Chapter 2

[Scene: LAX. Joey is looking at the screen in the airport to figure out his flight schedule while carrying around a small suitcase and a bagel in his hand.]

(The airport is over-crowded with angry people shouting things at the screen since their flights are getting delayed and such)

Joey: Move over, move over. I have a wedding to get to. And I'm the best man! (looks at the screen) Delayed? Damn-it! (looks around) Hey, where'd my suitcase go? (then looks at his bagel) Ooh, the best part. (smiles and has another bite)

(An attractive woman bumps into him.)

Woman: Oh, sorry.

Joey: No worries.

(She smiles at him. He smiles back then a few crumbs fall onto his shirt from the bagel)

Woman: Oops, you dropped some… (points at his shirt)

Joey: Oh, look at that. (chuckles) Sorry about that. (wipes the food off his shirt and unbuttons a few buttons) Better?

Woman: (a little freaked out) Sure. (smiles awkwardly and turns around)

Joey: (pokes her) Hey, you wanna…see the rest of these buttons come off? (winks at her)

Woman: You're a pig.

(She hits the bagel, it hits Joey's face then falls onto the floor and she walks away)

Joey: Heeey! (Pause) Where the hell is my suitcase?

[Scene: Restaurant. Monica is standing at the reception with a headset in her ear and Chandler stands awkwardly behind her as guests come in and smile at Monica.]

Monica: Hi, hello, welcome. Here's your card. (hands some guests a card)

Chandler: A card? Really, Monica?

Monica: Yeah, it's so that people know where they're gonna sit. (whispers) You wanna know where I sat Phoebe?

Chandler: No, please don't tell me, I don't wanna know, aaahhh! (covers his ears)

Monica: Relaaax! I wouldn't actually give her a bad seat. Trust me, it's a good spot. (Pause) If you like the smell of nauseating crap goin' into your nose a hundred miles an hour. (smiling to an elderly couple as they walk in) Hi! Welcome!

(Ross, Rachel and Emma are entering in a rush.)

Rachel: Heyyy.

Ross: Hi, you guys.

Rachel: Oh no, are we late? Are people starting to come in?

Monica: No, hey, it's fine. Don't worry; I got it all covered. I mean, I am the maid-of-honor after all. I mean, that's-that's pretty much all that I am in this wedding. Just the maid-of-honor.

Rachel: Okay, great. Did Phoebe and Mike get here yet?

Chandler: No, they're just waiting for Joey at the airport. We didn't know you were gonna bring Emma. We would've brought our kids too.

Rachel: (mad) No, we didn't bring Emma, ok? We're stuck with Emma.

(Ross just stares at her.)

Ross: (covering Emma's ears) She can hear you!

Monica: Okay, you guys, great story, very amusing, keep walkin'. People are comin' in. Here's your freakin' card. (hands Rachel a card)

Rachel: What the hell's this?

Chandler: It's where your ass gets to meet adjoining asses.

Rachel: (smiling at Chandler) Chandler, this is my wedding rehearsal. Do you mind not making inappropriate jokes while I sulk in this madness? (shakes the card she's holding)

Monica: Well it seemed as though you wedding planner is late so someone had to fill in and fix some of this crazy stuff that she forgot to take care off.

Phoebe: (off-screen) Behold!

(Monica turns around and Phoebe appears from behind a wall with a very serious face)

Phoebe: Has someone been speaking of the wedding-planner?

Monica: Where the hell have you been? People have been coming in for, like, 20 minutes. I had to create a system for the seating chart in a millisecond. I'm this close to beating my old record!

Phoebe: Monica, I got this. I have everything under control.

Monica: Oh, really? Where's your headset? Or oh, are you just gonna tell me you don't need a stupid headset?

Phoebe: Not if you have a walkie-talkie. (takes out a walkie-talkie from her purse)

Chandler: Oh, no she didn't.

(Monica just stares at him.)

Monica: Oh, please! Who you gonna talk to, on this thing? Does anyone else on your staff even have one of these?

Phoebe: (speaks into the walkie-talkie) Commander to Team Phoebe, what's the 401?

(No response)

Phoebe: Commander to Team Phoebe, please respond. (No response) (sternly) Commander to Team Phoebe… (is confused what to say next) Over. (yells into the walkie-talkie) Mike, you promised!

(Ross and Rachel just shake their heads.)

Rachel: Oh, god.

(Mike appears from inside the restaurant, with a walkie-talkie in his hands, as he walks slowly towards the group)

Mike: (serious tone into the walkie-talkie) Team Phoebe to Commander… Wanna do it in the restrooms?

Monica: Really, Pheebs? This is your staff?

Rachel: Ok, you guys, really, as entertaining as this is… (points at Monica and Phoebe)… I think we should start going in there. I mean, I have a speech and everything.

Ross: Yeah, I think Chandler should go first, then Monica and then us two. (points at himself and Rachel)

Chandler: I'm sorry, Chandler should go where?

Ross: You know, the speech. You and Monica and then we guys follow. Ok, see you in there.

(Ross, Rachel and Emma walk in.)

Chandler: Uhh, Chief Officer to Team Monica, we need a speech ASAP.

Monica: You didn't write a speech?

Chandler: What—hey! I've been his best man before, I figured everyone knows what I'm gonna say. "Here's to the bride and groom, blah-blah-bluurrghh."

Phoebe: Ok, that attitude cannot be at the entrance. Get out.

Chandler: I'm the best-man, you're really kicking me out?

Phoebe: Ok, then get in.

Chandler: Yes, Commander. (rushes into the restaurant)

(Monica and Phoebe trade glances)

Monica: So…

Phoebe: So…

Monica: It's just the two of us now.

Phoebe: And so there were two.

(Pause)

Monica: I just said that.

Phoebe: Yeah, but I'm the wedding-planner so I get to repeat it as long as I want to. See, here it comes again. And so there were two.

Mike: Yeah, I'm gonna…go in there too…despite how amusing this is. (rushes into the restaurant)

Monica: May the best wedding-planner win.

Phoebe: May the best blonde wedding-planner win.

Monica: C'mon, Phoebe, can't we just settle this in peace?

Phoebe: (has her index finger in the air) Ah, ah, please. It's "Commander", not Phoebe today.

(Joey approaches with a nice, clean suit in his hands)

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: Joey!

Monica: You made it!

(They both hug him.)

Phoebe: Ha-ha, I hugged him first.

Monica: Well yeah? I hugged him tighter.

Phoebe: I hugged him longer.

Monica: (screams out) I touched his ass!

(Long silence; a bunch of people from inside look at them)

Joey: (smiles) Gosh, it's so good to be back. (Pause) Look, is there a dry-cleaning someplace close? I ruined my suit with some ink. (Phoebe and Monica stare him down.) Fine, it was tomato sauce.

Monica: Joey!

Joey: I really need to clean this up quick before I get in there. I mean, the best man.

Monica: You're the best man?

Joey: Yeah! (opens his eyes widely) Why?

Monica: Nothing, no, no reason.

(Chandler comes up)

Chandler: Hey! Buddy, you made it!

Joey: Dude!

(They hug.)

Monica: (to Phoebe) My husband hugged him, and yours didn't.

Phoebe: Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. (turns around and whispers into the walkie-talkie) Commander to Team Phoebe, get your ass over here.

Chandler: Come, Joey, you have to help me with my speech. I totally forgot the best man has to give out a speech.

Joey: Best man? What, you mean me, right?

Chandler: No, I mean me. Because I'm the best man.

Joey: (chuckles) Haha, yeah, that's funny. (suddenly turning sternly) Except I'm the best man, you ass.

(Ross is seen coming towards the group from behind.)

Chandler: Ross promised us both to be the best-man?

(Ross, hearing this, immediately puts his head down, turns around and rushes away)

(A man and a woman are entering the restaurant)

Monica: Hi! Welcome! Here's your seating-chart. (hands them a card)

Phoebe: Which you can flush down the toilet whenever you want, no pressure.

(Monica stares at Phoebe.)

Monica: Oh, it's on.

Mike (voice-over, from Phoebe's walkie-talkie): Team Phoebe to Commander, we have a little situation here. A 7 year-old threw up all over the bathroom floor.

Phoebe (still looking at Monica with a serious tone): Mike, I'm working. I don't have time for this.

So? Please tell me what you think. Honestly, I love criticism. I need to know how to improve. I have the plot/story in my head. I guess I need to know how to make it a bit funnier, right? Tell me what you think. I wrote this chapter really quickly so I had no time to go over it again… Thanks for reading!