"Olivia?"
"Yes?"
Casey turned from the stove, the coffee pot in her right hand. "I never gave anyone my address. I mean, I'm thrilled that you came, of course, but where did you get it?"
Olivia shrugged, snatching a cracker from the tray on the counter. She piled it with cheese and pepperoni. "I looked it up." Seeing Casey's eyebrows raise, she sighed. "Look, would you rather I didn't show up and just wait until work tomorrow to apologize in front of everyone, including Detective Amaro?"
"No, I just-" Casey shook her head and turned back to the two tall mugs on the counter. Filling each to the brim with the scalding coffee, she placed the coffee pot back on the maker. "You can never be too careful, that's all. Imagine who could get my address, or anyone's address, for that matter."
"Casey, I'm not just anyone. I'm your girlfriend," Olivia pointed out. She walked over to where Casey stood and wrapped her arms around the redhead from behind. "Have I told you how happy I am that you're back?" she whispered, kissing Casey's neck.
Casey moaned softly. "Maybe once or twice, but I think I need a refresher," she murmured. Not that that was the full truth. If she were to be honest with herself, Casey knew she merely wanted to hear the woman she loved say it again.
Olivia turned her around and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. She threaded her fingers through Casey's silky red hair. The attorney gasped softly as Olivia's hand found her breast and grasped it. Then, just as quickly as it had started, the kiss was over. Olivia smiled at the confused look Casey gave her. "Coffee's ready," she said with a playful smirk. She sidestepped Casey and reached for the sugar. Opening the refrigerator, she pulled out a bottle of French vanilla coffee creamer and held it up as if it were evidence. "Someone still has her vanilla addiction," she joked.
Casey grinned sheepishly. "What can I say? I love my French vanilla."
"Oh la la," Olivia responded with another smirk.
Casey rolled her eyes. "Leave it to you to say that." She watched as Olivia slowly stirred a dash of creamer and three teaspoons of sugar into one mug and only two teaspoons of sugar into the other. She smiled as Olivia handed her the one with the creamer in it. "You remembered how I like it," she murmured, taking a small sip.
"Of course I did," Olivia told her, walking over to stand next to her. She took more than a sip of her own coffee. Casey winced, wondering, as she always did, how the burning liquid didn't seem to faze the detective.
"I see you still like yours black," the redhead observed. "Isn't it strange how, while the big things in life change constantly, the little things are the ones that remain constant?"
Olivia placed her mug gently on the counter. "How so?" she asked.
"Well, think about everything that has changed in the last few years," Casey replied. "I lost my license for four years, Alexandra Cabot came back, Elliot left, SVU gained two new detectives in his place, and then I came back. And yet here we are, standing here, fascinated by the fact that despite all those huge parts of our lives changing, we still hold onto the little things, like our coffee preferences, for instance."
"I guess a lot has changed, hasn't it?" Olivia asked softly. "I never thought of it that way, but you're right." She sighed. "I kept hoping that Elliot would somehow recover from the shooting and his suspension. Some part of me stubbornly held onto the hope that one day, he would be back sitting in front of me as my partner. The news of his resignation hit me like a ton of bricks, if you will pardon the cliché. There has only been one occasion on which I cried more than I did the night Cragen delivered the news, and that was the morning I woke up to see that you were gone." Olivia paused, and for several moments, the only audible sound was the tick tock of the clock Casey had hung above the stove. "It brought a ton of emotions," the brunette finally continued. "I was hurt that he left, angry even. And then we had these new detectives, rookies, and it's my responsibility to train them? That makes it seem as if there is a giant weight on my shoulders, one that just keeps getting heavier and heavier, and sometimes I wonder if I am losing my mind. And then you came back, out of nowhere, absolutely no warning. And to add fuel to the fire, I was out of town when you were back last time, and nobody thought to call me? Don't mind me, I'm just the girlfriend." She stopped when she saw Casey's lips part to respond. "Yeah, I know nobody knew," she snapped as if reading the younger woman's mind. When she saw the hurt look on Casey's face, her tone softened somewhat. "The point is, you came back and I had no idea how I would respond to that, or even how I SHOULD respond to it. Happy? Angry? I couldn't decide, not until the Raines case. Then I realized that if I didn't stop getting so pissed off, I was going to lose you, on top of having already lost Elliot." She bit her lip thoughtfully. "That's why I came here tonight. I couldn't bear the thought of losing my partner and the girl I love, too."
Throughout Olivia's entire speech, Casey remained quiet, allowing her to vent freely. While it was true that she had always thought of Olivia as the stronger one in the relationship, she also knew that even rocks had a soft spot. Realizing it was her turn to talk, Casey nodded, laying her head on her girlfriend's shoulder. "I'm sorry for leaving," she murmured again.
"I know," Olivia replied, wrapping her arms around her, enveloping her in a loving embrace. "I have a question though."
Casey raised her head enough to look at her. "Ask away," she replied, wondering what could be gnawing at the older woman's mind.
"In the last four years, did you…see anyone?" Olivia asked.
Casey stood there mutely for a moment, completely caught off guard by the question. "No," she answered truthfully. "I got asked on a date a couple times, but each time, the first thought that popped into my mind was that I would be betraying you, so I declined." She hesitated for a few seconds on the edge of asking her question. Finally, she jumped off the cliff and asked it. "Did you see anyone?"
"No," Olivia replied. "I laid alone in bed every night for the past four years hoping that someway, somehow, you would change your mind and come back."
"I'm here forever now," Casey said, looking into her eyes. "Being without you was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I realize that now. I should have never left. I never will leave again."
Olivia reached up and brushed a stray red curl out of Casey's emerald eyes. "I hope not," she whispered before their lips met in another kiss.
Author's note: Please review! I need to know what everyone thinks, so I know whether it is worth continuing or not. If nobody reviews, then I will know it's not good enough. Feedback is much appreciated. You're all amazing.
