Day 1095 – Paul
"Crossing lines, small crimes
Taking back what is mine.."
10 Years – "Fix Me"
I drop Tony off at his house before heading back to the station in the patrol car. He's proven to be a good friend to me, as well as a good person to work with. His military background combined with my FBI training means the tiny town of Parker, South Dakota has a police force that could easily handle anything that drunken farmers could throw at us – which isn't much. Mostly we take reports on stolen cattle and farm equipment, and usually on a Friday or Saturday night we have to break up a drunken brawl at Kelley's bar. Basically, it's the easiest, most boring job I've ever had.
As I step into the station to finish up what little paperwork is left from a non eventful shift, my thoughts turn to Echo. She didn't have to remind me what the significance of today was when we got ready for work this morning. How could I forget this date? Three years ago today, Topher Brink had brought me back from the dead. While I would be forever grateful to him for giving me my life back, I still felt a sense of resentment. It was because of him that I have active architecture in my head that could be used against me if the right technology was once more implemented, and, worse yet, it was the reason Echo was unhappy. Oh, she never admits it out loud, but I can see the sadness in her eyes every time she looks at me. Those brown eyes of hers, they tell you everything you want to know about what she's feeling inside. She wants me to love her again, the way I used to. Hell, I want to love her that way again. The memories are still there, of course, and even though Topher said he fixed the part of my brain that knows I love her – well, I'm not feeling it yet. I wouldn't put it past the little geek to lie to Echo and I about it. He told her it might take awhile to 'wake up' – but it's been almost three years. Haven't we suffered enough?
I want to give Echo everything she wants from me. I want to love her, I want to make love to her, instead of just denying her every time she kisses me and it escalates from there. But I can't. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. No, when we're together for the first time, it will be because we're truly in love with each other. The last woman I thought I was in love with – Mellie – well, she'd been a lie, an implant from the Dollhouse sent to spy on me. And before that.. my ex-wife. And the 'ex' in front of wife shows everyone just how big a failure that relationship was. I don't want to fail with Echo. I want it to last. I want to love her.
With a sigh I look around the office, reaching out and flipping off my computer. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything right now, no matter how hard I tried. Worry about Echo grips my chest, tightening for a moment as I stand, grabbing my jacket before I go out the door, shutting and locking the door behind me.
It only takes me three minutes to get home, and I know something is wrong as soon as I open the front door. Echo's headaches have been getting progressively worse, and Topher hasn't been able to find anything wrong with her brain scans. Cursing Alpha's existence under my breath, I shut the front door quietly and move almost silently towards the bedroom. If Alpha had simply disappeared and never played around in Echo's brain, she wouldn't be having these headaches in the first place.
I enter the bedroom quietly, slipping off my shoes and sliding onto the bed beside her as gently as I can. A moment later, and I have her thin frame folded into my arms, my lips kissing the top of her head gently as she curls herself into me, her head coming to rest on my chest. I know that even if I never regain my feelings for her, even if that part of my brain never 'wakes up', I will always be here for her. She deserves that from me.
