Disclaimer: Don't own Artemis Fowl or any related concepts. Whoopee.
Sorry I took so long to update! Though I suspect no one cares since only ONE person reviewed the first chapter as of right now! Sob, sob! Thank you Dark Shur'tugal! By the way (here's your reply if you're bothering to look at this), the story takes place after TOD but Root is still alive and Holly didn't quit. I just used the phrase 'certain female Recon officer' for effect. Sorry as I forgot to put that in the first chappie.
Anyhoo, I'm hoping for more reviews this chapter! but here's your story. Oh yeah and it gets better as you read on so don't quit if it seems boring in the first part.
Chapter 2
Foaly:
After Root left, Foaly found his calendar in a desk drawer. For today, the commander had written on his personal agenda, '11:30 meeting with Council to discuss Howler Peak renovations'. After that was lunch, then the rest was blank. I wonder what Beetroot does with his free time? Foaly speculated. He would probably find out later though.
Right now it was 10:09. Guess there was nothing to do except wait until the meeting.
Root:
Root was not as luxuriously bored as Foaly was. He stomped over to Foaly's office, growling"Outta my way," to anyone who attempted to get within ten feet of him.
Once he was in the office, Root immediately felt like throwing something, and that vase on Foaly's desk looked pretty appealing... What do I do now? He tried to control his temper and lead his thoughts away from smashing Foaly's stuff. It wasn't easy, needless to say for someone who has used that technique for a couple of centuries so far.
Suddenly one of Foaly's many screens lit up. On the other end was one of the Council members. Chairman Whatshisname. "Foaly," he barked rather loudly. "You were due for a meeting five minutes ago here. What's taking so long?"
"What meeting?"
"Your presentation of the new Neutrino."
"Oh, of course." What Neutrino?
"Yeah. Now hurry it up centaur!"
Not used to being spoken to so rudely, Root opened his mouth for a snappy retort just as the connection was cut off from the other end. "D'arvitting chairman," he muttered under his breath. So he had to present one of Foaly's new gizmos, huh? Well, this was going to be interesting…
-
"I'm here!" 'Foaly' burst into the Council's meeting room out of breath. Darn pony doesn't get enough exercise…All the members of the council were seated around a polished oak table, giving them the look of bored royalty.
"We see that, Foaly." The same chairman that had talked so rudely to Root moments ago crossed his arms. "We've set up your diagram already. Now tell us all about this new model of yours."
"Ahem. Right." Though Root refused to admit it, he still bore a grudging respect for the Council that had originated from when he was just a little squirt. Turning around, he saw a huge poster of a Neutrino drawn roughly in blue pen with labels all over it. Judging by the artistic content, it had been sketched by Foaly. The stupid horse's writing was so small and messy, only Foaly himself could read it.
Root picked a laser pointer, aiming it somewhere in the middle of the display. He had no idea as to what to say. "Well, uh," he stammered. "This is Foaly's- I mean my new model of the Neutrino. There's tons of…of...cool stuff programmed in." Something clicked in his mind. Of course! Now he remembered. Foaly had shown him this model yesterday during his break. The commander hadn't understood a word the pony had bragged about, but he did remember some of the things Foaly had said it could do.
"Like, uh," Root pointed the laser at the barrel of the gun. "With the Neutrino 4000 you can shoot while you're shielded."
"And how is that so, Foaly?" one of the members questioned.
"Well…As you can see, this thing in the barrel provides more accuracy."
"What thing?" Root had a sinking feeling that Foaly wasn't gonna get a patent for this one. Serves the pony right for imprisoning me in his body.
But how to answer the Councils' questions? "This little…doohickey." Root waved the laser pointer agitatedly around the barrel area, not sure what to point to.
"I see." Many of the members scribbled something one their little notepads. Oh well, he would let Foaly worry about that. "Since you don't seem to be able to describe how, read us what you've written there."
"Where?"
Someone pointed at the scribble of writing right below the barrel. Oh great; I have to read that?
Root cleared his throat, ahemming twice. Maybe it would be better just to pretend to choke so he could get out of there. "It says…" Root squinted, the letters were small and all blurred together. Here goes… "Sotis wabbawabba doodoo laggahaggabagga mimimi wanna godada bafroom." (What? That's what it looked like.)
"Could…you repeat that?"
Root sighed. "Sotis wabbawabba doodoo laggahaggabagga mimimi wanna godada bafroom." (Say that last part out loud; I dare you)
"That's what I thought you said." There were several harrumphs from the peanut gallery; a.k.a. Council. Root thought he caught the words 'inappropriate humor' being whispered.
"And…also…" Root announced, trying to save what was left of the presentation. "It does this." He pushed a hidden button on the side of the Neutrino and several lights lit up in sequenced order, one after the other.
"How brilliant, Foaly," drawled Chairman Cahartez (Root finally remembered his name). He was clapping slowly, an amused look on his face. "You've managed to create a couple of pretty neon lights. I see our time here hasn't been wasted."
Ignoring Cahartez's sarcasm, Root continued. "It's not just flashing lights, Chairman."
"Oh?" A raise of an eyebrow. "Then what do they do?"
"They…um…well…" Gaaah! I can't remember what! "I know they do something, but I can't remember! Foaly said it had something to do with security…" Did I just say that out loud? Oh no…
"I don't get why we are talking in the third person here, but if that is the best Foaly can do…" Cahartez smirked, making Root just a little angrier. "Is there anything else you would like to say before we end this little meeting?"
"Yes. As a matter of fact I do." Root was feeling, strangely, not nervous at all about what he was going to do. Maybe it was because he felt safe doing this in Foaly's body; maybe it was because the chairman annoyed him; maybe it was because he had gone a little out of his mind from this whole body-switching thing; but Root wasn't concerned about the consequences. "It does this."
Root raised the Neutrino and fired a clean hole through Chairman Cahartez's hat. Ignoring the startled yelps that he had caused, he strode out of the meeting room with a triumphant smile on his face.
Foaly:
"Yeah?" Foaly said as Root stormed into his office. He (Foaly) was sipping carrot juice and spinning in his chair looking as if he was on vacation.
The commander acted rather explosively. "Don't you 'yeah' me, pony! Remember, I'm still the commander so don't you act up or as soon as I get back in my respective place I'll downsize your budget!"
Foaly burped, finishing his juice and tossing it in the trash can. Three points! "I'll have a cheeseburger with that, please." He stood up. "Anyway, I have business to attend to."
"What 'business'? Where do you think you are going, Foaly? I'm not done with you!"
"I'm going to your Council meeting at 11:30, remember?" Foaly chose to ignore the commander's last comment. "By the way, I'm assuming you presented my new Neutrino design…"
Root winked nastily at Foaly. "I did, believe me. And let me tell you, to the Council, in particular one Chairman Cahartez, this is one presentation they'll remember." With that perfect-in-his-eyes punchline, Root left Foaly looking confused as he exited the office.
Foaly stood there for over a minute before the fact that he had somewhere to go registered in his mind. He began the not-so-long walk over to the same meeting room Root had previously wooed the Council in. He walked past the vending machine, then retraced his steps. Ah, what the heck. Who says a centaur can't enjoy life as the commander when he gets the chance?
He flashed his commander's ID in front of the scanner. Within moments, the red LED light winked green and Foaly pressed the button next to the carrot juice logo with the speed and precision of someone who has done it many times before.
With a dull clang a can of Foaly's worshipped juice dropped down. Reaching under the flap, Foaly smirked as he claimed his free prize. Just one of the many perks of being the commander: While LEP officers got to pay a reduced price and visitors had to pay full, the commander got the privilege of free food from the pantry and vending machines. As an afterthought, Foaly grabbed a bag of chips as well.
Before he entered the room, Foaly prepared himself by opening his can of carrot juice with a hiss. He took a long swig of juice as he walked in, sitting in the commander's seat at the head of the table and treating the audience to a loud burp. Foaly set down his juice, opened his bag of chips, and raised an eyebrow at the Council. The perfect entrance. At least to Foaly.
Chairman Cahartez, undoubtedly the most important member of the Council, cleared his throat and straightened out a bundle of papers in his hands. Foaly noted with slight amusement that his hat was nowhere to be seen. "Well…" he began, choosing not to see Foaly. "We are here today to discuss renovation ideas for the goblin prison Howler's Peak, as you all know."
"We know," confirmed Foaly. Little crumbs of chips flew out of his mouth as he spoke.
Cahartez's eyes flashed and the corners of his lips turned downwards ever so slightly. "Thank you, commander. Now, moving on…Does anyone have any ideas? Keep in mind some of Haven's most dangerous criminals are locked in Howler's Peak."
There was complete and utter silence, spare the 'commander's crunching noises.
Then, seeing the lack of hands, Cahartez began rattling off his list of ideas. And so the boredom began.
Root:
The nerve of that pony! How dare he speak to him so disrespectfully! Root was silently fuming in Foaly's office. Foaly was going to pay dearly for what he had done.
In fact, Root thought, why don't I get a head start on lowering the obnoxious centaur's budget right now? Root had always talked to Foaly about doing it, though in reality he had never once cut his budget.He turned on Foaly's main computer. It asked for a password.
Foaly and Fowl were the best ones to ask if you wanted to hack into someone's system. Asking Foaly was out of the question obviously, and Fowl would ask for some kind of price if the commander somehow managed to get in contact with him. So, Root concluded, I'll just have to crack the code myself.
On his sixth try he got it. Not bad for your ol' commander here, Root chuckled, swelling with pride. But on the other hand, Foaly's password was so easy to guess, a four-year-old could have cracked it. Root decided not to look into that too deeply. Foaly's password was –get this- Foalyisdabest! See what I mean? Easy.
For one moment Root contemplated the thought of changing Foaly's password, then he regained control of himself. It would be hilarious to watch Foaly struggle to crack his own secret word, and yes, it wasn't like he didn't deserve it, but, as grudgingly as he admitted it, Root knew there might actually be an emergency. Someday, though… The prospect was still funny.
Root logged onto the LEP Files. He selected the tab that said 'Budget' and scrolled down till he found Foaly's name. Hitting the 'Edit' button, he was asked for another password-one only the commander had since he was the only one authorized to change the amount of money funded into someone's research.
The moment he finished editing a signal would be sent to the Budgeting Department and Foaly would be cut short of a couple (or more) chunks of gold. Root allowed himself a satisfactory smirk and rubbed his hands together. He considered also raising his eyebrows up and down like the Cheshire Cat, but decided to preserve his image even though he knew he could get away with it if he wanted to.
Root changed the amount of gold in Foaly's budget by several ingots. Then he clicked 'Finish'.
And error message popped up, but it wasn't your normal error message. While Root had zero tolerance for any kind of mistake on Foaly's obnoxious machines, this one set his blood boiling at the mere sight of it.
'Error 391,089,111,526,557,876,134,233,107,949: Action Not Permitted'.
What the? But it was an error; and though he didn't admit it, Root loved it when there was any kind of error on Foaly's gadgets. He took a piece of paper and prepared to write down the details to rub it in Foaly's oversized head.
But when he clicked 'Error Details' the commander got something he wasn't expecting.
'HELLO! This is Foaly, and you are undoubtedly Commander Root, unless you are me testing this so-called error message, created and modified on February 22, 2006, Haven time 2:26 P.M.'- Which was yesterday, Root realized- 'Since there is absolutely no one else who could want to 'lower my budget' not to mention get into this top-secret password-protected computer, I think I can be quite accurate here, hmm commander? But by now you are probably wondering –that is, if you're not me- why, you, cannot cut my budget. In fact, with my new ingenious system, all you could possibly do with it is to increase it. Pity for you. Ta ta!' The minute Root read the last short sentence, little cartoonized Foaly-heads popped up all over the screen, obscuring everything else from view while simultaneously sticking their tongues out and chorusing, "Na-na-na-na-naaaaaahh!"
Then the computer speakers pulsed with Foaly's getting-more-annoying-by-the-second voice. "Foaly virus 101! Foaly virus 101! System shutdown 101! Na-na-na-na-naaaaaahh!"
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"
About a dozen or so officers had their faces pressed into Foaly's Plexi-glass windows, staring as Foaly pounded his fists onto the keyboard liberally. Finally, Root looked up and saw them. "Bob," he said simply (look back on the first chapter). The officers shuffled away.
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"
End chapter
Nnnn…I'm too tired to edit this. I think I made the characters a little too exaggerated, but unless something is so bad or wrong it disrupts the flow of the story, then please don't comment on it. Thanks and please please PLEASE review!
