Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chpt 1 Black Holes and Revelations
BPOV
"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work." I tell him, knowing how badly he wants to amend the family's vote to change me.
"Shh. I'm thinking."
"Ugh." I groan, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.
Without sound, suddenly he is beside me on the bed, reaching up to brush my hair away from my cheek.
"Tell me something." He orders. "If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"
"You."
He shakes his head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."
"I would want . . . . Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."
"I'm not sure I can." He sighs.
I know his issues. He thinks he, what he is, is a monster. He thinks that turning me, making me like him, taking my soul is a selfish act of evil. And he is terrified of accidentally killing me.
And so despite my impatience and the furious ticking of my internal clock, the one that tells me I am already 'older' than him, I will wait and I will give him time. And if it runs out, Carlisle will do it. Fait accompli.
…..
Time.
It ticks by, marked in many ways.
School. Which returns to normal so quickly, Edward regaining his former place at my side, the one no one claimed in his absence, students strangely believing that California held no thrall for the 'perfect' Cullens.
Charlie. For whom 'Edward' has become a curse word. Visitation rights restricted. I can socialise with him and his family, I can see him at school. But Charlie's memory is vampire perfect and it will be a long time before he forgives Edward for his hand in creating Zombie Bella and alone time is both frowned upon and severely rationed.
Work. The earning of money for a future I am not now going to have. Yet I can't give it up.
Jacob. With whom I have attempted all the available means of human communication, short of driving to his house. And who has, up until now, failed to respond.
Despite the joy of having Edward back and knowing that he loves me the absence of my best friend tugs at my heart and my conscience. He did so much to stop me going crazy when Edward left, he was my anchor to reality, and now he won't even talk to me. It hurts.
And Edward's refusal to let me go down to La Push to see him makes me angry. I see his point of view, or rather I try to, werewolves are dangerous and he can't bear the thought of anything happening to me, but this is Jacob we're talking about, my best friend who deserves so much more from me than voicemail messages and pleading notes delivered by Charlie. He deserves a full explanation even if he doesn't want to hear it.
As for Edward, I surprised myself by having some generalised anger issues with him. I love him and I forgive him but at random moments I'm also incredibly mad at him. He takes it on the chin, saying it's my right under the circumstances but I hope it goes away soon, I don't want to be mad at him, I want to go back to being hopelessly and uncritically in love with him.
There are good things, other than the absence of the hole in my chest, the physical barriers he has always placed between us are crumbling. Only a little and very slowly but he is much more tactile with me now than he ever was before, his kisses less restrained, his touches more exploratory. It's both heaven and hell. To be closer to him, to have him kiss me with more passion, to have him touch more of my body, that's heaven. The let down and frustration when he inevitably withdraws is hell and I am becoming increasingly greedy. Thank god graduation is steaming towards us like a freight train, because other than being in love with a vampire I'm a normal teenager and I have all the normal urges of a teenager in love, I'm going to explode.
The other good thing is having his family back. Alice, my best friend. Emmett, my wanna be older brother. Motherly Esme and reassuring Carlisle. Extremely contrite Jasper. And disapproving Rosalie. I love them as much as I love Edward. Since I narrowly escaped a grounding from Charlie over the Italian Caper I've been spending a lot of time with them, although he has made me promise to see my non Cullen friends too.
I am happy, standing here in the grey drizzle while I fill my truck with gas. My mood soaring as I trundle along on the way to the Cullens. It's Saturday morning and the whole weekend stretches ahead of me. Alice, who has Charlie wound around her capable fingers, has invited me for a sleepover and all is right with the world. So much so that I even start humming as I turn down their driveway, practically singing by the time I pull up at the front door.
The house is deserted save for a boot faced Alice who is curled up on the couch dejectedly flipping through a fashion magazine.
"I'm going to hate this year's dress style." She sighs sadly as I flop down opposite her. "It's not good for the vertically challenged."
"What's the matter?" I ask. Alice is the vampire equivalent of a bouncy ball, full of passion for life, this flat little puddle is nothing like her.
"We're expecting a visitor." She sighs.
"A vampire?" I'm equal parts excited and afraid.
"Yes. And not a particularly nice one."
I shift uncomfortably.
"Sorry." She says noting my reaction. "She won't be any danger to you I promise, its Jasper she's going to hurt. As usual."
"Jasper?" I gasp.
"It's a long story and Edward won't want me to tell you." She sighs.
"Why not?" I'm going to be a vampire soon anyway, I might as well learn more about it, Carlisle keeps telling Edward that I should.
"He's only trying to protect you from some of the harsh realities." She explains.
Involuntarily I shudder. "I've met The Volturi, how much harsher can it get?"
"True." She observes, a calculating glint in her eye. "Get yourself a drink, there are sodas in the refrigerator, and I'll tell you a story about The Southern Vampire Wars."
"Where is everyone?" I ask belatedly as I get to my feet.
"The boys are hunting, Carlisle is at work and Esme and Rose have gone into Seattle, they'll all be back later."
"Okay."
With raging curiosity I settle myself into Esme's squashy couch.
"You know a little bit about all our history's right?"
I nod.
"So you know that Jasper is the eldest beside Carlisle?"
"Youngest Major in the Confederate Army."
"That he was." She giggles. "You should see him in the uniform. Very sexy."
"Um." I can imagine it. But probably shouldn't.
"Sorry, I digress." She laughs, noting my embarrassment. "Anyway. When the civil was raging there was another war going on behind the scenes in the South. A battle for control of feeding grounds, fought by vampires. Covens were larger in those days, so much easier to stay hidden without modern media and CCTV and they fought viciously to protect or extended the quantity of humans available for them to live on. It escalated rapidly and got out of control, bitter rivalries were created and covens decimated. Then it occurred to some bright spark to create armies, armies of newborns. You know about newborns, Carlisle explained. Hard to control but stronger and faster than a mature vampire. If you can find a way to make them do your bidding you are almost unbeatable. Larger and larger armies were created, in fact, eventually it got so bad The Volturi stepped in to end it. The humans couldn't help but start to notice that something supernatural and deadly was going on."
My throat is dry and I take a sip of my drink. The idea of the human population being perceived as cattle or cannon fodder is appalling.
"Quite." She says dryly, again noting my reaction. "Maria was one of those coven leaders and it was she and her 'sisters' who changed Jasper, hoping for a strong leader to enable them to expand their army. And he did. He was a very good soldier, a master tactician, and a strong fighter. They won a lot of territory and the smaller covens were routed until only a few, with large effective armies remained. Jasper was known only as The Major, feared by vampires and humans alike. When she realised he was empathic he became even more useful to her. Opposing armies rendered almost useless by waves of paralysing fear, that's quite a weapon.
Newborns were considered as expendable as humans, if they showed any kind of talent they were kept like Jasper, if they didn't they were ruthlessly culled as soon as their strength waned."
She stops, eyeing me cautiously. "I don't know how much more to tell you. Some of the things Jasper did back then were, well they weren't nice and I don't want you to think any worse of him than you already do. But Bella, he isn't that man any more. I know he struggles sometimes and it's understandable considering his start in this life but he's good man Bella and he's worked so hard to overcome what he was. He still is."
I nod, taking another swig of my soda. She knows I don't blame Jasper for what happened on my birthday, I bled, he reacted. It was his nature and he wasn't the only one.
"Jasper was lucky. He escaped before that life destroyed him completely. I can't imagine what it must have been like to feel the emotions that environment created and I'm not as strong as him, I don't want to. Maria was a true monster, like a Bond villain, I really believe she thought she could rule the world with him on her side.
Thankfully Jasper had already left when The Volturi intervened. They were quite ruthless. Maria is one of the few coven leaders who survived but she was forbidden to ever turn another human. For any reason. With her 'sisters' gone, by her own hand I might add, they effectively doomed her to a life alone."
Alice sighs heavily. "And so she clings to the few connections she has. Jasper being one of them."
"Why does he?" I stop, it's a complicated question and I'm not sure how to form it.
"Why does he stay in contact with her?" Alice asks and I nod. "We tried not to. We really did, especially after we joined the Cullens, but she's quite persistent and quite capable of causing untold trouble in order to get her way. In the end it was just easier to let her visit and then see her on her way again. I suspect that Jasper would dearly like to kill her, his friend Peter certainly would, but he's conflicted. From a military viewpoint it's a practical and expedient way to solve the problem but for the man he and Carlisle want him to be it's just not an acceptable way of dealing with the problem."
"Is she the visitor we're expecting?"
Alice nods.
"I take it she isn't a vegetarian?" I ask.
"Oh no." Alice smiles grimly. "Far from it. But you needn't worry. Edward will keep you well away from her and the only thing she's afraid of after The Volturi is Jasper. You will be quite safe."
"I can see why you aren't happy about her visit." I whisper with feeling, its unbearable to imagine Edward in a situation like that.
"It's worse than that." Alice says sadly. "Jasper and Maria were lovers. For decades, far longer than he and I have been together."
Instinctively I hop across the gap between us and she curls her tiny body into my side.
"That sucks." I murmur, patting her shoulder ineffectually.
"I love him and I trust him." She almost sobs. "But I can't help but feel threatened by her. Amongst her many crimes she is an incredibly sexy woman, you couldn't blame any man for wanting her."
I hug her tightly but I can't help but doubt her words. The Cullens are gorgeous and I can't imagine anyone or anything threatening their, our, happiness.
Snuggled on the couch is how the hunters find us a little while later.
Automatically I fly into Edward's open arms. Jasper taking my place beside Alice.
"Alice, no." He growls.
"Edward she isn't a child and she really is a member of our family now." Alice responds. "She needs to know."
"She's okay Edward." Jasper asserts. "Whatever Alice has told her, she's okay with it."
"I am." I add. "You are all my family now. I want and need to understand what's going on."
In a blur Edward carries me up to his room, laying me down on a huge bed covered with a gold comforter. None of which was ever there before.
Expecting to have to further defend Alice I open my mouth, gasping in shock as Edward's tongue plunges inside it.
Now this is something I can work with.
