Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing I would have enough money to buy a decent word processor. Since I am presently typing this on the word processor from HELL this scenario is very improbable.

Warnings: Shounen ai!! Shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Have I made it clear to you people yet? MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! HOMOSEXUALS!!!! Got it? Good. So don't flame me because of it.

Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes

Chapter 5

Clothes Scene – Take 1

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?"

Duo: Well…you could always borrow one of my outfits. I'm about your size. Here, I'll find something for you to wear. ::pulls out a clown outfit, complete with floppy shoes and puffy multicoloured pants::

Heero: ::sweatdrops:: You can't be serious.

Duo: ::scratches his head:: Now how'd this get in here?

Trowa: Hey! I've been looking for that!

Director: CUT!

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 2

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: Well…you could always borrow one of my outfits. I'm about your size. Here, I'll find something for you to wear.

Quatre: I recommend a pink shirt and a purple vest. And khakis.

Director: What the…Quatre you're not supposed to be in this shot!

Quatre: Oops! Sorry.

Director: ::groans:: Cut.

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 3

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: Well…you could always borrow one of my outfits. I'm about your size. Here, I'll find something for you to wear. ::pulls out a rubber cat-suit::

Heero: O.o o.O O.O

Duo: Uh…you weren't supposed to see that until tonight.

Heero: Happy Birthday to me!

Director: CUT DAMMIT!

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 4

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: Well you could just walk around naked like Wufei does.

Wufei: I DO NOT!!!

Quatre: Oh shut up 'Fei, we've all seen you in the buff when you think we're not home. Remember the last time we got home from the mission early and—

Wufei: ::hefts katana:: Shut up or you're skewered Winner.

Director: We're never going to get through this scene are we?

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 5

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: I don't know but since we've have to do this take so many times I've forgotten my lines.

Director: ::swearing::

*******

Breakfast – Take 1

Wufei: Dammit Maxwell! The name is Wu-FEI. NOT Wuffie! And I wouldn't touch your collation with a ten-foot pole.

Trowa: Coalition.

Wufei: What?

Trowa: The word is coalition. Not collation.

Director: Let's try it again.

*******

Breakfast – Take 2

Wufei: I wouldn't touch your collision with a—

Trowa/Duo: Coalition!

Wufei: That too.

Director: One more time.

*******

Breakfast – Take 3

Wufei: I wouldn't touch your consolidation—

Everybody: Coalition!!

Wufei: Whatever. I still wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.

Director: This is going to be a long day.

*******

Wufei: ::practicing:: Coalition. Coalition. Coalition. Coalition.

Quatre: Do you think he'll get it this time?

Duo: I doubt it.

Trowa: Who's taking bets?

Heero: I'll take two against.

Wufei: You know I can hear you perfectly over there!

*******

Breakfast – Take 4

Director: Okay Wufei, are you ready? This has to be the absolute last take 'cause we're running out of film.

Wufei: *psyched up* Coalition. Coalition. Coalition. Yeah I'm ready!

Director: Great! Annnnd…..action!

Duo: Too bad, Heero. I'll just give Wuffie your share.

Wufei: Coalition!

Other pilots: ::burst into giggles::

Director: Grrrrr…..let's just use the first take. Nobody will notice anyway.

*******
Breakfast: Scene 2 – Take 1

Wufei: Yuy isn't human. You're fooling yourself if you think he's going to change just because of a few practical jokes.

Quatre: I don't know. Heero's got a good heart even if he doesn't show it often. Sometimes even the strongest walls will crack if enough pressure is put upon them.

Duo: Wow Quatre! That was really deep.

Quatre: Did you like it? I read it in a fortune cookie once.

Director: Confucius says CUT.

*******
Breakfast: Scene 2 – Take 2

Quatre: I have a bad feeling about all this.

Heero: Trust the force Luke!

Quatre: O.o

Heero: What? Duo's made me watch those old space movies so many times I've got the whole thing memorized.

Duo: Impressive. Very impressive.

Director: Cut. And I quit. Again.

*******

Chapter 6

Bedroom – Take 1

Duo: Aw don't be like that Hee-chan. This is my room too ya know.

Heero: Hn.

Duo: Besides, it's such a nice day out. Why don't you come on a picnic with me?

Heero: Hn.

Duo: It would be fun! There's a lake down by the park. I'll bring my bathing suit…"

Heero: Hn.

Duo: And you can bring your thong…

Heero: The red one or the blue?

Duo: Blue. It brings out your eyes.

Director: Could we PLEASE stick to the script?

Heero: Sorry.

*******

Bedroom – Take 2

Duo: Could us a bit of music to lighten things up. ::puts a cd in the stereo and pushes play::

*loud polka music*

Duo: Who put that in there?

*******

Bedroom – Take 3

Duo: Could us a bit of music to lighten things up. ::puts a cd in the stereo and pushes play::

IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS…AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN!!!

Duo: What the…

Heero: ::snickers::

*******

Bedroom – Take 4

Duo: Could us a bit of music to lighten things up. ::puts a cd in the stereo and pushes play::

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!!!

Duo: All right. Who the hell has been messing around with the God of Death's music collection?!!

Heero: ::clutching his stomach and laughing uncontrollably::

Quatre: Uh…Heero? You're not supposed to lose it in a laughing fit until Chapter 13.

Director: I give up.

*******

Bedroom – Take 5

Heero: ::shoots at the stereo and misses completely:: Smeg.

Duo: Way to go Tex.

Heero: Shut. Up.

*******

Bedroom – Take 6

Heero: ::shoots at the stereo and it blows up, frying his eyebrows:: X . x ….

Director: Hey, who taped explosives to the back of the stereo?

Wufei: ::snickering::

*******

Bedroom – Take 7

Heero: ::aims at the stereo and pulls the trigger. A little white flag with the word BANG on it pops out of the gun:: Whoever did this….OMEO O KOROSU!!!

Duo: ::creeps out of the room trying not to laugh::

*******

Chapter 7 Battlefield – Take 1

Duo: What are you saying Wufei? You think this was a decoy?

Wufei: Well duh.

Director: Script!

Wufei: Sorry.

*******

Battlefield – Take 2

Duo: What are you saying Wufei? You think this was a decoy?

Wufei: Actually I think it's a ploy by OZ used to divert our attention away from what they're actually trying to do.

Duo: That's the same thing!

Wufei: Well so it is. Funny, huh.

*******

Battlefield – Take 3

Duo: What are you saying Wufei? You think this was a decoy?

Wufei: That's exactly what I think. If I'm right, then all the troops that were supposed to be in this area have conveyed to Heero's sector.

Director: Converged.

Wufei: What?

Director: It's converged, not conveyed.

Wufei: Dammit, why do I get all the hard words?

Duo: Weren't you supposed to be a scholar before you piloted Gundams 'Fei?

Trowa: They never said he was a good scholar.

Wufei: Shaddup.

*******

Battlefield – Take 4

Heero: No…that voice!

Mysterious voice: Sssurrender to the dark ssside of the force Heero!

Director: Cut!

*******

Battlefield – Take 5

Heero: Monster! Who are you?!

Mysterious Voice: Heero…I am your father…

Heero: No! That's impossible! Zero, why didn't you tell me?

Duo: ::cracking up::

Director: That's it! You guys aren't allowed to watch Star Wars anymore on set!

*******

Battlefield – Take 6

Duo: Heero! Can you hear me? Answer me, dammit! ::punches transmitter::

BOOM!

Heero: Baka! That was the self-destruct button.

Quatre: Oh dear.

Trowa: Medic!

Duo: X . x ….

*******

Battlefield – Take 7

Duo: Heero? Are you okay?

Heero: Duo?

Duo: Heero!

Heero: Duo!

Duo: Heero!

Quatre: John!

Trowa: Marsha!

Director: Shaddup!

*******

Battlefield – Take 8

Duo: I hear ya Q. Let's get out of here. This mission was a bomb. Get it? Bomb? Aheh heh heh…

Wufei: Who writes this crap?

Cherry Blossom: Hey! Watch it or you're going to be Relena's bodyguard in the next chapter.

Wufei: …..

*******

Battlefield – Take 9

Heero: ::draws his beam cannon and prepares to fire::

*click*

Heero: Damn! I knew I should have recharged this thing last night.

Duo: Uh oh…

BOOM!

Trowa: Medic!