Hello again! I'm back with chapter two!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed/alerted/favorited/etc. But especially those of you who reviewed. I really appreciate your kind words and support of this random little story.
One reviewer mentioned that my characterization of Chomesuke was a little over the top, and really, that's what I was going for. This story is about a boy (Allen) who tries to live a normal life but is surrounded by irrational situations and people and eventually succumbs to the irrationality himself. Basically, that is just my trying-to-sound-legit way of saying that this story is rather crackish and will only get worse as I progress through it. Yay!
Another note: Allen has his scar and his white hair in this story, but his left arm is normal-looking. So far. I have an idea about what to do with that arm, but we'll see if it works out the way I think it will.
Disclaimer: I forgot this last chapter. Whoops. I do not own D Gray-Man.
By far, Allen's favorite feature of his new place was the spacious, screened-in porch that was just off the living-room. The window set into the door was beveled, and when the sun shone through it the glass looked yellow. He'd put a broken down old futon out there, along with a white plastic side-table and a couple of tattered bean-bag chairs. Shortly after the George/Chomesuke debacle, Allen had flung himself down on the stained futon cushion and lain dejectedly in a patch of sun. If he closed his eyes and let his mind drift, maybe he could just forget the whole episode had ever happened…
He stayed like that for about an hour, before a light knocking sound permeated the air. Realizing it was the front door, Allen hauled himself to his feet with a huff and trudged to the front of the house. When he opened the door, he was greeted by the smiling face of a pretty Asian girl. Her long dark hair was pulled up into two high pigtails and her eyes were such a deep blue they looked purple.
"Hello?" Allen said.
"Hi there!" she smiled brightly. "My name is Lenalee Lee. I'm your new neighbor. I live over there." She indicated the infamous house next door with a tilt of her head. "Thought I'd drop by and say hi, and welcome to the neighborhood! Lavi and Kanda aren't around—those are my roommates—but I'm sure you'll meet them eventually. Mind if I come in? I brought a present!" She held up a paper plate heaped with chocolate chip cookies. Allen's mouth immediately started watering.
"Of course," he said, moving aside so she could squeeze past him. "I'm Allen Walker, by the way."
"Nice to meet you, Allen," Lenalee said, setting the cookies down on the coffee table. "Mind if I sit?"
"Please do," Allen replied, indicating the couch. He flopped down next to her and stuffed three of the cookies into his mouth at once.
"Oh my," Lenalee said, stifling a giggle.
"'orry," Allen said through a mouth full of cookie. He swallowed with some difficulty and grinned sheepishly. "I like food a bit."
"I noticed."
"So, you a student at the university?"
"Oh, yes!" Lenalee replied. "I'm a sophomore."
"That's cool," Allen said, reaching for another cookie. "I'm going to be a freshman. What are you studying?"
"Theatre," Lenalee replied. "Musical theatre, actually. My specialty is dance, but I think I'm an all right singer, too. What about you?"
"Undecided," Allen said, shrugging. "I'll figure something out. Eventually."
"A lot of people start out that way."
"So, you live with two guys? Isn't that kind of weird for you?"
"Oh no, its fine. Those two are my boys—my best friends at the school. Though, I may have led my brother to believe that they were girls," Lenalee said guiltily. "He's a bit overprotective, you know?"
"If I had a younger sister I probably would be too," Allen conceded. "Hey, Lenalee, can I ask you something? It's probably a really weird question, but I've kind of had a weird day."
"Did you have an encounter with George?" Lenalee asked sympathetically.
"Yeah, actually, I did. How'd you know?"
"Well, you're a student. He's sort of…prejudiced, when it comes to university students."
"What is his problem?" Allen wondered.
"Well, it probably has a lot to do with Lavi," Lenalee said. "He's a year older than me, a junior. Ever since he turned twenty-one he's held a party at our place pretty much every weekend. Actually, he was doing that before he even turned twenty-one, but he got busted by the cops so many times his grandfather threatened to cut him off. That house actually belongs to his grandfather, so we would have been homeless. He's the Chancellor of the school, you know. But it's not like Lavi ever got any citations or anything. I swear, that boy can talk his way out of anything. But now when George inevitably calls the police on us, the most we can get fined for is a noise violation." Lenalee paused before adding, "Not that we ever do."
"No wonder George doesn't like him," Allen said, displeased that he'd have to listen to noise from wild parties every weekend, no doubt when he would be trying to sleep.
Lenalee laughed. "Yeah, but he's pretty much the only person who doesn't. Lavi's pretty popular around here."
"I'm aware," Allen deadpanned. Lenalee frowned in confusion. "Do you know a girl named Chomesuke?"
"You mean Sachiko?" Lenalee said, leaning back against the couch. "That's her real name, you know. But when he met her, Lavi was too drunk to remember her name properly, and she said 'whatever you decide to call me, that's what my name will be!' She's a bit stuck on him, from what I've heard."
"More like completely obsessed with him," Allen corrected. By now, all that was left of the cookies was a pile of crumbs. "Those were very good, by the way."
"Thanks! So, you've met Sachi—Chomesuke?" Lenalee corrected herself with a slight twist to her lips.
"She was crouching in my bushes earlier today, spying on your house."
"Yeah, she does that," Lenalee said dismissively. "Actually, you'll probably get a lot of that, as long as you live next to us. Lavi has a lot of admirers. Kanda, too, though they usually don't last very long."
"What, does he kill them or something?"
"Close. He gives them something Lavi calls 'the Death Glare.' They usually don't come back after that."
"Sounds like a real charmer," Allen stated blandly.
Lenalee laughed again. It was bright, happy, and perfectly normal-sounding. Allen was relieved that at least someone in this bizarre neighborhood seemed sane.
"You're funny," she giggled. "You should come to the party tonight! I'm sure Lavi wouldn't mind. He loves meeting new people."
"I don't know," Allen said, scratching the back of his head. "I'm not much for parties. I don't drink or anything." Alcohol had been the cause of much of Allen's childhood trauma, and he tended to avoid it on general principle. "Plus, Chomesuke asked me to tell Lavi something for her, and I really, really don't want to."
"Tell him what?" Lenalee inquired.
"That she loves him and misses him and blah blah blah," Allen said, making a face. "Not something I feel comfortable saying to another guy—especially one I don't know—even if it's not coming from me."
"That's not very charitable of you, Allen," Lenalee said, poking him in the chest. "If I didn't know Chomesuke was so creepy I'd be offended. As it is… Well, I'll tell Lavi for you, how about that? But you should still come to the party! It'll be fun, and you'll meet some new people, too!"
"I'll think about it," Allen murmured, looking away. He already knew he wouldn't go, but he didn't want to hurt Lenalee's feelings. She had the makings of a real friend.
"Well, I better go. The party starts soon, and I was supposed to buy chips. Lavi will be pissed if I flake. "
"I appreciate you coming over, Lenalee," Allen said as he walked her to the door. "Thank you for being so welcoming."
"No problem," she said. "And I still say you should come to the party. I hope to see you there, Allen!" And she left, cutting across his yard and hopping gracefully onto her own sidewalk.
Allen closed the door with a smile. This day was actually beginning to look up.
Allen's garage was disconnected from the house, sitting just off a narrow alleyway that ran behind all of the houses on this side of the street. Allen's Jeep was parked inside, along with his bike, his rollerblades, and all of his gardening implements. Not that Allen gardened, but they were there if he needed them. At the moment, he was trying to drag the push-lawnmower out the side door of the garage. It kept getting caught on the doorjamb, and he was beginning to get frustrated.
"Che," a voice scoffed. "Having some trouble over there, beansprout?"
Allen looked for the source of the voice. Leaning against the large elm tree that was in the backyard of the house next door was an Asian boy with long hair. It was pulled up into a high ponytail and his bangs were chopped horizontally across his forehead. He held a wooden bokuto loosely in his right hand.
What does this guy think he is? Allen thought. A samurai?
"My name is Allen," he replied, a bit irked. "And you are?"
"Kanda," the boy replied, though Allen had already guessed his identity. "You the new neighbor? Where are your parents? You probably shouldn't try to operate that thing unsupervised."
"I don't have any parents," Allen ground out. "And I don't need any help working the lawnmower, thank you. I've mowed the lawn by myself since I was eight years old."
"Good for you," Kanda said, bored. "That must have been what, two years ago? Should be a pro by now."
"I am not ten!" Allen snapped. "I'm eighteen!"
"Che," Kanda scoffed again. "Freshman."
"You aren't a very nice person, are you?"
"What gave you that idea?" Kanda said, smirking.
"Jerk."
"All right, listen," Kanda said, standing up straight and taking a step toward Allen. "You annoy me. Most people annoy me, actually, but you really annoy me. Lenalee said she invited you to the party, but I'm telling you right now: if you show your face, I will kill you. I will cut that ugly scar right off of your face and watch you bleed to death. Get it?"
Allen nodded dumbly, shocked that someone could form such a strong opinion of him after only knowing him for roughly thirty seconds. Also that someone could be so violent. He'd received death threats from Master Cross every other day growing up, but Allen had never really believed he'd go through with them. He'd hit him on the head with a mallet, sure, but never seriously injure him. This boy, Allen knew, would carry his threats out to the letter. This Kanda person was by far the most terrifying individual Allen had ever met. There went his good mood from meeting Lenalee.
Speaking of Lenalee, Allen thought, how could someone so sweet be friends with someone like that?
"Good," Kanda said curtly. "Now stay out of my way, beansprout. Just looking at your stupid face is raising my blood pressure."
"Stop calling me beansprout! My name is Allen!"
"Do I look like I care?" And with that, he walked up the back steps to his house and slammed the door.
"Gah!" Allen shouted, tugging hard on the lawnmower. It came free with a jerk, startling him and making him lose his balance. For the second time that day, Allen tumbled to the ground and landed in an ungraceful heap.
Allen had expected the party at the house next door to be loud. What with George's overreactions, Lenalee's mention of potential noise violations, and Allen's first impression of Lavi's personality, he figured that he'd have to close his windows to be able to block out the sound. It was a rather muggy August night, and Allen wanted nothing more than to get a cross breeze flowing through the room, but he'd have to do without it. The windows were locked tight, stuffed with pillows and blankets in a crude attempt at creating some sort of sound-proofing system.
Still, Allen could hear the goings-on of the party as though they were happening right there in his bedroom.
"Whooooooo!" someone drunkenly shouted. This was followed by a series of crashes and a loud burst of laughter.
"Not funny, you guys!" The same person shouted. "Shit. Think I broke m' leg!"
"Nah, you din't," someone else slurred.
"Needa go to the hospital?" a third person asked. "I dun think any of us should drive."
"Lavi!" the first person shouted. "I broke m' leg and now 'm dyin'. I'll sue yer ass for this! It's a whatsit. A slip 'n fall. Yeah. I fell on yer prop'ty, and yer… Uh…"
"Liable?" a voice Allen recognized as Lavi's supplied. He could practically hear the grin in it. "This isn't really my house, Daisya. So you're shit outta luck, my friend."
"I'll jus' sue the Chance'ler, then," the shouter, Daisya, replied. "Thass a good idea."
"Yeah, that's a great idea," Lavi replied sarcastically.
Allen sighed irritably and rolled over to look at his alarm clock. 2:37. They'd been going at it like this since 10 pm, and he'd had enough. He grabbed a pillow that had fallen from its spot on the window above his dresser and jammed it over his ears. It did absolutely nothing to deaden the sound. Music thudded and pulsated just beneath the din of drunken conversation. Guitars blared wildly and the singer screamed something about a "crazy bitch."
"Classy," Allen mumbled to himself.
And then, just as he had resigned himself to a sleepless night—salvation.
"Oh shit, it's the cops!" someone screeched, followed by a lot of running, scrambling, and general pandemonium.
Red and blue lights slid across the wall, lighting up his thin curtains like a marquee. Unable to contain his curiosity, Allen slipped out of bed, descended the stairs, and crept out onto the porch in order to spy.
"Oh!" a familiar, female voice said softly. "Hey, Allen! Thought you'd be asleep."
Allen frowned and looked down. Lenalee waved awkwardly up at him. She and a few people he'd never seen before were lying flat on their stomachs on the floor of his porch.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked. "How did you even get in here?"
"This is a common place for people to hide when they don't want to get busted," Lenalee explained, still whispering. "Usually the place is empty, so we don't feel bad about breaking in. Now that you live here, you might want to fix the little tear in the screen right next to the door to the backyard." She pointed behind her. "It's really easy for us to use a wire hanger and jimmy open the lock."
"Right," he replied slowly.
"Dude, I'm sorry, but who the hell're you?" a boy sprawled on the floor demanded, not bothering to whisper. His brown hair looked tousled and windswept, and two pink lines of what looked to Allen like makeup were smeared down his cheeks.
"Shhh, Daisya," Lenalee shushed him. "That's Allen Walker. He lives here now. We've told you this, like, a million times. Now shut up. You wanna get caught again?"
"Daisya?" Allen repeated. "Are you the one who broke his leg?"
The boy stared up at him in awe. "How did you know that?" he wondered. "You psychic or something?"
"Yes," Allen responded, tapping his temple. "I am very psychic."
"Dude!" Daisya crowed, earning another round of shushing from his underage companions. "What am I thinking about right now?"
"He's not really psychic, dumbass," another boy muttered. "He could probably hear you screaming through his window. Hell, the whole city could probably hear you. Christ you're loud." He paused, frowning. "And you didn't actually break your leg, so shut up!"
"Sorry about this, Allen," Lenalee apologized. "But, um, could you go check to see if they're gone? I'll lose my scholarship if I get caught. Plus, my brother would probably kill me. No, he'd definitely kill me. Lavi should have gotten rid of them by now, but I'd just like to be sure. Please?" She looked up at him hopefully.
Allen sighed. "Fine, I'll check."
"You're the best!" she whispered to his back as he pulled open the porch door and stepped onto the grass. He wandered to the edge of his property line just as the two officers were getting back into their squad car.
"We're getting far too many noise complaints from you lately, Mr. Bookman," a stout officer with a large moustache was saying. "This is getting out of hand. Keep this up and there will be drastic consequences."
"They're just kids, Charles," a female officer replied, tucking her hair up under her hat. "School's starting soon and they're letting off some steam before classes begin. They'll cool down once school is in session. Won't you?"
"Of course, ma'am," a male voice replied. Allen recognized that it came from none other than Lavi, who was holding the passenger door of the police car open for the female officer. "Thank you for being so understanding, Officer Moa. I promise it won't happen again." She gave him a smile while her partner grumbled darkly from behind the steering wheel. Lavi shut the door behind her and waved as the car slowly pulled away from the curb.
"Whew, that was a close one," Lavi mumbled to himself. He turned around and started walking back toward his house, but stopped short when he saw Allen.
"Hey there, neighbor!" he said, jogging over. "Sorry about all of that. We didn't wake you up, did we?"
"I was never asleep," Allen said shortly. "Lenalee sent me out here to make sure the police were gone. She and a couple of your guests broke into my porch and are hiding there."
Lavi laughed loudly and clapped Allen on the back, which caused him to stumble forward a bit. "Oh man, yeah! They're going to need a new hiding spot for when we get busted. I didn't think they'd run over there, though. I told them someone lives there now. Must be a force of habit."
"Yeah, must be," Allen agreed disinterestedly.
"Oh, I almost forgot! I haven't properly introduced myself, though I'm sure my reputation precedes me." He grinned that cocky grin again and stuck out his hand to shake. "Lavi Bookman, nice to meet ya!"
"Allen Walker," Allen replied, giving the other boy's hand a firm shake. "All right, look—" he started to say, but was cut off when Lavi wrapped an arm tightly around his neck.
"Why weren't you at the party, dude?" Lavi whined. "Lenalee said she invited you, but you never showed! I almost came over to ask what was up, but then some stuff happened, and the beer pong table broke, which is such a tragedy because I made that thing myself! I wanted to get to know my awesome new neighbor and to thank you for handling what's-her-face this morning!"
"Chomesuke?" Allen supplied.
"Yeah, that crazy chick! Seriously dude, I think she's stalking me, and that is just not cool. I need to spread the love around, you know, but I don't think I can bring myself to spread it to her. She may shank me or something. Pull my skin off and wear it, all Silence of the Lambs-like."
Allen had no idea what this guy was talking about.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Allen confided, attempting to struggle out of the taller boy's grip. But Lavi was a lot stronger and just ended up pulling him even closer. Allen's nose filled with the scent of beer, barbeque potato chips, and Axe body wash.
"Dude. Seriously. Why did you bail on the party? No one ever bails on my parties, because my parties are the shit. I'm all offended now."
"Well, I don't know," Allen drawled. "Kanda did threaten to kill me if I showed my face."
"Oh, so you met Kanda, didja? He threatens to kill everybody," Lavi said, waving a hand. "That's the only way he knows how to communicate.
"Okay…"
"Were you worried Chomesuke might be there? Lenalee told me what she told you, and I can see why you'd want to avoid her. Not as much as I want to avoid her though—no way she's invited to any parties over here ever again. So you don't have to worry about that." He shook Allen's shoulders before giving him a friendly squeeze. "Or are you just shy? 'Cuz there's no need to be shy around me—since we're neighbors, it means we're automatically friends based on proximity alone. So. The next time I have a party, you are going to come to it. If you don't, I will break into your house and drag you out in your pajamas if I have to. Nice look, by the way," he added, raising an eyebrow.
It was then that Allen realized he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers that had penguins all over them. He blushed.
"Uh, these were a gift," Allen explained.
"Sure," Lavi chuckled. Then he cupped his hand over his mouth and yelled "hey! They're gone now, so get the hell off of Allen's porch. Seriously, anyone who hides there again is in so much trouble!"
"Sorry Lavi! Sorry Allen!" came Lenalee's voice as she sprinted across the yard and into the back door of her own house. Allen could make out the vague shapes of the other party-goers as they dispersed and sneaked off down the alleyway.
"What the hell are you yelling about out here?" Kanda growled, appearing out of nowhere. "Beansprout! Didn't I tell you I'd kill you if you showed your face here? And where are your clothes?"
"Shut up!" Allen snapped. "I'm technically on my own property, so lay off!"
"Dude!" Lavi gasped. "You just talked back to Yu! You are so dead now!"
"I talked back to myself?" Allen frowned. "What?"
"Nah, Kanda's first name is Yu. Y-U. But he's all Japanese and shit, so he likes to be called by his last name."
"Then why don't you do it, you stupid rabbit?" Kanda snarled.
"But 'Yu' is so much cuter!" Lavi protested.
Stupid rabbit? Allen thought. Where does this guy come up with all of these weird nicknames?
"Anyway," Lavi said, finally releasing Allen's shoulders. "We should go back home now, and let you get to sleep." He started walking back toward his own house, but turned around and pointed a threatening finger at Allen. "Next party, you better be there. Or I'll come find you. Got it?" Then he smiled brightly and grabbed Kanda by the wrist. "C'mon, Yu, let's make a pizza!"
"I don't like pizza," Kanda griped as Lavi dragged him away. "And don't invite that stupid beansprout over to our house! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Aww, come on Yu! He seems like such a riot! Don't threaten him anymore, 'kay?"
"Like I'd listen to you, you stupid—" and the door slammed shut behind them, blocking the rest of Kanda's insult.
Allen trekked back into his own house, stopping briefly to examine the tear in the screen that was allowing drunken college students access to his private property. He'd need to call about getting that fixed in the morning.
He collapsed onto his bed and threw his right arm over his eyes. He lay like that for half an hour before sighing in defeat.
"I'll never get to sleep tonight."
Ta da! Man, this was kind of a long chapter. I already have chapter three written, I'm just editing it now. I don't have a beta, so if there are any typos or whatnot that I didn't catch, please let me know! As always, reviews are much appreciated, and concrit is welcome!
