a/n: Welcome back? :) I'm on spring break this week and I've got one mission. Finish all my unfinished fics and post a new one called, "In The Dead of Night." Follow me on writelikeyoufight . tumblr . com for more. 3 anna

Part Two – Anger

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."- Mark Twain

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"How could you do this to me? To our family!" Callie sobs as she cradles an equally upset Thalia against her shoulder. "They took your brother from you! They took my husband!"

"Ex-husband, Calliope! And he did the bravest, most responsible thing he could do for his country!" I shout at deaf ears.

"Responsible? Is that what you think this is? You think abandoning your family to go get shot at is responsible?"

My arms snap down to my sides as I pound my fists into my thighs. "I'm not abandoning you!"

"No, you already did that to me that moment those vets came to Seattle. Now you're just abandoning her," she tearful states, then turns on her heel and runs up the stairs.

"CALLIE!" I cry out halting her on the top step. She has to understand. This wasn't a decision I made lightly. "Please…"

"I should have known it! You wanted chickens over a baby. You never wanted this life. You don't want us. You'd rather get shot in the desert then live to see your own daughter's high school graduation!"

"No! That's not what I'm saying. Calliope please!"

My words are answered by the slam of our bedroom door and an accompanying lock turning. Slowly, I make my way up the stairway, pausing as I reached the doorway. I can hear the cries of my daughter gradually fading away into sleep as Callie sweetly sings a lullaby in between hiccups and silent tears.

I slump down to the door, resting my head against it. "I'm not going there with a death wish. I'm going there because I can help. I owe it to David to at least try and help."

Her angelic voice stops crying so loud that the neighbors can hear. I know I have her attention even if she is rolling eyes at me behind the door.

"It's seven months in a green zone! I'm coming back, Calliope. I'm not abandoning you or Lia. I love you both more than words. It's just another hospital with a lot more traumas and my patients will be over eighteen instead of under it. I want our life. I just – I have to do this. I'll come back to you."

My ear presses against the door, almost willing her to answer me.

"I know you'll come back. Just how you'll come back is what worries me."

"Come back to us… Dr. Robbins?"

"All that fairy dust get lost in the desert, Dr. Robbins?" Cristina Yang jokes as she passes me and my fourth screaming child today.

"Ew no! Yang, do something meaningful with your life and we'll talk!" I fire back, my head throbbing in with the beginnings of a migraine.

"I repair hearts. You know, the organ that pumps blood around your body?"

The child screams louder and right in my ear, stunning me and defeating any chance of a quick come back. I turn to one of the interns and ask him to finish up while I make for a get away to salvage what's left of my hearing.

It's only been back a week since I've been back. The original plan was to take a few weeks off to concentrate on mending our tiny family back together, but my girls had other ideas. Callie skirted around any serious conversation while Thalia thoroughly ignored and avoided me at all costs. For eighteen months old, she was quite clever in dodging me. So I went back to the one place that never seemed to hate me.

The chief was more than happy to give me a job again at Seattle Grace. I was just going to be a regular attending as interim Head of Peds was still signed on for the rest of the year. I figured putting in about forty hours a week would be okay. I'd be able to get my footing back in Peds. Calliope and Thalia thing would solve itself in time. Right?

Having escaped the realm of children screaming, I walked down the hallway with my head buried in my blackberry, checking my emails and texts. One of them was from Callie. She wouldn't be making lunch because some ortho surgery of her dreams had just come through the ER's door. This only meant one thing. I was in charge getting to the hospital's daycare and feeding Thalia lunch. I pinch the bridge of my nose seeking pseudo relief from the monstrous headache.

Two Hundred and Seventy Five definitely not super days; that's all it took for my little girl to forget me. And in the week I've been back she hasn't let me hold her once. Calliope swore up and down that she was just shy, but the baby I left nine months ago was never shy a day in her life. Thalia strived for attention. She fought tooth and nail to be with me until the day I left. No, when I left my daughter loved me.

I headed into the cafeteria and picked up some finger foods Callie had mentioned Thalia liking. It was easy enough so far, or so I thought. When I arrived on the second floor at the daycare, she was one of the only children left without lunch or a parent accompanying her. The scowl on her face was almost identical the one Calliope would give me if I showed up late for her. It stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Thalia's mom, right?" One of the daycare teachers asks me.

"No – I mean yes," I stutter out still under the oppression of my military code.

"It's okay. Dr. Torres called down earlier and explained everything to us," She says giving me a pat of confidence on the back. "I'm Sarah. Call me if you need anything."

Sarah quickly heads over to a kid who's making a Jackson Pollock with his lunch instead of eating it, leaving me to deal with Lia.

"Hey Baby," I begin kneeling down to her level. "Mama's stuck in surgery, so it's just you and me today for lunch."

She backs away from me. It's obvious she still views me as stranger, so instead of pushing her more I decide to lure her in with the best alternative available to me; food. Opening the lunch container I picked up from the cafeteria, I take out a piece of fruit and place it on the table.

"You like bananas, right?"

She doesn't come any closer, but she almost doesn't move further away from me. So I open the banana for her and begin cutting it into bite size slices.

"You know your grandmother use to do this for David and I all the time when we were kids. She'd slice a banana up and put it on our cereal for breakfast."

I open the small container or fruit loops to match it. Oddly enough it seems the interns went for all the healthier options from the cafeteria today and left me with the off-limits cereal. I know Callie said only Cheerios, but I don't think Lia will mind.

"Come on, Thalia. I promise you'll like it."

The tiny girl makes a move towards me with a hand reaching out for a red ring. My pager has impeccable timing as the sleeping giant chirps to life. Instantly, Lia recoils from me. I glance down and see it's just one of the residents put on my service for the day.

"Just a couple bites so your mama doesn't think I forgot about lunch with you?"

Apart from her chest inhaling and exhaling, Lia doesn't budge. To my left is the bear Carlos gave her when she was born. The poor thing is worn and drooled on and now sporting a small tee shirt, probably hiding the stitches Callie has done to keep him together. But it's full of love and is her absolutely favorite toy in the world. So of course, the stuff animal is my key to getting her to eat.

"I betcha Mr. Bear is really hungry too."

Her eyes widen with panic as I reach for the cherished plaything, but I don't notice until it's too late. The second I touch the bear Lia lets out a blood curling scream at the top of her lungs. Around us, parents and children alike stop and stare at me. I can only imagine the thoughts going through their head. It's Torres' jarhead wife who probably doesn't have a clue in the world how to handle kids.

"Lia, stop now."

Like that's going to work.

Quickly, I give the bear back to Lia. The crocodile tears well up and my real ones begin to fall as she hugs the bear for dear life and escapes to the safety under the table.

"Dr. Robbins?" Sarah calls to me. "I can help her, if you have to get back to your patients."

I nod even though my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. There were bound to be a few snags here and there with Lia getting to know me again. Even though it's been a week, the child still only knows me best as a picture on Callie's photo or the blonde lady from the fuzzy skype chats. Remembering this made it all too easy to give back the plastic container of cereal to Sarah and head to the exit.

When I look back at the scene I've abandoned, Lia is smiling once again as her daycare teacher bents down to her eye level and puts a few fruit loops on the table. Eager as the day is young, my darling tot grabs a few, and finally eats. I should feel relief that she's eating possibly even speaking to her daycare teacher, but I don't. My heart feels broken or rather like it's on fire. All the irritation that I've been suppressing feels like it's igniting from the ashes of might have been.

"Mama!" the Lia on my computer happily cries as I watch her first word video for the hundredth time.

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For the remainder of the year, Callie's office has become our office until the interim Head of Peds vacates my old one. It doesn't bother me that we have to share. It's like getting to spend extra time with her or the memory of her. What bothers me is for the second time today I've come here seeking sanctuary in the tons of videos she keeps of Thalia on her desktop.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

"That's right, baby girl!"

No matter how many times I play it, it'll never match the moment I've built up in my head. The one where I was met at the airport by my daughter running as fast as her little legs could carry her, crying out for her Momma. You know, the American Dream I was promised upon my return after serving my country?

"What the fuck am I doing!"

"Kiss your daughter with that mouth?" Callie says to me breaking me out of my self-wallowing.

"What daughter? She won't let me come within a ten foot radius of her," I snap back.

Callie recoils from it. "She's just going through a stage. We just need to keep her on a—"

"Daily routine! Jesus Christ, Callie! I work in peds! Tell me something I don't know!"

Count to ten, I tell myself. Just count to ten. She came in here and made a joke. Calliope didn't do this. She didn't make you angry. That was all me. Leaving was a good choice. I saved many lives over there. Yeah, I forgot about the two that mattered the most to me. But we all have to make sacrifices.

"Okay, sorry. I don't want to fight," she says deflated as she shuts the door.

Leaning forward onto her desk, I bury my face into the palm of my hand. It seems like ever since I met them in the airport, we've been in some sort of fight. Thankfully, my partner notices my frustration as she closes the door and comes to my side. Her strong arms lure me from my palms into her stomach as I immerse my face into her navy scrubs searching for solace.

"I miss this," I breathe, taking in her scent.

Her fingertips tangle into my hair, reeling back to release my hair tie, then making her way down my back. She traces deep circles causing my skin to chill and pucker with delight. My hands slip under her scrub top and slowly make their way up her back. She mirrors me as goose bumps travel up her spine.

I could count the times we've been together since my return on one hand. When trapped in a desert wasteland, you're going to be overwhelmed with nothing but thoughts of what's absent from your life. I never thought missing her physically and emotionally would be a hardship I'd have to continue to endure. But here we are, alone in her office with a close door shielding us from the sites and sounds of Seattle Grace.

Still beneath her scrubs, my hands descend down her back to their inevitable goal. Lust radiates out from my eyes as I look at her for permission that she readily gives. Quickly, I'm on my feet, lifting her onto the desk. Books, papers, research, and even the mouse tumbles off the desk as I clothesline it with her body. Callie tries to gain control of the situation, but all hope is lost as I lean in and capture her lips in a breath-stealing kiss.

My hands stay busy as I push her scrub top up, freeing her from all fabric confinements. She gasps a haggard yes as trail kisses down her neckline and rapidly exposing breasts.

Then I hear it; the quick chirp of her pager averting her attention from the present task. I'm not going to stop though. This is not like peds where a child is going to cardiac arrest. Calliope is in Orthopedics. Bones can take a while to heal, but sexual gratification cannot.

"Hang on…" she raggedly exhales into my neck.

Blindly, she reaches down to her waistline for her pager.

"Ten… minutes… Calliope!" I murmur in between succulent kisses. "Just give… me ten… minutes."

The pager wins out as she finally retrieves it and reads the number off.

"Derek's coming in."

Derek Shepherd! Why not mention Mark Sloan if she seriously wanted to douse me with a cold shower of words? I push off her and land back in the chair more frustrated than when I began this endeavor. She quickly gets up goes to looks into the office mirror on the back of the door, fixing her hair and rubbing away any smudged lipstick.

"Callie!"

"Can you fix the desk?" she asks combing her fingertips through her hair.

"Fix it your self," I hiss and push the last standing stack of books over onto floor and storm out passed my stunned partner.

Anger. It's like ice and fire mixed into one cursing through my veins as I rush down the hallways to the Peds wing. The girl I knew wouldn't let some pager stop us even if the Chief himself was knocking on the door.

A small girl who looks about the age of a college freshman with scrubs that could fit one of my tiny patients notices my return to the motherland and darts towards me with some charts tucked under her arms.

"Dr. Robbins!" she squeaks.

I hold up and knowledge her existence.

"What is it…" Looking to her coat for her name. "Mindy?" The name leaves a bad taste in my mouth like I should have been calling her Barbie or Miley or Lizzie. Either way, I feel like I'm speaking to a plastic doll with the amount of peroxide in her hair and make up on her face.

"Dr. Robbins, I was reviewing some of your charts for today when I came across something of Kyle Marshall's scans. He had the perforated bowl and something might have been missed—"

"Scan," I demand less than amused.

She fumbles with the chart trying to get scans out. My patience runs even thinner as I rip them out of her arms and the x-rays up to the florescent lights. And there it was. Another hole plain as day, in this five-year-old boy's small intestine. It was only this morning I'd been finishing up with his family, saying how he'd be back out on playground with the rest of his friends in time for kindergarten. A second surgery was going to set this child back months. How could I have missed it?

"Fuck!"

"Should we book an OR?" Mary or Ellen asks me.

"Yeah… book an OR, gather a team, and get his parents."

The young intern beams with excitement as she leaves to fill out the paper work, leaving me to chastise myself. How could I have missed it? An intern on their second day could have seen this. A resident would have known the second they'd cut into this poor boy that there was more to it.

Taking the scans into one x-ray tech's rooms, I placed them against the illuminated screen and turn on the back light. How could I have missed this? The second hole was there plain as day, painfully taunting this five-year-old boy and me.

My fingers curled in a fist, digging my fingernails in my palm. This was entirely my fault. I'd been so wrapped up in trying to make things better in my home life that I missed something big. It was making me unfit for surgery.

Rage intoxicated me to the point of psychosis as I cocked a fist back and left loose on the scan. My biceps screamed with glee as I pummeled the scan again and again, hating myself for such carelessness. I punched for the screen for Callie and our failing relationship. I hit for Thalia, who'd never know how much I wanted to love her. I smashed for Kyle Marshall who nearly got sent home to his death.

My name echoed around my head, begging me to stop, but I had to keep going. The rush was there in the form tiny shards of plastic and glass cascading to the floor. I was freeing hundred of parents from ever seeing deep masses of cancerous masses, broken bones, and disaster on this evil screen.

The mayhem thrilled me in ways I'd never experienced. Each punch, the broken fuse would spark and snap. Every elbow and hammer fist to the plastic and glass would crack a little more into an unruly mosaic. I felt more alive in the past two minutes than I had felt in the past two years.

Drunk with rage, I turned around ready to maim whatever my hands could grab, but instead two hands grabbed me.

"Arizona, stop it!" Teddy shouted and pulled me in tight.

"LET ME GO!" a dark voice rang out of my chest.

Her arms locked me into a bear hug. No matter how hard I tried, Teddy did not let me go.

"This is not what friends do for friends!" I screamed at her.

"No, this is exactly what we do when our best friend's angry beyond reason!" she barks back. "Do you want Callie to see you like this?"

Angry beyond reason? That's what this volcanic angry inside me is? I want to scream back at her, but I can't. The icy adrenalin begins to melt from my veins.

The cardio goddess let me melt into her as sobs rack through me. We sunk to the floor as feelings of soreness and exhaustion finally arrive. When she was sure I wouldn't demolish any more medical equipment, Teddy let me go to weep in disgust. I failed at having a family and now I'm failing at my job too.

We remained like this until the tears dried up and the silence won.

"So, any reason for the outburst?" she asks.

"Everything just felt dark?"

"Well, that tends to happen when you punch out a light."

"Yeah," I laughed tapping my arms.

Pain shot up my arm in ways I never though possible. Teddy reaches for my hand, but I flinch and pull away. My pinky and ring finger knuckles on my right hand were swelling up about eight times their size and about three different shades of purple. It's broken which definitely means no surgery.

"Guess we'll have to find another room to look at your x-rays."

"Yeah."

"Just want to sit here in silence until someone else finds us?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

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It's late. Teddy moved us to a private room far away from Peds and prying eyes. We both knew whom she'd have to page to set my bone. Thankfully, she waited until after the x-rays came back to do so.

"What did you do?" Callie demands as she enters.

"Torres, not now," Theodora fires back as she continues dabbing at the cuts on my hand.

"Move. I'll get it!"

"I'll move if you promise not to take this out on her."

"Take out what?" Two speed hands grab my x-rays on the table and hold them up to the ceiling light.

Her trained eyes see the fracture in my hand. I'm out for six weeks if I'm lucky. I probably won't be up to surgery par for at least six months. Calliope senses my regret and thankfully forgoes any more scolding that the Chief had covered earlier in various, earsplitting detail.

"Ari…" she begins again.

If pictures could say a thousand words, then I seriously hope the pathetic expression on my face would give her all the information she needed to know.

"Can you just…?" I motion to the casting mold that has yet to be put on my swollen hand.

She nods and takes over for Teddy, who quietly slips out of the room. Her skilled hands quietly begin wrapping gauze around the battered break. We stare at it like its threatening to our existence.

"I love you," she tries.

"I know."