Ok, I'm going to apologize in advance for the extended rambling at the beginning of this chapter: Sorry!
First off, I just wanna say that I really really appreciate those who take the time and effort to leave a review, it really means a lot! I always try to reply to my reviewers, to at least tell them thank you, or to answer questions or comments they leave. So, I would like to give a shout out to my anonymous reviewers now and in the future and tell them here since I can't reply to them: Thank you! You guys are awesome and I'm glad you like the story! XD
Anyway, here is chapter two! I'm going to attempt to update once a week after this month (cuz this month is ridiculous busy), but I'm not guaranteeing anything. But, I already have a large chunk of some of the future chapters written, now I just have to get to there. I'm so excited! And just so everyone knows, this story isn't just gonna be a bunch of fluffy, silly fun the whole time. There will actually be depth, conflict, and drama and all that jazz too. But for now, enjoy the simple fun!
"Sasuke… I know you two don't always get along, but don't you think that was a little harsh?" Sakura asked hesitantly. Her green eyes were wide as she stared in disbelief at their friend's prone body on the ground next to their table outside the cafeteria. Even though they were all grad students by this point, they still occasionally used the university's cafeteria on campus to meet up in the mornings. It was fun watching freshmen as they got lost and struggled through their work for very basic classes, as if that wasn't them just a few years ago.
Sasuke continued to calmly drink his morning coffee as he watched in amusement while a boy nearly pulled his hair out as he attempted calculus I homework. "That idiot doesn't know when to stop talking," he drawled, referring to their unconscious friend.
Ino snorted obnoxiously as she continued her hysterical laughter. She smacked Sasuke hard on the back, making him choke momentarily. "Oh my GAWD Sasuke! I knew there was a reason we kept your stuck up ass around here!" she managed to yell in a rather high-pitched voice as she wiped tears from her eyes.
Sakura tried patting Sasuke gently on the back as he coughed and held his throat, trying to catch a good breath. He swatted her hand away and angrily grabbed Ino's water, pouring some into his mouth. As he finally recovered, he sent an intense glare in Ino's direction. She laughed and waved him off, rolling her eyes.
"Oh please, Sasuke, give it up. We've known you for too long to be phased by that prissy glare." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "So…is it true, what he said?"
She got a perfectly shaped, arched eyebrow in response. "You really need to ask?"
Her gossip senses tingling, Sakura ditched Naruto's unconscious form to rush to Ino's side. "Well, you wouldn't have reacted so strongly without a reason," she said with a sly, sideways glance.
The girls' eyes widened. "Whaaaat? Is that color I see on the Ice Prince's face?" Ino gasped.
Sasuke scowled. "You must be mistaken," he said stiffly. "I'm just highly annoyed. Naruto has been acting abnormally insufferable all morning."
"Saaasuke, you're using your formal tone and all your big vocabulary words, that means you're getting uncomfortable!" Sakura gushed.
Ino and Sakura screeched as a pair of arms encircled their shoulders and a blond head popped up in between them. "Aw, girls, come on, give the poor bastard a break!" Naruto said with his trademark grin. "He's still getting over the fact that he is now going out with the most attractive man on earth. I know, it would be overwhelming for anyone," he boasted.
There was that tic in Sasuke's left eyebrow again. "Uzumaki, if you value your life, you will shut. Your. Fucking. Mouth." This reaction just increased the girls' curiosity a hundredfold.
"Oh, lighten up Sasuke, like anyone would believe that I'd really go out with an ice queen like you," Naruto drawled with a roll of his eyes.
"Of course. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm not gay and you're too much of an idiot for me to stand, let alone date," Sasuke grit out with a glare.
"Ouch!" Naruto exclaimed, holding a hand over his heart. "You wound me Sasuke, you truly do," he lamented.
Ino cleared her throat obnoxiously. "Um, excuse me? Weren't you about to spill the beans on some amazingly juicy gossip about you two? Get on with it please."
"Right!" Naruto said with a twinkle in his big blue eyes. "Well, our dearest friend, Sasuke, has graciously agreed to accompany me home as my date for the next three day weekend," he said regally, puffing out his chest.
"Pfft. Yeah right, like Sasuke would agree to something like that," Sakura said dismissively. "Besides, we all know that Sasuke isn't gay."
"He doesn't have to be, he just has to pretend. It shouldn't be too hard; he's prissy enough to make anyone believe it," Sakura and Ino had to struggle to keep a straight face at that, not wanting to be on the receiving end of Sasuke's violent tendencies. "Anyway, it is too true! There maaaaay have been some blackmail involved, but it has been decided!" This statement was accompanied by a triumphant grin.
"No way. You have blackmail on Sasuke Uchiha?" the girls screeched.
"Yep!" he crowed. "Unfortunately though, I cannot disclose that information at the moment or else it would be rather pointless," he informed them with a sage nod.
The girls turned to Sasuke, waiting for his firm denial. It didn't happen. But strangely, there seemed to be a smirk on his face now. "It's true. But it's too bad that Naruto is terrible at making deals. He said I had to accompany him as his date, but not that I had to act accordingly."
"Oh come on! Really Sasuke? When you agree to be someone's date, it's kinda a given that you're supposed to act like one. You can't play this prickly bastard card the whole time we're there!" Naruto whined.
"Oh no, I like to…read between the lines, if you will. I have no intention of making this easy on you," Sasuke said smugly, smirk still firmly in place.
"Yeah, well we'll just have to see about that, now won't we?" Naruto grumbled.
Sakura and Ino glanced at each other, silently agreeing that it would probably be a good idea to stay out of this mess until it was over. Then the gossip and juicy details would be released, at any cost.
...
It was a week later that Naruto decided it was time to start getting Sasuke adjusted to what it would be like pretending to be his date. Unfortunately for him, he neglected to inform his friend of this decision beforehand and he now had several new, extremely painful bruises. He was absolutely certain he probably had a few broken ribs as well, as he kept lamenting to anyone who would listen. He didn't get much sympathy when the full story came out.
Obviously, if they were to pretend to be a couple, then they would have to be accustomed to being at least a little physically intimate. He knew how the Uchiha was about people touching him, so he was just trying to get him adjusted to it over the next few days rather than having to deal with it all at once the following weekend. Really, Naruto had been doing him a favor! Sasuke did not agree. At all.
Sitting around the living room of their apartment with Sakura and Ino, Naruto presented his (exaggerated) side of the story, complete with flailing arms and finishing off with a pitiful pout. He catalogued all his bumps and bruises and explained how he got them all. The knot on the side of his head was from when he first surprised Sasuke by coming up and sliding an arm around his waist as they talked to some of their friends and got elbowed in the head for his troubles. His bruised tailbone and scraped elbows and palms came from when he'd pulled Sasuke into his lap when they went to eat lunch. Sasuke had proceeded to jump up as if burned then violently kicked over Naruto's chair, sending the blond skidding across the pavement. There had been various punches, kicks, and the like as Naruto had proceeded to try to hold Sasuke's hand, massage his shoulders, ruffle his hair, and give him hugs. His favorite had been when he'd kissed Sasuke's cheek before parting ways to go to class one day. The light pink flush and momentary speechless sputtering he witnessed from the normally stoic Sasuke was well worth the bruised shin and sternum he'd received before dashing off with a grin and a slight wheeze.
Sasuke snorted and barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "Just because we're supposedly a couple doesn't mean we have to be all over each other in public, idiot."
"Well, yeah, but all my friends know that I'm a very physically affectionate person with just about anyone, so wouldn't it be weird if I never even touched my 'boyfriend'?" Naruto pressed. "I just did what any other couple would do together." Sakura and Ino had to admit, he did have a point there.
Sasuke just gave his usual reply of "Hn." It made him slightly uncomfortable when Naruto referred to him as his boyfriend, even if it wasn't real. Shaking off the thought, he sent a glare Naruto's way. "That does not, however, call for you to walk up to me in the middle of my classroom and smack me in the ass while asking if I wanted a quickie," he bit out with clenched fists. It was a good thing that his little freshman undergrads were terrified of him already and would never dare to even think about commenting on the event.
Naruto brought his hand up and rubbed at the back of his head as he laughed nervously. "Ahh ha ha, yeah I guess not… And hence how I received this lovely shiner," he announced sheepishly, pointing to his left eye, which was a pretty purple.
The girls' mouths had fallen open and they were gaping at Naruto and his stupidity. The fact that he was still alive after that was testament to the fact that the two really were best friends, despite their violent relationship. "Naruto!" Sakura chastised. "That was completely uncalled for, especially in front of his students!" she yelled with a vicious glare, aiming a punch to the back of his head.
Naruto hissed in pain, clutching his abused skull. "Dammit Sakura! I already got more than enough of that from the bastard over there, I don't need it from you too! Jeez, I get it, no more groping in front of the kiddies," he groused with a sour glare and a pout. He was currently thanking God that he was blessed with unnaturally fast healing. Why did he have to have such violent friends?
...
"You all packed and ready to go, darling?" Naruto called out that next Friday after they'd gotten out of their classes.
Sasuke growled to himself and swung his bag up on his shoulder with a little more intensity than he'd meant to. "Fuck you Uzumaki."
Naruto heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Well, if you really want to…" he said with a grin, dancing out of the way of Sasuke's flying fist. He rolled back around and pinned Sasuke to the wall that he had been walking next to. "I think, however," he breathed huskily, "that it would be me that fucks you. Cupcake," he ended with a smirk. He saw Sasuke's eyes widen comically and his face and neck flush a bright red before he sneered in disgust and kneed his 'friend' in the groin.
"Enough with the idiotic nicknames, moron," he said flatly before kicking the blond in the stomach and proceeding down to the parking lot.
"Ahh, he loves me so," Naruto said dreamily to himself as he wheezed and grimaced in pain, curled tightly on the floor.
Five minutes later, Sasuke came back up, drawling, "I thought you were in a hurry dobe."
Naruto leapt up before his dark-haired friend could attack him again. "Eh he he, right, right, let's get going then! Yosh!" He really was excited about this trip.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, "How do I always get myself into these situations?"
After they'd packed their stuff in the car and were on their way out to the open road, Naruto broke the somewhat comfortable silence that had fallen over the quiet music drifting from the radio. "Okay, I know that you're getting tired of the stupid nicknames, but we really do need to decide what we're going to call each other. You're going to have to at least call me by my first name. It might be a bit suspicious if my boyfriend were to only call me Uzumaki, idiot, moron, and such, ya know?"
He had a point, though Sasuke refused to admit it. Instead he scoffed. "I don't have to do anything. Dumbass," he added with a smirk.
Naruto's eyes darted over to Sasuke to glare at him momentarily before returning his attention to the road. "This whole thing needs to play out so that it's believable for me to hold up my end of the bargain," he warned.
Sasuke continued glowering out the window, not responding.
Naruto sighed, running a hand through his blond hair. "Come on Sasuke, please, I need you to do this for me," he murmured.
"Fine," he said softly. He hated it when Naruto didn't act like the happy idiot he usually did. It did strange things to him, like almost making him feel…guilty. But he was an Uchiha, and Uchihas did not know the meaning of guilt, simply because they never did anything wrong. He let out a derisive snort before asking blandly, "Why is this such a big deal anyway?"
Naruto didn't answer for a few moments. "My friends and my family worry about me. I went through some tough shit and they want to see me happy, and being with other people that know how to genuinely make me happy. They know I act happy a lot even when I'm not and it would make them feel better if they saw me with someone who could tell the difference and truly make me smile." Naruto shot him a bright grin before continuing. "And that, my friend, is why I chose you! Giving you a hard time always makes me smile!"
Sasuke digested this and wondered what 'tough shit' he'd been referring to and ignored his last comment. He still didn't really get why Naruto would choose him out of all the people he knew to come with him, but didn't pursue that line of questioning. "Why couldn't I just come as a friend?" he finally grumbled.
Naruto's grin widened. "Because, Kiba would give me hell if he found out I didn't actually have a hot date and I'm not gonna give that loser that kind of ammunition, he makes fun of me enough as it is. And because you're just so cute when you're doing something you don't want to," he joked, bringing an arm up to block the smack he knew was coming from his passenger.
"Quit calling me cute," he demanded. "I'm a man, dammit!" He realized right after it came out of his mouth that he sounded childish; if he'd been standing, he probably would have stomped his foot on the ground as well. He scowled out the window again, hating that Naruto brought out the immaturity that he thought he'd rid himself of by the age of 10.
Naruto noticed this as well and called him out on it. "Aw, is Sasuke sulking? Buck up my buttercup, we'll be there in about an hour and you'd better have your big boy panties on by then."
Sasuke rolled his eyes at Naruto's words. "Again with the nicknames?" he asked drily.
Now it was Naruto's turn to roll his eyes. "Fine, fine, I won't call you dumb names like cupcake, pumpkin, etc. Well, at least, not much," he amended with a light chuckle. "But I might call you normal pet names, it's just how I usually am with whoever I'm dating. You just have to call me by my first name, you can do that right?"
When he didn't get any response aside from a raised eyebrow, he pressed, "You know, I don't think I've ever heard you say it. You do know what it is right? It's Na-ru-to," he said, drawing out each syllable. "Come on, say it with me now: Na-ru-to."
"I'm going to cut your balls off and shove them down your throat if you don't quit treating me like a three-year-old, Na-ru-to," Sasuke said in a saccharine sweet voice through a clenched jaw.
Naruto released the wheel for a moment to clap loudly a few times. "He can speak! Congratulations Sasuke, I knew you could do it!" he praised. The next thing Naruto knew, he was nursing a new bruise and facing oncoming traffic as his arm was punched, forcing him to swerve into the lane next to them. He screamed and jerked the wheel back to the other side. Sasuke watched with a smug smirk on his face, unphased by his close encounter with death; hearing that idiot scream like a little girl was so worth it. Besides, he trusted the moron (not that he'd ever admit it) and knew that he had quick reflexes.
"What the fuck Sasuke? You could have gotten us killed! Jeez, my heart is about to pound out of my chest," Naruto muttered.
"But we didn't," Sasuke helpfully pointed out. "Now shut up and drive."
"Fine, bastard," Naruto grumbled.
Thirty minutes later, Naruto pulled up to a nice, two-story house and parked the car in the long driveway. He turned to grin at his partner in crime for the weekend. "We're heeeere!" he sing-songed. "Time to go meet the family darling!" Naruto called as he bounded out of the car, waiting impatiently for Sasuke to get out and join him.
Sasuke suddenly had a bad feeling about this. "God, I hope his family isn't just like him…"he muttered under his breath. His shoulders tensed as he steeled himself to enter what could be the lair of doom.
Man, after re-reading this, I realize I've made Sasuke quite the violent thing, haven't I? He talks with his fists more than anything else. Whoops, I'll perhaps try to make him less of an abusive bitch haha
