A/N:
SONG: So Far Away
BY: Staind
Finn singing
Finn and Kurt
~``~``~``~ Kurt ~``~``~``~
Glee club had been dismissed for the day after Finn's little explosion. I hated Rachel now more than I did before. How could she tell Finn that he wasn't really the father to his (ex) girlfriend's baby? Don't get me wrong, I didn't really care much for Quinn either and I would have jumped at telling him the first chance I got if the situation had been a bit different. The thing was, it wasn't the rest of the glee club's secret to tell, it was Quinn and Puck's. I think the reason Finn reacted the way he did was because it didn't come from her or him, well that and the extra sting of knowing she cheated on him with his best friend. Ha, some friends.
I sighed as Mercedes and I spilt separate ways. She was headed home while I was headed to the auditorium. Just because glee club wasn't in session today doesn't mean I won't practice. After all, sectionals are only a few days away and if I want to try to land something more important than just singing in the background I was going to need to practice before I presented it to the entire club. Though, with Finn quitting glee we would need another member to qualify, and those were ever so easy to find.
I pushed my bag further up onto my shoulder and pushed through the doors to the auditorium. I was instantly met with that theater smell. The smell of hard work and performances. I wasn't really paying attention to anything in the room as I walked down one of the rows of seats to the stage, digging through my bag for my sheet music for the piano. It wasn't until I actually got to the stage that I realized I wasn't alone.
I stopped dead in my tracks. Finn was sitting on the piano bench on stage, his fingers gently tracing over the keys of the giant instrument. The thing that really got me was that he was crying. It wasn't a full out girly water works session, but it was still crying nonetheless. His face was all red and a bit blotchy and his entire body seemed to be shaking from trying to hold back the sad sounds of sobbing. He hadn't seemed to notice I was there either.
I snapped back into reality and I turned to leave, going to give Finn some time to himself. Instead of heading for the doors again I found myself heading towards the stairs up to the stage. I tried to make it so my footsteps didn't echo against the floor, so as not to disturb him. I swallowed and walked over to him. He pressed down on one of the keys and it echoed through the room. His eyes had shut tightly and the hand at his side had balled into a fist. I slowly sat down beside him, letting my bag drop carefully to the floor.
His head shot up and turned to look at me. His eyes were all puffy and slightly reddened. His dark brown irises were glazed over with a mix of emotions. I gently placed a hand on his shoulder as a tear trailed down his cheek to his chin. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable so I moved slowly, drawing him closer. He let his head rest on my shoulder and it seemed as if someone had opened the flood-gates. He started sobbing then, only in a manly way not a girly way. I didn't even care that he was crying into my new jacket. It was a bit weird, sitting here, holding Finn and trying to comfort him, but that was probably because he would just see this as friendship.
"It's okay." I spoke softly to him, trying to get him at feel a bit better. He just clung tighter to me.
After a while he finally came around, lifting up and sitting on his own. I quickly took of my jacket and draped it over my bag on the floor before returning to rest on the piano stool beside him. He was swiping his hands over his eyes and cheeks to get rid of the tears that had been there moments before.
"Sorry I laid all that on you, Kurt." Finn said, obviously embarrassed.
"Oh, it's fine. I'm just glad you're not done with me." I gave him an awkward laugh as I quoted the words he'd shouted earlier in glee, trying to lighten the mood.
"You guys should have said something, I thought you were my friends." I looked up at him in shock from why he was trying to imply.
"We are your friends, Finn! It just…wasn't our secret to tell, and I think Rachel was way out of line to tell you that." He only nodded slightly, his head bowed again as he swallowed thickly. "Are you mad at me?"
"No." It was simple enough, but the word held so much more that that. It held a ton of relief for me over all. I would never want Finn to be mad at me. "So you came here to practice, right?"
"Yeah…but I don't have too." I think I might die if I had to sing to Finn alone.
"No, go ahead, um, I didn't mean to be in your way." Shook my head at him.
"You're never in my way." Okay, yes that sounded a bit cheesy, but it earned me a small smile. "Hey, why don't we sing together?" I tried, thinking it would be better than singing alone.
"I don't know…I mean, I'm not in glee anymore, it kind of feels wrong, you know?" I looked down before coming up with something to finally say back.
"Once, for old time's sake?" He thought about it for a bit before nodding and agreeing. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and moved to look through my bag for something…maybe a ballad…
"I have a song idea, if it's cool?" I nodded, at least he seemed to be feeling a bit better. "Awesome, you know the song So far away, by Staind, right?" I searched through my brain, remembering having heard it before. It wasn't exactly my first choice in music but it was for Finn so… "It's been in my head since I got here. I don't have the music though."
"Um, I can download it on my iphone." I quickly pulled my phone out and began to search for it. I found the piano part and once again thanked every and any gods their were that I was there for every piano recital. It was also lucky that Finn knew how to play drums, if we had Artie here then everything would have been complete, but we didn't so it was almost complete.
This is my life
It's not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
And these are my dreams
That I'd never lived before
Somebody shake me cause I,
I must be sleeping
I could already tell why this had been in his head since he got here. The lyrics portrayed what was happening with him and Quinn perfectly. He was trying to say that his life was messed up now and that Quinn abused what they shared together. His whole world was shattering apart and he was just hoping it was just a dream and that someone would wake him up. I really should have stopped the song there, but I liked it when Finn sung and I needed to hear more.
Now that we're here
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here
It's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed
To be the person that I am today
It was amazing how well these lyrics fit what was going on, scary actually. Finn and Quinn were together and Finn though they were finally happy. He thought they were going to have a beautiful child and be a happy couple. He though they were there, in that spot where nothing could be wrong, but it was further away than he thought. Everything that Quinn put him through, yelling at him and telling him to get a job and how he needed to support her, it was all in vain, all for her. Then he could relate it to how even though Quinn made these mistakes and didn't tell him, she was still going to have a child, which in his mind was probably making everything better, knowing that he didn't have to put up with everything anymore. He's saying that he will move on, it'll be better someday, he can face the day and forgive her enough to be civil around each other. The last thing in the lyrics that I caught was that he's okay with himself, being who he is, despite going to be picked on by the football team about not being a 'real man' and other stupid stuff like that. Ah, the power of music. It can say so much in so few words.
~``~``~``~ Finn ~``~``~``~
These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing ok
And this smile that I've never shown before
Some body shake me cause I,
I must be sleeping
Everything was going to be okay. Sure I was barely holding myself together right now, but I could tell that everything was going to be okay. The world will go on, despite telling myself differently just a few minuets ago. Sure, right now I felt like I wanted to punch someone and felt like my heart was in two different pieces, but it was going to be ok. I would smile again someday, move on with this hurt. It wouldn't be my problem to deal with any more and that made a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I had friends still, who would look out for me. Just like Kurt. He was here for me, he always has been. It was suddenly so great now that I wasn't sure if it was real or not.
Now that we're here
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here
It's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed
To be the person that I am today
Kurt was looking over at me and smiling, a sparkle in his eyes. I gave a smile back to him, feeling so much better than before. It was a good thing that Kurt had suggested us singing together, I felt so much better. Sure he may look a bit full of himself and he does wear a bunch of chick outfits, but Kurt was really nice and I don't think I'd ever be able to repay him. Especially for this.
I got up from the drums and went to sit back by Kurt so we were now relying only on the piano. He seemed to tense up a bit when I sat down next to him but he continued playing anyways, his fingers moving over the keys with skill.
I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
I'd never noticed before but Kurt's eyes changed colors. I guess I wasn't paying much attention until now. Some days they'd take on a blue color while other times they were green. Right now they were more green than blue.
Now that we're here
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes
One life contained
They all finally start to go away
Now that we're here
It's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I'm not ashamed
To be the person that I am today…
It wasn't until now that I realized I'd gotten extremely close to Kurt. His eyes traced over my face nervously. Like someone had placed a magnet on both of us, I moved forwards slightly to close the distance. I could feel his eyes go wide before closing them. The moment we connected my head began to swim with thoughts.
The first thing was the small voice in the back of my mind screaming 'what the hell' at me. Then I briefly thought of Quinn before all my thoughts turned to Kurt. I knew that Kurt was, to put it in a way I'd heard Tina use before, Lady Fabulous, which was fine! I wasn't a hater of people like that. It didn't bother me at all, but I'd always known I was in no way swinging for that team. The only thing I was left to think about was Kurt himself. It wasn't fair to him. Yeah, okay, I'll admit I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I wasn't stupid. I could see the way Kurt looked at me, the way he scribbled my name on his notebook during Spanish. I knew he liked me, and even if I wasn't sure then when we had to sing the ballads, his song choice would have confirmed it. The thing was, I was not on his team, and I was on the same team as Puck and Mike and Matt. This would just confuse him, bring him down. I would probably end up loosing my one true friend, the only one who seems to be helping me.
It had been barely a few seconds before I ended the kiss. I pulled away sharply and stood, trying to create distance between us. The further I got, the more reality set in. I'd kissed Kurt. Kurt Hummel. Shit. I was screwed now. He looked a bit scared and confused. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. By the way his face was trying to prevent from twisting into a deep depression I could tell that if I didn't say something soon I'd end up hurting him.
"I-I…" Nope. Nothing. I had no explanation for this. It was stupid and it was horrible to mess with his feelings this way. "Kurt, I-"
"It's fine. I get it." He stood, picked up his bag and jacket and started to walk back towards the steps of the stage that would lead down to the seating area of the auditorium. I started to panic a bit so I moved quickly to grab his arm.
"Kurt, wait! Let me explain-"
"I said it was fine!" He sort of shouted, tugging out of my grip. "It was just the…the heat of the moment." I watched as a single tear dripped shamelessly down his cheek as he turned and walked away, taking the emergency exit doors instead of going to the front doors of the auditorium. I just watched him walk away.
Why was it that everything I did lately ended with someone crying?!
~``~``~``~ Kurt ~``~``~``~
I realized that it meant nothing real to Finn. It couldn't have, after all, he used to be dating Quinn and now I was pretty sure he and Rachel would end up together. I'd lost to her, to Rachel. She had been right all along. She was a girl so it didn't matter what place she was in, she would always be ahead of me. But for one moment, of about five seconds in total, I had felt like I'd finally won, only to have it all ripped out from under me, as usual. I knew Finn couldn't reciprocate my feelings, but it still hurt, especially after that.
I had rushed out, unknowingly, into the rain. With that final detail to the quickly building heart ache, I broke down. I didn't care that my house was only a few blocks away and I could easily be there in maybe fifteen minuets if I ran. I didn't care that I was in the middle of the schools parking lot where anyone could drive through and find me. I didn't care about anything right now. I sat there, in the middle of the parking lot, broken, not caring that my clothes were getting soaked or that the bag that held all my school work was getting wet.
Just as I had predicted a car had stopped just before barely hitting me, though I wouldn't have minded if it did right now. I wasn't even feeling embarrassed to be found like this, that's how bad I felt. I heard the car door to the driver's side open with a click and footsteps walking towards me. It was the voice that met me that finally had me looking up.
"Kurt?" Mr. Schue stood over me, a hand held above his head, though it was doing a terrible job of being his umbrella. "Come on, you can't just sit out here." He offered a hand, and who was I to refuse.
My favorite thing about the rain, no one can tell if you're crying.
I shut the door to Mr. Schue's older piece of junk car. He buckled his seat belt and I followed his example. He didn't try to question me at all, just asked which way I needed to go. I gave short clipped answers on the way there. He finally broke the tension and decided it was time to ask what was wrong.
"You okay, Kurt? Something happen?" I was going to do everything I could to keep him out of this. Mr. Schuster was a great teacher, but I didn't want him in my personal life.
"I'm fine." He gave me a skeptical look and tried again, this time taking a different approach.
"Hey, so, I saw you heading to the auditorium after I cancelled the rest of glee-"
"Take a left here." He turned as I commanded.
"-and I thought I saw Finn go in there earlier…did something happen between you two?" At the mention of Finn I felt a tug on my heart but this time I managed to keep from crying. I swallowed thickly and lied through my teeth.
"Finn wasn't there when I was there." He gave a low 'hmm' but let that one go. I was extremely glad when we got to my house. "Thanks for the ride Mr. Schuster." I said, opening the door and climbing out into the now drizzling rain.
"Kurt, you know if you ever need to talk, you can come to me." He said right as I was about to close the door to his car. I stopped and leaned over to look at him again.
"I know. Thanks Mr. Schue." This time I was successful at closing the door. I was happy to finally be home but that didn't last long.
~``~``~``~ Finn ~``~``~``~
I waited until the rain stopped to go to my truck. I hadn't been walking fast enough apparently because I'd been stopped. I should have noticed she was coming, after all usually the sky turns grey and the animals start acting funny. Then she was there, as if she appeared out of no where, wearing something blindingly pink.
"Finn!" I had to stop myself from jumping.
"Hey, Rachel." I moved around her and headed for my truck, unlocking the doors and throwing my football bag in the backseat, after all, I wouldn't be needing it since the season was over.
"So, I was wondering if we could do a song for the club, try to convince them it'd be perfect for sectionals!" She didn't even wait for my answer but handed me the sheet music anyways. "Here's the song, we'll sing it for everyone on Monday. I can't wait, bye!" She bounced away just as quickly as she had come, leaving me to just blink confusedly at the spot she'd once occupied.
Seriously, I don't mind Rachel. She's cool at times and kinda hot in her own sort of way, plus her singing is great. She's also really annoying and talks too much for her own good, but she means well in the end and I don't understand why everyone puts her down, even the guys in glee. I guess I do like Rachel in some ways, but she's more the type of person you'd just have a fling with then go separate ways after a while, like when she and Puck were going out.
I sighed and got into my truck, turning the key and stepping on the gas a few times to start it. My truck was crap but it got me from point 'A' to point 'B' and that was what mattered, right? It grumbled before humming lowly with life. It took a bit to get it to go to, but it had great breaks. Anyways, that's not what's important right now. What is important was how I was going to tell Kurt I was sorry about that thing in the auditorium.
I guess I could go to Mercedes, after all, she was Kurt's best friend. Though that could end in disaster. It would be uncomfortable to tell her what happened, hard to repair the damage she'd do when she found out what I did, and then tough to get her to tell me how to make it up to Kurt and convince her not to tell the others. I could go to his house. That was also a call for suicide. I'd seen his dad once when my truck was running funny. Kurt had come out, been so surprised to see me and spilled some coffee on the ground. The rest of the time he spent glaring at me and telling me everything I was doing wrong to my truck. You know, riding the brakes, not changing the oil every month, stuff like that. All in all he scared me and I was sure he'd beat me up if I went over there to see Kurt. I shuddered just thinking about it. I could buy him something. He was a girl at heart after all and girls love it when they get new things. Though I was sure that would just be messing with his feelings again…
Then I came up with the perfect idea. It was so simple. I wasn't sure how I hadn't noticed it before. It was right in front of me dancing and wearing light up glow-in-the-dark clothes. Yeah, I really wasn't the smartest person in the world if I didn't see the answer to my problem.
I would sing to him to tell him I was sorry.
~``~``~``~ Kurt ~``~``~``~
"You drove home with your teacher?!" I flinched at the tone my dad was taking.
"He saw me in the rain and asked if I needed a ride." I tried to explain, looking down.
"And you accepted it?!"
I knew he was just being protective but it was still hard to hear him shouting at me. I don't think my dad's ever been this angry. He's usually a pretty calm guy but ever since I'd opened up to him and told him that I was gay his senses for me had been on high alert. I didn't see why now it made a difference but for some reason he was feeling more protective now that before. Maybe it was because he had started to think of me in a more feminine way. I guess you him it was kind of like having a daughter in a sons' body. Plus I'd heard that dads were more protective of their daughters.
"I was all wet and just wanted to get out of the rain." I said softly. I jumped about ten feet when he slammed his fists down on the table I was sitting at, the hot tea in my cup sloshing around.
"What if something had happened to you? What if he tried to…you know…take advantage of you and stuff." I was about to try to explain that Mr. Schue wasn't like that but I changed my mind.
"Sorry, dad." I mumbled, curling my fingers on the table.
"Yeah, well, you should, uh, go to your room and think about stuff." I couldn't repress the smile that appeared at my dad's poor try at punishment. I got up and grabbed my cup, heading towards the door to the basement where my bedroom was. "Oh and, uh, you can't have Mercedes over this weekend as your punishment." I only nodded and began down, stopping when I remembered something. I poked my head around the door frame.
"Can we still go to the mall this Saturday?"
"Sure I guess so. Only if you promise not to take anymore rides from strangers."
"I promise." I rolled my eyes and went downstairs, blasting the song Finn and I had sung that I had downloaded, only shedding a few tears this time.
A/N:
Did you like? It was kind of rushed because I got home today and had this in my head. So I started listening to Finn singing the new song from the new episode that he just did, Hello, I love you by the doors and it all just came out like this.
FINN NEEDS YOU! Send your suggestions about the song Finn should sing to say sorry to Kurt! I want to hear what songs you guys want.
Don't worry there will be other people singing besides Finn (even though he has the voice of an angel and it could put you to sleep at night ^_-)
Review, it's defiantly longer than the first part. ^-^
Also, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one obsessed with Chris (:
