p class="MsoNormal"It was a hard night. Alfred had been coming and going, running tests, changing Joker's bandages. Batman barely slept, he didn't move from his seat next to Joker's bed. Listening to his shallow breathing as the situation played on his mind./p
p class="MsoNormal"The Joker was pregnant./p
p class="MsoNormal"The mere idea was ludicrous./p
p class="MsoNormal"He couldn't imagine the pain and anguish it must be causing him./p
p class="MsoNormal"Enough to bring him here, make him do this to himself./p
p class="MsoNormal"Most of the night he spent staring at Joker, holding his hand, their fingers entwined. It felt comforting, although he knew Joker didn't know and couldn't feel it, it helped him./p
p class="MsoNormal"The next few days were going to be tough for them both. There was no way Joker could leave until he'd been given the all clear by Alfred, but then where would he go? With a wound like that he couldn't go back to living on the streets, he wouldn't be able to defend himself properly./p
p class="MsoNormal"Arkham would most likely be the best choice for his aftercare, as non-ideal as that would be./p
p class="MsoNormal"He jolted slightly as Joker stirred, his eyes opening slowly./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, shit," Joker growled. "I'm still here?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman nodded, "It's been about 5 hours." He'd been keeping track of every minute./p
p class="MsoNormal""I slept for 5 hours?" Joker scoffed, "Felt like a year…" He smiled weakly, a deluded kind of hope on his face, "Am I being discharged today, doctor Bats?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman shook his head, "I doubt it," he glanced down at Joker's stomach, swallowing hard as he prepared his line of questioning./p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you on testosterone?" he began./p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker nodded, "I am now, the past… 3 weeks? Probably due for another shot now."/p
p class="MsoNormal""When did you find out you were pregnant?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shrugged, reluctant to answer, "I don't know, a week ago?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""How far along are you?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shrugged, "I don't know." He glanced down at himself, "I'm not showing much."/p
p class="MsoNormal"There was such a serious and depressed tone to his voice. Batman had never heard him sound like this, it was like he wasn't himself./p
p class="MsoNormal""Never expected this did we, Bats?" he said through gentle laughter./p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman shook his head, "No," he said, drained./p
p class="MsoNormal"He felt a lump in his chest, "This feels wrong," he said softly, "This shouldn't have happened to you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shook his head, his body shaking slightly, "No it shouldn't have, but it did. No thanks to you, Batman."/p
p class="MsoNormal"His stomach twisted as Joker began to laugh, a smile spreading across his face./p
p class="MsoNormal"He felt a weight fall on him, he closed his eyes for a moment. "It is mine..?" he said quietly. He grit his teeth. He hadn't wanted to know that. It didn't matter who's it was./p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shrugged, "Pretty sure. I thought you should know." He smiled weakly, "You can't talk me out of it," he said sternly./p
p class="MsoNormal""I won't try to," Batman reassured him./p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker's brow furrowed, "…I feel like Alfred might try to. You know, the older generation."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman shook his head, "He won't."/p
p class="MsoNormal""He'll go on about carrying on your lineage… even if it's with me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't want it, Joker. That's all that matters." He frowned, "It sounds like you're trying to talk em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"yourself/em out of it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shook his head, "I'm not I…" he smiled softly, his eyes meeting Batman's. "I didn't expect you to be so nice about it." His smile widened, "I had retorts planned," he complained./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm not being nice about anything," Batman said with a shake of his head, "I'm doing the decent thing."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker smiled again, "Thanks. You're full of surprises."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman let out a soft huff, "Don't thank me, Joker. I did this to you, it's…"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker let out a weak chuckle, putting on a mocking voice, "I did this to you and it's my duty to help you, then I'll brood about it later."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm not going to brood about it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You brood about everything."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman growled softly, he glanced away as he got to his feet, "I'll call Alfred down, he wants to talk to you about what we're going to do."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Suddenly we're a 'we'," Joker huffed indignantly./p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman walked over to the intercom, glancing back at Joker as he pressed the button to call Alfred./p
p class="MsoNormal"The intermittent buzzing noise rang through the cave, Joker started tapping his foot to the beat of it./p
p class="MsoNormal"After a moment the noise stopped. "Sir?" Alfred said, his voice echoing from the speaker./p
p class="MsoNormal""Joker's awake," Bruce stated bluntly./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ah," Alfred said, "I'll be down in a moment."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman nodded, although Alfred couldn't see it, and he took his finger off the button. He looked over at Joker again, "He-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""He'll be down in a moment, yes, I heard."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He walked back over to Joker's side, looking down at him, his eyes rested on the bandage on his gut, trying to remember how long it'd been since it was change./p
p class="MsoNormal""Pretty, isn't it," Joker smirked, "Your butler does good work."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You didn't have to do that to yourself," Batman said softly, "You should have come to me, or gone to Arkham, or…"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shrugged, "I panicked. We all do dumb things when we panic."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You stabbed yourself several times in the gut."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker shrugged again, more deliberately and dramatically. "What would you have done?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman shook his head, "This would never happen to me."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker frowned, "Are you trying to make me feel stupid?" He scoffed, "I take back what I said about you being em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"nice/em."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman grit his teeth, "Joker. That's not what I meant." He let out a weak sigh, "I'm trying to help you, I want to help, Joker. I just want to understand why you would do this."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker smiled, letting out a weak chuckle, "Oh, Batsy," he shook his head, "You could never understand. Unless you're secretly trans but seeing as how I'm carrying the fruit of your loins I highly doubt that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't say that," Batman said through his gritted teeth, a soft growl to his voice. He exhaled slowly, "But you're right, I'm sorry." He shook his head weakly, "I just want to help, Joker."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker rolled his eyes, "em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Please/em stop saying that, it's creeping me out."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman stilled, swallowing and glancing away. Joker was right, he had no idea what was going on inside his mind, saying he wanted to help and apologising was probably the last thing Joker wanted to hear. It would make him feel like he was doing something that he should feel sorry about./p
p class="MsoNormal"He turned his head as he heard the cave door, letting out a soft breath as Alfred came down the stairs./p
p class="MsoNormal""Mister Joker," he said happily, walking across the cave towards the medical centre, "I trust you're feeling better this morning?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker smiled and nodded, raising himself only his elbows, "I'm sure I could dance out of here if I wanted."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Alfred gave a nod. "Well, I do hope that you'll stay so I can treat you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker hummed for a moment, "I think that sounds like a good idea. What treatment did you have in mind?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Alfred straightened up, his manor turning a little more serious. "I ran a couple of tests on you overnight, so I know what I'm dealing with now." He let out a soft breath, "Luckily for you, considering you're still in the first trimester, there are ways to treat your condition without surgery," he glanced down at Joker's bandaged gut, "Without literally cutting it out of you…"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker smiled weakly, seeming relieved, his head bowing slightly, "Ok. What do I have to do?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""All you have to do is take a few pills, and relax," Alfred said softly./p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman couldn't help letting a smile ghost his face as he watched the interaction, as much as Alfred didn't like Joker his bedside manor was amazing, the way he spoke and acted was so calming and soothing, despite the grim subject./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's all?" Joker scoffed, "I can do that in my sleep."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Alfred shrugged, "I'd prefer you were conscious." His face fell slightly, "You will suffer quite a bit discomfort." He walked over to the counter, picking up a bottle, then turning to show one of the pills to Joker./p
p class="MsoNormal""This is the first pill." He seemed to be becoming a little more uncomfortable as he spoke, "This one… ends the pregnancy. Then you'll take another in 24 hours' time, and that gets rid of it, that's when the discomfort will start… And although I can't say anything about the experience myself, I should imagine it'll be a nightmare of dysphoria for you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker nodded along, though Batman wasn't sure if he were really absorbing what Alfred was saying./p
p class="MsoNormal""Now, Joker, I must ask you… Are you sure this is what you want?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker gave a hard nod, he glanced over at Batman, then back at Alfred, "I'm sure." He reached out to take the pill, closing his eyes as he swallowed it./p
p class="MsoNormal"He let out a deep breath, a wide smile spreading across his face. He opened his eyes and looked over at Batman, "That's a weight off my mind."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I should imagine so," Batman said, smiling weakly,/p
p class="MsoNormal""The worst is yet to come," Alfred frowned, "As I said, after tomorrow you'll pass the pregnancy. There'll be cramping and bleeding, mood-swings, general unpleasantness,"/p
p class="MsoNormal"The smile on Joker's face dropped slightly, "I'm sure I'll manage…"/p
p class="MsoNormal""You'll be here through it," Batman said stiffly, "I won't let you go through that out on the streets."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker let out a chuckle, "How kind."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Alfred swallowed hard, "Batman, how would you propose we deal with that? You can't make him stay down here."/p
p class="MsoNormal"There was far too much sensitive information down here, and it wasn't exactly comfortable, it was always slightly cold. Alfred was right./p
p class="MsoNormal"Bruce shook his head, taking a second to think it over. For a moment he considered giving him free reign of the house, or perhaps taking him to a hotel. Neither were suitable./p
p class="MsoNormal""No… I'll take him to one of the guest bedrooms I suppose, lock him in."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You know I am right here?" Joker said stubbornly, "Don't I get a say?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, you don't," Batman replied stubbornly. "This is my house, you're under my care."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker blew a raspberry, "Alright, I guess." He smiled, raising an eyebrow, "It's going to be nice having you take care of me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I suggest that you take him to bed, he'll need all the strength he can get. And a change of bandages." He glanced down at Joker, "And a shower." He smirked, "In the opposite order."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman nodded, "I'm sure we can do that." He looked down at Joker, "…Can you stand?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I can try," Joker smiled. He held out his hand to take Batman's./p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman pulled him to his feet, holding him steady, he looked him up and down. He was visibly shaking, the smile on his face wide despite it./p
p class="MsoNormal"Alfred clicked his tongue, shaking his head as he handed Batman a pack of bandages. "Given your injuries I wouldn't suggest you walk. Standing in the shower should be fine as long as you move slowly," Alfred advised, his eyes turning to Joker as he talked./p
p class="MsoNormal"Batman gave him a nod, he scooped Joker into his arms, looking him over again. He really did need a shower; his white skin made the muck on him even more visible, even in the soft light of the cave./p
p class="MsoNormal"Joker looped an arm around Batman's neck. "So, you're saying that Batman won't be helping me shower? No sponge bath?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Maybe next time," Batman smirked. After a moment the smirk faded back as he remembered who exactly he was talking to, and why exactly he was here./p