Haylie is unimpressed, so Miz decides to show her...
"This severed finger!" Miz exclaimed as he opened a matchbook, revealing a severed finger.
Maryse removes her pacifier and sucks on the finger. Miz quickly discards the matchbox. .Eww! Baby spit!" He said.
Haylie laughed a little bit.
"That was just a warm-up for this mock-a-bree tale which I call..."
Hungry Are the Damned
The Brooks are having a barbecue on the back patio. Punk turns on the bug zapper, then empties an entire can of lighter fluid into the grill. "That should just about do it," Punk said as he tosses a match into the grill.
FOOM!
A mushroom cloud forms over the Brooks house.
Haylie is the first to spot a flying saucer hovering over the backyard. All investigate, which Punk is eating a hamburger. A shaft of orange light descends and lifts one by one members of the family into the saucer.
A drooling, green, octopus-like alien introduces himself.
"Greetings. I am Dolph. Do not be frightened. We mean you no harm," Dolph said.
"You, you speak English," Hannah commented.
"I am actually speaking Rigelian. By an astonishing coincidence, both of your languages are exactly the same," Dolph said.
Dolph explains, "Jack and I are taking you to Rigel IV, a world of infinite delights to tantalize your senses and challenge your intellectual limitations,"
"Look, I know that to you, we Brooks are a lower order of life. We face that prejudice every day of our lives..." Haylie said, pleading for mercy from the aliens.
But her plea is interrupted by a buffet cart. "Take all you want, but eat all you take," For Haylie, fried shrimp. For Miz, Sloppy Joe's. For Punk, pork chops. And for Hannah...
"Radish Rosettes! These are hard to make. They're a very advanced race." Hannah said happily.
Dolph, drooling, invites them to 'grow large with food'. Haylie suspects something isn't quite right, and Punk agrees. He orders applesauce.
"Your wife is quite a...dish," Dolph said, drooling.
"Oooh, thanks," Punk said.
The family are shown to the entertainment center.
""On this cable system, we receive over one million channels from the furthest reaches of the galaxy," Dolph said.
"Do you get HBO?" Miz asked.
"No, that would cost extra," Dolph replied.
Next, Dolph shows the family video pong. The family scoff.
"Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalatic travel raise your hand," Dolph said as he raised his tentacle.
Jack raises his tentacle.
Miz raises his hand.
Punk slaps Miz's hand.
"All right then," Dolph said.
"I'm sorry. Your game is very nice," Hannah commented.
Dinner is announced. Haylie asks why the aliens never eat, and they explain that they are saving their appetite for a great feast that awaits them on Rigel IV. Hannah asks if they're invited. Dolph answers, "You'll be at the feast. I have a feeling you'll be the Guests of Honour..." The aliens chuckle. Punk asks for more details, but Jack explains, "When we arrive, there will be plenty of time to chew the fat..." Haylie doesn't touch her food.
While the aliens weigh Miz and Punk, Haylie explores. She discovers the cook reaching for a spice rack. "This will give the humans the perfect flavor..." He licks his lips and carries off the pit. Haylie looks at the cookbook: 'How to Cook Humans'.
She rushes back to the dining room and shows the family her discovery.
"Nobody, but NOBODY eats the Brooks!" Punk yelled. Punk's face is smeared with barbeque sauce. Jack takes the book and blows off the dust. The real title is 'How to Cook for Humans'. Haylie bows off most dust: 'How to Cook Forty Humans'. Jack blows off yet more dust. The full title reads: How to Cook for Forty Humans'. The aliens are shocked and hurt that the Brooks thought they were going to eat them.
The flying saucer returns the Brooks to their backyard.
"We offered you paradise. You would have experienced emotions a hundred times greater that what you call love. And a thousand times greater than what you call fun. You would have treated like Gods and lived forever in beauty. But, now, because of your distrustful nature, that can never be," Dolph said.
"Mmmm. For a superior race, they really rub it in," Hannah said.
Haylie poetically observes, "There were monsters on that ship, and truly we were them,"
"Haylie, see what we mean when we say you're too smart for your own good?" Hannah asked.
Miz chimes in, "Way to go, Hay,"
Punk adds, "Yeah, thanks, Haylie,"
