"Incoming wormhole!" one of the 'gate technicians announced as Elizabeth exited her office.
"IDC?" she asked, crossing to the balcony.
"Teyla," he answered, eyes locked on his computer.
Elizabeth didn't have to tell him to lower the shield, but she did out of habit as she turned her gaze toward the Stargate. A few seconds passed before Teyla Emmagan and Ronon Dex stepped through.
"Welcome back. How did everything go?" she asked the pair as she descended the steps to the embarkation floor.
"Fine, thank you." Teyla smiled. "How was everything here?"
"I would like to say uneventful, but it would be a bit of a lie. John and Rodney insisted on checking out M8G-921 by themselves," Elizabeth replied, returning Teyla's smile with a frown.
"Why?" asked Ronon, his usual scowl increasing slightly.
"Rodney was adamant he check out some strange readings," she told the pair. "I know you just returned, but—"
"Unscheduled off-world activation!" called the technician as the wormhole exploded from the ring. "I'm picking up high energy levels."
"What is it?" The trio were already half-way up the steps.
"Not sure, ma'am. It didn't stick around long enough for me to get a reading," he answered as the Stargate shut down.
"Colonel Sheppard?" Teyla asked, brows drawn together. She looked over the technician's shoulder, to his laptop.
"No IDC, but it was from '921," he said with a shrug.
"Dial the address, I'm going after them," Ronon told the man, already on his way back down.
Elizabeth shook her head, telling the unsure man wait. "Take Lorne's team. I already have them on standby," she said, lifting her hand to her radio. She knew she shouldn't have let them go alone.
Ronon's impatience was not at all subtle as they waited for the other team to arrive. It was a short wait, luckily. The team leader nodded at the pair as he joined them.
Elizabeth gave permission to dial the Stargate.
Ronon didn't wait for anyone once the wormhole was established, his long legs carrying him quickly into the shimmering blue wall. The others quickly followed.
~oOo~
What the hell just happened? Rodney asked himself as he lay in the grass. He hurt everywhere, likely because he hit the ground after being flung from a dead run. He hadn't opened his eyes yet, mainly because he knew the light would burn. It always did. He could hear people walking around, and familiar voices giving orders. If people were here, how come they hadn't checked to see if he was okay? Talk about rude!
"Where's Sheppard?"
Resigning himself, Rodney cracked his eyes open. The massive bulk of a familiar Satedan shaded him from the dual suns.
"What?" he asked as he sat up, a wave of dizziness sweeping over him.
"Where's Sheppard?" Ronon repeated, putting a ham-sized hand on Rodney's shoulder to steady him.
"He was right beside me! He couldn't have—no. No, no, no, no, no!" Rodney's eyes widened as he shoved aside Ronon's hand and shot to his feet. He ignored the resulting tunnel vision.
Ronon rose much more gracefully, like a panther getting up from a nap. "McKay?" he grumbled as Rodney whipped his head around, searching for Sheppard.
"I believe we have a problem," Teyla's soft voice said fro behind them.
"Thanks for the update! Colonel Sheppard is missing, so yeah, we have a problem!" Rodney spat back, eyes darting back and forth. He scanned each face he saw, but the only one to stand out was Major Lorne.
Gently touching Rodney's arm, Teyla gained his attention. "I do not believe this is the case," she said, arching an eyebrow. She tipped her head in the direction of a black mass lying in a patch of flattened grass a few dozen yards away.
"What's that?" Ronon asked, hand hovering at his pistol.
"More like who is that," rephrased Rodney, cupping a hand over his eyes to shield them from the bright sunlight.
"I believe that may be Colonel Sheppard," said Teyla, watching as the figure began to stir.
John groaned, lifting a hand to his forehead. It felt like someone had decided to hammer a railroad spike through his skull. His entire body ached as well, feeling almost like anatomy had been rearranged.
With a sigh, he opened his eyes and instantly regretted it. His sunglasses had been knocked off at some point, and the double suns were at their peak right now. Gingerly, he pulled himself into a sitting position and immediately felt wrong.
"What the hell?" he croaked, noticing his voice was out of whack. Reaching up to rub his throat, he felt a tickle of hair against the back of his hand and his arm. The wrongness he felt was confirmed when he looked down. Frowning, he hooked his finger into the collar of his shirt, pulling it away from his chest as much as his tac vest would allow. His jaw dropped and his ability to speak left him completely at what he saw.
"John?"
Turning his head, he saw Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney approaching. They all wore matching expressions of confusion.
"Holy crap!" squeaked Rodney. "I feel like I need to gouge my eyes out now," he added, nose scrunching up as he abruptly turned back the way he came.
Grimacing, John carefully pushed himself to his feet. His pants, though belted, slipped downward. Grabbing hold of the offending garment, he furrowed his brow. "Is it just me, or do I have, y'know, breasts?" As the words left his lips, he noticed Lorne had joined them.
"Oh, believe me sir, it ain't just you," the man said. "But the vest does hide it pretty well."
"Rodney," John growled, ignoring the smirk on Lorne's face.
The scientist didn't answer.
Clenching his jaw so hard he feared his teeth may crack, John unfastened his belt and cinched it to the last hole. He still had to hold his pants up as he stomped, ineffectively in oversize boots, to Rodney. Grabbing the back of the man's tac vest, he gave it a firm yank.
Spinning around, Rodney had every intention of impaling Sheppard with a bitter glare. Once he laid eyes on the Colonel however, it took a fair bit of effort to contain the grin twitching at his mouth.
"Don't even start, Rodney. Fix this."
"I don't even know how this is possible, never mind how to fix it! I'll have to go back to the tower—"
"Sir, we found something!" one of Lorne's men exclaimed, jogging up to them. The radios must not be working because of the EM field.
"What is it?" Lorne replied, turning to face his second in command. His partial smirk exploded into a full grin when the other man did a double take upon seeing John two-point-oh.
Managing to pull his gaze away from Sheppard, the Captain gave his answer. "Some sort of obelisk, sir."
"No one touched it, did they?" John asked, the knot in his gut expanding rapidly.
The Captain looked back at John, eyes flicking briefly to Lorne.
"Answer the Colonel," Lorne commanded, resting his weight on one leg.
The young man's face drained of color as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh! Uh, no, sir. We left it alone."
Teyla watched a range of emotions contort Colonel Sheppard's face as she put a gentle hand on his arm, now much thinner than it should be. "Let us return to Atlantis for now, and we can come up with a solution to this...problem."
"If you let me go back and study that tower," Rodney began, but John raised a hand, cutting him off.
"No. Teyla's right. We're going home. Maybe Dr. Beckett can tell me exactly how the hell I became a walking trope. And then find a way to fix me without invasive surgery. Not to mention I need to change my clothes," John grumbled through gritted teeth. "Lorne, get your men back to the 'gate."
"Yes, sir." With a nod, he and the Captain headed off into the forest.
John spotted his sunglasses, thankfully unharmed, and stooped over to pluck them out of the grass. Slipping them on, his eyes fell on Ronon. The big man did nothing to hide his amusement. "I dare you to say something, Chewy."
The smirk only grew as Ronon shrugged and turned away. Walking back toward the Stargate, he picked up Rodney's pack, slinging it over one shoulder.
"Colonel, just let me go back and—"
"I said no, Rodney. No one else is going near that thing until we can take precautions and get a proper translator." A glare prevented the scientist from protesting further. For now. "We're going back to Atlantis and finding someone who can decipher those symbols, because last time I checked, you are neither a linguist or cryptographer. You aren't causing any more damage than you already did rooting through that panel."
"I'm not the one that touched the screen," argued Rodney.
"I told you I didn't touch anything." John clenched his fists as he spoke.
"I believe who touched what is the least of your concerns," Teyla interrupted, her voice smooth and placating.
"I can reverse this if you'll just let me go back," Rodney reiterated, sounding a little more shaken than he was letting on.
"Believe me when I say no one wants this fixed more than me. I mean hey, I like women just as much as the next guy, but I don't want to be one. I'm not exposing anyone else to that thing until we have a plan," John stated firmly. As if to end the argument, he cross his arms comfortably over his weapon, which was miraculously still attached to his vest.
"Was it Ancient? The symbols," Ronon asked, usual frown back in place.
John sighed, feeling annoyingly tired. "No, we already went over that. It would make things so much easier, though."
Falling silent, they waited for Major Lorne's team to return. Teyla took this time to quietly observe John. He held himself stiffly, understandably uncomfortable with his new shape. His brow was creased, though to an outside party it would only seem like he was squinting against the sunlight. The other men found this change in John amusing, but Teyla found it troubling. How could someone survive a change such as this? How was it even possible that the change had occurred in the first place? She had seen some strange things working alongside these people, but this was so bizarre it was nearly unfathomable.
"If these symbols are not of the Ancestors, and neither of you recognized them, do you believe anyone else in Atlantis will be able to decipher them?" Teyla asked, unable to tolerate the thick blanket of tension that had befallen them.
"We have a couple of pretty decent linguists," John began, only to be interrupted by a snort from Rodney.
"If you insist on a linguist, at least get a qualified one," he said, crossing his arms and refusing to meet John's eye.
"We'll talk about it when we get back. Where the hell is Lorne? It didn't take us this long to get here," grumbled John, looking off into the forest.
"Yeah, but we were running for our lives at the time," Rodney pointed out.
John raised his eyebrows and tilted his head in agreement. With a mutter, he pushed his long hair over his shoulder and shifted his weight onto one leg. Despite the new form of his body, there was no mistaking this was indeed John Sheppard.
"What took so damn long?"
"Sorry Colonel," answered Lorne, the smile gone from his lips. "We saw someone, so we went after 'em. Came up empty, though."
Looking past Lorne, John set his mouth in a thin line. The internal debate was clear on his face. Ignore the situation and chase after the person, or return to Atlantis and possibly lose the only chance he may have to reverse this disaster? After a few seconds, John turned away from the tree line.
"Rodney, dial the 'gate."
Without any complaint, the astrophysicist keyed in the address for home.
~oOo~
Standing on the balcony, gripping the rail tighter than she'd like to admit, Elizabeth watched people file through the Stargate. Though the head count was right, there was no Colonel Sheppard.
"What happened?" she demanded, rushing down to join them. She eyed the strange woman accompanying the team. She was wearing John's clothes, and bore a striking resemblance to the man.
"The Colonel had trouble keeping his hands to himself," Rodney helpfully announced.
"Oh, if only it was that simple," the woman said with a scoff as she removed her sunglasses.
"I beg your pardon?" Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, ignoring the stifled chuckle from one of Lorne's men.
The woman puffed out a sigh. "We ran into an interesting bit of tech back there. Unfortunately I got to be the guinea pig."
Elizabeth looked to the other members of John's team. Rodney kept his eyes on the floor, Ronon shrugged, and Teyla nodded. This woman was John Sheppard.
"H—how?" Elizabeth's jaw dropped, every other word in the English language briefly deserting her.
"Can I at least go change my clothes first?" John asked, one hand on his belt, which was decidedly too low on his hips.
Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder and noticed the stares they were starting to attract. "Conference room, fifteen minutes," she answered, shaking her head as she walked away.
"She seemed angry," Ronon said as the group headed to the prep room.
"Nah, just confused. But hey, aren't we all?" John replied.
"Rodney, you mentioned a 'qualified' linguist. Of whom did you speak?" Teyla asked, shifting the discussion.
"Well, since the good Colonel seems to insist on having someone other than myself take a crack at this, Dr. Jackson is the only logical choice," Rodney answered as he removed his tac vest.
"I'm sure Dr. Jackson has more important things to do with SG-1," John said. "We have good people here."
Teyla knew the man of which they spoke. She had met, and worked with him briefly during a rather harrowing time for the expedition. Between a computer virus, an Ancient virus which targeted anyone with the gene, and an attacking Hive ship, she hadn't had much time for conversation, but she had like the man. And from what she understood, he was not only qualified, but overqualified.
"We'll talk about it at the debrief. Which is in ten minutes, and I still have to change," John muttered. And as soon as the debriefing was done, he would willingly admit himself to the infirmary to see if Dr. Beckett could answer some questions.
