Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Tide Kubo does. XD
Yuzuki's Notes: Here it is! The long awaited return of: Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie...PART 2!!!! there are two more to come. Hope this satisfies your need of laughter! Review~! Also I was listening to Disturbia by Rihanna while writing this. It was funny. You'll see why. :) Warning: Cursing!!!!!!! Also I meant to post this on Uryu's birthday which was on the 6th. But I failed to do so.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO URYU!!!
Uryu: Hm...
Yuzuki: Huh? What is it, Uryu?
Uryu: You spelled Kubo-sensei's name wrong.
Yuzuki: Yah. I know.
Uryu: Don't you think that's kind of rude? Don't you respect him?
Yuzuki: Of course I do, baka! I just saw the opportunity and BAM!
Uryu: Well then....
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Listening To: Disturbia by Rihanna
Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie.
Part 2.
Staring: Uryu Ishida.
Co-Starring: Renji Abarai and Ichigo Kurosaki.
With Special Guest! (No Pun Intended): Yuzuki Cross.
Another day in the human world for Renji. Everyone's favorite tomato head. Though Renji hated every minute of it. Especially since Yuzuki had started coming to school with him. Old Man Yamamoto just had to partner them up. Though she was a great Substitute Shinigami, she was a pain in the ass for Renji, and also a stalker.
Yuzuki sat down beside him, sighing deeply her short messy black haired slightly covering her bored expression. Wait...Yuzuki...bored?!
"Hey, Sparkles-chan." Renji said. Sparkles was her nickname. Except no one knew why... "What's with the bored look. Don't you usually stalk Ishida-san?"
Yuzuki shook her head. "He's absent today."
"Huh? I thought nerds were always present."
"I thought so to..." Yuzuki frowned. "...and that's what made him a great target to stalk..."
Renji gave her a pat on the back. "Don't worry. Why don't you go stalk Kurosaki-san?"
Soon Ichigo appeared next to Yuzuki. "What about stalking me?"
Yuzuki gave a light wave. "Hey, Strawberry-kun. Don't worry. You're no fun to stalk."
"How would you know?"
Yuzuki shrugged. "Besides making out with Ruki-chan...and fighting with Isshin-dono, your life is completely boring."
Renji laughed. "Making out? With Rukia-san?"
Yuzuki nodded. "Yup."
"Any tongue?
"Loads of it."
Ichigo turned a thousand shades of red, and threw his lunch sack at Yuzuki's face, thank goodness for her quick reflexes and she easily caught the lunch sack in her hand. She threw it back at Ichigo, who caught it in his hands.
Renji enjoyed the scene. Yuzuki was really the only one who could make Ichigo get ticked off in the most sick and twisted ways.
"Well...I guess I should eat my lunch. Ishida-san was very grateful to make it for me yesterday."
Ichigo raised and eyebrow. He had another feeling...but shrugged it off.
Renji then opened his lunch bag. He felt hungry. Well, Ishida-san had helped him pack his lunch. He opened the brown bag. Inside was:
A juice box. He'd have to get Yuzuki to tell him how to drink from it.
A tuna sandwich.
Then he pulled out another item. It. It was back.
'What the...hell...is a...' Renji thought looking at the name for the product. 'Twinkie?!'
Well, whatever Ichigo was drinking was spit out on to Yuzuki. Yuzuki's black hair was soaked with the liquid. She fumed. "WHAT THE HELL?!"
Immediately Renji was wrestled to the ground by Ichigo. "Kurosaki-san?! What the hell, man?!"
"Give it to me!!!"
"What?!"
Ichigo flipped himself on top of Renji. He tried to grab the Twinkie, which was just beyond his reach...in Renji's hand. He just had to grab the Twinkie before Renji could eat it!!
Yuzuki, pissed off because it took for ever to get her hair that messy, grabbed the back of Ichigo's shirt, and pulled him off Renji.
"Baka...kestu (ass)..." she cursed under her breath, and threw Ichigo on the ground, repeatedly stamping her foot on Ichigo's face. "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET MY HAIR LIKE THIS?! EIGHT FUCKING YEARS, YOU BAKA!!!!! EIGHT YEARS!!!!"
"Gah! Yu...zuki...! St...op!! OPFH!!! GAH!!!" Ichigo's voice muffled by pain and Yuzuki's foot. "Gr...ab...the...Twinkie!!!!! OPHF!!!!!!!"
Renji sighed scratching his tomato red hair. 'What was that for...?' he shrugged. Yuzuki could beat him up for him. Then he sighed, opening the plastic covering for the pastry.
Ichigo noticed this. "Ren....ji! N...ooooo!!!!!"
The Twinkie inched towards his mouth...slowly Ichigo watched. His eyes closing slowly...
'I'm...to...late...'
The Twinkie was bit into. Renji swallowed to bite and sighed in satisfaction. "Hey! That's good!"
Yuzuki calmed down looking over at Renji. "Yeah. Of course. Twinkies are the bomb here in the human world. They last like...forever on a shelf!"
Ichigo groaned. Wiping his face. He looked at Renji. Why...? Why... wasn't he...
"Huh? What's with the dumb look, Kurosaki-san?" Renji said. "Or is it just because Sparkle-chan rearranged your face?" he gave a light chuckle, and Yuzuki sighed throwing water on her hair from a water bottle. She wasn't at the least embarrassed.
"Do...you feel funny?"
Renji shook his head. "No."
Ichigo then stood up. "Do you feel like you wanna piss yourself?"
Renji shook his head slowly...this was an AWKWARD question... "No..."
"BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The three turned their head to the side, there Ishida was. Laughing maniacally in pride of his little scheme.
Ichigo ran towards him. "WHY ISN'T HE THROWING UP AND STUFF?!"
Uryu smirked, pushing up his glasses. "He's not supposed to, Kurosaki-san."
"Then why...?"
"Allow me to explain. I knew you react that way when you knew that I had packed the lunch and when he pulled out the Twinkie. I knew you would try to retrieve it. Luckily Sparkle-chan was here to distract or you may have gotten it. You were paranoid, Kurosaki." he said smirking. "Now that was the real prize to see you act like that."
Yuzuki nodded to herself. "It was pretty funny, Ishi-kun."
Ishida nodded. "Thank you, Sparkle-chan."
Ichigo pointed accusingly at her. "Shut up!!"
Yuzuki shrugged. "I think Ishi-kun should receive some kinda award."
Ichigo growled and went over to Renji taking the Twinkie form his hands. "Give it!" he then pushed it down his throat in less then a second.
"Uh..." Renji and Yuzuki said in unison.
"Ugh...why...do I feel...dizzy...?" Ichigo said his head spinning. Ishida smirked. "Once again, Kurosaki-san...don't mess with the Quincy."
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Yuzuki: AND THE AWARD FOR BEST SICKEST, TWISTED TRICK...GOES TO...ISHIDA, URYU!!!!!!!!!!!
Uryu: -bows- Thank you, thank you very much.
Yuzuki: -holds out a trophy that looks like a Twinkie-
Uryu: Thank you one and all. I Uryu Ishida am proud to receive such a great honor.
Ichigo: ASSHOLE!!! GO BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uryu: -smirks- I'd also like to thank my most favorite victim, Ichigo Kurosaki.
Renji: -pats Uryu's shoulder- Good job, four-eyes. I never thought I'd say this...but...you're one sick twisted mother fucker.
Uryu: I know.
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Uryu: So what's the moral this time?
Yuzuki: Dunno. Haven't thought that far.
Uryu: And you call yourself and author?!
Yuzuki: Hey! I'm forgetful! Don't blame me!
Uryu: Well...how about...
Yuzuki: I got it!
Uryu: Already?!
Yuzuki: Here goes...
MORAL OF STORY: TWINKIES FUCKING ROCK AND ALL YOU OTHER PASTRIES FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!!!!
Uryu: ...Must you curse?
Yuzuki: Of course.
:) Thanks to all who read. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! AND HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY TO URYU!!!! !!!!!!!
