9:15 PM
"Oh my fucking God!"
Donna and C.J. were both standing on the couch in an instant.
"Donna, that thing is the size of my fucking fist!"
"It's moving, oh God, it's moving towards us!"
"Kill it!"
"I can't, I can't kill it! What if it's a rare African species or something that when you kill it, it's eggs go flying everywhere and they'll get in our cheeks and hatch and..."
"I'm gonna be sick if you keep talking."
"We gotta toss it out the window!"
"I'm not touching it! I can't touch it! Shit, it's moving near us again!"
"We gotta do something!"
"I know, I know, I got it!" C.J. launched herself off the back of the couch and grabbed her phone from her purse. She quickly dialed in a number. "Toby..."
9:40 PM
They had left the door unlocked, so Toby pushed it open with considerable aplomb, banging it against the wall. He stopped for a second and looked at the two tall yet cowering women still standing on the couch, albeit with shots of whiskey in their hands. "This is a great visual."
Donna looked almost chagrined. "I'm sorry about this, Toby. Were you busy?"
"No, no... I can listen to Molly's first word anytime. There are spiders to kill."
"Toby," C.J.'s eyes were wide. "The spider is the size of a watermelon."
Toby leaned against the door, annoyed but enjoying himself. "Wait a second, Donna's from Wisconsin, C.J.'s from Ohio, I'm a Brooklyn Jew and I've come over here to kill a spider. I just stepped into "Annie Hall" except there are two Annie Halls and which one of you do I get to have sex with once this is over?"
C.J. nudged Donna. "Yet another store."
Toby walked over to them. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but where's the damn spider?"
"Over by the television set," Donna replied.
Toby silently grabbed the whiskey out of C.J.'s hand, downed it, and then did the same with Donnas. "We get Josh over here, we can have "Annie Hall" in stereo. Why not get Will over here, he can play the crazy brother who likes to swerve into cars." He grabbed the newspaper that was sticking out of his bag.
C.J. grabbed the bottle from the coffee table and began to pour again, thought better of it, and just took a slug from the bottle. She passed it to Donna, who did the same.
Donna whispered to C.J. "But Diane Keaton doesn't end up with Woody Allen at the end of the movie."
Toby, for his part, was inching towards the spider with the rolled up newspaper in his hand. "You ladies were right, this spider is definitely the size of a watermelon. If, you know, a watermelon was the size of a paperclip."
"Just kill the damn thing, Toby," C.J. said.
Toby glanced at her. "I'm trying to use the element of surprise."
Donna fingered the top of the Jack Daniels bottle before taking a ladylike sip. "Just be careful of the eggs, Toby."
"Eggs?"
"Eggs...that will fly in the air and land in your cheeks and... hatch," C.J. told him seriously.
"Yeah," Toby turned back to the spider. "I'll keep that in mind."
When he suddenly whacked the spider, both women jumped in their crouched positions, and then slithered back to sitting. "Now I'll have to sweep up all the eggs," Donna muttered.
Toby grabbed a tissue and wrapped the spider up, walked purposely to the toilet and flushed it down.
"To hell with it... damn spider," C.J. shouted as she heard the flush. Toby returned to the living room.
"Why didn't you guys call Josh to do this?"
C.J. shouted her answer, drunk enough not to think about what she was saying. "He and Donna are tense right now due to his not seeing the Washington Monument and you know, general store issues and I called him earlier and he was with the little deputy."
"The little deputy?" Toby sat down in Donna's easy chair.
Donna and C.J. giggled.
"Yes," Donna answered.
"May I remind you that Josh resigned so..." Toby stopped for a moment. "Wait, what?"
The women laughed harder, clutching each other, nearly spilling the Jack Daniels.
Toby moved out of the chair. "All-right, I'll take this from you." Grabbing the bottle out of Donna's hands, he took a swig. He sat back down, running his fingers over the bottle. "Do I really want to know about the little deputy or how C.J. knows about Josh and the little deputy?"
Donna calmed down for a second. "It's not little at all. Gimme the bottle back."
"No. How the hell do you know? Wait, wait... this falls under the category of things that Toby does not care about. Let's move on."
Leaping up suddenly, C.J. wrestled the bottle out of Toby's hands and took a drink. "Donna and Josh haven't had sex."
"Thank you for completely ignoring my request to move on."
C.J. started at him. "And I have no interest in Josh's little deputy. I called him earlier, he was morose and thinking about Donna."
"And naturally the two of you assumed he was masturbating?"
"He said he was pondering the ways of ex-assistants. Besides, we're sixteen tonight so we can be as sexually immature as we want to be," C.J. frowned. "Wait, I think that came out wrong."
Pouting, Donna looked at C.J. "You mean he hasn't masturbated over me."
C.J. laid a comforting hand on Donna's shoulder. "Of course he has, Donna. Remember, the store. The franchise."
"Oh my God in heaven." Toby took the bottle back from C.J. and literally downed a good third of what was left.
"I see you groaning," C.J. said, yanking the bottle back. "But I don't see you making any moves to leave."
"That's because I'm now as drunk as you two are. I can't be driving." He stopped for a moment. "I will however," he stood up as he kept talking, "be making a phone call from the bathroom."
"Watch out for the spider eggs," Donna called after him as he shut the door.
Toby quickly dialed the number. "Josh, Donna and C.J. are drunk off their asses and it is the most amusing thing I have witnessed since Sam got beat by a girl. Get your ass here. Bring popcorn."
10:40 PM
Toby had gone to the corner store to buy beer, C.J. and Donna being too drunk to think about why, but not too drunk to share one between them. Donna was deliberating ordering another pizza. Toby came back and was reclined in the easy chair, trying to bring up politics and being shouted down by the women each time. C.J. was giggling.
Very quietly, Josh Lyman opened the door with his key (Toby having locked it coming back.) C.J. and Donna were having a loud laughing fit about something and it made the pit that had been in Josh's stomach for a very long time lessen a bit. He shut the door as softly as he could and moved towards the couch.
C.J. saw him first. "As I live and breath and drink cheap beer, if its not Alvy Singer number two gracing us. How's it going, Josh? Done with your meeting?"
Donna would have laughed, but she found it hard to swallow and couldn't turn to face him. Josh couldn't stop looking at her if he tried, but he found the ability to answer C.J.'s question, somehow. "I'm good, why are you calling me Alvy Singer and what meeting are you referring to?"
Toby took a sip of beer before clarifying. "She's calling you Alvy Singer because I came over here to kill a spider and I commented that if you came over, we'd like have multiple screenings of "Annie Hall" going on at the same time and the meeting she's referring to you really, really, really don't want to know about, although as far as I can tell, it is between the Washington Monument and the little deputy."
Josh squinted at him. "Are you drunk, too, Toby?"
"Absolutely."
"You've got a whole night of catching up to do, Joshy Josh," C.J. wobbled up and went over to the rocking chair by the television. "Sit next to your lovely ex-assistant there so you can ponder her ways in person."
Doing what he was told, Josh sat a respectable distance from Donna. He took a small packet out ot his pocket and offered it to her. "I brought microwave popcorn." His voice was very quiet and everyone in the room but Donna could tell he was nervous.
Thankfully, C.J. and Toby took a quick hint. "Tobias, let's go pop popcorn and I can tell you to shut up some more."
They went into the kitchen.
"So..." Josh rubbed his hands together. "You and C.J. been drinking?"
"All night."
"Toby said you guys were plowed."
"Is that why you're here?" Donna turned to him and looked him square in the eye. "Because Toby called you and told you, hey they're drunk let's go mock them."
"I'm not here to mock," Josh said defiantly. He grabbed a beer and wondered why Toby hadn't put them in the fridge. "I'm here to get drunk, too."
"Oh, well," Donna brightened suddenly. "That's okay, then."
"I mean, Toby did call me. I wasn't doing anything tonight anyway."
"Okay."
"I was trying to figure some things out."
"Okay."
"Like the great mystery that is you, for instance."
Donna smiled. "So I heard."
Josh smiled back at her. "Gave myself a nasty paper cut doing it."
Donna laughed and heard C.J. in the kitchen trying to stifle the same urge. Josh, oblivious but liking the mood, kept his grin on his face and resisted the urge to touch Donna. She looked at him and it struck both of them that at this moment, they were smiling at each other. It felt like the last year or so was swept away.
But then their faces started to register other emotions. Regret, pain, confusion. The smiles were still there, but they were stilted. Josh's brown eyes seemed almost soupy; Donna quickly wondered if he had been crying this evening and then remembered her own tears. World of fools, she thought, world of fools.
She grabbed the whiskey bottle, tilted it back against her lips and swallowed the little amount left. Beer before liquor, she thought in her head, and then she realized she couldn't remember the rest of the rhyme. Josh looked around vaguely uncomfortable. There were sounds of popping in the kitchen, but no one was talking.
Then she remembered what she thought of when C.J. was at her door earlier. Booze, fence-mending and Josh's tongue in her mouth. Maybe all three were possible. The alcohol fortified both her courage and her stupidity.
"What the hell," Donna thought. "We can't be anymore broken then we are now."
She set the bottle back on the table. "Hey, Josh."
"Yeah," he had been staring at the coffee table, but now glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
"There's something I want to do, something I've wanted to do for a little while. Just one thing. Do you think I could just do this and even if you don't want it, you'll just indulge me?" She slid a bit closer to him on the couch, now feeling his warmth.
"Ah...sure. Okay."
"We could never do this before because you were my boss."
"Yes, I was."
"And you're not my boss now."
"No, Will is," Josh said through clenched teeth and Donna thought it was silly that Josh was jealous of Will. Especially since she was about to kiss him, and she never kissed her bosses. Maybe Josh would realize that after his tongue had been in her mouth.
Donna leaned over to him, closing in the distance. She didn't dare look at his face, figuring she'd lose her nerve. He didn't move back at all, which was a good sign. Right before her lips reached his, she whispered. "Don't be jealous of Will. I never make out with my bosses."
She had expected to be the aggressive one, but as soon as their lips touched, Josh ignited. Suddenly, his hands were roaming her body, his tongue was caressing hers and he was pulling her on top of him. They were making out on the couch, his hand underneath her shirt, cupping her over her bra, her hands roaming through his short hair. He suddenly broke their lips apart, rolled them over and she could feel his delicious weight on top of her. His lips came to her neck, biting and licking and sucking and she could feel on her leg just how much he wanted her to enter the store.
Of course, neither of them heard C.J. and Toby come back in the room, or even noticed Toby picking up C.J.'s glass of water.
"What the fuck!" Josh shouted, little rivulets of water running down his face. For her part, Donna was sputtering a bit, some of the water having gone up her nose.
C.J. completely ignored Josh, putting a bowl of freshly popped popcorn on the coffee table. "Way to barge into the store, Donna!" She high-fived the younger blond.
Although trying to hide it, Toby was grinning. "Now I have to go gauge my eyes out with some sort of blunt object, right after I throw up."
"You could have just coughed or something," Josh said, not sounding all to angry. He was still on top of her and he touched his forehead with hers before giving her a quick kiss. They both sat up and Josh quickly untucked his shirt from his pants.
C.J. smirked.
Toby cleared his throat. "C.J., don't you think you and I should leave at this point and let the two of them get back to activities that I would be so much happier not walking in on?"
"But we drove over here," C.J. pouted. "And we're not sober."
"We'll get a cab." C.J. looked over at Josh and saw the definite signal that Josh was giving Toby.
"Oh-kay. I see."
Donna stood up, causing Josh to frown. "I'll get your coat, C.J." She wavered slightly on the way back to her bedroom. Immediately, she noticed that the picture she kept on the night stand was gone. "Maybe someone stole it," she thought but quickly remembered.
She put the picture back up and went out to hand C.J. her coat.
