April 17, 2010-2:00 AM

Dreams Like Life

Getting together the first issue of my magazine is coming along so swiftly, it's unimaginable. I've only been here a week and though my days are filled with meeting advertisers, accountants, writers and ect. I never thought the concept for the first issue would come together so quickly. It's going to be everything I've ever wanted my magazine to be.

It's going to be inspiring.

It's funny how the past can suddenly be in your face without you wanting - or even considering the possibility. I mean, what are the odds that after everything, I'd run into her in London? And while grocery shopping no less.

I couldn't even bring myself to be angry with her; all things considered, are we so different? I thought she ripped his heart out three years ago, and on national television, but no she and I, we are on the same level.

So I approached her, and re-introduced myself. I smiled through the shock (seriously was I really that much different with different glasses and braces?), and actually sat down with her and talked. I couldn't help to think though, the whole time she was going on and on about her new book, that she was the driving force behind our first date.

A slice, Karoke, Sonny and Cher, the stolen wedding cake he brushed off my face and licked off his finger and a million lights in the city made brighter by the even lightening sky. A promise, to meet again on that same bridge, to call him if I ever came. A promise that he broke the night before I left.

But who could blame him.

So, I can't be mad at her anymore. She is the reason I have these memories tucked so tightly inside of me. She was one of the driving forces behind US. I can only smile and make appropriate chit chat. Until she asks about him, of course.

And then I remember. This ruthless, coward of a writer and a woman; this person that needs tricks and bright bold coloring to sell her words, is nothing like me. Her taint never helped or hindered our friendship.

So it was with clipped words that I left her staring at me in shock. I've always wanted to make a dramatic exit.

I mentioned before that I am able to function in the day, in a working capacity at least, but at night it is like I am stuck in a rerun of the last four years of my life. I've been having these dreams, they feel so real. I can actually feel him, touch him, and talk to him. When I open my mouth to tell him the one thing I should have figured out a long time ago, but have only worked out recently, I wake up.

It's frustrating.

In one dream I am in my damn red poncho, the one I once thought fashionable enough to wear to Mode, and I am running down the tube to the conference room, and I smash into the clear glass doors, landing on my back (that may or may not have really happened in life). Suddenly he's all around me, his smell, his voice, his eyes are looking down at me in concern. He reaches down and helps me up, and then in a surprising turn of events, invades my space in a way he never did in real life. Touches my cheek, and leans down and kisses me.

I know the human mind is an amazing thing. I remember the way his lips felt, he's kissed my forehead countless times, he's hugged me before. I know exactly what it feels like to wrap my arms around his waist. I know what his eyes look like up close. I experienced all of these things in a different way. Without the awareness that I have in a simple dream.

When I look up at him, into his eyes, god I'm lost. I'm lost in a dream. I'm lost in the blue, drowning. I open my mouth to tell him and suddenly I am awake.

This has happened over and over again. It doesn't seem fair, but then again maybe I should be happy that I held for a little while in my life and move on from it.


Betty published her latest entry into her blog and then shut computer down. She didn't want to know what everyone would make of her sudden need to about Daniel. They were all concerned, as they should be, but what they didn't understand was that she was working through her feeling for him.

She couldn't believe how blind she's been all these years, and then she remembered something her papi told her the night she got her braces off. She has just removed her last piece of amour, now they could see the real her. Now she was open and vulnerable in a way she had not been before.

Now came the hard part.

Is it possible that somehow she had formed the greatest love with her best friend all these years and had been so hell bent on pursuing her dream that the possibility of a relationship or anything else was put behind a blinder?

Because she was certain now, after all these years, through all of this pain, she was certain. Daniel was the love of her life.


A/N- I was going to start including replies from people reading her blog, but instead I am going to slowly to incorporating her reaction to THEIR reaction? Does that make sense?

Thanks to the two people that reviewed. I appreciate you!