Lest we Forget
Chapter 2: I will not forget
Darkness. Darkness and silence. It's always where he seemed to end up. Wet and cold in the dark. The dark is when the voices returned. The voices and the green light that never became bright enough to break the darkness, just bright enough to torture him. He couldn't remember what it was, but he could remember it meant he did something bad.
In Azkaban, in the dark, the voices told him he was a murderer. That he had killed and tortured innocent people. Is that what the green light was? What did the voices call it? Unfathomable ... no ... unfortunate ... no that wasn't it either. Where were the voices now? They could tell him. It was driving him mad. what was it they called it?
Unforgivable! That was it! An unforgivable curse. They said he used it on a great wizard. He couldn't recall who. Had been told by the voices that the man he killed trusted him. Had given him a chance, and that he had betrayed him.
He remembered not believing it. But that was a long time ago. He remembered confessing to it. But that was a long time ago too.
Severus got off the bed weakly, and fell to the floor with a quiet thud. He moved to the corner of the room and huddled there, his limbs sore, his body shaking.
Wet. Cold. In the dark. Where he belonged.
Sirius woke the next day surprisingly late. It was nearly eleven o'clock when he woke up. He yawned despite his long sleep and got dressed. He exited his room and wondered if Severus would be up yet.
He opened Severus' door slightly and was shocked at what he saw. Severus was huddled in the corner of the room, his t-shirt had been removed and his arms, hands and chest where covered in blood.
"Kreature!" Sirius yelled as he ran towards Severus. Severus didn't make any noise as was usual, but tried to melt into the corner from the yell and the sudden movement.
Sirius pulled Snape's hands away from himself, trying to get him to stop clawing at himself. Once he got his hands away he pulled him into another hug, knowing that usually got him to calm down.
"Shh, shh, it's okay." He said, realizing that Snape was holding onto him like a life line. "It's okay, I'm here." He still couldn't understand how Snape found his voice comforting. He had teased and ridiculed him on a near constant basis when they where teenagers, and Snape had held onto that in adult hood.
Kreature appeared in the room a moment later and didn't even need to be told what to do before he disappeared again. He returned moments later with a bowl of water, a soft cloth and Sirius' wand.
Sirius used his wand to heal the wounds as best as he could, but his healing abilities were limited. Some of the wounds were still open slightly but Sirius did his best to clean them. They were alright, but he would call Madame Pomfrey for assistance a little later.
After he got Severus cleaned up and dressed in a new t-shirt and a pair of his old jeans that almost fit him. He lead Snape downstairs where Kreature already had a light breakfast prepared.
Sirius waited until Snape started picking at his food before digging into his own. It wasn't long before the silence became to much for Sirius.
"Do you remember my Godson?" Sirius asked. "Harry. He may be coming over late in the week." To be honest Sirius didn't know what to say, he just hated the silence. "Remus' son Teddy is going to school for the first time next week." Severus seemed to be listening, even though he wasn't responding. "Harry has two kids now. Two boys. James Sirius is almost two years old. His second son was named after you actually. Albus Severus. Though so far everyone is calling him Sev or Sevy. It apparently sounds cutter for a baby than Albus. Not many nicknames you can make from Albus." Severus put his fork down after sloly eating half of his scrambled eggs. Sirius noted he wasn't eating much, which in this case was normal, but they would need to work on that.
The rest of the day went by relatively uneventful. Severus still wasn't talking but seemed to enjoy Sirius talking. Sirius talked the majority of the time, rarely running out of things to say. He talked about relevant things that were currently happening, to random things, such as television shows he watched on the T.V. Teddy had been adamant he get.
At eleven P.M. he lead Severus upstairs to bed, helping him into his pajamas again. Sirius went to his own room, quickly changed into his own, and returned to see Severus crouched on the ground staring at the hard wood floor.
"Severus, come to bed. I'll stay with you tonight." He said leading Severus to the bed. Sirius wore a pair of black pajama pants that looked similar to the ones Severus wore, but where Severus was wearing a loose grey t-shirt, Sirius had removed his entirely. Severus followed him obediently to the bed. Sirius turned off the lamp and crawled into bed next to him.
"It's okay. You're safe." He said pulling Snape to him comfortingly, hoping to help the man relax. Sirius moved his hand over Snape's hair trying to get him to relax.
It had been quiet for quite a few moments and Sirius had thought that Severus had fallen asleep. What happened though, could not have shocked him farther.
He felt Snape's hand sneak into his pajama pants and before Sirius even had a chance to react around his shock, he felt Snape's hand wrap around his flaccid cock. Sirius jumped away from him, but not off the bed, causing Snape's hand to slip out of his pants.
"What are you doing Severus?" He asked. He heard Snape move back against the wall, and didn't expect him to answer. Sirius moved to turn the light back on when a sound made him pause. "What was that?" Sirius asked shocked.
"I thought it's what you wanted." Snape's voice was quiet and hoarse from lack of use. It was the first thing he had said since he had seen him. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough."
"Want ... Why would you think I would want ... that?" Snape shrugged even though Sirius couldn't see him.
"It's what 'they' wanted." He said.
"They? They who?" Sirius asked.
"They? Them ... the voices ..." Severus said. "They'd lead me somewhere, and then they'd make me do things. I didn't like it but they would make me do it anyway. They said it was a game. They liked making it so I couldn't breath. They thought it was funny."
"Severus I would never do that to you." He turned the lamp back on and sat back down next to Snape. "Those men that did that to you were bad men."
"No, they weren't. They said I was the bad man. That I deserved what they did to me. They said what they were doing was a public service. That I should have been kissed, what ever that means."
"You don't remember?" Sirius asked. "Dementors used to run Azkaban. They made it so you couldn't feel happiness just by being around you. If they kiss you, they pull out your soul leaving you an empty shell."
"They wanted that to happen to me?" He asked. "What did I do? They told me I killed someone. I don't remember. Who did I kill?" He asked.
"That I know of, you didn't kill anyone. You and Albus Dumbledore faked his own death. He was in stasis for nearly two years. Unfortunately we didn't know you were still alive. The Ministry had told us of your death, Harry had confirmed that he saw you die at the hands ... or fangs, of Nagini. Voldemort's large snake."
"Yes, those two I do remember." Snape said running his hand over the large scar on the left side of his neck. "How do you know so much about how Azkaban used to be? Dementors and all that?"
"I was a prisoner myself for twelve years. Nearly lost my mind. But I had my innocence to keep me sane." He said. "As you should have. But the Ministry locked you up and no one knew that you where alive. We would have resqued you years ago."
"You said Albus Dumbledore. Is he the other man Harry's son was named after?" Severus asked.
"You were listening." Sirius said.
"I always listen. All I do is listen." Severus said sitting back against the wall, his arms resting on his knees.
"Yes, he's named after the two of you."
"Why me though? I'm a bad man." Severus said.
"You are not a bad man Severus." He said. "Had someone asked me when we were teenagers if you were, I would have said yes, because I was biased. You are a Slytherin. But you didn't do anything wrong. Harry still doesn't know you're alive and he'll be happy to see you again. He says the reason he named him after you two is because you and Albus were two of Hogwarts greatest Headmasters. And he said you are the bravest are the bravest man he's ever met."
"Somehow, I don't believe that." Severus said, there was an odd silent pause.
"Why were you clawing at yourself last night?" Sirius asked, breaking the silence.
"What?"
"I woke up this morning, you were clawing at yourself." Sirius explained.
"I ... I don't know. I don't remember." He said. Severus looked as if he was trying to remember and the harder he tried the farther he retreated back into his shell.
"Severus." Sirius said. Severus looked at him. At least he hadn't retreated all the way. "We should get some sleep." Severus nodded and crawled back under the blanket. Sirius joined him and stiffened when Severus curled against him.
"If you want ... I'll touch you ..." Severus said. "I won't mind. You're nice. Not mean like them. But I'll understand if you don't want me to. I am ugly." Sirius flinched at how matter-of-fact like he said that.
"You're not ugly Severus." Sirius said. Severus yawned and smiled slightly.
"You're a nice man." He said slowly drifting into sleep. "But you're a bad liar."
((Tbc ... please R&R ... I likes my R&R's ...))
