The Trouble With Children
"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
"Panis, darling," Nila Rahl cooed, running her fingers gently over her husband's sleeve, "you did see about the decorations for the party, didn't you? That 'magic' friend of yours must be good for something."
"Of course, dear one," Panis said, patting her shoulder and not listening. For once in his life, Panis truly didn't care about the party—it was entirely irrelevant, since his talk with Zedd. He felt energized, as though he had been asleep for most of his life, and only now was he awake.
His fingers tightened on Nila's waist. "My queen…" he murmured in her ear.
Nila blushed and leaned toward him, but said, "But Panis darling, now? We really should get ready for the party. Our guests will be arriving…Oh!"
It was the best party Panis could remember. Zedd was there, chatting up all the women, but they must've sensed something different about Panis, because they hung on his words, tossed their hair, and smiled too widely. Nila pouted and hung on to Panis's arm, which got annoying after awhile.
Still, nothing could destroy Panis's new confidence. Why, already Nila might be pregnant with the heir they had both wanted for so long.
Panis didn't care if Zedd's magic cure was unnatural. He was happier than he had ever been.
"He's always been a disappointment, always!" Panis raged, pacing the room. "Ever since he was a baby—and now his obsession with Dark Magic—what have I done to deserve such a son?"
Commander Trimack nodded sympathetically. "It is unjust, that Lord Darken must be your heir," he agreed.
Panis's eyes narrowed. "Or must he?" he said softly. "Commander Trimack, I must tell you of a marvelous secret—a prophecy!" He smiled. "That will throw a spanner in the works for my dear son!"
Commander Trimack nodded, eager to hear his Lord's plot. "Yes, my Lord?" A prophecy?" he asked.
"Yes," Panis said fiercely. "Yes. A prophecy that my son will die by the hand of another one of my sons—a child of prophecy, a child to undo all the evil that wretched boy has done!"
"Wonderful, my Lord," said Commander Trimack.
"And I know just the woman," Panis said, eyes gleaming. "Taralyn Zorander. Our child will change the world!"
"Yes, my Lord," Commander Trimack agreed, but he frowned in confusion. "But how will you court her, when she knows you as Lord Rahl, and the enemy of her father?"
"I know just the thing," Panis purred, and, pulling a small double mirror out of a pocket, he ran a hand over his face. Before Commander Trimack's eyes, his appearance changed to that of a young shepherd. "Keep an eye on the boy," Panis said, his new lips curving into a smile. "I have some…business to attend to."
Revived and packed out of the palace to a remote garrison, Panis couldn't stop thinking about Richard—his son, about to be born, might never get a chance to live. It was all Darken's fault, he thought angrily. To kill his own father—his own brother—
For the first time, Panis wondered if siring Richard had been the right decision. He wanted Darken to get what was coming to him, to suffer for the Dark magic he was intent upon unleashing on the world. But to lose Richard to some ridiculous power play of Darken's—to lose the life he had only glimpsed, the simple life with Taralyn and Richard—
It was unbearable. Panis was surprised to realize how worried he was, not only for his unborn son, named already, but for Taralyn. He'd never considered remarrying after Nila's death, but Taralyn Zorander was something else.
If only—he never should have done it. Grown so attached to Taralyn, or the baby.
"Looks like I've misused your gift again, Zedd, old friend," he murmured wryly, staring at the wall.
When he found Taralyn again, it was like magic—he had been at loose ends for months, spending his days alone in his room at the garrison, lest he be seen by the common soldiers—who took their orders from his son, now.
He wore the face of that shepherd still, out of a vague sense of nostalgia. He never let himself think of all he'd lost.
"Richard!" Taralyn cried, when she saw Panis walking. He'd gotten bored with his room and was out for a forbidden stroll through the tiny village.
"Taralyn!" Panis exclaimed back, embracing her. "Thank the Creator you're all right! And—the baby?"
She sobered instantly, but didn't pull out of his grasp. "With my father. He's safe. I named him Richard, after you." She looked as heartbroken at the loss of her son, Panis's namesake, as Panis had been feeling for months, ever since Darken killed him, and Commander Trimack had a Mord'Sith revive him.
"Thank the Spirits," Panis said sincerely. He knew the baby would be safe with Zedd. "I'm so glad he's all right. And you—I thought for sure—" he broke off, lest he say too much. Taralyn didn't know he was Panis Rahl, and he didn't mean for her to learn.
Taralyn clung to him, her head against his shoulder. "You're here," she said wonderingly. "Oh, Richard."
Panis stroked her dark hair gently. "I'm here," he whispered. "Oh, Tara, I'm here."
It wasn't long after that when she told him she was pregnant again. He resolved that this time, Darken would not get as much as a whiff of the information.
Panis couldn't help thinking that this time, with this child, things would be different. Maybe this time, this child would save them all—fix the rift between himself and Darken, bring Richard back to him. Maybe this time, he hadn't misused Zedd's gift at all.
"Here she is," Taralyn said breathlessly. "Your daughter."
Panis automatically reached out to take the week-old child, and then stiffened. "Daughter?" he said, peering at the baby in his arms. She grabbed for his hair but couldn't reach, gurgling happily. "There hasn't been a girl born to the Rahl bloodline for a thousand years!"
"Rahl?" demanded Taralyn dangerously. "You told me your name was Richard Long!" She snatched the baby girl back, clutching the child to her chest, and slapped Panis across the face. "You lied to me, Richard!"
Panis's panic was somewhat allayed by her continued reference to him as Richard; clearly, she had yet to deduce that there really weren't that many extra Rahl cousins lying around. Even if there had been, Darken would have killed them all by now.
Still, the situation was serious enough. Panis, trained by the Mord'Sith, as all Lord Rahls were, to withstand pain, did not flinch, although his cheek smarted abominably.
"Dear one—" he pleaded, turning on the famous Rahl charm. "It was a necessary deception—I couldn't bring myself to tell you my true name when all the world knows how your father feels about the Rahls! I was only trying to protect you!"
Taralyn looked at him, and her eyes seemed to soften. For a moment, Panis allowed himself to hope. But then she glanced down at the baby girl in her arms, and her expression hardened again.
"Richard," she said, "I'm sorry. But I can't let my daughter be raised by a man who would lie to me. This is goodbye." She stared at him long and hard, as though to memorize his face—not his true face, of course, Panis thought, with a bitter stab of regret—and then turned on her heel and walked out of his life forever.
Panis shook his head, thinking a daughter could never have done all he hoped for, anyway. "Women!" he muttered to himself. But really, he was thinking of his three children—wishing he could be a better father to them.
It was time he realized he was never meant to be a father. Zedd was right all along. He would atone for his mistakes—all three of them—he decided. He would join a monastery, they were always good at suffering.
"I'm sorry, old friend," he whispered. It didn't even occur to him to wonder what Taralyn would name their daughter. Girls were useless, anyway.
