Over the weekend, while the rest of the team had been busy re-examining their own behaviour and going over everything with a fine-toothed comb, Nina had taken the time to do the same. She looked back on the past few months and worked on trying to understand what had made the team react to her in such a negative way.
The former paramedic knew that a substantial part of the resentment towards her came from the fact that her placement on Team 1 had been a top-down decision. From talking to members of the other teams and observing them as they selected their newest additions, it hadn't taken her long to figure that out. Choosing a new team member was usually a process that involved the entire team. Everyone got to meet the candidates and formed their opinions on them and ultimately, they picked the one they felt would be the best fit.
They didn't get this choice with me.
When she had that thought, a voice from the darker parts of her minds whispered: If they did, they wouldn't have picked you.
Jules' animosity wasn't too hard for Nina to explain. The other woman had been the only female in the SRU before and had therefore held something of a special status. Something that was obvious from the locker room sign that didn't say "women", but "Jules". And with another woman joining not only the SRU but the same team, Jules probably saw her subconsciously as a threat to her special status. And her way of dealing with this threat was to lash out, after the motto Offense is the best defense.
Nina could understand the reaction. But she was still incredibly hurt, disappointed and also majorly confused as to how a trained profiler and sniper couldn't put aside her own emotions in order to form a more objective opinion.
...
As for the others? Nina hadn't expected them to welcome her with open arms. She had been prepared from them to be a little reserved and hesitant, but she hadn't expected so much disinterest and reluctance.
She had tried getting to know them and while Wordy and Spike - and to a lesser degree even Lou - readily talked about their families and lives outside of work, nobody had ever returned the courtesy. The Sarge obviously didn't like sharing information about his private life, which she respected, so she hadn't asked more than just the basics. And with Jules and Ed, she had quickly stopped trying since they made it very clear that they didn't like her.
It didn't help that Nina had no idea of Team 1's routines and unwritten rules. The only way she learned about those invisible lines was when she accidentally and unknowingly crossed them. Asking had led to snappish responses, eyerolls, shrugs and exasperated explanations that ended with "look it up in the handbook". So she had stopped asking as she'd be scolded, yelled at, mocked and humiliated anyways.
Members of the other teams and even the dispatchers had been infinitely more sympathetic and helpful.
Troy, Team 3's sergeant, had gone over protocol and procedures with her, taking the time to clarify the points that confused her. His teammate Jamie helped her make sense of certain habits and traditions all SRU members stuck to. Harrison, Team 4's team leader, had showed her where certain equipment was stored and explained the different uses of some of those items. Keira had clued her in on the fact that instead of calling him "Sir", Greg Parker was usually addressed as "Sarge" or "Boss". The only ones to call the sergeant by his first name were Ed and occasionally Wordy.
...
Nina knew that the rest of Team 1 was suspicious of her. She knew they wondered why she had left the paramedic service, but had anyone actually bothered asking her about it? No.
Well, she had skirted around the issue during her interview with Sarge and the previous day, Jules had wanted to know what she'd done. But nobody had thought to approach her and say something along the lines of "Hey, why did you leave EMS?" or "What made you decide to join the SRU?".
Would you have answered if they asked? Nina was quite sure that she would have deflected, but the fact that they didn't respect her enough to ask her directly stung bitterly.
Suffice to say, her faith in her co-workers had not just been severely shaken, but in some cases practically obliterated.
Monday morning found Nina crossing the SRU personnel parking lot, hands tucked into her pockets. She hesitated before opening the door, taking a breath that was shaky with trepidation. The night before, she had resolved to adopt a wait-and-see attitude. She'd take it one step at a time, try to forgive them and move forward. She knew it was going to take time and maybe, it wasn't going to work out, but she would give it another chance.
Til the end of the next month. 7 weeks.
Saying hi to Peter at the dispatch desk and nodding to Alan from Team 4, the blonde headed to the locker rooms, where she stopped in front of the door again. Her gaze had caught on the locker room sign. Beneath the large letters spelling JULES was written in thick, black sharpie: '& Nina'. A hesitant smile flickered across her face. Even if Jules was only trying to assuage her own guilt, it was a nice gesture.
...
Dressed in her uniform, Nina pulled her hair into a practical ponytail and headed to the vehicle bay to inventory the extensive first aid kits each of the SRU's trucks carried. Every month, these had to be checked to make sure the kits were well-stocked and their contents not past their expiration date. Additionnally, since she was a trained and certified Level III paramedic, Nina was allowed to carry more advanced equipment in a separate bag and those things also needed to be checked regularly.
Digging around in the aid kits, counting packages and ticking off items on her inventory list, the blonde made good progress and was soon done with her task. A glance at her watch told her that her shift would start in half an hour. Enough time to check any open BOLOs, APBs and other general notices.
As she skimmed over the information on one of the screens of the dispatch desk, a familiar voice said: "Good morning."
Lifting her head, Nina was met with Lou's placid expression. "Morning", she responded, more a reflex than a conscious decision.
"Anything interesting?", he asked with a small nod to the screen when he saw what she was reading.
Grateful for the neutral topic, she shrugged. "Nothing that really stands out. The APB on Marisol Caruso has been updated, she was spotted coming out of a pharmacy in Scarborough Junction last night." She closed the page and rounded the counter to follow him into the briefing room where she could see the Sarge already in conversation with Wordy and Jules.
...
Ed decided that the first part of their shift would be best spent training. The focus would be on hand-to-hand and negotiation because their last evals showed the biggest room for improvements there. "And we'll definitely work on rappelling, too", he said. "Speed is of essence there, we can't afford to be slow."
That cheered Nina up a little because if there was one thing she was really good at apart from treating those in need of medical attention, it was rappelling. She liked bouldering and rock climbing in her free time and had been doing it for years now.
Though - and her stomach clenched nervously at the thought - when they had been training at the climbing wall a few weeks ago, she had lost her grip and fallen. Automatically reaching out, she had quickly caught herself on a jut, pulling a shoulder muscle in the process. Ed, who had been on belay, had been furious with her for what he had called a "stupid, reckless stunt". She hadn't had the energy to explain to him that it was an instinctual reaction, born from the combination of frequently climbing alone and not fully trusting him to catch her fall.
Rationally, she knew Ed (or anyone from the team) wouldn't purposely let her fall. They had never actively injured her, after all. But emotionally? Well, that was a whole different story.
...
Hand-to-hand was something Nina wasn't too comfortable with. Sure, she could handle herself and being a paramedic had made her extremely good at dodging sharp objects and various limbs. She also had no trouble restraining agitated people twice her size for the same reason. But fighting somebody like this, in unarmed combat, one against one, just felt so personal.
She studied Wordy with a wary gaze, shifting her stance. It was easy to forget that he was a tall and strong guy because Wordy was generally such a mild-mannered and kind person. He was the doting father that could talk for hours about his amazing wife Shelley and his wonderful daughters, the cool-headed, steady presence the team could rely on to soothe heated tempers and troubled minds.
But right now, Nina was starkly reminded that Wordy was also a capable police constable, the team's entry and CQC expert.
She lasted a grand total of 47 seconds before she was flat on her back on the mat, pinned and quietly scared by her inability to move. Tapping out, she quickly scooted backwards and rolled to her feet, breathing heavily.
"That was pretty good", Wordy praised.
Nina shot him a disbelieving look. Good? Was he joking? "You took me down in under a minute", she said with a shake of her head, reaching for her water bottle.
He smiled and took a swig of his own water. "I just got a lucky break", he explained. "You're damn good at evasion."
She shrugged, unsure of what to say in response to the unexpected compliment.
"Do you want to go again?", Wordy offered, sensing her discomfort.
Nina nodded.
...
After cashing in another defeat, Nina blew out a breath, rolled her shoulders and asked: "How did you get out of that hold?"
"Here, I'll show you."
Wordy demonstrated the technique, moving slowly so Nina could feel what he was doing. Then he showed her the motions, offering tips and pointing out errors as she followed along, hazel eyes full of intent focus.
"Now you try", he said, mirroring the hold she had used on him.
Tentative at first, she turned her body and positioned her hands the way he had taught her. Confidence growing, her movements became more fluid as she twisted, levered and eventually slipped out of his hold.
"Good job." Wordy still hated the surprise that flashed in her eyes before a small smile quirked up the blonde's mouth, but it was progress from the blatant shock that had covered her face when he had asked whether she was alright a measly few days ago.
The week passed in a blur of training, hot calls and tentative, careful attempts to right the wrongs committed. Greg took the time to speak to Nina privately on the first day, offering his sincere and genuinely remorseful apologies for not doing his job properly and leaving her to fend for herself. He admitted that he didn't have a good explanation and all he could say for himself was that he had been too wrapped up in his own emotions and preconceived notions to see what was happening right before his eyes.
For her part, Nina expressed her understanding that it had been a difficult and unexpected situation for everyone. "I know I didn't join the team the usual way and I understand that this upset you all and affected the team dynamics. And I know that had you been allowed to pick your newest team member yourself, I probably wouldn't have made the short list." But despite her disappointment and hurt (which she still did her best to hide), the former paramedic thanked the Sarge for his apology and promised to give the team another chance.
That wasn't to say that she was willing to blindly forgive and forget. Still, she tried her best not to second-guess every of her coworkers' words and actions towards her.
...
It was easy to have a civil, collegial relationship with Lou. He was calm and level-headed, not one to talk much and likely the person that knew her professional skills best. He respected and didn't comment on her hesitancy, kept conversations light and from going too far past small-talk levels and made a point to involve her and ask her opinion with they were discussing topics unrelated to their work.
Similar with Wordy. He was respectful and empathetic, gave her advice and explanations when he saw that she didn't know or understand something. He accepted the fact that she wasn't entirely comfortable around the team, especially not in social settings, and didn't expect her to simply lose her reservations.
He was also the first to give her his private phone number, both landline and mobile. "Just in case you ever need something", he told her, eyes warm and voice serious. Just like with everything else, he offered and let her decide whether to accept or decline.
Spike was already a bit more difficult. Nina knew he was an energetic, upbeat and generally likeable person. But it was hard for her to forget the countless pranks he'd subjected her to. Some harmless, but many borderline humiliating. On the other hand, though, he had also defended her against Jules' snide jab about her mother not teaching her how to feed herself. And it was plain across his expressive features that he was distressed by the pain he had - most likely without meaning to - caused her.
The pranks had stopped, as had the teasing. Like everyone, including Nina, Spike was testing the waters. He made sure to include her into conversation, volunteered to pair with her on patrol (she wasn't quite sure yet if it wasn't part of an elaborate ploy or joke) and tried to put a smile on her face as much as he could with innocent jokes and outlandish stories.
The Sarge... If she was being honest with herself, she was a bit bitter about his lack of support and guidance. As a negotiation expert, she would have expected him to recognise the signs and put a stop to his team's behaviour a lot sooner. But he had apologised and made a real effort to check in with her and make sure she was alright. And he also extended a standing invitation to talk about any of their hot calls and review the used negotiation techniques. Nina had yet to take him up on that, but she might just do that at some point in the near future.
...
The two people the blonde struggled most with were of course Jules and Ed.
Jules kept her distance, for which Nina was grateful. The two women didn't interact much apart from basic "hello"s and "see you tomorrow"s in the locker room and Nina was okay with that. Jules had made unfounded insinuations and disparaging comments without knowing anything about her so Nina remained especially close-lipped about personal topics around her for fear of having them turned against her and thrown back in her face. Maybe it was irrational and over-dramatic, but right now, she was functioning under the better safe than sorry principle.
And then there was Ed. He was still tough on her, even though he didn't immediately yell at her for every little thing anymore. Frankly, the former paramedic was intimidated by her team leader. With him, she constantly felt off-balance and unsure. Would he shout at her again? Ignore her when she volunteered for a task and either pick somebody else or come up with an alternative plan? Reprimand her for something that wasn't her fault?
Around Ed, Nina kept her head down and her mouth shut. She did her best to follow his orders and only spoke up if she was absolutely sure that her suggestion would make a huge difference. On hot calls, the lives of the subjects and bystanders always were the first priority, no matter how much she wanted to avoid any sort of conflict with her team leader.
Despite the progress, Nina was glad when the week was over and their team's day off came. This constant uncertain apprehension, the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop, was exhausting. Which made the messages blinking on her phone all the more uplifting.
Word of the incident involving Michael Loretz and Nina Ruben had spread quickly in EMS and first responder circles and many of her old shiftmates and friends had reached out. Virtually all of her former colleagues from station 26 had texted her, apologised for not being there when she obviously needed them and asked for her to stop by so that any and all misunderstandings could be cleared up in person.
Several others expressed their concern and sympathy about what happened with Michael and wanted to make sure that she was okay. Numerous invitations (for tea, to lunch/dinner, to go for a few drinks...) were extended.
Milo texted her daily, telling her about his day, about people he had met in the hospital, about his therapy session, about the case against his now ex-girlfriend Jennifer Decourcy. He always asked about her day too and reminded her to take care of herself.
...
As she flopped onto her couch, a re-run of an old episode of The A-Team playing on the tv, Nina scrolled through the messages. A true smile splayed across her features, hazel eyes alight with life and amusement. She even laughed out loud at the message from one of her former shiftmates, Charlotte Altanbaataryn.
Charlotte: Just delivered a patient to Michael Garron, kept asking for you. His name was Henry Vogaunbert, but he said to call him Foghorn or Foggie? Ring a bell?
Nina giggled. Foggie, as the man had insisted to be called, had been a frequent client of hers. She texted her friend back, confirming that she knew the man and told her to ask for the story behind the nickname.
Less than a minute later, her phone plinged with a reply.
Charlotte: He was very disappointed when I told him that you didn't work at station 26 anymore. But he also said: "Well, Miss Ruben will forever be in my heart, but you two are also angels". Can Sarah and I expect to be called angels from now on?
'Definitely', Nina typed back. 'Until he finds another nickname for you.'
Charlotte: What was yours?
'Rowena. Or Lady Rowena. He loves literature.'
...
When Charlotte hadn't written back two minutes later, Nina chalked it up to her being on duty and out on a run. She didn't mind, knowing that her friend would text back at her earliest convenience. Chuckling at the memory of her first encounter with Foggie, she put her mobile phone onto the coffee table and went to the fridge to see what she could cobble together for dinner.
The contents of her fridge were minimalistic, but it was enough for some scrambled eggs.
"I need to go to the store tomorrow", the blonde told herself as she whisked the eggs and added some milk. Chives and seasonings joined the mixture and ten minutes later, Nina stood at the kitchen counter with a full plate in front of her. Putting forkfuls of scrambled eggs into her mouth at semi-regular intervals, she wrote a shopping list with her other hand, occasionally turning away to open a cabinet or cupboard.
Did I really only have a box of cereal, a pack of plain pasta and some orange juice left?, Nina mused. She hadn't even noticed. Then she tried to think back to last week when she'd gone grocery shopping. How did I not notice that? She clearly remembered checking the fridge and cupboards like always. But she also remembered distinctly that her shopping list had been extremely short, hardly more than a few staples.
"Huh. Guess I forgot."
