Tea For Two, and Two For Tea

Chapter 2

Rorschach jumped in the air and was about to pounce on top of the rapist while the girl watched wild-eyed in terror. Argus ran behind the rapist and held him down by the waist, handcuffing him by the shirtsleeves by tying them into a knot. He tied his legs together with a piece of twine. Rorschach stabbed the man repeatedly through the nostrils and slit his throat. The girl looked at them like they were complete maniacs. Argus could only stare in horror, and then he shouted,

"You bastard!"

Rorschach gazed at him impassively.

"You're not supposed to kill the dupe! We had him in the palm of our hands! You're supposed to turn him in!" he shouted furiously.

The girl continued to stare at them. She pulled out her notebook and wrote down,

Dear Diary,

My uncle is evil. He tried to grab my funny parts. Mommy and Daddy are still at that play. …Well, he's dead now. What's going to happen next?

Rorschach was unfazed… and even bored by Argus's outrage. However, when he heard the rustling of paper, something caught his eye. It was a diary. He felt a small pang of despair, and wondered what he should do.

"Write down in journal," said Rorschach, pointing to himself.

"You?" asked the girl, curious.

Rorschach nodded.

"I've been writing in this thing since I was little," she said, "I write about kitties and puppies and school plays and most recently, makeup. What do you write about?"

"Crime. Filth. Inhabitants of city," he said. She giggled.

"You should write a book. I'm going to when I get around to it," she said innocently.

Rorschach nodded.

Argus was touched by this heartfelt gesture.

"Well, hate to break up you two lovebirds, but we need to either get rid of this body or come up with an alibi," said Argus grimly.

"I have an idea," said the girl, "Throw him in the East River!"

Rorschach and Argus looked at each other with apprehension.

Three hours later, Argus salvaged one of his body bags from the 50s just in case of nuclear fallout, put the body in with the help of Rorschach, went far out to sea, and dumped the body in the ocean. They had already informed her parents what had happened, and her parents were more than willing to comply with their daughter's request "since they wanted to keep their name out of the papers".

"People are weird, wouldn't you say?" asked Argus when they came back to his place. "Sometimes, I don't know why I bother to save them."

Rorschach nodded in understanding. "Sometimes think people I save… seem little better than filth attacking them. They're just… there, never paying attention to anything." Rorschach felt a guilty pang in his chest and realized that was what he'd been doing all this time. Argus saw Rorschach's mask's features change, and patted him on the shoulder. Rorschach didn't even flinch.

"You were a brave man today, Rorschach," said Argus proudly. "I would never have had the guts to do something like that."

"Don't say that," hissed Rorschach, "You're braver than most of us. When you said… 'Don't kill'… I was impressed. Give victims mercy? What an idea."

And now I wonder, thought Rorschach, Is there more to life than this?

Argus caught Rorschach's expression, and said, "Travel will do you a world of good. Now, New York isn't the only city that needs assistance in punishing filth. D'you want to go to Paris and stop crime there? Although there are no vigilantes, they never had a Keene Act."

Rorschach stopped dead in his tracks, and thought, Paris? Hurm. At first, only thought of New York. But the world… who knows what happens in the world?

After pursing his lips and thinking the matter over, he said, "Will do it."

"Good man," said Argus, shaking Rorschach's hand. "Now, be ready first thing tomorrow morning, and for God's sake, get some proper clothes," he said, giving Rorschach $150.

Rorschach frowned, and said, "Too much money."

"Use it," replied Argus, "To buy some proper clothes. Maybe you could get a better mask-"

Rorschach pulled out his knife and pointed it at Argus's throat. "Never… insult… my… face." And with that, he stormed off.

Jesus Elizabeth Christ, thought Argus, That man has issues and a bad case of nerves.

September 16, 1985

The next morning, Rorschach showed up in brand-new clothes. He wore a white, sleeveless T-shirt, black sweatpants, a purple sweatshirt, and Nike track shoes. His "outfit" was neatly tucked away in his carry-on bag along with sugar cubes and his assorted weapons. When they X-rayed his person at the airport, he began to get fidgety. Would they find any of his weapons? No, they didn't. When they were safely out of security's earshot, Argus whispered to Rorschach,

"I magically hid your weapons from their sight. I made them invisible."

Rorschach's head spun to Argus's. "Don't play games with me," he rasped. Argus conjured up a plate of cookies, and Rorschach watched in slack-jawed stupor. He hurriedly pulled out his journal from his sweatshirt's pocket, and scribbled down,

MADE WEAPONS INVISIBLE? That man…

He watched Argus's retreating figure, and boarded the plane.

…is some man, he finished.

Rorschach had never flown on a plane before, so of course, he received the aisle seat. Perky stewardesses served him fish and cinnamon shakes for lunch halfway across the Atlantic, which he wolfed down. A waitress asked Argus in French,

"Se allez-vous commez se fant?"

"Merci beacoup," he replied, and the stewardess scurried off.

"What was that?" asked Rorschach.

"French," said Argus, "She asked me if I'd like the same food as my kid. She thought you were my kid."

Rorschach snorted, and wrote down in his journal,

French. Don't like them already.

There was only two or three pages left of his journal, which caused him to look alarmed. Argus gave him a brand-new one; Rorschach looked at him tentatively, and said, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," said Argus, flipping back to his New York Times.

When they were flying over Paris, Rorschach glanced out the window in utter amazement. 18th century and 19th century architecture dominated the scene, as well as several castle complexes from all periods of history. Ironically, although the architecture was ancient, the city looked extremely modern, the streets were paved nice and clean, and the shops (there were so many of them) were hustling and bustling. There were too many crowds, crowds in Paris's back alleys that put Times Square's crowds to shame. There were too many bridges, and the Seine flowed majestically in the middle of the city, dividing it in half, like a great sapphire serpent surrounded by its magnificent jeweled prize. It was all too much for Rorschach to take once they landed in the airport, and when Argus and he retrieved his luggage, he said,

"How supposed to punish filth in city like this? Everything so broad, so free-flowing, so open…"

"You'd be surprised," said Argus without a touch of irony, "Very, very surprised."

"Hurm," said Rorschach uneasily.

They stayed in Argus's old bachelor pad from the 1810s, and it was Argus's turn to feel uneasy. It was bringing back painful and unpleasant memories for him, so he said,

"Let's take a stroll around the boulevard."

It was around 11:00pm and Rorschach didn't feel the slightest bit tired, possibly because it was only 5:00pm back home in New York.

"Yes," said Rorschach, putting on his outfit and going out with him.

After a while's walk, Argus said, "Let's split up. You take the north side of the city; I'll take the south side. Best wishes," he added with a wink and went off.

"Hurm," commented Rorschach, and decided to scale his grappling hook over a building just north of the one that directly faced the Seine. For the first time in his life, Rorschach viewed the rooftops of a city with complete and total wonderment. The city's lights were all lit up, making it look like a gigantic circus, or Disney World. He wondered if there could be a city any more beautiful than this, when he heard someone scream,

"Allons!"

According to "The Beginner's Guide to Rescue Someone in Paris," it said, "Allons!" meant, "Come!" which meant someone had to come quickly to his or her aid. Rorschach scaled down the building and headed off into the direction of the sound. He found a mugger pointing a knife at an innocent twenty-two-year-old man, and judging by the gestures he was making, it was clear he wanted his wallet. Rorschach came up behind him and slammed a fist into the back of his head. The mugger looked completely astonished, and found Rorschach's boot stuck to the top of his assailer's head. Somewhere, a historical reenactment was playing Le Marmalleise, and the boy felt a grand feel of pride towards his protector, but that didn't last long when Rorschach grabbed the mugger's own knife and stabbed him repeatedly in the brains. The boy screamed and ran away, and Rorschach thought, "Typical," but something wrong happened. He went into a phone booth.

"Allo, Police?" he asked the operator, and gave him details to the directions. Rorschach panicked, and quickly ran off from the scene. He heard another scream, and found a prostitute's daughter being manhandled by her mother's pimp. Evidently, he was going to force her into a life of servitude as well, but not on Rorschach's watch.

"Tuez-le! Tuez-le!" she shouted. Rorschach knew what that meant. He strangled the man and set fire to the whorehouse. Instantly, police sirens and ambulance trucks' horns rolled in.

Rorschach swore under his breath, and kicked a stop sign. Was everyone and everything punctual in this city, even in the crime-ridden areas? Two seconds later, he heard yet another scream. This time, it was at a busy intersection, where someone was trying to cop a feel to a young girl. Although people and vehicles surrounded her, no one moved or stopped to help. Rorschach felt a great, boiling rage build inside of him, since he was unconsciously reminded of Kitty Genovese. He leaped into the air, grabbed the man, and without thinking, mashed him into a bloody pulp. The girl watched the entire scene with tear-streaked eyes. Although several passerbies watched, no one lent a hand. When Rorschach was finished, the passerby left, but the girl, without warning, gave him a big hug. Rorschach attempted to shake her off, but her grip was too tight.

"Thank you," she said in English, "You really mean the world to me tonight. He was the most horrible man."

When Rorschach realized he couldn't shake her off, her words slowly sank in, and he felt amazed. Someone felt thankful for what he did, extremely appreciative, and somehow, she knew he was American and even had the decency to speak in English for him.

"But you know," she said, "You really should've minded your own business."

Rorschach scowled and snarled, and said, "Don't care," but was stopped when he heard a gun's trigger click.

"You're coming with me, hot shot," said the girl, who automatically changed into a black man in his fifties. Rorschach looked like he was going to lose his lunch. He wrote down in his journal,

Is it me, or do Paris and I not agree?

He went off with him.