11/2013 Here is Chapter 1, like I said I update weekly. Review give me ideas, etc. I love criticism and flames. So please send them in. PM me whenever. I am kind of breezing past the actual developing of the baby because it is not something that will keep you entertained at every turn plus that will take forever. So the first part of this chapter is at 18 weeks. Then I will skip to the actual birth.
***REVISED AND EDITED 09/19/2018***
I now present...
Chapter: 1
18 Weeks
"Would you like to know the gender?"
A smile battles onto my face, despite the pull of sadness lapping beneath the surface. I have our child and I don't have Tris. Pushing the sadness down, my eyes wander to Cara, "yeah."
"It is a girl."
I knew it. I look into the machine that is bringing life to my child...my little girl.
All of the highlights and annotations of the book Cara gave me are not nearly as astounding when I see the actual thing with my own eyes. Every day I see this child develop, I find myself amazed at how quickly she is growing.
From this angle, her nose looks hooked slightly at the end, like Tris. The idea makes my smile widen.
"Hey there, baby girl." I turn to Cara, "can she hear me?"
Cara nods, "at 18 weeks she can hear you."
Nodding I trace the outline of her small form with my edge of my finger, "I will love and protect you. Always."
39 Weeks
Fact: I am excited.
Another fact: I am terrified.
I wasn't sure I would feel excitement or happiness again, but I am now. The terror makes sense, it's a feeling that rushes through me every time Tris dies in my dreams.
This terror is different, I'm still unsure as to how, but it's very, very different. What if I'm not gentle or kind enough for a daughter? Tris was always the softer of the two of us, fear runs along my spin and wraps around my heart. What if I can't do this?
Someone asks me to head to the receiving room, effectively tearing me from my thoughts. It's felt like forever, waiting for this moment. If only Tris was here. I wish she was here to see the perfect life she held.
A soft cry fills the room. It's full of life and potential. The door opens and a nurse hands me a small pink bundle. Tears brush along my cheeks as I look down at the small bundle of pink fabric and creamy pale skin in my arms.
I never thought it was possible to love someone at first sight. Until now. My daughter hasn't been here for a minute and already, my heart swells with love and hope for this perfect, priceless baby.
A hooked nose, pink cheeks, dark lashes. It's like this baby's face was painted to resemble her mother. Lashes flutter and the icy, clear blue eyes of a woman who has been long dead, greet me. My daughter has Tris' beautiful eyes. My heart skips a beat at the sight. She seems to have gotten nothing from me except my dark hair.
The terror eases, strangely enough I was never afraid of my arms being too big for her. Seeing her safely in my arms is a reminder that I can do this.
The nurse smiles, "she is beautiful, what is her name?"
My own smile meets the nurse, so many hours were spent thinking about something that would honor Tris. Something traditional with her same rebellious spin.
Nicola, Nikki for short.
"Nicola Beatrice Johnson." I smile down at the little girl who has fallen back to sleeping in my arms. She will only have the best, she will be safe, she will be happy.
This is my little girl, nothing will harm her. She will be loved.
"Can we come in?" Brown eyes peer behind the door. Slowly I nod. Christina opens the door and is the first to speak, "she is so cute."
Adjusting her slightly so they can see her face better, Zeke puts an arm around my shoulders, "so what's her name?"
"Nicola Beatrice, Nikki for short."
"That's beautiful, Tobias." Evelyn smiles and brushes a strand of Nikki's hair out of her face.
Evelyn looks so much healthier and younger, somehow she was fixed. Maybe I can be fixed, too.
Perhaps having my daughter will help me fix myself, become a better man. Nicola deserves a better man, a better father.
The bundle in my arms stirs for a moment and I watch her open those striking blue eyes again.
The edges of her lips curl up, my heart nearly stops at the sight of that smile.
Everyone else in the room fades out as I focus on my little girl, she has stolen my heart and become my world in just one look.
4 Months
The screams wake me.
Sitting up, my eyes searching in the dark, until they lock onto the crib next to my bed. I nearly fall out the bed, reaching for the light. It only takes a moment for me to pull myself up and pick up the tiny little girl.
Nicola keeps crying despite my tries at feeding her and changing her.
Rocking back and forth and humming one of the songs I used to hear my mother sing to me doesn't seem to help either. The cries get louder, frustration bites at me.
Tris would know what to do.
Why isn't she here? How am I supposed to do this?
Who am I kidding? I can't do this.
Finally, I resort to speaking to Nikki. "Hey there, Nikki. What's wrong? Are you tired? You're not hungry...You know I love you very much." The cries fall silent.
It's me?
Testing the theory, I stop talking and she begins to whimper.
A smile tugs at my lips, the sound of my voice makes her calm. The bed dips as I sit, chewing at my lip considering setting her back into her crib.
The idea sounds good in theory, but my heart is saying that isn't right. Casting my gaze to the mahogany crib in the corner and down to the small eyes gazing at me, I just can't bring myself to do let her go.
Flicking off the light, I set Nicola beside to me. She doesn't cry for the rest of the night.
Maybe I can do this.
8 Months
"The nights have been getting easier, Zeke." Tonight, Nicola sleeps in her stroller while Zeke and I walk around Millennium Park.
"Good...So when do you think we can take her zip-lining?"
I raise my eyebrow, "that will never happen Zeke. It's not safe."
"Oh...I see. So you are going to be one of those."
"What does that mean?" I ask.
"You know, the over protective, "it's not safe", "he doesn't seem like a responsible young man", "be home by 8" kind of father. I know the type, dealt with a few myself. Got a few years of experience. They like to know exactly the who, when, where and why. Especially if the who is a him."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I see you being the father who threatens anyone you deem unworthy with your Dauntless instructor intimdation."
A smile cuts across my face, "I like the sound of that."
Zeke laughs, "do what you want. As long as I am the fun uncle, the one who break rules."
"No."
"You afraid I will corrupt her?"
"Yes." I roll my eyes, looking down on her peaceful smile.
"Pansycake."
I roll my eyes and punch Zeke in the arm. "Ouch, can we teach her how to throw knives?"
"Zeke, why?"
"I think she would be good at it, I bet she would be better than you."
I laugh, the park was a perfect choice for tonight. The weather was perfect and the buildings looming around remind me of a different time, before the Factions fell. My gaze falls to the building where Caleb lives. I still haven't let him see Nicola. I'm not sure how I want to let him into her life. He is her uncle and-
"Hey," Zeke looks inside the stroller, "listen...Is she talking?"
"No, she just has made a lot of noises and baby talk. She is only 8 months old."
We shift our gaze to Nicola, she makes another sound. Focusing, I hear it more clearly, I break into another smile.
"What?" he asks,
"She said my name!"
"I think I would know if she said Tobias, Tobias." Zeke says.
"She said, 'dada' Zeke." I look at her and smile, "I'm your dad, baby girl."
A surge of happiness pulls on my heart.
"Tris would love her, you know." Zeke says quietly.
It's silent for a while, images of Tris with Nicola painting my mind. "Yeah, she would." I shut my eyes and look away.
If I were to say anymore I would break down in tears.
11/2013 Okay, for those of you confused about Tobias choosing the last name Johnson, at the end of allegiant he called himself Tobias Johnson instead of Eaton. I felt that he should keep that last name and also it made sense for him to want to distance himself to Marcus. I hope you all like this. Sorry I skipped around so much with the time frame. I think I will post another chapter tonight, because I am really loving this story. Also, anything you guys want/criticize please review or PM me what you feel. To the guest who reviewed me, thanks! I was such a mess over her death.
