Did You Put Laxative In My Coffee? 2: May's First Day & Coffee Mishaps

A/N: This is soooo much fun to write! I still love Contestshipping! Yay!

Oh, and let's pretend that Ash, Misty, May, Dawn, Gary, Paul, and Leaf are all really good friends.

P.S. Anyone think the series' name is foreshadowing? Hmm? No? Okay. *innocent whistling*

Drew: Oh God, PixieDust, if you pull that I'm going to kill you, understand?

May and I: *snickers*

Drew: DAMNIT!

May: I think you can be my new best friend.

Me: Yay!

Drew: I hate you both. So, so much. Please rot in Hell.

May and I: *still snickering*

Me: May, you wanna do the honors?

May: Sure. PixieDust does not –nor will she ever– own Pokémon or Death Cab for Cutie, or Blink-182, or Ex-Lax for that matter. So don't sue her ass.

Me: On with the show!

Drew: I hope you two spontaneously combust. Really.


Drew's POV:

I heard May ring the doorbell, and I got a little nervous. I mean, what if she couldn't make waffles? Then what?

Then there was the fact that she'd be living with me…In my house…Right next to my room…Oh God. She was going to murder me in my sleep, wasn't she? Damn, I hoped not.

What would happen to the fangirls? Hmmm? What about them? Now I refused to answer the door for their sake.

Okay, maybe I was stalling again.

I sighed and answered the door. There was May, in all of her oblivious glory.

"Hey, Grass Head." She murmured, seemingly appraising our floor. Was it dirty or something?

"Hey April." I muttered, appraising a wall to the left of me. When did we get that painting? Hmmm…I must focus all of my attention on this and not on May. Yes, good plan. Great job, Brain.

"Umm…Can you help me with my suitcases?" May asked. I wondered if the floor was really that interesting. I made a mental note to check that out in the next awkward situation I found myself in. You never know when the floor will suddenly explode or something. Yes, you must always keep an eye on it. Damn those tricky floors.

…did that sound as insane as I think it did? Geez, I hope not.

"Drew? Drew! DREW!" I heard May shout. Oh yeah, I was supposed to be helping her. Riiiiiight.

"Oh. Right. Uh…Where are they?" I asked smartly.

"On Jupiter, Grass Head." May rolled her eyes. "In the trunk of my mom's car, genius."

I didn't have a response for that, so I just went out and hefted two heavy-looking suitcases. I started back inside and I noticed May had another suitcase and a large duffle bad over her shoulder. Not to mention a smaller carry-on bag. It reminded me that it would be a whole summer. Damn. I foresaw some crazy crap happening.


"Okay, you're all unpacked, yes?" I asked May, lying on the bed. She nodded. "And you're all situated?" She nodded again. "Cool, can you go get me something to drink? Like a smoothie or something? Actually yeah. A smoothie sounds good." I smirked at her. Who said I couldn't have fun with this?


May's POV:

Once I saw that freaking smirk I was tempted to say 'Get your own smoothie!', but then I remembered that I was now his maid.

"Fine." I sighed. "Where's the kitchen?"

"Down both flights of stairs, turn left, turn left, turn right, turn left, turn right. It's huge. Can't miss it. Oh, and if you need instructions on how to make it, Sonya left them. She also left how to make waffles. Utilize that information and this should work out fine." Drew smirked, lying down on my new bed. I had made him leave while I unpacked (hell-o, I didn't want him to see my underwear!), but he came back when I finished.

"First floor, left, left, right, left, right?" I repeated. "Can't miss it, directions?"

"Yup." Drew said after he'd thought about what I'd said.

"Oh. One more thing." I said, shooting him a meaningful glance, but he didn't see it because he was looking at the ceiling.

"Yea?"

"If you touch any of my clothes -especially the ones you've never seen- I will murder you in your sleep, yes?" He looked at me, smirk on his face.

"Why, pray tell, would I want to see your underwear?" He scoffed. "It's not like there'd be anything interesting."

I almost attacked him, but there were two things stopping me.

The fact that he was now my employer and,

He was on my bed, and I wasn't about to wrestle him while he was there.

So sadly I could not kill him.

Yet.

But I sensed it coming.


The maze of corridors was harder to maneuver than I thought. But finally I reached the gigantic kitchen that any chef would kill to own. There were built-in deep fryers. Like in Paula Deen's kitchen! Luckily I liked to cook. It didn't take long to find Sonya's recipe book, and I noticed on one of the dog-eared pages –the one for waffles– had a note scribbled on it.

I am SO sick of making waffles every morning for that spoiled brat! I AM GOING TO SHOOT HIM!

Huh, so 'Sonya' had similar opinions of Drew that I did. Cool. Smart woman. But I had a mission, and that was to make smoothies. I found the recipe quickly, and noticed that it was titled 'His Greeness' Smoothies that He Almost Never Finishes but Always Requests I Make'

I pulled out a blender, some ice cream, milk, fruit, etc.

It didn't take long to make, and it served two, so I poured us both a glass and put them on a silver platter and headed back to my room. Drew was still on my bed, and he appeared to be asleep.

"AHEM!" I coughed, and he looked at me. He smirked at me

"Took you long enough." Drew reached over to grab one, but his hand didn't reach completely and it knocked the glass over. And it spilled. All over me.

I gasped and started screeching. "Cold! Cold! COLD!"

Drew just snickered. "Whoops!" He laughed. It all made sense right then.

"You did that on purpose!" I cried. He just smirked at me.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Anyways, I'm still thirsty, June." Drew said, his laughter having died out.

"Well here, take my smoothie." I sighed. I was hungry, and that smoothie looked really good.

"No. I want something hot. Make me some coffee." Drew said decisively.

"Can I change first? I have smoothie in all my nooks and crannies." I pleaded. It was my first day, and I was already pleading with him. This would be a long summer.

"No. I want it now. Make me a cappuccino, two shots of espresso, add some caramel. Lots of whipped cream. Again, Sonya's recipe book." I glared at him so hard, I was sure he'd catch on fire. Well, I was hoping anyways.

"Are you even allowed to have coffee little boy? What would mommy say if her little Andrew was drinking coffee? Wait…where are your parents anyways?" I sneered.

"Yes, I'm allowed to have coffee, if you ever call me Andrew again, you're fired, and they decided they didn't want to be here in case I drove you to murder. They'll be back in two weeks." Drew answered my questions in order.

"Whatever, Grass Head."

"Aww, August, don't get too down; at least you can still drink your smoothie." Drew gestured to the smoothie in my hand.

"I don't think I'll ever want to drink smoothies again." I muttered, and I heard him snickering as I left.


I put the smoothie in the fridge in case he wanted one later; I'd make sure that if it spilled, it would be on him.

Honestly, if you've never had smoothie in your bra, try and avoid it at all costs.

I found the book again and found the coffee recipe.

'The Royal Brat's Favorite Coffee' it said. I noticed there was an 'optional' section. In it, Sonya had scrawled: Chocolate Ex-Lax. Never suspects a thing.

Sonya could soooo be my new best friend (A/N: I thought I was your best friend! *sniffle*). For serious. She was amazing.

So I got all the ingredients. The Ex-Lax was a little harder to find, but definitely worth it.

I made the coffee (they had one of those coffee-shop machines) and put it in a one of those padded cups to make it less hot. I couldn't do anything about the top, however, because of the whipped cream.

I took it up to him and he drank it without spilling it.

"This isn't half bad, March. I'm impressed." Drew admitted. I smirked. Not only did he praise me for it, but come around 8:30-ish...heh. It took all my will not to start laughing.


We had some super-fancy dinner that I didn't even have to make.

"Wait. How come I have to cook your breakfast and lunch, but not your dinner?" I asked, savoring the deliciousness. I tried to ignore the fact that Drew and I were right across from each other and that it was a lot like a date. Especially since it was low-lit. I mentally noted that we'd be having these 'dates' for two weeks until his parents came home. Then it would be dinner with the parents. I blushed, but he probably couldn't see it.

"We have Jacques cook dinner because it's a family thing. So obviously our personal maids wouldn't make it. But since Jacques can't cook every meal –we rarely eat anything but dinner together– he just cooks dinner." Drew explained. "At least, that's what my mom says. I think she just doesn't want me to give Jacques a mental breakdown like my maids." He looked kind of thoughtful.

I really, really tried to ignore how the light caught his face and made him look a lot more delicious than the food. Holy shit. Where did that come from? Snap out of it, May!

"Oh." I said simply. I was afraid that if I said too much, it would come out sounding fangirl-y. Yuck.


Drew's POV:

I was a little uncomfortable by how date-y this thing was. And it didn't help that May looked as pretty as usual. Even more so. She'd changed out of her smoothie-soaked clothing (some part of my mind wondered how the smoothie made her lips taste…Oh my God. Did I really just think that?) into a pretty dress.

I was afraid that I was going to do something stupid and Ash-like and tell her that she looked good. Because that boy was blunt/dense enough to do that. And unlike him, I know that she'd hit me.

I was almost grateful when the maids cleared away our dinner.

"Hey, want to hang out in my room for a bit?" I heard myself ask. I mentally shouted at myself for that one. You retard! Do you know how pervy that sounded? Why do I even talk to you? And then I gave myself the silent treatment.

I was starting to think that I needed serious mental help.

"Um. Sure." May blushed. "Why not?"


"Oh my God! How can you even say that? No way is Death Cab for Cutie better than Blink-182! Are you high?" May squealed from my bed. Somehow she ended up lying on it and I ended up on my comfy leather couch.

"Blink's okay, but I'm not big into punk. Death Cab helps me chill." I replied calmly. We were in a debate about music.

"I like Death Cab, too. Don't get me wrong. But they can't hold a candle to Blink." May said. I was about to protest, but she cut me off. "Hey, what time is it anyways?" She asked.

"Uh…" I glanced at my Rolex, "about 8:15." I saw her go deep into thought, like she was calculating something.

"Hey, I have an idea." May said sheepishly.

"Yeah? What?" I inquired. I was curious. I stared at the ceiling.

"I think we should have a small party tomorrow." May suggested, twiddling her fingers.

I was silent for a minute. "Who would we invite?" May seemed surprised that I even considered it.

May thought for a second. "Misty, Dawn, Leaf. Oh, and you can invite Ash, Gary, and Paul."

"Okay."

"Oh! And it can be a sleepover party, too! Obviously not all in the same room, though."

"Sure. Sounds fun." I said. I really didn't like sleepovers too much but it did sound kind of fun.

"Thanks, Grass Head!" May squealed. She jumped off the bed and hugged me. I blushed.

"Uh…October?" I could feel heat rising to my face. "Can you let me go now?"

"Oh. Yeah." May blushed and looked away. "I'm gonna go to my room and read or something." May muttered and left. She seemed to want to get very far away from me. Was it just because of the hug? Or was it something else-

Oh God. I think my stomach is about to explode.


May's POV:

At first I felt a little bad about the whole 'Ex-Lax' thing. I mean, he was letting me have a party! But then I remembered that I'd have to clean smoothie out of my shower (each room had its own full bathroom. God, what did his parents do for a living? Make diamonds out of hay?) and I didn't feel so bad anymore.

Then, I heard the toilet flush shortly after I left. I couldn't help but snicker.

And for the rest of the night, every time I heard his toilet flush through the walls (thankfully that was all I could hear), I almost exploded laughter.

And that, dear Grass Head, is why you never mess with May Maple.

FIN!


Oooh! A party! Total Spur-of-the-moment idea on my part. Beware of Ikarishipping, Pokeshipping, Oldrivalshipping, and yeah, more Contestshipping ;)

Drew: *cries* Why? Why, you evil woman? Why would you do this to me? The pain, the pain!

May and I: Suck it up, Buttercup.

Me: So…uh…May. What was that about Sonya being your best friend? I thought I was your best friend?

May: *sweat drops*

Drew: Ha-ha! You're in trouble, May! Next time you get the laxatives!

Me: No, Drew. No she does not. Because PixieDust don't roll that way. I don't hold grudges. I forgive you May.

May: D'aw, thanks!

Drew: WHY? WHY! I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

May and I: Oh shut up!M

Me: Drew, sit in your corner.

Drew: A time-out? Really? Way to be sophisticated, PixieDust. I hate you. Please fall off of a cliff.

Me: Hey. I could make Harley one of your fangirls. Hmm...I wonder what would happen if I invited him and made you guys a gay couple?

Drew: *sweat drops* I love you, PixieDust. Please leave Harley out of the story!

Me: Heh.