"What have you done?!" Zedd shouted as he burst through the door. "Do you have any idea how foolish this was?!"
Richard jolted awake, lifting his head from the pillow he shared with her. She didn't move. Looking to the wizard, he blinked away the sleep and shook his head. "No- Zedd nothing happened." It was then he realized what the wizard saw. Their blanket had fallen throughout the night, now only covering their waists down. They were still naked, her chest pressed against his. Checking Kahlan, he pulled the blanket to cover her as he sat up.
"What have you done?"
Shaking his head, he began to explain, telling him almost everything that had happened. He made sure to leave out most of the details, knowing how upset his grandfather would become.
"She never spoke to you?"
"No."
Tilting his head, the older man sighed. "Did you see how many drinks she had with Emma before she retired?"
"Four, but Zedd, Kahlan wasn't- It wasn't the drinks."
"I don't know what else it could be. She would not simply come to you and ignore the risks."
"I," All eyes moved to her as she rolled onto her back, raising her hand to block the light from her eyes. "Have no magic."
"What?" The men asked in unison.
"She gave me something. I didn't think that it would work, but it did. I don't have any magic."
"Why would you do that? Kahlan it's a part of you."
Zedd looked up at Richard, who continued to stare at her. "How did you notice she was different?"
"He looked into my eyes, Zedd and he knew. He- He knew something was wrong."
"Did you think that I wouldn't? Kahlan, I've looked into your eyes so many times, I would notice anything."
"Why didn't you realize at the start?" Zedd asked curiously.
Sitting up, Kahlan held the blanket to her chest and looked around the floor. "I didn't want him to." Motioning to her nightgown, she sighed. "I was wearing that."
"And then she wasn't," Richard added softly and without thought. "Kahlan, why did you do that?"
She looked at Zedd, who understood completely. "I'm going to see what has kept Cara in the kitchen."
The moment he was on the other side of the door, she sighed. "I should get dressed."
Richard held her still with a small smile. "You're wearing more now."
"I can't sit with you like this."
"Why?"
She stated down at the bed "Because of what happened last night." She was ashamed; hated herself for trying to trick him, but she had grown desperate and knew that she wouldn't have had the courage to speak to him about it. "We should get dressed. If we leave early enough, we-"
He was on top of her, his knees holding himself up on both her sides in an attempt to keep her still. "No. I'm not going to let you go without talking to me. Kahlan, this was your decision. All I'm asking for is the truth."
"You already know the truth."
"Why would you give up your magic?"
"I wanted to be with you." She whispered so softly, he wasn't sure she had spoken at all. "I wanted to- I wanted know what it felt like..."
"What?"
Shaking her head, she looked away, staring across the room at the wall. "I didn't want to hurt you."
Leaning down, he nuzzled his nose against her cheek. "You didn't have to change yourself. I would give you anything you ask." Her eyes closed as he moved again, laying his head against her chest. "Your heart is pounding."
"It's always pounding when you're close to me."
He moved until they were both on their sides, facing each other. Taking her hand, he brought it to his chest and smiled. "So is mine."
She kept her hand against his chest for a moment, remembering the way it had felt against hers before jerking it away as she remembered more of the night. The things that he had done to her drove her wild and his every touch made her moan and gasp like she never imagined. She had seen him, touched him and yet, she didn't truly feel as though she had done something wrong. Her mind replayed it all, the way he felt, smelled and how his body gave into her touch. A simple touch of her hand had pushed him into his pleasure and she liked the knowledge of it.
As her mind wandered, her hand found its way back to his chest, this time for another purpose. When she gathered the strength to meet his eyes, she smiled. His eyes were closed and his lips parted with a soft grin. He looked the way she felt and she found it entirely contorting. She knew they should get going, but she couldn't bear to move out of his arms. Pushing closer to him, she ran her hands over his chest to his stomach, knowing that it would bring his eyes to open.
"I don't have my magic back yet..."
She could see his mind spinning in thought, his body now responding to hers. "If I make love to you now, I'm telling you that this is the woman I want to be with, but it's not. Kahlan you're so much more than this. I would never want you to change. Not for me." He sighed, rolling onto his back to keep from touching her completely. "I thought about it last night, after you fell asleep."
"Thought about what?"
"You," he said through a whisper. "I think you're doing the right thing, going to Aydindril."
Nodding quickly, she sat up and threw her legs over the bed, grabbing the nightgown off of the floor. Dressing as quickly as she could, she forced herself not to look back at him, not to let him know how much he had just hurt her. "You're right."
Richard sat up as she walked to the door, his eyes focused on the back of her head as she pulled her hair out of the cloth. "Kahlan wait, please."
"We should get moving. I want to get home as soon as possible."
"When you- When you take your mate," he felt like he would vomit, the words making him sick, but he needed to say it before she left. "You get to be yourself." She turned slowly, but made sure to keep from meeting his eyes. "He gets to be with the real you, the woman who has done so much for everyone and never thought of herself. Kahlan, you deserve someone you don't have to change for; someone more."
Turning back to the door, she closed her eyes for a moment as she reached for the doorknob. "There could be no one more."
Before he could respond, she was gone.
******
The day was nearly impossible to get through. Zedd thought that it would be best to remain until her magic returned and the news didn't help. Kahlan stayed in her room, away from the others who wouldn't be able to pretend she had not made such a huge mistake. Her mind continuously replayed the events of the night before, interrupted constantly by the last set of words he had spoken to her. How could he have touched and kissed her like that when he wanted her to take a mate?
The feel of his lips still lingered on her skin, making her body tingle with need. She now wished that she hadn't gone to him. They would have gone on and maybe it wouldn't have been this hard. The man she would claim would never be able to do the things Richard had done to her, no one else could. Before, she would have gone through the night and never looked back, but now, she knew what it was supposed to be like. She didn't know what was worse, knowing what it felt like or knowing that she could never have it.
Tightening her hold on her blanket, she brought it closer to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut. If she slept, she wouldn't be able to think about him any longer, but a part of her was afraid he would be waiting in her dreams. The evening sun was upon her face, reminding her that soon it would be over and they would, once again, be on their way. She longed for the comfort of her home, it was the only place she would be able to push it all behind her. She would be safe there.
Her stomach growled in hunger, whispering in deaf ears that it was time for dinner. In order to eat, she would have to leave her room and it was not something she was ready to do. She couldn't look into his eyes, any other eyes. They knew what she had done and she felt so ashamed. The woman within her was always trying to break free and in the one moment it had, she destroyed everything she had worked for. Her mother had been right, a Confessor must always overwhelm the woman. If only she had learned the lesson sooner.
Her heart stopped at the knock on the door. Turning her head slowly, she looked over to the wood and waited. Maybe they would leave, she thought hopefully. She wished they would. Another knock and she sat up with a sigh. It was a knock that could belong to no other. Cara's annoyance could be heard clearly.
Making her way to the door, she pulled the blanket with her, using it to hide her still naked body. "What is it?" she asked as she opened the door a small crack.
The Mord'Sith peeked in, getting as good of a look as possible. "The wizard requests your presence at dinner."
"I'm not hungry. I think I'll remain in here."
The blonde met her eyes and pushed against the door until it was opened and she was able to step inside. "I could hear your stomach on the other side of the door."
"Cara, please," she said softly, pushing the door until it was nearly closed. "I want to stay in here."
"Richard left this afternoon."
She froze in shock. "What?"
"He wanted to make it was easier on you."
"Why didn't you and Zedd go with him?"
Crossing her arms, the blond leaned against the wall. "She doesn't have any magic, Cara. You need to protect her." She did her best to imitate their friend. "Once you're back at the Confessor's Palace, we're supposed to follow him."
Staring at the wooden door, Kahlan felt her body shake. "That's all he said?"
"Yes."
Forcing the emotion from her face, she turned to her friend. "All right. I'm tired, I think I'm going to try to sleep."
Cara walked out quietly, her eyes examining the Confessor carefully before allowing her to close the door. The instant it was closed, Kahlan cried.
