Kathryn took a brief moment to take a deep breath and steady herself before walking into the ready room after Chakotay and Tuvok. She understood Chakotay's anger, but his tone disrespectful attitude had to be addressed. The truth was she had found the holoimages of Seven with holographic Chakotay disturbing. She felt disgust and anger bubbling inside her at the thought of Seven with her Chakotay.
It was true in that moment, before Chakotay made it clear that the image wasn't of the real him, Kathryn felt sadness, anger, jealousy and a surprisingly strong desire to scream. In many ways she thought of Chakotay as hers, although she could never admit that. In recent years, when it seemed he lost interest in everything around him, she realized she missed him; the old him, the one that belonged to her.
Now she steadied herself to reprimand him for being the very person that she missed. His behavior on the bridge was unacceptable; somethings should only be done in private. His public display of disrespect could only undermine her authority with the crew; not only those with first-hand knowledge of it as word would spread quickly down to all the lower decks.
Kathryn walked slowly around her desk to her chair, yet remained standing. "Just what the hell do you think you were doing with that insubordinate and disrespectful display commander?"
"It doesn't feel good does it, Kathryn? I walk around here being ignored, my opinions, ignored, my decisions, ignored, my disciplinary actions, ignored…" Chakotay spoke with passion, anger and conviction. Spread his arms out and gesturing in uncharacteristic animation before he was cut off.
"I may not always do what you want me to Chakotay, but I've respected your disciplinary actions with the crew. I take your crew evaluations and recommendations seriously." Kathryn countered attempting to control her temper.
Chakotay laughed out loud. "Name the last suggestion I made that you actually listened to. As a matter of fact I challenge Tuvok here to come up with any recent suggestion of mine that you've listened to."
"Enough, Commander! I do NOT answer to YOU." Kathryn shouted at him.
"No you certainly don't." He cut in just as loudly. Tuvok wisely took a few inconspicuous steps back, to a location where he could step in if needed but would hopefully be forgotten, at least for the moment. "What do you want from me, Kathryn? You don't discuss your ideas with me. We don't talk through ships issues anymore. You overrule my decisions on a whim never asking me why I made them. You don't take me seriously. What am I doing here, Kathryn? I'm your damned token Maquis, that's all. The one with no power, no authority, no standing; hell I think you give Neelix' opinions more consideration than you give mine." With some of his steam finally abating his voice became quiet, a contrast to his raised voice just moments before but somehow his calm was even more disturbing to her. "If you don't want me to stand by you, challenge you, make suggestions to you, work out problems and issues together with you, as a command team should, say the word and I'll turn in my resignation."
Kathryn mind searched frantically for a way to counter him, but he was right on most counts. She, however, was too stubborn to come out and say so without a fight. "When have I overruled you when it comes to ships discipline?" She was certain she never had.
"One word Kathryn, Seven! You didn't space her when she posed a lethal threat. You didn't want me to handle her you wanted to handle her yourself. You didn't discipline her when she deserved it. She was absent from her duty post. No consequences. She was logging in excessive hours on the holodeck and depriving our over worked crew of their holodeck privileges. No consequences, you didn't even look into what she was doing! When she collapsed on the holodeck did you find out what made it happen? No! Doc wouldn't tell you because of "doctor/patient confidentiality" but that's bull, Kathryn. With any other crew member you would have looked into it, you would have wanted to know what was going on, what had endangered your crewman; you would have found out and not just taken her word for it. She's made it obvious that she has no qualms about lying to you, yet you hold her word above that of others, including my own. Well we found out today what caused her collapse, didn't we? I feel violated, disgusted, and angry, and I want a stop put to that damned borg. Do you know that my people believe that abusing someone's likeness can damage that person's soul? Some still believe that your soul can be trapped in the holographic images of the person. What Seven did was a serious assault on my person, Kathryn. She needs to be dealt with. If you feel the need to keep coddling her I'll put a stop to her antics myself. I'm telling you right now, Kathryn, if you don't let me do my job I see no reason to continue pretending to have one. I'll resign and move down to lower crew quarters and find something more fulfilling to do with my time." The determination in Chakotay's voice and expression told Kathryn that he wasn't bluffing. He would walk away from his position and throw the whole command structure into turmoil. Not only would crew moral and stability be affected but she herself would be personally affected. They were almost seven years into their journey, and for the first time she stopped to consider what it would be like NOT to have him seated next to her, not to live next door to him, and not to be able to talk things through with him if and when she so pleased. She felt a brief moment of shame as she realized that, while she often ignored his presence she counted on the fact that he would be there for her unconditionally. She took him for granted. She pushed that feeling aside as she took a deep breath and considered her response.
She almost choked on her words as she muttered the unthinkable. "I'm sorry." Even during the Equinox disaster she had never actually apologized. Chakotay was stunned, and his spirits were bolstered. She continued, "I'm sorry that I didn't show you that I took your concerns seriously, and that you didn't feel appreciated. I'm also sorry that I didn't find out what Seven was up to. I swear that if I had known I would have put a stop to it."
"I appreciate and accept the apology, Captain." He responded, using her rank, for the first time that day, in an attempt to convey the respect he felt the apology had earned her. After all he knew how difficult it was for her to swallow her pride. "But I have to know. If Seven had come to you with those pictures, would you have believed me when I said it wasn't really me with her? Did you really think it was me when you asked why I was displaying my personal life on the bridge? "
Kathryn swallowed hard, could she admit that they're relationship had deteriorated to the point that she would have believed Seven had Seven accused Chakotay of taking advantage of her? "I wish I could say no, Chakotay, but I can't. I don't know when we let things get this bad."
"There was a time when we could almost tell what the other was thinking. We lost our way, Kathryn." Chakotay agreed thinking of the connection he was sure she must have felt at one time as well; after all he knew now for certain that they were soul mates. "That being said; there is another matter that is very important to me and must be resolved appropriately as it is currently disrupting my ability to meditate and achieve the inner peace I seek, as well as interfering with my vision quests. I must be able to meditate in order to try and repair the damage Seven has done to my soul. You know how important my spirituality is to me. If it cannot be resolved I'll be forced to resign anyway."
Having calmed down some and being concerned about the possibility of losing her first officer she asked, "What is it?" as she braced herself for another issue damaging enough to make him want to quit.
To Kathryn's surprise he addressed Tuvok. "Tuvok, what do you know of the bonding rituals of my tribe?"
"If memory serves me correctly, when a male wishes to be bonded with a female he makes a pledge to her. If his pledge is accepted he joins her family and if not already a part of the following he also joins her village, her tribe, and her community." Tuvok spoke readily, almost as if he had expected the question.
"The United Federation of Planets accepts this bond as the equivalent to marriage, does it not Tuvok?" Chakotay continued, solemnly. Kathryn looked to Tuvok with a shocked almost panicked expression. Her thoughts whirled around in her head. A part of his soul was in the holodeck with Seven, isn't that what he implied? Seven could have made the hologram promise her anything. She felt sick. Could there have been someone else? He had been joined to Reilly Frasier's "collective". What sorts of promises had he made her? Did it matter? He had joined her village, her tribe, her collective. A small part of her wanted to consider the Angry Warrior legend but she refused to acknowledge that part of her and belittled herself for being ridiculous. The solution unfortunately was clear; if he was bonded to some woman somewhere surely what he needed was to acknowledge and fulfil that bond in order for his ability to complete his vision quests and to connect with his spirituality to return.
"Yes, Commander, it does. Under UFP law a bonded pair from your tribe is essentially a married couple." Chakotay swore there was a hint of a smile hidden somewhere in those Vulcan eyes.
"It seems I am bonded, Kathryn, and my failure to acknowledge that bond has been detrimental to me and my bond mate, in other words both my wife and I have suffered considerably. Until we acknowledge and accept that we were bonded I will never be at peace and my vision quests will be troubled and ineffective." Chakotay's serious expression drove home the importance of his bond.
Kathryn struggled to keep her own expression, as well as her voice, neutral as she responded. "Well, Commander, if you have a wife and wish to acknowledge your bond with her I don't see a problem. At least not one I can address. The federation acknowledges your bond and married couples living on a starship together are generally expected to share quarters. While Voyager wasn't exactly built for… families…" She stumbled a little on her words. "we knew that with our journey it was a possibility. I actually expected that more couples would have asked to be married by now." All the while her eyes had been scanning her desk, almost begging for something to focus on. She couldn't look at him, and somewhere a voice in her head was saying at least you won't have to officiate at his wedding.
