from Bella. I believe the advise you gave him was "Son you can do what ever you set your mind to do, if it is love you are feeling. Then control will come with ease. " You gave him everything that a mother would give her son, you gave him love. Just like you give each of our other children. You make for sure in each of our home that Alice has a closet fit for a princess, Rosalie has a garage that a normal man would die for. Edward has his music room, while Jasper and Emmett have an entertainment center that would give any 12 year old a heart attack. You give each of their rooms a special touch that is unique to each of them. You may not realize it but you have helped each of them over come hurtles in their life that only mother can do. Most of all you give me love and support. You are my best friend and my life. Without you I would be lost and incomplete, you make me whole."

"I remember the night you brought Rosalie home and couldn't for the life of me understand why anyone would do that to a sweet child. We would talk and soon she came around. Then she found Emmett, poor man thought he was seeing angels. When they came in and asked us if we could stand in as her parents, my heart jump 10 beats. Then Alice and Jasper came into our lives and before I knew it our family grew again. Alice and Rosalie had their shopping and Emmett and Jasper had their games. Then there was Edward who was alone and I couldn't help him. Then he found Bella, a shy, quite girl who sparked something deep inside of him. She brightened up our family. She was our missing link. I saw how he was careful with her and I saw the love in his eyes. I remember Edward and I talked for hours when he came home from Alaska. It felt so nice, he trusted me enough to come to me and talk to me about dating. Carlisle it is a rare occasion that he calls me mom but when he got up to leave he gave me the biggest hug ever and told me "Thanks mom, I hope you know how much I love you". Did I give him bad advise, I don't understand where I went wrong. I'm afraid of what he might do now. I see the pain and conflict in his eyes. I fear I may loose him and then the rest of our children." Esme fear was of loosing him mirrored my own fears.

"Some things just don't go as planned, you didn't say anything that I wouldn't have said to him. I Remember how you welcomed Bella into the family with no questions asked, your happiness flooded the room with joy. I have even caught you a couple of time refer to Bella as your adopted daughter while you were out in town or talking to Charlie on the phone."

"We have to fix this, I have to have all my children here and safe. We have to fix our broken family, we need happiness to fill our home again. Poor Alice has not smiled in weeks and refuses to go shopping. Jasper will not come near us and when he dose he is not the same. Emmett and Edward fight so much now, Emmett considered Bella his little sister. Tearing him away from Bella like that brings back the memories of leaving his human family. Rosalie has detail everyone of our cars to the point the look like show room pieces. She has even taken Edward's Aston Martin apart, it looks like a puzzle."

"We'll fix this I promise, it may take some time but I'll make for sure our family is put back together."

I held onto to Esme as she rested her head on my chest. We sat there under the light of the full moon for hours just letting time pass us by. Bella was in pain surly from the broken heart that Edward left her with. Edward was battling the demons within on the decision to leave Bella instead of listening to his heart. My other children were sad and lost in trying to understand the events that were unfolding. My family was broken and the only way to fix it was to bring Edward and Bella together again. Bella was the missing piece, I never really understood how much she really did mean to our family.