The Barmaid continued

You and James had been 'seeing' each other for some time now and you were happy but you couldn't help but feel as if something was missing. James has been really sweet to you and hasn't tried to pressure you into anything and listens when you talk to him about your past, family, friends, and problems. Recently though you've noticed that he never talks about his own life. He could probably recite your entire life story by memory by now but you didn't even know where he grew up, how he lived before becoming a pirate, or even his feelings about you now. Whenever you tried to bring it up or get him to just talk he would change the subject or distract you. Most of the time after that happens he tends to distance himself from you. In turn you decided to avoid him for a while before being forced into close quarters by Anne where James would simply smile at you and you would automatically give in to him. After going on like this for a few weeks you were getting fed up with it and decided to have a talk with him. You decided to break up with him. You knew he cared about you and wouldn't accept your decision so you already had arranged to stay at Anne's home for a few days in order to avoid the temptation of going back to him and keep him from finding you. On one of the nights you weren't working you invited him to your house for dinner. You made something you knew he was fond of and mentally prepared yourself for the conversation to come. That night he arrived right on time and you ushered him to the table. You decided to keep the conversation light until after you finished eating. You both then decided to go for a walk and ended up sitting on the beach. You were sat side by side and you took a deep breath. James had been watching you closely the entire time and noticed how tense you've been.

"What's bothering ye, (Y/N)? Ye've been tense th' entire night." He asked, taking your hand. You pull your hand away and put some distance between you two and James looked at you, confused and slightly hurt. You knew if you didn't do that you wouldn't be able to speak as freely as you would like.

"Well I've been thinking and I noticed that you've been extremely distant. Every time I try to ask you about yourself you completely change the subject or distract me but I've always been open and honest about myself with you. I feel like you know everything about me but I know nothing about you. I don't even know the most basic things about you that someone you're in a relationship with should know. You've even taken to distancing yourself from me when I try to talk to you." James face became decidedly neutral as you spoke.

"I-" You cut James off and continue to speak.

"It's just that, I don't like feeling like I'm not being taken seriously. I understand if you're uncomfortable talking about yourself but I would rather you say that than just change the topic and make me feel like you don't trust me. I don't expect you to tell me your life story but I don't like feeling clueless either. I can't be with you knowing that I trust you more than you trust me and I don't like it when the people around me are being secretive as if they've got something to hide from me. I feel like I'm putting more effort into our relationship than you are and I don't like it." You weren't looking at him as you spoke but you could feel his gaze on you.

"I-" You cut him off again.

"So I've decided that since there must be some lack of trust between us that we should stop seeing each other. I really care about you James but I refuse to be held at arms length by anyone. I feel it's best to end things now and move on before things get worse. Goodbye." You jump up and run in to town. It isn't long before you hear James calling your name and running behind you.

You run into a crowd of women and duck through them before moving through another crowd of people. Eventually James loses sight of you and you turn into an alley to hide. James runs past the alley and you stay where you are for a few minutes before peeking out to find him gone. You carefully make your way to Anne's home, avoiding any bright paths, and keep an eye out for James. Once you get inside you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and turned to see Anne waiting for you.

"I don't understand why you had to go through all of this. Did you even give him the chance to object?" Anne asks.

"I couldn't. If I did he would have found some way to make me change my mind. I would have let everything go and we would keep doing this. I can't do it Anne. I can't keep trying in a relationship that's obviously going no where." You sigh sadly and Anne leads you to an extra room where you had a bag of clothes and other things you would need during your stay.

You change your clothes and drop onto the bed. You stare at the ceiling and try to push James out of your mind but all you can picture is the smile on his face whenever he saw you. Your mind starts replaying memories of all the times he held you and kissed you. You hand moves to your lips and you begin to question if you made the right decision. You immediately lower your hand and shake your head.

"I can't do this. I can't doubt myself. I made the right decision. I just need to move on. Yeah. I need to find someone better than James. Someone that won't hide things from me." You said to yourself and closed your eyes. It took a while but you eventually fell asleep.

*A Few Days Later*

You had successfully avoided James since the break up. Anne had been helping you but took it upon herself to needlessly inform you on everything that's been going on with him. She really has been testing your self control. You especially wanted to go on a rampage and claim him again when she told you about the sheer amount of women who have been throwing themselves at him in your absence. Then you were forced to witness it at work when they decided to try to monopolize his time in the tavern. You really wanted to rip them apart and take your man back. Sadly, but not really, he politely rejected them and kept his eyes on you. You were able to hold yourself back and continued to go about your business at work. You had met a guy the night before and found through your conversations with him that he had potential.

Today you went back to your own house to get ready to go on a date with him. You had just finished doing your hair when James slammed into your bedroom. You gasped in surprise and turned to look at him. He was livid.

"What are you doing here?!" You watch wide eyed as he stalks toward you.

"Ye're going on a date?!" He yelled from a few steps away. You blink in surprise and look away from him.

"Yes. How did you find out?" He narrows his eyes at you and grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. The anger in his eyes made you flinch but the traces of sadness and heartbreak along with it makes you want to cry and blurt out apologies.

"It doesn't matter how I found out! What matters is that I've been trying t' get t' ye fer th' past few days t' talk things out only t' find out that ye've already started seeing other people!" You flinch once again but quickly begin to glare at him.

"SO?! We are over! I can go on a date if I want to! You don't own me, James!" He grabs your arms and pull you in close.

"As far as I'm concerned I never agreed t' break up so ye are mine! I will not be replaced by some dodgy bastard that has no place near ye!" You angrily rip your arms away from him and put some distance between you.

"Well I refuse t' be with someone that obviously doesn't trust me and doesn't want to put any effort into a relationship! Besides I am not yours and frankly I will never be yours again! I am not one to be left in the dark and I won't be treated like the butt of the joke! Now please leave so I can finish getting ready for my date!" You point to the door.

"It's not that I don't trust ye! I just couldn't bring myself t' lie t' ye anymore than I already have." His words lost steam towards the end and he looked away from you. You watched him in confusion and your voice became gentle.

"What do you mean, James?" You gasp when he takes off his bandana and hair tie.

"My name isn't really James, it's Mary." You're frozen in surprise and fall back to sit on your bed. Standing in front of you was clearly a woman, her features no less feminine than yours, just with the body and clothes of James.

"Y-you're a woman?" You ask quietly. You could practically feel your heart break.

"Yes. I couldn't tell ye about my past because I didn't want t' lie again and again." Mary said looking everywhere but at you.

"So this entire time, everything has been a lie? Our entire relationship was fake?" You start to cry as you ask these questions.

"No-" You cut her off.

"How dare you say no?! I trusted you! I shared everything with you! I cared about you! I wanted to be with you! I l-loved you..." You cried out but quieted down at your admission.

"Listen, I-" You cut her off again.

"NO! Don't say anything! How could you? Was I just a prop to you? Was I just a cover up? Were you ever going to tell me? Did you actually ever care about me!?" You were slightly hysterical. Your hand clutched your chest as if trying to hold your heart together. Mary walked closer and gently took your hand away from your chest.

"YES! I did care about ye, I still do. Ye were never a prop or a cover up. I just wasn't sure how t' tell ye. I wanted t', I really did, but I could never find th' right time and then I was going t' tell ye th' night ye ran away but I couldn't find ye and I could never get ye alone. And then when Anne told me that ye have a date, I just couldn't take it. Just knowing that someone else was going t' have ye messed with my mind and ye wanna know why? Because I don't just care about ye, I love ye. I love ye so much that I didn't want t' lose ye." When you neglected to answer her out of sheer shock she took it to mean that you didn't want her.

"I'm sorry fer hurting ye. I'll just leave now." She said and left. You sat on your bed just processing everything. Your first love was a girl and surprisingly you didn't feel upset about it. In fact you still loved her and you still wanted to be with her. You weren't sure what was going on with yourself but you knew that you would never come to love anyone as much as you currently loved Mary. You were so confused that you decided to run to Anne's house. You pounded on the door and when Anne took in the sight of your flushed and tear stricken face she immediately pulled you inside.

"What happened, (Y/N)?!" She asked, hugging you.

"I spoke with James." You answered unsure of how to tell her.

"She told you didn't she?" Anne responded and you pulled back in surprise.

"You knew?! You knew the entire time?!" You asked, angrily.

"Yes but please don't get upset." She said moving closer but you quickly back away.

"Don't get angry?! You knew the truth and you let me walk into this blind! You encouraged me to be with her! You knew I would get hurt and still pushed me towards her! How can I not get angry?!" You went on.

"Please, (Y/N)! You wanted each other! I couldn't just let you be miserable!" She answered.

"And I'm not miserable now?! I just find out that both of the people I trusted the most lied to me, and played me for a fool! How can I not be miserable?! My heart is destroyed right now! My trust is gone! And the worst part is even after everything I can't let her go, I still love her! I don't want to but I do! Every part of me wants to be with her but I can't! I've been lied to and made to fall in love with someone I don't even know! Do you know what that's like?! I fell in love with James but I can't get over Mary! My heart wants Mary but my brain tells me I can't be with her but then my heart remembers all the good times with James and my brain reminds me that it's a lie but my heart reminds of how good it felt to hear that she loves me but then my brain tells me that I can't trust her! My heart can't take this! It can't take being pulled in every which way! I can't take it! It hurts so freaking much! You've destroyed me! Both of you have completely screwed me up! I don't even know what to do anymore!" You cried dropping to your knees, blinded by tears. Anne watches you guiltily and drops down so she can hug you again. You weakly try to fight her but eventually give up. She holds you until you run out of tears and begins to rock you back and forth.

"(Y/N), I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would get like this. I understand that you're angry but you can't hold it against Mary forever." You sniffle and wipe your eyes.

"But I can't just forgive her either."

"Didn't you say she said she loved you? You love her too. That should be enough to at least give her a chance. I mean you don't want to live the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had just given her a chance, right?" Anne says making you seriously consider her words.

"I don't know, Anne. I can't get past the fact that she's a woman. How would a relationship even work?"

"The same way as it worked before but now you wouldn't have any secrets. Think about it, she's still the same person you fell in love with but now you know she's a woman. All the feelings you had and all the experiences you faced are still real. They still happened and that will never change. The fact that you still love her after finding out the truth should be enough to convince you to go for it." Anne says and your face lights up in realization.