Chapter Two: Of Babies and OMG-He's-So-Hooooot!

A/N: Reviews and criticism is appreciated! IMPORTANT! Please look back at the Characters chapter; I've fixed it. BTW, the hot-pink thing and the Life Rules will be a running gag until the last couple of chapters. P.S. I'm thinking of something like a 10-20 chapter story.

"... well, I guess you're not manly, then," sighed Kim the next day.

Jack groaned. "Damn, Kim, are you still hung up on that?"

"Hell, yeah! She better be! I wanna see you in hot pink!" chortled a gleeful Thomas.

"You know, Jerry once had pink hair," offered Eddie, eliciting a groan from said boy. "In fact, I still have pictures!"

"Ooh, show me!" cried Amanda.

"You had pink hair?" Drew was doubled over in laughter.

"Well, I think pink hair is hot," came a new voice. "Hey, babe." Meet Evan Grangely, Cora's on-off boyfriend. Currently, they're on.

Thomas gave a dramatic gasp. "Evan! Are you saying you're going gay for Jerry? Cora, I think you've got some competition!"

Cora laughed, Jerry looked creeped out, and Evan forced a smile.

"Guys, back to the matter at hand!" exclaimed Amanda, being unusually pushy and demanding. "Jack has to wear pink!"

"Whyyyy?" Jack groaned out, dropping his head between his arms.

"To prove your manliness!" was the unanimous reply.

-2-

"Kim. Kim. Kim! Hey, KIM!" Jack prodded the half-asleep girl.

"Mm? Jackie go away," she mumbled.

Momentarily stunned, (Jackie? WTF?) Jack paused, then resumed his previous action. "Kimmy! Um... Princess?"

"Ugh, what is it, Jack?" she said, finally waking up.

"There's a new girl here! Go talk to her, please?" he coaxed.

"Why can't you do it?" grumbled Kim. It was the middle of study hall, and she had been taking a much-needed nap when she had been rudely awakened by a certain Jackson Richard Anderson.

"'Cause I'd look like a creep! Now go talk to her!"

"How come you didn't think of that when you caught my apple?

"Well... you're Kim!"

"No, really?"

"Just go and talk to her already!"

"Fine, fine."

Jack watched from afar as Kim chatted with the new girl- a pretty brunette with curls. He grinned when he heard Kim's declaration of, "I don't like him!" Same old, same old. But hey, looks like there's a new girl in town!

-2-

"How goes it?" asked Eddie.

Kim gave him a strange look. "Um. It goes?"

Eddie nodded, then whispered, "Did it work? Do I seem cooler to you?"

"No. Why would you ever seem cool to me?" replied Kim bluntly. Ouch.

Eddie looked put out. "Jerry told me I would be cooler if I said, 'how goes it?' to everyone!"

Kim snickered. "And you believed him? Eddie, Life Rule Number One: Never Listen to Idiots. Rule Number Two: If You Value Your Life, Don't Listen to Idiots Like Jerry."

Jerry pretended like he hadn't heard her. "Eddie's so gullible."

"Um, Jerry?" asked Kelsi, giving him a weird look.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you wearing a bucket on your head?"

"Oh, Thomas told me it would make girls fall madly in love with me. Hey, man, " he said, nodding to Thomas, who snickered and looked away.

Cora rolled her eyes. "Jerry, you're so gullible."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pak. That was the sound of five people face-palming at Jerry's amazing intelligence- or lack, thereof.

Cora rolled her eyes. "Jerry, Life Rule Number Three: Thomas Condor is an Idiot and Should Never Be Trusted."

"Thanks, sweetie-pie!" cooed Thomas, earning him weird looks from Jack, Milton, Wini, and Rachel as they sat down.

"No problem, honey-bun!" replied Cora, playing along. Once again, earning her strange looks from Andrew, Fawn, Drew, and Amanda. And one extra person.

"Hi!" Elle.

"Hey, Elle. Guys, this is Elle Johnson. She's new, and I invited her to sit with us," explained Kim.

"Ha! Kim, does she smell like she's new?" challenged Jack.

Kim slapped him on the arm playfully. "Shut up. Anyway, Elle, why don't you go sit by lover boy there. I think he saved you a seat." Kim smirked. Score!

"Oh. Um, okay..." Elle trailed off, clearly uncomfortable.

"She's just kidding," Jack assured, shooting Kim a pointed glare. She just waved and smiled sweetly at him.

Score:

Jack: 0

Kim: 1

Elle: ...

-2-

"OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD!" squealed Kim excitedly as she entered the dojo. She was never one for squealing, but the situation called for it.

"What?" asked Jack, clearly amused.

Kim waved a hand at him dismissively. "You wouldn't understand. Cora! Fawn! Oh. My. Freaking. God!"

"What's got you so excited? I haven't seen you like this since the Ricky Weaver Incident!" exclaimed Cora.

"Okay, you know Scott Williams?" said Kim.

"Who doesn't?" replied Fawn.

"He totally just flirted with me today!"

"WHAT? When?" shrieked Cora.

"Just a few minutes ago! I was buying coffee-"

"Rudy says not to drink coffee before training," Milton reprimanded gently.

Kim waved a hand at him dismissively. "Rudy also says that he's married and living in a giant mansion. Anyway, I forgot to bring money, so while I was standing there hoping to find some spare change in my pockets, Scott came up to me and paid for my coffee!"

"What's so special about that? I would've paid for your coffee," muttered Jack.

"I told you you wouldn't get it!" replied Kim. "And that's not all. We talked for a few minutes afterward, and he was really nice."

"Aww! That's so sweet! And Scott Williams? OMG, he's so hooooooot!" squealed Fawn excitedly.

"I didn't expect Kim to be the type to fall that easily for a guy," muttered Jack, Drew, and Thomas, both looking a little put out that they were not the ones being described as "OMG-he's-so-hooooot!" Ego-maniacs.

"Oh, Kim's had this big-ass crush on him since last year," explained Cora. "You might not be able to tell, since Kim's so tough and all, but she's really just a big softie. She's a sucker for the whole knight-in-shining-armor routine. So when Scott Williams was the first one to start opening doors for her, the deal was sealed. Nice work, girl!"

Kim grinned happily. "C'mon, let's start."

"Finally," groaned the six guys who had been forced to listen to five minutes of girlish squealing and OMG-he's-so-hoooooot!

Jack's POV

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little shocked when Kim burst in, squealing "OMG!" over and over again. And later, I found out it was because of some guys! Like, WTF? Kim doesn't squeal. She just doesn't. And yeah, if I told my sister what happened, she'd be all, "Oooh, you sound like a jealous boy-toy! But you're not her jealous boy-toy yet! OMG, ask her out!" But, c'mon, it's Laurie. She thinks that unicorns live in magical cotton candy castles. Sometimes I wonder how she got through her first year of college. Anyway, I'm not jealous. Andersons don't get jealous, because what Andersons want, Andersons get. And I don't want Kim- not in that way, at least.

-2-

"Hello, Kimberly Anne Crawford," sighed Ms. Dviatri, Seaford Prep's Health teacher. "Greetings, Jackson Richard Howard, Cora Marie Reynolds, Thomas Frances Condor, and Eddie Gary McCornick."

"Frances?" snickered Jack.

"Shut up! Why is she calling us by our middle names?" whispered Thomas, turning red.

"Salutations, Rachel Hannah Young, Jerry Colin Smith, Kelsi Calliope Mahoney and Milton David Krupnick." Ms. Dviatri smiled whimsically.

"Is she high?" whispered Amanda.

Kim shrugged. "She doesn't look high."

"Guys, it's Ms. Dviatri, remember? She's loco," said Jerry, making little circles near his temple.

"I heard last year she made her students make pretend families," said Milton confidentially. It was the only class the ten of them had together, since Drew, Fawn, Wini, and Andrew were juniors and they were only sophomores.

"Greetings to you all! Please sit down, I am Ms. Dviatri. Welcome to your first day of Health at Seaford Prep." As Ms. Dviatri started to drone on, everyone in the room expertly tuned her out. That is, until she said, "This month, your assignment will be to create temporary families. You can be in a group of ten people, maximum. You'll pick out your basic living information from a hat, and you will continue to stay in character for the rest of the month. No need to do so at home, unless the living situation you pick requires it."

Cue the dead silence.

-2-

Five minutes later, then ten friends were part of a "family", and were about to pick their living situations.

Kim squeezed her eyes shut, and reached into the hat. She raised an eyebrow. "Jack, looks like we're bound in matrimonial harmony, with a baby, too. Wow, life moves fast!" (A/N: This little tidbit from MySeaSaltIceCream- I didn't ask for permission, but I hope it's okay!)

Thomas gave Jack a mock-serious look. "I wish you luck, buddy." Then he burst out laughing. "'Cause you're married to Kim!"

"Why me?" asked Jack halfheartedly.

Kim cheerfully whacked Thomas upside the head, and replied, "Because the card said to choose someone with a first name initial closest to mine, and K comes after J."

"Oh, well this won't be too hard," said Cora. "I'm a teenager madly in love."

"Um, Cora?" said Thomas hesitantly.

"Hm?"

"I'm the one you're madly in love with."

"WHAT?" Looks like she spoke too soon.

"Hey, Milton," said Jerry.

"What?"

"I'm an uncle! Hah! I'm supposed to be Jack's brother. My wife and I have three kids... one of them is Cora. Wow. That's not right."

"Jerry, I'm supposed to be your wife," sighed Kelsi.

Eddie beamed. "Cool! I'm a successful businessman with a beautiful wife and two kids... of which one is Thomas. Erm..."

"I'm the wife of a successful businessman with two kids... one of which is Thomas. Guess I'm your wife, then," shrugged Amanda, looking pleased. Her expression matched Eddie's.

"I'm a grandfather! Whoa, I guess I'm really wise..." Milton trailed off. "Now c'mon, who's my wife? Oh, by the way, I'm Jack's dad. Okay..."

"I'm your wife. I wonder what shade of gray I should wear tomorrow as a grandmother," replied Rachel morbidly.

"Now, now, children," reprimanded Ms. Dviatri. "Jack, Eddie, Jerry, Amanda, Kim, and Kelsi all have kids. Kim and Jack, you'll be given a fake baby with real baby behavior. Jerry, Amanda, Kelsi, and Eddie; likewise, only you'll have toddlers and maybe a baby thrown in there. Have fun, my little angels!" And with that, she swept up.

"Okay, I seriously think she's high. For realz," said Milton. Some people wondered briefly about the "for realz", but then realized that it was Milton, and shrugged.

Life will move on.

"No, I will NOT kiss you!" shrieked Cora.

"But I'm your boyfriend!" protested Thomas. "Now c'mon, sweeheart, just one kiss!"

Cora screamed.

Well, maybe life has to be stopped every once in a while.

Score:

Ms. Dviatri: Bazillion

Everyone else: -Bazillion