Our meals are eaten in silence. Our household is lived in silence really. Not much to say I guess. Or rather a lot to say, but no one wants to listen. Tomorrow though is initiation day and Tobias would be leaving. No matter how many promises he had made me to stay and protect me I know he will leave. I told him to leave. I will join him. " I suppose you will chose Abnegation?" Dad asked Tobias eyes raised. Tobias countinued to play with his food and he shrugged in response. "I guess," he said. Dad nodded. " I thought so," I raise my fork to my mouth but I don't let the food enter. I don't feel good. I don't want Tobias to go. But I certainly don't want him stay. The only reason dad thinks he'll stay is because of me. I don't want to hold him back. Tobias needs to go. Tobias grabs my plate and his clearing off the table. He is an abnegation. Yet, he is brave. He is smart. He deserves a faction all unto himself. My father places a hand on Tobias's shoulder. I watch my brother stiffen and stand taller when dad touches him unlike me who shrinks down and cries. "You will do good in Abnegation, Tobias," he looks sincere but I can never tell. He also looked sincere when he told Andrew Prior I was a very lovely young lady. I know he never thought that. Ever. He looked sincere when he told my teachers he would help me with my studies. He didn't do that. Just drew his belt and told me to try harder. If that counts as helping. His sincere is lost in his lies. Pathetic. "I'll clean up Tobias. You have a lot to think about," I try to smile but it won't come. He nods his head and leaves the room. Just me and dad. I live to avoid these moments. " you're going to miss Tobias not being in the house aren't you?" Dad said, eyes gleaming as though he has waited for Tobias to gone so he can corner me with no interruptions. I nod. Talking isn't my thing. Knock Knock. He walks to the door. Before he opens he turns to look at me. "Go to your room. Quickly," another council member. I hate it when he does that like I'm puppy whose misbehaved. I don't bark. I go to my room crashing on my bed. Sleep doesn't come quickly for a girl who is fearful for her life. _ "Eaton, Tobias" Dads voice rings across the room. He stands up from his seat. He walks to the front,head down eyes straight ahead. Tobias cuts his hand and without a second thought holds it over the dauntless bowl. My world comes crashing in. It's what I wanted but the feeling of betrayal still stings. Tobias Eaton is Dauntless. My brother, the selfless calm boy, is joining a rowdy group of arrogant, selfish men. All eyes are on my dad. He's expression is completely unreadable. The acting on his part is so good, so I copy his facial expression to make mine equally unreadable. I pray to God that is what I'm supposed to do. After the ceremony the dauntless leave first. They all whoop and I watch my brother follow silently behind. I could only wish that was me. _ Instead of returning home I decide to take a walk. Going home to an angry or frustrated Marcus would only lead to more pain. I decide the only place in Abnegation to provide much peace would be outside Abnegation. Abnegations don't take leisurely strolls but gosh that's what I need. I walk past the willow in front of Erudite headquarters. It could have been a pretty day if it hadn't been for all the hurt. Tobias didn't care enough about me to save me. I try to push the thought to the back of mins but because I am selfish it keeps popping back up. It always pops back up. I look at my watch. It's 5:55. Dinner at our house is at 6:00 so unless I run I will be late. Running isn't allowed in Abnegation so I will be late. I shudder at the thought of dad's words when I reach the door. It was my night to cook dinner so he would have to do. I had forgotten. I am selfish. I turn the door handle to walk in to the house. "I'm so sorry! I lost track of time and I just... I'm sorry," I look at my father terrified about what he would do next and his gaze is hard. I see a finger graze across his belt loop. But it pulls away. "Never mind about me, apologize to our guest," he gestures into the dining room. The Priors. I've never liked Beatrice Prior but today was a new day and she was inching toward my good list. I said my apologies to the Priors who accepted them graciously. I wish everyone was as selfless as they. Children aren't allowed to talk at the dinner table in Abnegation. So we quietly listen to the 3 adults chit chat about this and that. "Now the Erudite continue to fight for government control-" Andrew Prior said moving the conversation to politics "But why?" Beatrice asked increduaslly. All eyes pointed at her. She not only spoke out but she spoke out while in another's home. "Sorry," she said innocently. Her eyes pointed at the ground and her cheeks bright red. Her mother looked slightly, was it amusement? "Why don't you three go to the living room?" Dad pointed his head out the door. "Children get fidgety and Andrew and I need discuss other things," forgiving other people's kids seemed to come so easily to him. Why couldn't he accept me? We all sat awkwardly until Beatrice decided to break the silence. I wish she hadn't. "Didn't your brother transfer to Dauntless?" She asked curiously. "Do you really care?" I scowl. I hate it when people pretend to be interested when they are really trying to be polite. "Beside Abnegations aren't supposed to be curious," "Or spiteful," she returned. " what are you now? Candor?" She flushes about to respond but Caleb touches her arm. "Beatrice. Please," we stare at each other angrily. Then silence resumes. "Well thank you Marcus for this wonderful meal!" "No thank you for coming!" He smiled brightly at Andrew. A chill runs through my body. They were leaving and Marcus would return to his usual, malicious self. They all leave the house and I'm left alone with My father once again. The door locks. His gaze is upon mine. The belt unclips. He beats me again. Just like every time I mess up. There is no forgiveness only blood. There is no mercy only pain. There is no love only hate. This time when the belt comes down it's different. I mean it the same belt. It's the same reasons. It's the same man. Just this time there is no Tobias.
