Ties of Blood, Ties of Oil
A "My life as a Teenaged Robot" Fan Fiction
Chapter 2:
Whereupon Jenny meets a most Vexing Individual and Tatican has the Pleasure of Finding an Old Friend
Begging system boot: Cluster OS, model 247, designation Smytus, 0764 07.24
Opening files… Unpacking…
Error… Main power supply damaged, switching to auxiliary power.
Warning: Auxiliary power has only 2 galaxy standard time unit's worth of power
Reboot Y/N?
No has been selected
Reboot in safe mode (safe mode will only divert power to necessary systems) Y/N?
No has been selected
Engage sleep mode Y/N?
Yes has been selected
Input time variable
4000 galaxy standard time units has been selected
Preparing sleep mode…
Cluster OS is shutting down…
Begging system boot: Cluster OS, model 247, designation Smytus 1164 07.26
Opening files… Unpacking…
"Looks like we have the three hostiles in the anterior wing, room 100100101" a New Cluster police officer muttered into his microphone. "I want snipers there." He pointed to an overlying balcony "and there" he pointed to an apartment complex across the bustling airway. "LM 345 will take point with the six man entry team at the door, and LM 35 will take two men through the windows" 14 cluster police saluted in unison, and immediately began moving out to their designated positions. They were painted a midnight black, and over their optics clear glass blast shields were deployed in full face visors.
They carried no weapons, they didn't need them. They were weapons.
Identical models, with identical weapons systems. Before the Cluster revolt they were garbage men, bus drivers, technicians. Now, with their weapons systems live, they were the Cluster Elite. Arms folded into vicious repeating plasma rifles as they ran to their positions in a lockstep marching order. On group was led by the hulking LM 345, former body shop worker who had worked his chassis to massive proportions. Even before his golden chip her could lift a fully active bot' as if it were a child unit. Another group was led by LM 35, a wiry bot' with a mind like a steel trap. His group was running to the top of an apartment complex, readying rappelling gear as they went.
LM 64, the Commissioner of the citizens' police Special Weapons and Tactics teams watched with bated breath. He monitored his men's live video feed even as he studied the floor plan for the Sky High Circuits apartment complex. He waited as his snipers lowered themselves into position, and as his soldiers began to set up for the initial breaching charge. He watched as his me set up their rappelling gear, and he waited.
A buzzing noise came from his audio receiver, a call incoming on a priority 1 line. LM 64 wasn't quite used to all these new additions to himself. He had downloaded his new schematics and the operating systems, and had even made space on his hard drive for his crash course in tactics. LM 64 was glad he was a robot. He was glad everyone he knew was a robot. As an organic, all the knowledge and skills needed to be a SWAT operative would have taken years to learn. The cluster didn't have that time. As a robot, all that information had been downloaded in just two days time, and those skills had changed ordinary nobodies into highly capable assets to the Cluster Empire, and LM 64 would rather have his hard drive melted to slag then go back to making cans. When he was a canner did anyone acknowledge his leadership skills?
LM 64 allowed the call to go through, and a blue and black robot appeared in the corner of his optics. "Lord J-40," LM 64 began "The raid is about to begin"
Lord J-40 looked eagerly back through the view screen. "Then my informants were correct? These are Ghost operatives?"
"Yes My lord. We have confirmed a cell is located in this apartment complex. So far we have, eh, evacuated the floors around them. Were preparing to assault as you speak"
"Good, good. Excellent even. You, ah, will be able to capture one?"
"That is a variable my lord. They seem willing to take their own lives rather than submit so…"
"So they might just kill themselves."
"yes , but we just need a hard drive intact. With surprise we should…"
"Should isn't enough Commissioner, the Cluster needs results" J-40 said tetchily
LM 64 bristled at that, but didn't let it show. J-40 was young, impetuous, demanding, and was far too concerned being absolutely sure of a plans effectiveness. It was one thing to get a good plan, another to have a projected success rate of 98.7
"Lord, we can only assume a 76.4 percent chance of success. There are too many variables to consider. Even with a surprise attack, which we are sure of, they could be golden chip activated, or they could activate another self destruct mechanism."
"Hmmph. Fine. I detest all this, this, messy business. I like my battles much more one sided. Continue as you would Commissioner. If this fails, I have contingency plans."
"Yes My lord" the picture in picture image vanished. Well, LM 64 thought He certainly is a good strategist at least. I thought I was going to get stuck with a petulant little lordling. Praise Queen Vega for that choice. Still, he needs to be more patient.
"Sir, red team in position, placing breach charge"
"Sir, Snipers in position, do we have the green light?"
"Sir, blue team in position, readying EM grenades"
LM 64 sat in his command chair, waiting. He reviewed his men, saw through their eyes, and evaluated. His fingers drummed the metal surface of his thigh. Everything needed to be impeccable. The Cluster was relying on them. He sucked in a gasp of artificial breath.
"We have a green light people, move, move, move!" he barked, and the peace of the Cluster Prime dusk shattered.
"No Enrique! She doesn't love you!" Jenny sobbed at the pulsing glow of the TV. Oblivious, the actors didn't seem to notice, and continued to play out their lines much to Jenny's dismay. She choked back a sniffle.
Life without Mom was awesome. It hadn't even been a day and she was having a blast. She could be as messy as she wanted, spend all the time on the phone, and even use the big TV without being shooed out. In the few hours she had been home alone, she had been living like a queen. She was halfway through The Loveless, her favorite movie, and she had come to realize that you couldn't appreciate it without surround sound. Her Mom had installed it to watch documentaries, a fact that Jenny had felt a certain amount of revulsion for.
Breep. A shill sound bounded throughout the house. Jenny looked around until she noticed her belly button screw. It was lighting up in a light neon blue color and emitting the offending shrill noises. "Oh no, not now." Jenny moaned, staring plaintively at her belly button "The movie isn't done yet!" She glanced back up at the TV, and then back at her belly button, and for a few moments she seriously considered ignoring it. The shrill noise won out in the end. Biting her lip, Jenny paused the movie.
"What is it this time" Jenny said exasperatedly to herself as she checked a nearby monitor. In a green set of letters it spelled out:
UNIDENTIFIED BREACH IN UNITED EARTH NATIONS MAINFRAME
"Pff" Jenny breathed with annoyance. That stupid hacker her mother was talking about was ruining her movie. Boy was she going to give him a piece of her mind. At least I get to try out the S.E.E.R Jenny thought, and sat down in a chair. If it works at all.
Concentrate Jenny thought Concentrate. She focused as hard as she could, searching deep inside for the new hardware. Beads of lubricant began to She could feel the electrical impulses rush through her positronic brain, searching, looking for the S.E.E.R. She felt the click of the chip being found, she felt the rush of energy as the device activated.
And then the world fell to pieces.
VR setups are highly sought after by computer specialists for their unique ability to trivialize what could amount to hours of coding in the real world. They are so sought after in fact, a black market setup can run for as much as 3 million dollars and many people would be willing to pay even more for one. The secret behind the VR setup is its use of metaphor and subconscious manipulation to translate brain impulses into physical coding. To put it simply, the VR setup allows you to do things without actually doing them, and faster.
A VR setup first begins its actions by being firmly placed over the head of the recipient. It then extends several electrodes which affix to the neck and key portions of the head. These electrodes paralyze the body temporarily to prevent any unfortunate seizures and twitches, and the others begin to stimulate the portions of he brain that deal with hallucinations and dreams. Then the VR setup links to a designated computer and begins to import data as the computer emits it. Then, it translates the data into images inside the recipient's brain. The images are not the same for everyone, and are interpreted differently by every mind. An example would be that a program might be viewed by one person as a painting, and be viewed by another as a door. As the user interacts with the hallucinations, the VR setup translates them into code, and transmits them to the computer. This removes all the tedious coding and replaces it with a simple gesture, allowing hours of coding to be simplified. For that very reason computer specialists find them so invaluable. Hackers however, find them indispensable.
This isn't to say there aren't any risks. Prolonged exposure has been proven to have addicting effects. If your system ever crashes the feedback might knock a user out for at least a day and though its rare, heaven forbid if the paralysis node doesn't deactivate when the session isn't over.
For these reasons VR setups haven't caught on with anyone outside the government sector. Of course, except hackers. With he extra speed and skill that a setup gives a person has become an essential part of any full time hacker. With new computer defenses and stepped up cyber crime awareness, it is impossible to get into anything when operating at meat speeds.
Jenny didn't nearly half of this. She just knew that she had been falling for what had seemed to be an hour. And now, she was in a long white hallway filled with blue doors. It was impeccably clean, almost sterile. Even Jenny's sensors couldn't detect anything unusual in the room. What was unusual was the absolute absence of any airborne particles.
She looked around the hallway, and fought down the first few pangs of panic down. "Hello?" she ventured tentatively. Her voice echoed down the hallway, and while she strained for a reply, none came. She glanced around at the doors, and noticed that they had words written on them. One she noticed was labeled program files. Another door a few feet away was labeled Operating System.
"Wait a second… I'm in my own head…" She said with a little awe. This was the strangest experience ever. Questions flooded her mind What could she find out about herself? What was hidden inside her? Then, she remembered her mission. "This is cool and all, but what good is it now?" she lamented. She began to walk down the hallway. Each door had different labels, but nothing even remotely helpful. Up and down the hallway she walked, until the she was convinced it was endless. The doors stretched off into the horizon, and Jenny was loosing her patience. She sat down for a few seconds "Well isn't this just great. I'm stuck in my own head, and I can't even do what I was coming to do." She muttered. "I need to be at the UN.". Her words echoed around the hallway, like ghosts. She began to drum her fingers on her thigh. Then something changed.
The hallway began to just sort of, shift. In a sort of amorphous ballet, reality began to twist.Walls moved at impossible angles and the doors rearranged at completely unnatural junctions, until the door jenny had been looking at was replaced by another. It was just another blue labeled door.
She inspected its label cautiously. On faded black letters, It simply stated, internet. There was a thin layer of dust on it, like it had never been opened. That sort of makes sense Jenny thought I haven't gone on the internet with my brain since I was like 2. "Well, here goes nothing" she said with a gulp and gingerly grasped the knob. She turned the knob and stepped into the internet.
The door opened into a cityscape, full of towering skyscrapers which reached so far into the sky that they were almost vanished into the clouds. Surrounding them were smaller buildings, some barely a story tall. They were all different colors, some cold and gray while others were painted painfully garish colors. Some of the buildings were clean, while others were filthy with grime and rust. Each had bright Neon signs labeled with numerous different slogans, MSN, Yahoo, and Bob's Captain Crush fan page just to name a few. At intersections along the street were website addresses on street signs. Monorails with site names emblazoned, on their sides, like Google, rushed around faster than her eyes could fully grasp. Blips of lightning sparked between the buildings, and when Jenny paid attention, she could see IP addresses in the flashes. The sight was so massive, so huge, that she felt her breath escape her chest.
Tenderly, she began to act. With exaggerated care, Jenny moved to a monorail. It was a sleek white one, and was vaguely shaped like a bullet. It had the words Google painted on the side. As she stepped to the side of the monorail, the doors opened and a person, no, not a person, a search engine, addressed her. It was dressed as old style train conductor in a light grey uniform. Its skin though was an uncomfortable pale white. "Search query?" it asked in an annoyingly buzzing, voice.
"Um, Hello?" Jenny ventured "My names Jenny an-"
"Search Query?"
"Right" Jenny said "Uh, I'd like to go to the UN homepage."
"www.UN.gov? Or WWW.U&N. com? or-"
"The first one"
"Destination selected" the search engine said and pulled a lever. The world blazed past in a streak of color faster than Jenny could ever imagine going at her own pace. It was like she was riding lightning. The monorail went from a breakneck speed to a dead stop in an instant, and strangely enough with no inertia. "Destination reached" the search engine intoned.
Jenny stepped of the Monorail and out onto the virtual street on the outside of the UN mainframe. In Jennies mind, it looked like an Embassy, with a perfectly manicured green lawn, and flags dangling in the virtual wind. It had an impossibly high fence that acted more like a solid wall when jenny touched it. Internal countermeasures that looked like UN soldiers were patrolling the grounds with mechanical vigilance. They patrolled in set patterns, never deviating. Evvery so often a flash of lightning would fly into and out of the website. Some were stopped by the fence, while others passed through it as if it was a veil. Jenny was amazed at the defenses the place had, it looked like there wasn't even a gate.
"All right" Jenny said too herself, rubbing her mechanical chin "Now if I was a Hacker, where would I be?" she thought for a few seconds "I should get a better view of the playing field" she mused. With a look of determination Jenny's pigtails whirred and transformed, turning into sleek and dangerous looking jets. She jumped into the air with a flex of her mechanical legs, and her jets rocketed her up into the air above the Embassy.
Hovering high above the embassy, she scanned the grounds. The action seemed fruitless at first. For twelve minutes she saw nothing. That intruder warning must have been a malfunction, she thought. Now how do I log out of here? She began to concentrate on her S.E.E.R chip. Something flickered in the corner of her vision. Curious, Jenny turned to face it.
It was just the tiniest discrepancy in a fence. Near invisible cracks were spreading along its surface inexorably. Tiny bits of data began to fall off, and a hole began to widen in the center. The more she looked, the more she was certain, certain beyond a doubt, that something was there. She couldn't see it, she couldn't hear it, but she knew something was there. She was just about to move on to get a closer look when the air rippled.
It was like a blanket or air placed over a hunched form. When Jenny looked close at the disturbance, she could see the images behind it horribly distorted, like they were being seen through water. Someone was hiding in that disturbance. "Gotcha." Jenny exclaimed smugly and sped of towards the disturbance. As she flew, her hand morphed. Layers of metal replaced and reinforced her fist until it was at least ten times its natural size and studded with wicked spines. She raised her hand for a crushing punch that would crash her opponent's operating system.
As she flew in a hawks dive towards the disturbance, the air rippled again. This time it moved. In a half jump, half dive the shape dove from the wall just as Jenny landed her fist into the street with titanic force, sending chunks of virtual asphalt over the crippled fence. A piece of shrapnel struck the shape and the air rippled again. This time to reveal what appeared to be a man.
But this was no ordinary man. His hair was of fire, and it crackled in a burning halo around his face. He wore a cloak, and a tunic of black. His eyes were a deep red, and though mischief twinkled in them, they were contorted in annoyance, and when he spoke, it was a high and nasally tones. "Holy shit girl! What the hell was that about?"
"Listen here punk" Jenny said, waving her transmuted fist "keep your nose out of the UN, you hear me?"
"Woah, woah woah!" The hacker said, waving his hands "Let's just talk about this eh? Like good, fellow hackers, huh? No reason to fight, no reason at all. You want in? I'll show you the exploit I found, just cool it, OK?" He paused for a second "hey, how'd you get that avatar? I can' get anything but this Loki skin"
"I'm not a hacker; I'm here to stop you twit." Jenny growled "So what do you need to know so badly about the cluster, huh? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that won't help you in jail."
The Hacker looked surprised, then gave an annoyed sigh "Aw shit, you're a security hacker aren't you, a white hat? Andyou know I'm after the Cluster? Damn, I must be slipping. Listen, can we settle this without a fight?"
"If you turn yourself in"
"Yeah, I'm going to pass on that one. Still sure? Yes? Damn. Well-" He gave a reserved grin and cracked his knuckles as he slipped into a combat stance. With a gesture his hands engulfed in flame "–Are we going to start this Cyber-fight girl?"
"Oh yeah we are" Jenny said with a smile "Don't worry, I'll take it easy on you"
"Good, I was getting bored"
The hacker raised his hands full of fire with a yell. Though it was not real fire in the least bit, it was a metaphor for something more real. A system crash or a virus was what he really held in his flaming hands. Jenny bit her lower lip. If that even touched her body…
Jenny deployed a shield from her arm, crouched behind it, and waited for the attack. It was a strong shield that cannibalized her entire arm for parts. In reality it was a shield made of a titanium alloy proven to stand up to lasers, but in the virtual world, it was her most powerful anti-virus software. She clenched her teeth and braced herself.
The attack never came.
Jenny poked her head around her shield, to see the strategy of her foe. Instead of a powerful attack, she saw a strategy she never would have expected. Especially from someone who talked so much smack. Her mouth agape, she saw him disappearing into the distance as fast as his virtual legs could carry him. "You snooze you loose bitch!" the hacker yelled back as he ran
Jenny was furious, not even the Krust cousins said things like that to her. "Get back here you creep!" Jenny yelled in frustration. All right, the kid gloves are off she thought. Widening her stance wings with massive engines unfolded from ht small of her back. Adding to her pigtail jets with her new wings, Jenny screamed through the internet after the Hacker.
The Hacker giggled madly as he ran, jumping over streets and through the intersections of the internet. He threw himself through buildings, though monorails, and tried every trick in the book to escape He didn't speak as he fled, but rather would raise his middle finger periodically.
"Why you…" Jenny growled in frustration, her hands balling into fists. She followed him like a cruise missile, but she couldn't catch him in the internet. In this world her physical abilities were nowhere near what she was used to, and he was a crafty bastard. He ducked into alleys and down forgotten streets and Jenny was forced to dodge, evade, and circumvent more obstacles than she would have ever guessed she would have to. The Hacker seemed to these places like they were the back of his hand, and Jenny felt a pang of doubt as to whether or not she can even catch him.
And then, he came to a dead end. Sighing inwardly with relief, Jenny smiled and with exaggerated grace landed but ten feet away from her quarry. He acted like a cornered animal, and looked from side to side for an opportunity to escape. He spun around to face Jenny, his back against the alley wall.
The Hacker raised his eyebrow, panting "Jesus girl, do you even know what a boundary is? I'm out of your site, you can't touch me here. That's the law. I thought you'd know with being a white hat and all"
"That," Jenny smirked, her arm folding into cannon as she talked "Would be only if I was a security hacker"
"What? You're some sort of vigilante? Well shit." He scowled "I thought I wouldn't have to log out for a while"
"Oh no, you aren't logging out 'till I find out where you are broadcasting from"
"Nah, I don't think so"
Suddenly the hacker dropped to the floor, his hand outstretched. Before Jenny could act, even with her enhanced reflexes, a bolt of flame flickered out of the hackers hand like a lance and struck Jenny on the stomach. It wasn't painful, but it knocked her to her knees in shock. She landed heavily on her butt. In her surprise, she could hear the Hacker snort out a laugh. Her face turned into a mask of rage, and anger fueling her more potently than any battery, Jenny was instantly back on her feet. In a salvo of plasma she aimed her cannon and began to fire.
The Hacker rolled nimbly to the side as bolts of energy scored the ground next to him, kicking up hot bursts of vaporized asphalt as they did. With a roll backwards, he propelled himself onto his feet. He lowered himself into a runners crouch and in one smooth motion he and began to run past Jenny. Jenny swung an armored arm at him, but he nimbly dodged under it by only a hairs margin. As he passed by her, he spared a look up for a few seconds "See ya' around doll, good luck fixn' your computer." he said, and in a gout of flame he was gone. He had logged out.
Alone in some back alley, Jenny let herself go. "Damnit!" Jenny yelled and stomped her feet. She was furious with herself and raised her firsts at the virtual heavens. Not only did the bad guy get away, but shot her! Now she was missing her movie for nothing! She was just so angry! She imagined her hands around that smug little freaks neck and hauling him back to jail or wherever he came from. She sneezed.
Jenny wiped her nose "Wha.." she began before erupting into another fit of sneezing. She looked at the glob of lubricant on her hand that had escaped from her mouth "Oh no. Oh no he didn't" Jenny began, quickly running systems diagnostic as she devolved into another sneezing fit. It finished, and a moniter folded out from her chest. Staring at her, in big red letters was the one thing every robot needs to fear. "Oh damn…" Jenny moaned as she read the words: VIRUS DETECTED.
This was going to be a long four days, Jenny thought, and dejectedly logged out of the internet in a pillar of blue light. The rest of the internet went about its business, oblivious to the exchange except for bit of corrupted coding.
Smytus woke from his deep sleep slowly and groggily. His optics sputtered to life as he crawled his was back to the world of the living. It was agonizingly slow, but as he fought for it, consciousness came back bit by bit.
At first he could only tell he was in a bright room. As his awareness returned, he was able to tell the room was a sterile white, with an overly large light hanging like a ghost at the center of the room. He vaguely could tell he was restrained. His wrists and legs were bound to what seemed to be a table tilted 45 degrees. He couldn't help but think that this looked so very much like and operating room.
Dimly he could hear voices. Nice, robotic voices, Smytus realized. Thank the Trinary, Smytus thought for a while I thought I was found by organics. He strained his auditory receptors, hoping to catch a glimpse of conversation. But try as he might the words were too garbled.
Smytus let his head rest back on the table. He knew he was in good hands, he just knew it. What other robots besides the Cluster would pick him out of space? He had no reason to worry.
Smytus turned his head at the sound of a door sliding open. He couldn't turn his head to face the door, so he listened. He listened to the sound of heavy boots treading on the white tile floor. They made heavy clacking noises with a rhythm, like a sentient metronome. At precisely two feet away they stopped, and the sound of boots was replaced by the drumming of steel fingers on his table.
"Smytus…" A cool voice said.
Smytus couldn't place the voice. It was so familiar though. Like an old schoolmate, or a famous person. Tentatively, he ventured to answer "Yes?"
"Tell me." The voice continued "How does a competent commander manage to loose half of his fleet to an inferior species?" The fingers drummed at a steady pace, a gentle staccato on the back of Smytus' table.
Smytus did not like where was is going "Uh, I-"
"And how does a Competent Commander manage to loose repeatedly to a single foe?" The Fingers continued uninterrupted.
"Listen here you fool! I am Smytus, destroyer of worlds! I will not be addressed by anyone in this manner, let alone a coward who does not show his face. You will release me or I will personally rip your synthesizer from your throat" Smytus growled back. He was loosing his patience with this game of twenty questions. He was Smytus! Favorite of queen Vexus, and no robot would speak to him in this way.
The Voice continued "And how does a Competent commander send his country into civil war" The staccato drone of the fingers increased its tempo.
"Release me! I am Smytus'! Favored of the Queen!" Smytus' began to struggle against his bonds and was rewarded by a sharp electric jolt.
The Staccato of the fingers stopped, replaced by the sound of rending steel. "Favorite?" the voice asked in a low and threatening tone. "I don't think you know who you're talking to…"
His tormentors face leaned over the side of the table. Smytus' oil froze solid. Not him, anyone but him. "No, you, you were on the other- you can't be, they said-. You can't be here!"
"Oh I can Smytus, Oh yes I can." Tatican said as he looked into Symtus' eyes, so full of fear "I just want to have a talk, commander to commander-" he said disinterestedly as he reached into a drawer out of Smytus' sight "-About how someone who I trusted to guard the queen could fail so badly, and for every answer I don't like" Tatican pulled back, revealing a wickedly curved knife "I'm going to take a pound of gears"
Smytus' eyes widened "Wha? This is madness? You can't do this to me, the queen…"
"Is missing" Tatican said icily "And I'm just I'm just dieing to find out where she is" He took the knife and began lightly drawing it around Smytus' body, doing no damage, but dangerously skirting crucial parts. "And after I'm done talking, you'll be dieing to tell me too…"
"She, ah? She is-"
"No no Smytus." Tatican admonished "I haven't asked you where she is yet. You can't speak out of turn can you? Just isn't proper when addressing a superior officer. Even if-" Taticans voice changed to a patronizing pitch "You are the queen's favorite." A deep chuckle began in his throat.
Suddenly, the angle of Taticans arm increased and servos fired, driving the knife deep into Smytus' midsection. Armor parted like wet wood, accompanied by the screech of gears and tearing metal. Smytus gasped in pain as oil welled out of the wound and small systems shut down. The knife twisted, tearing tubes and gears as it traveled through Smytus' bowels with exaggerated precision. It wasn't that it hurt like a human registered pain, but it was the acute realization that he was dieing. Smytus opened his mouth to scream, but all that came out was a garbled chocke as oil and lubricant welled up in his mouth. Through a haze of pain, he glimpsed Taticans expressionless face, and he swore he could see a glint of joy in his eye. Tatican leaned in close to Smytus' face.
"Now" Tatican said in a conversational voice "Where is Vexus?
Well that certainly was interesting, wasn't it? I think another title for this chapter could be titled "Whereupon we realize why this Fanfic is rated T". Sorry for the language if anyone is offended by that (Actually, I am not really that sorry. I'm a filthy liar in that respect). I promise that some of these things I keep on referencing will have explanations and resolutions in later chapters, I swear to god.
This chapter seems a bit disjointed to me, but I can't really judge my own work. That's where you come in loyal audience. Review me! Gather like Jackals alongside the steaming corpse of English that is this prose and review. The only way I can get better is if you tell me what I'm doing wrong, or if I inject a writing plasmid into my body, but that isn't likely. In any case, I'll probably update on Saturday (Probably, whimsy might get in the way of that deadline for better or worse.)
Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Bubbles and I have to go look for some Adam.
