Author's note: Chapter two of what I've decided to be a 3 part story. Inspiration for the first chapter was the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. This chapter it's "Let Her Go" by Parachute. Now, who is ready for Natsuki's viewpoint?
Disclaimer: Like in the first chapter, I do not own Mai-Hime or any of the characters.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."- Sydney Smith
"If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world." –Mercedes Lackey
The wind ripped passed as the steel-blue Ducati zoomed along down the street, pedestrians falling over themselves to get the hell out of the rider's way. The biker, unmistakably female given her slender form, took the turns expertly, flicking her wrist and rolling with the wondrous machine between her muscled legs. To her, it was like poetry of sorts, albeit a physical, tangible one. It had always been that way between her and the most cherished item she owned. A sharp curve quickly approached; the woman, flicking her head back, smoothly executed the turn with complete ease.
Striking emerald pools closed in momentary bliss. Long bike rides always invoked a sense of power, of peace, in the woman. The Ducati was not just her mode of transportation to and from school, where she attended Fuuka Academy for the very last year. Or should she say two months now. Graduation was fast approaching, and Natsuki sort of wished it would just slow down. She was not good with change; never really had been. It had been the cause of friction at times between different people who did not quite grasp that concept. Shizuru…A hearty sigh escaped the rider as her chest tightened perceptibly, unwanted thoughts creeping unbidden back into her mind of her important person.
I wonder if she even considers me that person anymore, now that the Carnival is passed. That time in Natsuki's life had easily been the most confusing, and the most emotional. She had been forced to actually deal with her feelings without skirting around the fact. Oh, she had tried, but when Shizuru had finally snapped and lost control of herself…well, the choice had been snatched from her. That is to say she did not place the blame squarely on her crimson-eyed friend's shoulders. Everybody did unspeakable things during that time, having no other choice but to kill off each other. It had all been the fault of the Obsidian Lord, the man who had thrust the weight of responsibility onto them without consent or a passing regret. Even to this day, months after the fact, she had never truly forgiven Reito for the actions. In a way he was as innocent as the rest of them. His possession by the Obsidian Lord had been out of his control; if anyone was truly to blame for the whole debacle, it was that brat Nagi. But, it was hard for her to forget Reito's face as he smirked maniacally as the Hime's battled each other to the death. She was not certain she would ever look upon him without disdain or wary.
That was not the only thing the Carnival had ruined. Shizuru had not been the same since then. Instead of the incessant teasing and light smiles full of a hidden emotion Natsuki was afraid to give voice to, tentative glances and uncomfortable silences made themselves known. Where once there was a friendly companionship that hid the undercurrents of something deeper, now everything was strained. This was never something Natsuki expected, not in her wildest bouts of overthinking. Shizuru was always the solid, unchanging pillar in her life. They would always be friends, and maybe they could evolve into something more. But of course, what did she do when things became different? She ran, ignoring the warning signs blatantly staring at her. Natsuki figured all that the Kyoto woman needed was some time to reflect on what she had done, although nobody blamed her any longer. Even Nao, who had distrusted her the longest, admitted that she no longer bore any hard feelings towards Shizuru when it had been an urge inside them all to come out on top. The fact that she did it all for love…in a way, it was all Natsuki's fault. She never gave back to the woman; she just took and took until there was literally nothing left for Shizuru to give.
Her heart gave a little lurch as she imagined crimson pools full of pain, the emotion having exuded off her friend since the Carnival, and the realization of just what she was willing to do for Natsuki. The blue-haired rebel had given the space she thought Shizuru required, but it was getting harder and harder to maintain an acceptable distance. Often times she found her hand inching towards her little cell phone, literally aching to just give in and call the woman who had inched herself into Natsuki's every waking thought. The biker had even taken to having dreams of Shizuru, were they were happily together and unafraid to show it to the world. Shizuru is not the one who has always been afraid; that was you. Natsuki could not even berate herself for that particular thought; honesty could be a very painful thing. Regardless, their friendship had been basically non-existent for months now. Natsuki could only hope that Shizuru would forgive her for acting as though she was indifferent towards the Kyoto beauty. Shizuru was incredibly smart, but she had already proven to be highly susceptible when Natsuki was concerned. In fact, Natsuki was surprised that Fujino had not cracked yet and reached out for her. It kind of hurt in a way…
A loud honk tore through Natsuki; a physical reality check. The bluenette swerved to avoid the hunk of metal, blushing at the colorful words the driver yelled out to her, vein popping in his meaty forehead. Natsuki exhaled shakily at the near collision. This was what her worry had reduced her to. None of her thoughts were her own any longer, not without her important person intruding. Natsuki slowed down as she neared a red light, foot bracing against the unmoving concrete beneath. She could only believe that all was not ruined; they could be salvaged. "Shizuru…" Words had never tasted more bitter in her mouth.
Natsuki turned the corner onto the street leading to the apartment she shared with Mai, Mikoto and Nao. Huh, even thinking of Nao and her in the same vicinity without killing or maiming each other made her give pause. They had never disliked each other, but the events they all experienced together brought all the Hime closer than they could ever imagine. Sure, they still fought sometimes…okay, a lot…but the camaraderie was very much evident. So far, her life had exponentially gotten better; if only she could muster up the courage to confess her feelings for Shizuru…
The Ducati zipped passed all the cars located alongside the curb, slowing down as its owner released the clutch and merely cruised the last meter. Natsuki ground to a halt, smoothly dismounting her treasure. She turned the keys, pocketing them into her leather jacket. Her hands reached up to either side of the expensive helmet she had bought prior, her hair falling in waves down her back. She shook the thick blue strands from her face, wanting nothing more than to escape to the sanctuary of her bedroom and maybe think of what to say to Shizuru. This had been going on for far too long now; it was time for her to put herself out there. Shizuru had done enough. She placed her helmet underneath her arm, walking towards her room. However, as she was walking she felt…something. What that something was she did not know, but it felt like-like a presence, near her, watching her. Curious and a tad bit uncomfortable, Natsuki turned around, looking at the landscape around her. Her emerald gaze looked amongst the bushes and the vehicles fleetingly, zeroing in on a certain vehicle that was parked adjacent to her apartment. She might just be seeing things that weren't there due to the direction her thoughts wandered, but…it looked a lot like the car Shizuru drove…nah, it could not be. Shizuru lived over at Fuuka University, rooming there in one of the dorms.
Natsuki finally managed to tear her eyes away from the vehicle, something niggling at her conscience. Whatever…maybe I just need sleep. Oh, who am I kidding, I need to just call 'Zuru up; I can't go on like this any longer. I miss her… Chasing away her melancholy thoughts, Natsuki continued on towards her apartment, the unexplained presence forgotten. Her boots audibly thumped against the stairs as she climbed up, arms bracing against the railing for balance. Her door neared, the number nineteen winking at her. Nobody else knew this, but Natsuki had chosen the number nineteen to signify Shizuru's birthday. Natsuki had never had the courage to spill the beans, but she was almost certain Mai had figured it out due to the knowing smile she had thrown at her when the biker had first suggested it. It brought a light flush to her face. A gloved hand reached for the keys in her pocket, withdrawing them and inserting the little key into the lock. The door opened with a low click.
A boot stepped over the threshold, slipping against something on the floor. Natsuki's arms flailed as she tried to catch her balance. Once she righted herself, she glared down at the floor, staring at the offending object. It was what appeared to be a letter, lying forlornly on the floor. Bending over, Natsuki picked up the small parchment, reading her name scrawled across the front. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar…using her index finger, Natsuki tore open the letter, opening up the small piece of paper inside. It was in sorry shape to be sure; the writer had obviously been very distressed. Confused viridian looked at the loopy words, feeling the pain from each one stabbing into her heart. Emerald widened and a heart literally stopped for a beat as she realized it was Shizuru who had written her. Quickly she read over the words, seeing an image of the chestnut-haired Kyoto woman bent over, tears falling down her angelic face as she mustered up the courage to write down the thing she never, ever wanted to write.
A hand covered her mouth as a sob choked out, wetness clinging to her lashes. Natsuki gulped in air, her vision blackening at the phrase she had zeroed in on. I'm moving back to Kyoto; thank you, Natsuki, for being you. For being my friend until I ruined everything. I will always love you, Natsuki, even though I shouldn't. I fear I will never stop. No…nonono! She could not just up and leave, not when-not when Natsuki had not told her how she-how she…
Shit! Natsuki now knew why she had felt that feeling when she dismounted her Ducati. Throwing the letter down, she rushed out, not even bothering to close the door. The letter fluttered down, gently touching down on the ground. A single droplet, fresh and laced with regret, now adorned the page. Running faster than ever in her life, Natsuki rushed down the stairs, jumping the last three. Ignoring the shock that rent her body as she absorbed the impact, she exploded into the open, frantically searching for the vehicle she had seen earlier. It was not where it had previously been. Hands wrung her hair in desperation, choking on nothing, and everything. She'd been too late. She took Shizuru for granted, believing her to always be beside her no matter to circumstance. Turns out it had all been just too much for the strong woman, and Natsuki had never even seen it coming. The defeated blunette dropped to her knees, feeling smaller than she had ever felt before. Shizuru…what have I done? The Ice Princess finally understood how she had gotten her nickname. At that moment, feeling her world crashing down around her, she sure felt cold.
