A/N: Ok-here in Chapter 2 we get Morgan's perspective... Please review, angels!
All the bodies had been discovered in the vicinity of Melrose, VA, a sprawling bedroom community located close enough to Quantico that the team could go home and sleep in their own beds every night. That was nice for Hotch and JJ-they could walk through their front doors and leave the case behind until morning, if they chose to do so. They had their families-other responsibilities, other obligations.
Other distractions.
But, for Morgan... There was something to be said for holing up in an anonymous hotel room-unremarkable, generic, impersonal-when immersed in a case like this. Upon its conclusion, it was a blessing to be able walk away, to forget the ugly associations along with the tiny bottles of shampoo, wet towels and luggage trolleys rolling down the hall at 2:00 AM. A blessing to step back into his own life, with the cloak of lost souls off his shoulders, however briefly...
Back at the BAU, Morgan said goodnight first to Rossi, then to Prentiss, as they headed for home. Hotch had left earlier, it being Open House night at Jack's pre-school. JJ and Garcia left together shortly afterwards, off to do some shopping for the baby.
Morgan stayed long enough to put the finishing touches on the day's report, then logged off, leaned back, and rubbed his tired eyes. It had been a hell of a day, and seeing that poor girl stashed in the wall-damn.
Stop it.
He really wanted a beer, or maybe something stronger. He toyed with the idea of going out, but quickly dismissed it. He'd long ago lost his taste for hook-ups with strangers, and if he was going to drink alone, he could do it better-and cheaper-at home. He stood up, glanced around the quiet bullpen and noticed that Reid hadn't left yet, either.
Maybe he'd come over and watch the game with him. "Watch" being a dubious term. Reid tended to chat compulsively when faced with something that didn't hold his interest, and he usually got bored halfway through the first quarter. Fortunately, Morgan didn't need audio to enjoy a good football game, and he'd found he liked having Reid around enough to put up with his chatter.
Sometimes, he liked that more than the game.
The young profiler was at his desk, hunched up and sitting so close to his computer monitor that the cold light of the backlit screen lent a silvery cast to his face. His chin was propped on one hand and he was scowling as he scrolled the mouse around. Morgan smiled slightly; he looked like a kid resentfully struggling with a wicked math problem.
"Hey, man." Morgan perched on the next desk. Reid managed to raise his eyes to him without actually changing his posture in any way.
"Yes?"
"You're going to ruin your eyes, sitting close like that."
"They're already ruined. Have you seen how thick my glasses are?"
"Mm." Morgan nodded. "Listen, why don't you come over tonight? There's a game on; we could order in, make an evening of it. What do you say?"
The eyes, again. "Wow... that sounds really good, but I can't. I've got a lot of stuff to do." He gave an apologetic smile, then turned back to the computer. Morgan understood he'd been dismissed, but he wasn't going to give up that easily.
"Really. Like what?"
"Oh... " Reid didn't bother to stifle a yawn as he unfolded himself and leaned back in his desk chair. He raised his arms high over his head and arched into a joint-popping stretch. Morgan was amused to see how much space the kid could take up when he extended his limbs like that. "Nothing exciting, believe me. Laundry. Plus, I've definitely got to get some groceries, I'm down to peanut butter and jelly and no bread." He gave Morgan a wry grin. "Stuff like that. You know."
"Yeah, I know. Being a grown up sucks, doesn't it?"
"Well, given my mother's condition, I had to assume an adult role at a fairly early age. Which would lead you to think that I'd be better at it by now. But... " He shrugged and laughed feebly.
Morgan laughed too, and affectionately ruffled Reid's hair. "All right. Do what you need to do. But, if you change your mind, come on over. I'll be up."
Reid nodded absently. Morgan said goodnight, then strode off to wait for the elevator. He looked back and noted that Reid had already returned to his hunched monk pose. Morgan sighed. He wondered if he should be worried, if this case was already getting to Reid. It-or something-seemed to be making him retreat into himself again, almost the way he had after Hankel. A bad sign, Morgan thought. After everything the young man had been through, Morgan hated to think he might be slipping backward.
He was proud of Reid. Proud of how he'd... fought his way back. Morgan had tried his best to help him, but in the end, the kid had done it for himself, there was no question about that. All Morgan had ever been able to do for him was to-be there.
He'd been a shoulder, an ear, and an occasional bastard, on the few occasions when that had been necessary. He'd been the one to drive Reid to his first NA meeting, back when he finally admitted that he couldn't kick the Dilaudid alone. And, he'd been the first one-the only one-Reid had called when he'd made it through his first night clean. Morgan had been so happy for him, he'd waited until Reid had hung up the phone and cried.
Damn it, he thought, remembering. Spencer Reid. Why'd he let the kid get to him like that? Why'd he-
The elevator door opened. He shook himself out of his reverie, rode it down to the lobby, and headed to his car. As he pulled out of the BAU parking lot, he pondered where he could go for dinner alone without feeling like a freak. He settled for a drive-through burger and ate it as he drove. He finally began to relax a little, and he thought again of how Reid had looked-those somber eyes, dark, beautiful. Long limbs stretched in a graceful arc, like a cat. Of how it would feel to-
He caught himself and grimaced. Cut it out, man. Don't go there. Just... don't.
By the time Morgan got home, it was after dark. He went inside, closed the door, and, before he walked another step, he cleared his mind and made a conscious decision to leave the case on his front steps. It was a technique he'd been practicing for a while now, thanks to some long ago counseling from Jason Gideon, and a particular kind of determination to maintain his sanity.
For now, alone in the safe, normal world of his house, he focused on getting ready to watch the game. He changed into sweats and a t-shirt, then went to his kitchen and put all his energy into the task of popping a bag of microwave popcorn. He threw it in, set the timer and stood back to watch the bag expand. He liked this; it was simple, and it was easy, and the progression from a single brave little "pop" to the chatter of multiple kernels going off in unison was delightfully satisfying.
An engaging, if brief, distraction.
The cheerful little explosions slowed and the smell became intense; the timer went off, and he gingerly removed the bag by one corner and shook it. He found a bowl, opened the bag and cursed when the steam burned his fingers. He then opened the fridge, intending to reach for a bottle of beer, but snapped it shut when he heard a sharp rap on his front door.
He went to his foyer and peered through the peephole to see Reid standing there. Morgan brightened at the sight of him; at the same time, he wondered what made him change his mind. He opened the door and gave the kid a pleased grin.
"Well, hey. Thought you had big, important plans for tonight. Let's see, what was it-laundry, right?"
Reid smiled slightly. "Um, yeah, and groceries. But, I decided I needed some company after all. Okay if I come in?"
"Sure, I was just about to grab a beer."
Reid stepped in and sniffed. "Popcorn, huh?"
"Want some?"
"Please."
Morgan handed him the bowl, took two bottles out of the fridge, and went to sit on the couch. Reid followed and took a seat at the opposite end, already munching the salty treat. He placed the bowl between them, Morgan handed him a beer, then turned on the television. It promised to be a close game, and Morgan punctuated the action on the screen with helpful suggestions and encouragement for his team. By the end of the second quarter, it occurred to Morgan that he'd been the only one talking. He turned the sound down and glanced at Reid.
"Hey-you ok?"
A defensive huff. "Of course-why wouldn't I be?"
Morgan frowned and turned to face him. He knew Reid well enough to know that that tone of voice meant something really was wrong. He shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Another dead girl, maybe? Dealing with human depravity day after day, week after week-"
"I know that's not what you're really thinking." Reid spoke softly, and gave Morgan a pointed look, but the older agent shook his head.
"Come on, man-I know you're not using. I could tell if you were. But, something's definitely up with you. Are you going to tell me what it is, or do I have to play Twenty Questions?"
Reid didn't say anything, seemingly engrossed in a commercial for a lawn care product. Then, he shifted his posture and propped a foot on Morgan's coffee table.
"I'm not using. But, to tell you the truth, it... crossed my mind today."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. There are days... It's the waiting, you know? The helplessness. I'd rather go face to face with a hundred unsubs than go home at night, knowing there's nothing we can do but... wait for the next victim."
Morgan nodded. "Okay. So, is there a meeting you can go to?"
"Oh, yeah... there's always a meeting."
"I could take you. We could go for some coffee afterwards."
Reid turned his head and the two stared at each other for a moment. Then Reid dropped his eyes and cleared his throat.
"I need something else tonight, Morgan. But-I don't think you're the one to give it to me." He checked his watch. "Listen, it's late, I better get going." He gave Morgan a tired smile and put his hands on his knees to launch himself into a standing position, but Morgan grabbed his arm and held him back.
"'Something else?' What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, never mind. I don't even know why I said it."
"Reid-come on, tell me what you're thinking. Why'd you come here tonight?" Morgan studied Reid's face. Damn, the boy's pretty. He pushed the thought aside and tried to focus on Reid's words.
Reid kept his eyes on the floor. "I... the body responds to different stimuli in different ways. I tend to process things on an intellectual level, first. I'm good at compartmentalizing, but on occasion, there's a strictly physiological component to an accumulation of stress, it's called distress, as opposed to eustress, which is actually thought to be a positive means of achieving desirable change-"
"Reid."
Reid paused and drew a breath before continuing. "Right. What I'm trying to say is, I don't usually use, uh, sex as a means of self-comfort, but tonight-I don't know, I just want to... forget myself with someone. To engage in an act of intimacy to... try to feel alive." He glanced sideways, noting Morgan's bewildered expression. "I'm sorry. I know you're not into that sort of thing. With guys, I mean. I honestly didn't come here with that in mind. I thought just being around someone else who understood what we went through today would be enough, but..." He shrugged. "Look, forget it. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-you know, make you feel uncomfortable."
Reid braced himself for whatever means of rejection Morgan typically used on stupid boys who foolishly wore their homoerotic urges on their sleeve. He knew he would be kind. He just hoped it wouldn't be awkward between them later.
But, Morgan didn't recoil. He shook his head slowly and smiled.
"I'm not uncomfortable."
Reid raised an eyebrow. "You're not?"
"No. Hey, man-don't tell me you haven't noticed some of the looks I've been giving you lately."
Reid blinked. "Looks? You've been giving me looks?"
"Yeah. For a while, now."
"I'm afraid I haven't noticed. Honestly, it never occurred to me that you might be... interested." Reid wasn't sure what he was feeling; on the one hand, he was wholly unprepared for this turn of events. On the other, it seemed completely natural to discover that Derek Morgan, the cocky ladies' man, might have another side to him.
Morgan took a deep breath and thought over what to say. He wanted to be clear without overwhelming his friend. "I... make a point of not bringing my private life to work. But-I guess you could say I play on both teams. And, have for years."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you know. I mean, back in college, I... well. But, I didn't think you-"
"You suspected."
Morgan considered. "No, not really. I guess I tried not to think about it too much. Figured it would complicate things between us." He ran a hand through Reid's lank hair, liking the way it felt between his fingers. "Can't say I haven't wondered, though." His voice was gentle.
Reid continued matter-of-factly. "I've been with girls. I actually had a girlfriend for a while, back in grad school. She broke my heart. Later, I was with guys, sometimes. Just curiosity at first, at least, that's what I told myself at the time. Then later..." He shrugged. "But none of it ever amounted to anything, not really. To be honest, I have a very low sex drive, it's not normally a particularly motivating factor for me, but lately-"
"You need to get laid."
Reid laughed slightly. "Yeah, I think so. And, when I think about it these days... girls just aren't in the picture."
Morgan absently rubbed the base of Reid's neck, working the tight muscles between his thumb and forefinger. After a moment, he realized the kid had dropped his head onto his chest and was moaning. He grinned.
"Reid, look at me."
Reid raised his eyes. "What?"
"I got no problem with you and me working off a little stress between the sheets, if that's what we're talking about."
"You don't?"
"No. In fact, it might be good-for both of us."
Reid was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke tentatively. "It might be... weird. Afterward, I mean. Working together, and-"
"We're adults. It's just sex-I think we can handle it. What do you say?"
Reid stared at the floor for a moment, then simply nodded. Morgan stood and offered him a hand. Reid took it, and Morgan pulled him to his feet, then led him to his bedroom.
