"There must be something in my lungs that keeps me from breathing;

As deep and full as I once could, now mind starts repeating"

~Won't give up; Colony House

. . .

Percy

The waves crashed against the dock, hitting my shins with small droplets of water. The sun was high above burning my bare arms.

I stood up on the abandoned dock and collected myself before I made way to see my friends again. I could only hope that the redness in my eyes would go away before I made it to camp.

I closed my eyes and tried to remind myself that she wouldn't want me to upset today. It was a day of celebration to her, even though only a select group of people could tell you why today was unique. She never liked the attention.

I was coming back for the day. Figured if I wasn't there they'd all hunt me down anyway. This is what I do now. Come and go. Each time I come Piper begs me to stay for longer than a night, but I have places to be. Or, at least, that's what I tell them.

I've actually gotten to enjoy places. Only a few monsters, here and there. Gatlinburg is a fun place to go. Spending the day up in the Smokey Mountains, looking down at all the little people, and remembering that you're one of them. You have the exception of your own DNA, (Godly or not) but that's it. Everyone feels the loss even if they haven't yet.

That's usually the time I tell myself, They moved on, now it's your turn.

Well, it's been a year and I can't move on.

I shook my head and decided it was time to put on my mask. Can't let the others see I'm still breaking. No more sightseeing if that happened. They'd never let me leave. My mom would even force me to stay. No, that was a part of me that only I would see. When I was alone.

A familiar house came into eyesight. Laughter sounded out from the children chasing each other around with swords. Probably not something that should have been happening but, hey. Welcome to Camp Half-Blood.

There were a lot of people in the courtyard, so classes must have been getting out. Some older campers saw me and waved, others turned and whispered to their friends as I walked by. Some faces looked familiar, others were brand new. Some of the familiar, older ones were all accompanying small children to their next activities. The other ones were catching up with old friends. They were here for the same reason was.

Annabeth's birthday.

There was going to be a small announcement at dinner for the younger campers, and then the senior counselors and campers would get to stay up past curfew and celebrate her birthday. And she wouldn't even be there.

Today she should have been 19. Once our birthday plans would backfire, she would have mentioned how any birthday is better than the one she spent in Tartarus. Then everyone would laugh and tell her how funny she was. I would pull close and kiss her forehead. That's how it would go.

Would.

Anyway.

I made my way towards the cabins. I was far away yet I could already see the empty spot in between the cabins. Camp Half-Blood never needed to redo the cabin because Athena said she would have no more children for fear they would also be killed. She also swore there were no other kids under her. That they were all gone. That was at least what I heard. I wasn't there when this announcement was made. Piper was the one who told me.

Speaking of Piper, as I made my way towards my own cabin, she was doing the same.

The brunette was darker than she had been in the winter. Her choppy brown hair was shoulder length. She was wearing jean shorts, a CHB t-shirt, and a bronze chest plate. She was carrying a basket of strawberries. Most likely freshly picked. And judging by the small droplets on her hands, they were also freshly washed. The only weird thing about her was that she was covered head to toe in glitter.

She spotted me seconds after I saw her. Her smiled widened, as did mine. Strawberries still in her hands she jumped and hugged me. She pulled me back and took a long look at me.

Piper had been looking out for me ever since Annabeth died. She would keep track of where I was and send me letters (when she knew where I was). I would send her postcards from wherever I was. She wasn't the only one I did this to. But she was the only who responded. She is like my sister now, she just comforts me whenever she sees that sad look in my eyes.

She pulled away and held me at arm's length, "I didn't think you'd come."

"It's like you said in your last letter, it's just one of those days when you can't be alone." She had sent me a letter explaining how if I didn't show up she'd have Nico find me. No doubt that's where she was headed if she didn't see me today. "Quick question, is this a fashion statement or...?" Gesturing to the glitter.

She looked down as if she wasn't aware of how much she sparkled, and laughed, "Arts and craft were right after I got out of the Arena, I didn't have to change."

"And the strawberries-"

"Were handed to me as I was on my way here." She finished. "I don't even know who gave to me they just shoved them in my hands and said, 'Wash'em for me, will ya.' Yeah, okay. Doing your job for you I guess. Want one?"

A grabbed a few out of the basket, "That's what we do here in the summer. Procrastinate."

"Yes, us demigods who are always being chased by monsters, are in no way shape or form not lazy. Constantly sitting down and never any physical acti-"

I reached forward and tickled her, "Okay! I get it! Were not lazy!"

"Stop!" She giggled and I let go. Piper reached forward and grabbed my hand, "Come on. The others will want to see you, too."

. . .

She led me to the Counselors suite. Which is misleading because all that was in there was a couch, a rug, and a half-bathroom. Chiron had it built so that all the Senior Counselors could hang out without small children asking questions every five seconds. The lights didn't even work have the time and the entire place could only fit around 10 people. But it was quiet so we enjoyed it.

Piper opened the door and made her announcement, "Guys, call off the search party. He came to us this time!"

She then pulled me really hard into the cabin.

There were only 5 people there. Jason Grace, Leo Valdez, Nico Di Angelo, and Travis and Connor Stoll.

Travis and Connor were the first to react. "PERCY!" Then they squealed like little girls and hugged me. They were both in college yet it's like their still 14.

"Squeal a little louder, how 'bout ya? See if you can break a glass." Jason said standing up.

I pushed Travis and Connor off of me to go see the rest of the guys.

"Hey, guys," I said with a small smile. Nico was standing up to meet me while Leo just sat on the couch and pretended to be looking at his nails.

"You didn't write, you didn't call. You owe me an apology for all the grief you cause me, mister." Leo said without looking up.

I let out a small laugh, "I'm sorry, Leo. Next time, I'll make sure to send you a postcard from Malibu Beach."

"Good," He nodded, "And I expect a T-shirt as well. One of those cheesy lines. Like, 'My friend went to Malibu beach and all he bought me was this lousy T-shirt.' or something." He shrugged.

I looked at the rest of the group who had amused smiles on their face. Except for Nico who was pinching his nose and shaking his head.

We shook hands while I said, "You got it, dude."

We all sat down, Piper and Leo on the couch and the rest of us at their feet. We just talked about life for who knows how long. Piper and Jason were starting College on the West Coast this fall. Leo was in Indianapolis with Calypso. Travis and Connor were both in College still. Nico, like me, had been traveling not North America, but South. He wanted to "see new faces". They had all come to camp this summer to help Chiron out. Although, Leo was heading back in a few weeks to be with Calypso again.

Half-way through our conversation, Travis and Connor both had "important business to attend to" and they need to leave. It was then just the "quest kids" as Leo liked to call it.

It was silent for a few minutes, then Jason broke the ice, "Ready for tonight?"

I looked up to see them all looking at me. Watching to see how I would react. They'd all seen me at the memorial of her death a few months ago. I wasn't in the best place then. I have gotten better since then. At least, I like to think so.

"Um, y-yeah. I mean I probably won't stay very long. Got to visit my mom before I leave again." I said, slightly unsure if I had said the right.

Piper smiled a sweet smile and shook her head, "No. You're staying the night here. End of story. The party isn't starting until after curfew, so it won't be done until at least 2 in the morning. You can see your mom in the morning."

Leo, Jason, and Nico all laughed.

"No denying Piper, Percy," Nico said with a chuckle, "She knows you too well. She might actually chain you to your bed tonight."

I put my hand over my heart, "I feel so attacked!"

After a while, the boys had to head to their next activity so I was just me and Piper. Piper stood up from the couch, the first movement either of us had made in a while. She walked over to the window and stared out at the empty strawberry fields.

"You're not okay with this party, are you?" Piper said, not turning to look at me.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, "What gave it away?"

"The very few words you had to say about it when Jason asked. Not that I blame you anyway. I'm not too fond of the idea myself." She muttered the last part to herself, but the room was so empty and quiet that it could almost be heard for miles.

I'd always known that out of the 7, Piper had become almost as close to Annabeth, as I did in the 5 years he knew her. I think it's because Piper is so much like Silena, and Annabeth loved Silena.

Loved

Past-tense.

Because both of those people are gone.

Well, that took a wrong turn.

Moving on.

"I know this isn't what she'd want but I can't help but feel obligated to be sad." She started pacing, "She's not here to see the horrible cake Leo tried to bake. So why are celebrating? I rather sit in my cabin and cry." Her eyes started to water, "And when we were planning this Jason asked if I was okay with it, and I said, 'Sure! I'll plan it!' And that was such a mistake! Why did I do that?"

By now Piper was slightly yelling. Tears were hitting the floor. Not just hers but also mine.

"Because you felt like she might be forgotten if you didn't," I said quietly. Piper jerked her head to look at me, "You thought that if she wasn't here to help everyone every day, the memory would go away. And you would do everything you could to make sure she was never misremembered."

Piper was frozen in her spot, "How...?"

"Because I... I don't know," I wiped some of the tears off of my face, "I-Whenever someone close to me dies, they always make me promise something to them. Most of the time it's not being forgotten. I do everything in my effort t-to remember them and to make sure others do the same. Anna-Annabeth was always there beside me making those promises, too. And I t-tried to do the same, but... Sometimes just talking about her would..." I tried to find what I meant by wildly gesturing my hands, "lose it, I guess. I... She never made me promise because she never got the chance and..."

Piper's eyes softened, "Percy. I-I had no idea. I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay." I chuckled a little. "That whole remembering thing, i-it's part of the reason I'm gone all the time. I travel to places we've been. I-I spent 4 weeks in New Jersey once, driving on the same highway everyday all because of something we'd done together."

I rubbed my nose. My face felt tight from all the dried tears, "Sometimes I think about how unhealthy it is. Like, I'll see a sign on the highway for Las Vegas and I'll start crying, which is strange because that's not what I would have done a year ago. Other times I'll pass the Gateway Arch and just pass out laughing.

I get it, Piper. I really do. And it's gonna feel like that for a long time and you're gonna spend your nights thinking that you didn't think of her enough. And it's gonna hurt."

It was too late for me to realize what I'd done. By the time I was going to come up with an excuse as to why I sound do broken, Piper already had her arms around my neck. A heart-wrenching sob came from my neck where Piper had buried her head. That was enough to make me start crying again, too.

We stayed like this for a long while.

Piper pulled away first and sniffed. We were on the floor. She looked at me and started chuckling, "Y-your shirt... I-I'm sorry."

I looked down at my shoulder to see my shoulder was wet with her tears, I started chuckling as well, "You're fine."

There was a knock at the door. Leo peaked his head in the door, and if he noticed how bad we both looked he didn't say anything.

Leo shuffled into the cabin, "Umm, hey, Piper, dinner is about to happen and we need to finish setting up for tonight. Can-"

"Yeah, I'll be right there." She sniffed and rubbed her nose.

Leo looked a little awkward like he wasn't sure what to do with 2 demigods sitting on the floor who had clearly been crying. He just shifted his weight a few time then jabbed his thumb at the door and ran out the door.

A small chuckle came from Piper, and she stood up and brushed her hands against her shorts. "I should get going. I'll see you at dinner right?"

I gave her a short nod and watched her walk out the door.

. . .

I almost missed dinner.

After Piper left I went back to the abandoned dock I was at this morning. I should have known I wouldn't be able to hear the horn from that far away. I realized the sun was halfway down and began to sprint to the dining pavilion. People were still there, but there were barely any plates.

I caught Piper's eyes she gave me a look that said, Are you serious?

I shrugged.

She got up and started over to me. When she got there she handed me a small bag full of... carrots. Great, thanks, Piper. She then brought her hand to my forehead and lightly hit and whispered, "Idiot," under her breath.

I shoved a carrot in my mouth followed her to the campfire.

"You would have liked what Chiron said about Annabeth. It was really sweet. The little kids sang Happy Birthday to her, and the Demeter cabin made a cake. It was much better than the one we're having tonight." She said, not looking at me.

With my mouth full of carrot, I said, "Sorry to have missed it."

"You should be because now you're going to help me set up for the party tonight. We're using the campfire area. The party starts at 9 and will probably go till 2 in the morning. Chiron is holding off the harpies for us tonight. I need you," She turned and shoved her finger in my chest. "To help Leo carry his mess of a cake out here without dropping it. Then I'll give you another job until the party starts. No more wandering off."

"Okay, I got it."

And began my journey to back to the dining pavilion, where Leo was struggling to hold spoons, forks, knives, plates, napkins, and the cake.

"Need some help?"

Leo's head shot up, "Absolutely. You can carry the cake, Mr. Strong Arms and I, Weak Arms will carry everything else."

I raised an eyebrow, "Mr. Strong Arms?"

"I mean, am I wrong?" He shrugged.

I picked up the cake and tilted my head a little, "Fair."

We began our silent tread back to the campfire.

"So... this might be a little insensitive - and you don't have to answer - are you okay? You and Piper look a little" He made a strange face that I can't even begin to describe, "you know?"

I didn't know actually. I got the feeling he was talking about earlier in the Counselor's Suite, but he wasn't making himself clear, especially with whatever that face was meant to be.

"Okay, okay, okay," He shook his head, "You're confused and I can see that. Earlier when I barged in and you guys were sitting on the floor. I'm pretty sure you were both crying. I asked Piper about it but she just stared at me for a few seconds then walked away, but you're helping me carry this cake so you can't run away from me."

I sighed, of course, he noticed that we were upset. Today was not getting any better. "It's... just a hard day, I guess. It's not going the way either of us planned."

"It's because of Annabeth, isn't it? Wait, that's a stupid question. Of course, that's what it's about. It is about... her, right?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, that's it. I guess... I guess we thought we were ready."

"Ready for..."

I slowed to a stop, thought about for a minute, then said, "Ready to face what we've always known. She's gone. We know that, but I guess with everything we've been through, it seemed almost unbelievable that someone as close as Annabeth would actually be gone."

Leo stared over my shoulder, "Yeah, I get it. I-I mean, I don't because I've never felt that" I cocked my head a little to the side, "I mean, yeah my mom and everything. But when she... that happened, I didn't feel that. I don't actually remember what I felt." He shook his head, "Anyway, I was the other side of this situation. I was the death-ee... That came out wrong. You know what I mean. But by the ever-lasting pain in my shoulder, I get the feeling that I had left a mark. Almost everyone in camp came and hit me. I mean, you were there. If I could make that much of an impact on people, in six months, I'm pretty sure Annabeth would have made a bigger one."

The silence stretched between us.

He cleared his throat, "We should get going before Pip-"

"Leo, wait. Thank you. I don't know but somehow, that did something."

Leo blinked as if that was not the reaction he was expecting, "Uh. Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Any time."

We continued on our way back to Piper who was now talking to Jason about... uh, us.

"-sent Percy to go help Leo, because as much as I love Leo, he and that cake are just a disaster waiting to happ- LEO! Hey, we were just talking about you."

"Yes, yes, I know. You sent Percy so that I wouldn't drop my already mess of a cake." Leo rolled his eyes as he set everything down on the table.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've seen worse," I said with a shrug.

"Yes, yes, we've all heard the story," Piper took the cake from my hands, "Annabeth and Tyson made you a cupcake for your birthday and it was quite terrible."

I pointed my finger at her, "Hey, I never said it was terrible I just said it looked like a brick."

"Whatever it was, Percy, I'm sure it looked better than whatever this was supposed to be," Jason said gesturing to the blob of bread and icing sitting on the picnic table.

Leo threw his hands in the air, surrendering, "Okay, I get it! I can cook but can't bake! Next time, ask someone else to bake the cake. I will gladly give up this position."

As our laughter filled the area, I stared a the burning fire that was beginning to be brighter than the setting sun. I felt the warmth. I remember that night. The flames were almost identical. Only one thing was different. Everyone could feel it. And you could tell. PIper's laughter was just a little more blithe, Leo's smile was bigger. Nobody was complaining about party decorations. It was good to feel something other than grief for a just a little bit.

I'd enjoy this night.

I'd enjoy it until the storm hit.

. . .

Hey Y'all! I didn't abandon you like most of you probably thought I did!

anyway...

here's something fun! The song "Won't Give Up" by Colony House, is kinda perfect for the first half of this chapter so maybe listen to that. the song has a really sad backstory to it. I suggest you look it up and maybe cry a little.

speaking of crying a little. how was the chapter? poured a ton more time than I should have into this. it looks nothing like the old version, which i'm proud of. when I first wrote the chapter, I hadn't really felt what loss really was. and I right before I wrote the new version I met with my great grandma and she couldn't recognize my face anymore. and while I was writing this I had the worst week of my life, ever. so.

i'm sure I'll post this and then realize I forgot something but until then!

~E.T