Chapter 2
The Hands That Care
'Your hands, they are like my brother's… so soothing, so caring.'
Hitomi watched the clouds slowly parading in the pink and orange-tinged evening sky from the opened window of her deserted classroom.
A lovely scenery such as this never failed to cheer her up and put a smile on her face, but not this time. She was feeling miserable the whole week because someone didn't show up at school since last Friday.
She missed him.
She had been missing him since she last saw him walking away in the rain.
'Hitomi!'
She looked out of the window and saw Yukari making her way across the school grounds, jogging towards the school building where their classroom was, waving cheerfully, if not a little too energetically up at her.
Hitomi waved back at her friend with a smile.
She was glad she went for track practice today. It helped took her mind off of Van a little, if only for a while. For days now, all she could think of was him and his voice, and his russet eyes, and his smile, and it was driving her crazy.
'I'll be there in a minute, okay?' Yukari's voice drifted up to the opened window from three stories below.
'Take your time, Yukari!' Hitomi called back to her, watching her friend skipped her way blissfully towards the building's main entrance.
She smiled at how happy Yukari seemed these days. She and Amano were really in love with each other from the look of it. Hitomi had tactfully left the two of them alone at the school tracks after practice was over, giving Yukari an encouraging wink as she left the tracks. She had then let her tired legs led her to their classroom as she cheerfully congratulated herself for being such a good friend.
But her good mood slowly faded away as she sat alone at her desk in the empty classroom, staring at the evening sky but not actually seeing it because in her eyes all she could see was Van disappearing in the rain.
She let out a sigh as she got up from her assigned seat and sat herself at the one in front of hers.
Van's desk was unexpectedly full of doodles, and there were also a number of wonderfully drawn cats, much to Hitomi's surprise. She didn't know Van was good at art. A smile crept onto her face as she traced the drawings lovingly with the tip of her fingers.
'So this is what you do whenever you have to listen to me and Yukari gossip, you vandalizing Van,' she giggled, the tinkle of her voice sounding loud in the quiet room.
Just moments later, the classroom door opened with a quiet slide and Yukari appeared with a huge grin on her face.
'Thank you, Hitomi,' she sang gleefully, twirling her way towards her friend who was amusedly watching her. 'I have a date with Amano this Sunday!'
Hitomi's face brightened up at the news.
'Way to go, Yukari!'
'Oh, I don't know if I have anything nice to wear.'
Hitomi scoffed at the familiar words coming out of Yukari's mouth.
'I'm sure there's something in your closet that would be perfect for the date,' she said with a small laugh.
Yukari stopped her delighted squeals when she realized Hitomi was sitting at Van's desk with a rather gloomy look on her face.
'Hey, Hitomi. You miss him?' she asked, her eyes following Hitomi's fingers which were tracing one of the drawn cats on Van's desk. She then went to sit at her own desk, turning her chair around so she could face her friend.
Hitomi didn't have to ask to know who she was referring to.
'... Yeah.'
Yukari smiled.
Hitomi had told her what happened with Van at the library last Friday, and she was actually overjoyed that there was finally progress, although not much, in their relationship. It was a start, at least. Somehow, she had been rooting for Hitomi and Van to be together ever since she realized the two of them might have feelings for each other.
'I wonder what happened to him,' Hitomi said softly, casting her gaze out of the window.
Today was Thursday. Van hadn't showed up at school since last Friday, and no one seemed to know what happened to him.
'Don't worry too much about it, Hitomi. I'm sure Van just caught a cold or something. He'll be back,' Yukari said reassuringly when she saw the worried look on her friend's face.
'I don't know. Somehow, I never thought that Van could catch a cold. I mean, he doesn't look like someone who could catch one, don't you think?' Hitomi said, placing her head on the desk, dolefully looking up at the darkening sky.
Yukari laughed at her words.
'What are you saying, Hitomi? Van is just a normal guy. Of course he'll get sick once in a while.'
'Yeah, he might be at home feeling sick, or he might have flown away somewhere far away with that beautiful white wings of his,' she said dreamily, much to Yukari's confusion.
'White wings? What are you talking about, Hitomi?' Yukari asked curiously, peering at her friend's face to check if she was actually asleep.
Hitomi sat up in her chair and shook her head, giving her friend a small smile.
For some reason, she had never talked to Yukari about those white wings she kept imagining spreading from Van's back. She felt that Van would not want anyone to know about his wings if he really had them, no matter how absurd the thought of him spreading wings in real-life was.
Yukari patted her friend's hand with a comforting smile.
'Van will come to school tomorrow, Hitomi. Trust me, I know it. So don't worry so much,' she said as she stood up and grabbed her bag. 'Let's go home, okay? It's getting dark.'
Hitomi nodded, reaching for her own bag as she left her desk.
'Oh, hold on, Yukari,' she suddenly quipped when they were almost at the classroom door.
She sauntered back to her seat to grab Van's white umbrella hooked at the side of her desk. She had been bringing it back and forth to school in hopes of returning it to its owner.
I'll return this to Van when he comes to school tomorrow.
She gripped the umbrella tightly with determination and headed home with the hope that Yukari's words will come true.
.o.o.o.
Yukari was wrong in her prediction.
Van didn't show up at school the next day, much to Hitomi's disappointment. She sat staring at Van's empty seat with her chin on her desk, listening to the drawling voice of Mr Asahi that went on and on.
Having History lessons first thing in the morning really wasn't the best way to start a school day. The old man's words went in through her right ear and exited through her left without her making any sense of what he was talking about.
She glanced at the clock hung above the blackboard at the front of the class. Nine thirty. Five more minutes until the end of first period. She closed her eyes and prayed that when she opened them, she would hear the ringing of the bell, telling her first period has ended. Seriously, the old man's voice was putting her to sleep.
When she opened her eyes, it wasn't the bell she heard. Instead, it was the rather loud bang of the classroom door opening.
Van strolled into the class looking like he had just gotten out of bed; his hair was a little messier than it usually was, his white school shirt was half untucked, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, exposing lean, wiry arms. He didn't even bother putting on his school tie, which he had wrapped loosely around one hand like a makeshift bandage.
Hitomi stared at him, open-mouthed. Ignoring the sudden loud, quick heartbeats in her ears, she watched Van stood in front of the class, his face a little pale.
Yukari turned around to look at her with wide excited eyes, a big grin plastered on her face.
'I told you he'd come today,' she whispered loud enough only for Hitomi to hear.
Mr Asahi turned to look at Van with a frown and a stern look on his face. He glanced at his watch before his narrowed eyes were back on the student in front of him.
'Young man,' he addressed Van in his drawling voice, 'do you know what time it is?'
'Yes, sir.'
The teacher waited for him to continue but Van didn't say anything else. Instead, he just held Mr Asahi's gaze unwaveringly with his eyes. The whole class watched the two of them in awkward silence.
'And you are late because?' the old man pressed, his mouth twitching.
'I overslept. And I didn't feel like having history lessons so early in the morning,' Van said casually. He completely ignored the look of astonishment on his teacher's face as he continued to stare at the flaring old man.
'Are you listening to yourself, young man?' There was a threatening edge in Mr Asahi's voice now.
'I am not deaf, Mr Asahi,' Van replied, his voice calm and even if not a little rough and hoarse.
There were some stifled laughs coming from the students in the class who felt Van's reply to the teacher amusing, but most of them, including Hitomi, stared at him in shock.
What's gotten into him?
She had never seen him act like this with a teacher before.
Mr Asahi regarded Van with a contemptuous look, obviously trying to keep his temper in check. He then let out a mighty harrumph and started writing on the blackboard again, the sound of chalk scraping the board was loud in the hushed classroom.
'Get to your seat,' he ordered without looking at his student.
Van obediently shuffled past him towards his seat, running a hand through his hair when Mr Asahi barked at him again.
'And wear your school uniform properly. Tuck in your shirt and put on your necktie.'
'Yes, sir,' Van muttered as he placed his bag on his desk.
His eyes suddenly flickered to Hitomi who had been staring at him the whole time. He blinked, his face softening a little when he realized she was watching him, and he gave her an uncertain smile where only one side of his mouth curved upwards.
Before Hitomi could return his smile, Van had already turned away from her, pulling out his chair and taking a seat as the bell marking the end of first period rang. The classroom was abruptly filled with sighs and cheers of relief as Mr Asahi yelled to the class to submit last week's homework.
'Hitomi, please collect everyone's homework and put them on my desk after school today,' the old teacher instructed as he started to walk out of the classroom.
'Yes, sir,' Hitomi replied with a sigh, quietly asking god why her name was chosen this time. Mr Asahi had a habit of calling out random names of his students at the end of class and giving them tasks to do.
'And you, Van,' Mr Asahi called out before he exited the classroom, 'I want to see you after school today.'
'Yes, sir,' Van managed a mumble, holding his head in his hand.
Hitomi watched him, wanting to talk to him but not really knowing how to start.
'Va–'
Before she could say his name, Van had already dashed out of the classroom with a hand clutched to his chest, the door banged loudly as he left.
Hitomi stared in surprise, her wide eyes slowly glancing at Yukari who looked equally shocked. She was watching Hitomi and Van since the moment Mr Asahi was out of sight, expecting to see some shy exchanges between the two people sitting behind her. But she didn't expect for Van to suddenly vanish like that.
'What's wrong with him?' Yukari asked, turning in her seat curiously.
Hitomi shook her head, still a little stunned.
'Don't know.'
She told herself that she would talk to Van properly when he gets back, but he only came back to class when it was already fifteen minutes into second period, not looking at anyone and ignoring the scowl on the teacher's face. Hitomi couldn't possibly talk to him without the teacher scolding her for not paying attention.
Van's behavior wasn't helping either. Throughout the following periods, he sat hunched at his desk, never once turning around to look at her or even tried to talk to her. It was making her feel as if he didn't really want to have anything to do with her, or anyone else for that matter.
By lunchtime, Hitomi was completely discouraged about trying to talk to him.
'He's gone again,' Yukari commented as she pulled her chair next to Hitomi's desk and opened her lunchbox. 'Where do you think he'd gone to?'
Hitomi pushed back her hair from her face and held her head in her hands in frustration. She stared at the empty seat in front of her.
'I don't know,' she mumbled. 'It's like he's avoiding me. Maybe I misread things last week,' Hitomi voiced out her thoughts. 'I mean, he was probably just being nice to me, you know? It doesn't mean he wants to talk to me now or feels something for me or anything like that.'
Yukari looked at her friend a little sympathetically.
'Oh, come on, Hitomi. I'm sure he's just nervous about this. I mean, he now knows you know about his feelings for you, right?' she said, placing an octopus-shaped sausage into Hitomi's lunchbox with her chopsticks.
'Well, not really. I told you that he didn't say anything about liking me, remember?' Hitomi pointed out.
'Yeah, but still,' Yukari put down her chopsticks and started ticking off things on her fingers. 'He was concerned about you looking tired and not having enough sleep; you said he looked relieved when you told him I'm the one dating Amano and not you; he said he liked listening to your voice; he gazed at you tenderly; he gave you his umbrella because he didn't want you to get sick if you walked in the rain; oh, and he held your hand while you were asleep.'
'Yukari, I told you I'm not really sure about him holding my hand part. It could've been just my imagination,' Hitomi said, popping the octopus-shaped sausage into her mouth. 'I really do think he's avoiding me. He gave me a little smile when he arrived this morning, but… I don't know. After that, he didn't show his face to me again, not even once.'
Yukari sighed, feeling a little frustrated by her friend's pessimism.
'Hitomi, did you see how pale his face was?'
'I noticed he looked a little pale when he was about to be scolded by Mr Asahi this morning.'
'That's what you think? I think he's just not feeling well,' Yukari said, finishing the last of her lunch. 'I turned around to look at him a couple of times and he looked like he was either in pain or he was about to puke.'
Hitomi looked up at Yukari, feeling a little concerned now.
'Are you serious?'
'It could be my imagination, though,' Yukari shrugged as she got up from her chair to buy juice from the vending machine. 'Maybe he is avoiding you.'
Hitomi watched Yukari walked out of the classroom, not knowing what to think.
.o.o.o.
When the final bell rang at the end of the school session, Hitomi quickly picked up the stack of History homework she had collected from everyone earlier and headed for the teachers' room. She had track practice today and she couldn't wait to get her body worked out and get her mind off everything.
'Hitomi, I'll head to the tracks first, alright?' Yukari called out.
'Okay, Yukari. See you there,' she replied as she walked out of the class, carefully avoiding the stream of eager students in the hallway.
She entered the teachers' room with a soft 'good afternoon' and silently placed the stack of homework on Mr Asahi's desk. The old man acknowledged her presence with a little nod as he busily worked on his laptop, not bothering to say thank you to her. She left him without a word, opening the door as quietly as she could when Mr Asahi called her name.
'Hitomi. Where's Van? I thought I told him to come see me after school?' he gruffly said without looking away from his laptop screen.
Hitomi looked at him uncertainly.
In her hastiness to get the History homework to the teachers' room, she didn't even notice if Van was still in his seat when she left the classroom. What should she say to her teacher? She wasn't sure if Van was still around or he had gone home already. Mr Asahi would surely flare up if she told him Van had already left the school grounds. And she would be the one receiving the old man's lecture in Van's stead about not following instructions.
'Uh, I'll go tell him to come and see you, Mr Asahi,' she finally said and left the room.
Like he's coming to see you, old man. I bet he's already on his way home now.
But when she reached her already deserted classroom, she saw Van was still in his seat, his head on his desk, pillowed by his arms.
Van's still here?
Without a sound, Hitomi made her way to her desk, not really sure what to do. She stood there staring at Van, wondering if he was really sleeping.
She called out his name.
'Van?'
It didn't seem like he heard her. Or was he pretending not to hear her?
She came a little closer, putting a hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little.
'Van? Are you awake?'
Van finally stirred under her touch, waking up with a little jerk. He looked around the classroom as if expecting to see his classmates were still around, his eyes a little glazed. He seemed to realize the situation when he saw Hitomi standing beside his desk.
'School ended already?' he asked hoarsely, rubbing his face with his hands before running them through his messy hair.
'Yeah,' Hitomi answered, unable to look away from him. She cast her gaze elsewhere when she realized she was staring at him for far too long. 'Mr Asahi wanted to see you.'
Van stared blankly at her for a while, as if trying to make sense of her words.
'Oh,' he exclaimed softly. 'Yeah, he said that. I forgot.'
He stood up from his chair a little unsteadily, one hand holding his head, the other placed lightly on his desk, stabilizing himself.
Hitomi gave him a once over; he looked exactly like he did when he arrived late this morning.
'You better tidy up your uniform, Van. You know how much Mr Asahi despises untucked shirts. You'll get a one-hour lecture about the proper way to wear a school uniform if you go see him looking like this.'
Van looked down at his crumpled shirt, and then he looked up at the girl in front of him.
'You're right,' he agreed with a little smile, making Hitomi's heart skip a beat.
He started tucking in his shirt without much care before he sat himself on the edge of his desk, pulling out his carelessly rolled up school necktie from inside his slacks pocket.
Hitomi noticed his hands were trembling a little as he clumsily tied the tie around his collar.
Maybe Yukari was right. Now that she had a better look at him, he was looking a little pale.
'Van, are you alright?' she asked, stepping a little closer to him to have a better look. 'You don't look so well.'
Van glanced at her briefly as he busied himself with the tie.
'Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little dizzy.'
'Did you catch a cold?'
He smiled again and gave her a small nod.
Hitomi stared at him with a horrified look on her face.
Yukari was right after all. He did catch a cold. And Hitomi knew she was the one at fault.
'Oh no. It was my fault, wasn't it? You lent me your umbrella and I let you walk in the rain last Friday.'
'Don't worry about it, Hitomi. It wasn't your fault.'
'Yes, it was! Oh Van, I'm so sorry. I feel so bad now. Is there anything I can do to make up for it? Can I treat you to lunch? Or dinner? Oh, I know! I can do all your homework for a week?' Hitomi asked frantically.
'Hitomi, calm down. You don't have to treat me to anything. And I definitely won't let you do my homework. I told you it wasn't your fault,' Van said reassuringly as he undid the crooked knot he had just done and started to tie the necktie again.
Hitomi let out a defeated sigh.
'Okay,' she said softly, staring at her shoes. 'I'm sorry, Van.'
'You have nothing to be sorry about, Hitomi.'
She watched his hands tremble trying to tie the strip of cloth around his neck as a blanket of silence fell over them, the only sound in the room was the soft shuffling of Van's tie.
'Van?'
'Hm?'
'Were you avoiding me earlier?'
Van stopped what he was doing and looked up at Hitomi with concern in his eyes.
'What do you mean?'
She shifted on her feet uncertainly.
'Well, I tried to talk to you but you seemed like you didn't want anyone to bother you. And you were always barging out of class after every period.'
She heard Van sigh softly.
'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act that way. It's just, my chest hurts every now and then, because of the fever. And I was feeling nauseous.'
'That was why you were running out of class in between lessons?'
Van nodded, looking a little embarrassed.
'Were you in pain?' Hitomi asked, concerned about him now and feeling so stupid for being self-centred and thinking he was avoiding her.
'Just a little. I feel a lot better now,' Van said, pulling at his knotted tie and smoothing it against his chest. He took in a deep breath and exhaled. 'I guess I'm ready to go now. I hope old man Asahi isn't in a very bad mood.'
Hitomi stared in horror at Van's finished knot. It was crooked, it was misshapen, it was absolutely awful.
'Do you even know how to properly tie a necktie, Van?' she asked with a disapproving look on her face.
'Actually, I don't,' he answered dismissively as he started to get off the desk.
'No, stay where you are,' Hitomi ordered in a firm voice, her hand flat on Van's chest causing him to fall back onto the desk. 'I will not allow you to go see Mr Asahi with such a horrible knot!'
She grabbed Van's tie and started unknotting it, unintentionally pulling him closer to her in the process.
Van looked at her, completely startled.
'Hitomi?' he rasped.
'Just stay put. I'll do it for you,' Hitomi instructed, paying her full attention to her hands and the crinkled necktie.
'Do you know that a tie is actually a noose that is upside down?' Van asked quietly after a while. He sounded a little nervous.
The feel of Van's breath on her face and the vibration of his rumbling voice made Hitomi realize how close she actually was to him. She looked up and her face was just inches away from his.
She stepped back clumsily in surprise, feeling her face getting hot. But her grip on his tie was firm, and she accidentally pulled him along with her, making him stumble forwards off the desk he was perched on, pushing her backwards against the desk behind her. If Van hadn't strongly placed his hands on either side of her against the desk to break his fall, he would have probably ended up being on top of her.
Hitomi looked up at Van in shock, her body paralyzed. She was immediately aware of his closeness; she could feel the heat radiating from his body.
'You're using the tie as a leash now,' Van said, his voice was so low she almost couldn't hear him. Somehow, his words made her blush even more.
'Sorry, I didn't mean to do that,' she breathed, trying to ignore the loud beatings in her ears.
Van didn't make any move to get away from her. Instead, he stared deep into Hitomi's wide eyes, before the gaze of his glazed amber ones lazily roamed around her face, memorizing it.
'You know, I dreamed of you a lot these past days. In those dreams, you were always going to leave me. I was afraid of that,' he said in a whisper, almost dreamily. 'I missed you, Hitomi.'
Hitomi blinked, not really sure if she was hearing him right.
'Van?'
Van's eyes fluttered wide when he realized what he had just said.
He pulled his hands away from the desk, releasing Hitomi from the cage he had unintentionally held her in as his body reflexively jerked away. But as Hitomi's grip on his tie was still pretty solid, it held him in place and he wasn't able to move away from her much. It seemed like he really was on a leash.
Hitomi quickly loosened her hold on Van's tie, pushing him back a little and he obediently complied. He returned to sit on his desk, trying not to look at her and failing, obviously wishing she wouldn't notice his reddening face.
Blushing furiously, Hitomi continued to neatly knot the tie around Van's collar quietly, this time with a much bigger gap in between them, trying to ignore the feel of Van's eyes on her.
'You're pretty good at this,' Van commented casually, trying to lift the awkward feeling surrounding them at the moment. 'How come?'
Hitomi let out a soft, nervous laugh.
'I do this for my younger brother every morning before he goes to school. He's hopeless when it comes to tying a tie, much like you are,' she said with a soft giggle, but her eyes were still shyly avoiding looking at Van.
Carefully, she pushed the neat little knot she had done up to the hollow of Van's throat before tugging at it lightly.
'Alright. It's done now. See, it's so simple. It's not that hard.'
Hitomi smiled as she admired her work.
Before she could stop herself to think, she did the usual thing she would do after she had done tying her brother's necktie every morning; she slowly ran her hands down the neatly dimpled tie, smoothing it a few times against Van's chest and down to his torso.
She gasped in surprise when Van grabbed her hands in his, strongly but gently enough not to hurt her.
'Your hands, they are like my brother's… so soothing, so caring,' he whispered, again in that dreamy voice Hitomi had heard earlier, his eyes closed as he brought her hands to his chapped lips and softly kissed her fingers.
'Van!' Hitomi frantically called out his name as she didn't know what else to do. She was absolutely flustered by his unexpected actions, feeling the heat on her face and neck unbearable.
Once again, Van seemed to snap out of his dream-like state with a jerk, letting go of her hands abruptly, his wide eyes taking in the shocked, blushing girl in front of him.
'Hitomi…' he managed to say her name in a hoarse voice, looking away. 'I'm sorry... I'm acting a little strange, am I?' he said quietly, running his hand halfway through his hair and messing it up. 'That's why I hate getting a fever. It makes me delirious. It makes me do weird things, things that I usually don't have the courage to do.'
Like telling me you dreamed of me and you missed me? Like holding my hands and kissing them?
Hitomi stared at Van's red face. Instead of voicing out her thoughts, she said:
'Like casually talking back to Mr Asahi this morning?'
Van let out an amused chuckle, trying to hide his embarrassed face with his hands.
'Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking. I wonder what he'll do to me later.'
Hitomi laughed lightly, feeling the awkwardness between them lifting again.
'Don't worry about it. The worst Mr Asahi would do is give you a lecture on manners. Everyone knows he likes to punish students with his boring lectures.'
'I hope you are right,' Van said with a nervous laugh, his russet eyes still not meeting hers.
Hitomi stared at the shy look on his face, and she couldn't help noticing how adorable it was. When she caught herself absentmindedly taking steps towards Van, hands reaching for him, she quickly unhooked Van's white umbrella at the side of her desk and handed it to him. She didn't think she could trust herself to not do anything to Van in that state.
'Here. Your umbrella,' she said a little too loudly, her arm outstretched in front of her. 'Thank you for lending it to me. I've caused you so much trouble.'
'Stop it, Hitomi. I told you it wasn't your fault,' Van said gently as he took the umbrella from her.
Hitomi glanced at the classroom clock, feeling a little alarmed when she realized she was already late for track practice.
'Van, I think I should go now. I have track practice today…' she said a little reluctantly. She didn't want to end their little meeting. It felt good talking to him after wanting to see him for so long.
'Yeah. I better go see Asahi, too.'
Hitomi waited for Van to start walking away but he just stood there staring at her. She felt herself starting to blush again.
'Well… I'm going now,' she said, taking her bag from her seat and starting to head for the classroom door. She felt like she was making a big mistake leaving Van there. 'See you next week, Van,' she quipped, feeling her feet like they were made out of lead as she dragged them across the classroom.
'Hitomi, wait!'
She whirled around at the urgent sound of Van's voice before realizing he had wrapped his hand around her wrist. He quickly let her go before she could say anything.
'Hitomi... are you free tomorrow evening?' Van asked, his hand was back in his hair, raking it.
Hitomi looked at him uncertainly.
'Well... I don't really have plans.'
'Then... do you want to go somewhere? With me?'
Hitomi watched Van nervously pulling at his necktie like it was choking him. She felt her own heart beating wildly against her ribcage.
'Yes, I would love to,' she heard herself say before she even realized what she was saying.
As if in a slow motion, she saw that gentle, heartwarming smile she had been longing to see form on Van's lips. She felt like she was soaring when she saw that soft look in his eyes; it was so tender she felt like running into his arms.
'Thank you, Hitomi,' Van said softly, still smiling at her. 'Then, tomorrow, let's meet up at the bus stop by the sea at six?'
'Yes, let's meet up there,' Hitomi agreed almost too excitedly.
She couldn't help smiling back at him as she made her way to the door, giving Van one last look as she left the classroom. On her way to track practice, she kept hearing Van's words echoing in her head.
'I'll wait for you, Hitomi.'
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Next chapter:
King of Fanelia
'This is Van, isn't it? With white wings…'
